Celestia has an idea for a way to stop evil in Equestria. It's a bit of a radical idea. Luna is opposed to it, but supports her beloved sister anyway. Will this plan of hers bring pain or peace. Read and find out.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 27th Nov, 2016
- offline last seen April 3rd
TheEveryDaySparkle
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TheEveryDaySparkle
Joined 27th Nov, 2016 ·
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I think this could benefit from having some descriptors into the state of affairs. Possibly what the plan even is to combat the whatever is happening in Equestria to require a plan (to be decided through a card game).
As it is, I feel like I'm jumping into the middle of the story all confused.
Not sure how a place breaks loose. I think you mean the gates of Tartarus have broken loose, unleashing a torrent of devastation on Equestria. (replacing 'and was' with ',' would work too for the second half of the sentence.)
This was a much better chapter overall to read. It really puts into question the bearing the last chapter had on the rest of the story. I would honestly probably rehash the other chapter as a future scene between Celestia and her sister where they discuss the progress of her plans rather than a wager on who gets to decide which plan to use (I really did think the card battle was neat). That is an option if you aren't happy with how the first chapter turned out. If interested in that idea, let me know and I can help you with that.
I'll get to work on making edits on this story tomorrow, and will let you know if I think of any ideas to spruce it up any. Are there any other stories you want me to edit as well?
This is going to be interesting...
Very interesting...
Let's just hope that this doesn't follow the path that so many other efforts has, and become the tool that brings all of ponykind and Equestria, along with the kingdoms around it, crashing to the ground...