Furious over the mistreatment she got from Diamond Tiara and Sliver Spoon, Apple Bloom goes home and learns a simple lesson about dealing with her problems.
My 4th short story in the "A Lesson From" series. Enjoy!
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 17th Jun, 2014
- offline last seen April 22nd
Nugget
"Hi! I'm Nugget, and I'm your friend to the end. Haydeeho! Ha ha ha!"
Nugget
Joined 17th Jun, 2014 ·
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Free review
Grammar
Does not seem to be the problem. Well, except you're not using the word "agog" correctly.
Style
Not to mince words, but it's pretty bad.
The random italics made me cringe. I've no idea what they're supposed to mean - usually they mean emphasis, but that does not seem to be the case here. It's not thoughts, not whispering, it's just entirely random words written in italics. Weird, confusing AND annoying.
The word choice is on ocassion pretty poor, e.g. "They teased the Cutie Mark Crusaders over various characteristics and issues pertained to them. " I mean really? this is most roundabout way of putting that I could possibly come up with, and that tends to occur sporadically throughout the text.
There are redundant and/or strange details in the descriptions, a few times in there too.
Apple dialogue is kinda meh, but on the decent side of things.
Plot
It's OK. Not great, but decent for the 1.5k word drabble. It has structure, it has morals, it's well-paced, but it's nothing to write home about either.
All in all I think it's a weird little experiment with style, that went quite sour due to some subpar wording choice and strange formatting.
I bet this was set back when she was still a blank flank.
I haven't read the story yet, but I saw the description, and I instantly thought of this:
I think Applejack sounds very in character in this story. I love it how her wisdom is at the same time simple and deep. She uses such a simple method to explain it, but the message is really valuable.