Rarity takes Sweetie Belle to Manehattan to celebrate her birthday. She has a whole day of fun planned out, but when Sapphire Shores gets herself in a pickle, it falls to the unprepared Coco Pommel to handle food, transportation, and entertainment... But mostly food.
Heart-to-hearts, prank wars and general fuzziness ensue.
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It wasnt a bad little story, but i feel like it was missing something.
7771839 Hmm, any chance you could elaborate? There are plenty of things this story is and isn't meant to be, but if something's slipped by my attention, I'd very much like to know.
7772726
I feel like it was something of an unnecessary character mash-up.
While not horrible, these characters together didnt do or say anything that left a lasting impression on me thatll make me say "ill remember this story" or "i am thoroughly entertained".
Also, it bugs me that Rarity just took off and the story made no mention of her until the end; nothing of what possible escapades she went through while with sapphire shores and maybe even a grand ending where sweetie belle's birthday was planned to be this huge party and the costume issues were just to sneak off and prepare.
I understand that wouldnt be original, but again, i felt the ending needed more.
I can only speak for myself, but I quite liked it. I felt it was very enjoyable and sweet. No pun intended
7773041 Ah, I see.
The main reason I made this was to see what would happen when two rarely paired characters interacted- FimFic has all of five stories with both Sweetie and Coco tags, including this one. Rarity was just there to help set the scene; nothing more. In earlier drafts, when I had more scenes with all three of them together, she kind of dominated the conversation and took the story away from what I wanted to see happen.
If it didn't work for you, that's fine. Just a little something I wanted to get out of my system. Thanks for the feedback.
7773246
Im sorry if i offended, that wasnt my intent.
Ive read a lot of amazing stories on this site that i sometimes re-read and believe that any story i take the time to read has the potential to wow me. Likewise, ive read stories that managed to make me read it and i would absolutely regret it almost three paragraphs in.
I guess i saw some potential in your story that i overhyped myself to reading and im sorry if it came out offensive. Again the story was good, but just not great.
7775947 Nono, we're good, no offense taken. When I said "get out of my system," I was talking about this story- it was just a warmup I did for NaNoWriMo that I didn't get around to editing until now. I wanted to do something short, fluffy and not too thought-out or invested in between characters I like before swinging around to dark, meticulously planned action.
Isn't the Tasty Treat in Canterlot?
Ok, yeah, never mind.
Full review here, but in brief: really nice. This is the first story I've read focusing on Coco and Sweetie, and it really works. Sure it's fluff, but it's good fluff. Apart from RD's character feeling a little outdated, I can't fault it. I really did feel for Coco when Sweetie left without saying goodbye, though. Anyway, liked and faved.
Brick Pie Truck!!!!
Does Coco have a Rarity Shrine?