An innocent field trip to a Conversion Bureau will be the start of a chain of events that will make two people to take two very different paths in life. On this trip Cheerielee's class will learn of the hardships that humanity is facing but this is just the first of step as one man undergoes converstion and the other tries to hold together a crumbling world.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good start. I'm alittle sad it is early on and the HLF if they even exist will be less about stopping the conversion to save humanity and more fanatics that hate ponies (not that it is a bad thing).
If I had to criticize something, it would be how you don't mark scene changes, so it can go from class room to Twilight's to Celestia's and more in a blink. It makes the story hard to follow since you don't realize it right away. Also, the bodyguard's reaction would be bad enough if she drew her weapon cause someone requested was getting too close, but to draw a gun and knife is a bit much. A simple 'close enough' or a stern glare with the slight raising of the hand would have made her seem more professional, even if it wouldn't point out right away that she is important to the story.
If you want bonus points, try adding dialog after Eric leaves, to hint that while his mission is important there are other, even more important things happening and going to happen that don't involve him. This will act like a false cliff hanger, that will make people wonder how it will fit into the story later on. (sorry about punctuation mistakes I'm typing on my ipad)
In the original document there were line break to separate them but they wouldn't copy over. Any sugestions?
Oh sweet jesus, canada.
Those poor foals.
Humanity must be saved! HLF = Human Liberation Front, or as I like to call, the Last Human Resistance.
945125 > I prefer the IHSA. International Human Survival Association.
945125
Wait, does that mean al-Qaeda are the good guys as well? And it's Front not Force and Humanities Last Resistance and not Last Human Resistance (least get the acronym right)
This fic looks and sounds like it's going to be epic, so get a move on and write till you can't write any more and then write more after that.
963002 Yesh :3
Are you going to update this?
1061623
Yes, I am working on it.
TRIPP
And it would be one they forget when they got home.