We have the year 2020. The third world war broke out. A 35 old Grenadier who is a brony and loving father lands in Equestria. Can he convince Princess Celestia that the war hasn't reached Equestria and protect four fillies from it?
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- Member Since 11th Sep, 2016
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Bronycommander
A German who likes history, and WW2 technology but not war. "Within the darkness there is light and hope"
Bronycommander
Joined 11th Sep, 2016 ·
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I forgot to ask what jawohl meant
7711739 It means yes in German
7829474 Thank you. The part with the nuke will be explained later
7829479 Well, the game plays in a future where Europe and the USA aren't allies anymore. That will also be explained later on. Thank you very much again
7832022 Er muss erst beweisen es es keine list war. Die Rettung der Kinder sollte aber genügend sein als beweis
Nice i wish there was more Tom clancy's Endwar storys good chapter
7990963 Thanks, I wish so too
Well, I'll start by saying there's a lot about Tom Clancy media I find hard to take seriously but I won't judge the fic based on its context.
Just to warn you right now. I don't judge you for liking the game. I'm sure it's fun in itself.
A country that calls its space station 'Freedom' is unafraid to declare war on an entire continent and a similarly-sized country at once, without pausing.
Tom Clancy has an odd way of looking at the US. They would at least investigate first. Does the CIA just not exist?!
You have some of the most powerful intelligence agencies in the world, America! Bucking Use Them!
On that note, you should probably mention what the Freedom 4 was.
I'm not sure if that says more about the French, the Germans or the English.
So is it 'lethal' or 'non-lethal'? I don't think there can be a middle-ground.
Probably better to say 'Exercise Non-Lethal Force'
'Takedowns' sounds a bit like they're breaking the fourth wall.
I know this is the beginning of the story and all but I really take issue with scenarios where the heroes have weapons and tactics far greater than the antagonists, especially in war.
It makes it hard to understand how the antagonists got in their position of power in the first place and can even make them unintentionally sympathetic.
Rudimentary rule of storytelling. If the world is being threatened by an evil army, Make Them Threatening!
Probably better to just say something relating to him passing out. It's not all that climactic to word it like that.
Look at how people describe receiving concussion or blows to the head.
Don't know what that says about the AI.
Sorry. I've gone on a bit but I'm interested, honestly.
I'll read on.
Give them a bit more detail.
A timberwolf in the show is the MLP equivalent of a Middle-Earth warg. They're terrifying!
Make them intimidating to even a hardened soldier, even if they can be killed easier than expected.
What? From the CMC and Dinky combined?!
Good lord, man! Even if it weren't considered illegal warfare have you never heard of OVERKILL?!
7829479 It's Tom Clancy.
He writes some...odd stuff.
Still, Celestia's lack of mercy seems a bit OOC. What's her problem?
Also...
We're going to see a cloaker, aren't we?
You don't say that out loud, Peter you dummy! First rule of being in a story!
Didn't you learn anything from Feeling Pinkie Keen?!
8184420 glad to hear you like it.
i See what i can Do. I showed you the Videos and you saw what happened, i find for a Military Space Station is Really a strange Name, indeed. The Forgotten Army, i showed you how they Fight, how can you such Idiots seriously? Or See them as Threat, when they are so Bad fighting?
8184427 i Do, thats why Peter wonders about it. About the wolves, was the best i could come up with back then, i see what i can do
8184433 celestia Thinks he is Part of a invading Force, thats why, but our four fillies will convince her that this is not the Case.
8185188 Not Today.
"Panther tanks"
yay!
8216468
They are named After the Panther Tank Germany used in ww2
8216474
Well, if you want to know more, you can Check the Wiki if you want to.
HAAAAAA HAHAHAHA *choke* HAAAHAAAAHAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA XD
THOSE THINGS ARE SOME OF RUSSIAS WORST LIGHT TANKS XD
plzzzzzz continuuuuue
8216475
i know what the HOT missiles were, they were originally launched from a Raketenjagdpanzer
8216472
i know! Thats why i love it :D
8216478
But Main Battle tanks for the Russian and Forgotten Army ingame
8216500
I meant the Game Wiki
So let me get this straight.
Tom Clancy is convinced the greatest and evilest threat to society is...poor people?
In any other fictional work, an alliance of the impoverished would probably be the good guys!
I know real-life terrorism comes from poverty, hardship and unrest but it just sets a really uncomfortable message when the most immoral and incompetent faction in a world war is comprised of a congregation of Slavs, Latinos and...oh yes, black people! Did Clancy honesty not realise the implications?!
Sorry. My criticisms of the game aren't aimed at you personally.
It's a good chapter overall.
The military tech was rather lost on me and, speaking frankly, I'm not sure the Equestrians would be that interested but it's well-described.
8286399
Well, in the game, it is revalled that the Forgotten Army is from those states. Explains why they suck so much in combat. But none taken and thank you. The military tech, just thought the Princess anf children want to know more about the special forces he part of
8286406
Yeah, I get that but my point is, when the 'bad guys' are grievously outmatched in weapons, tech, manpower and tactics, it becomes very difficult to see them as anything but lambs to the slaughter, making it hard to call them 'villains' no matter what they do.
It's the same problem with many modern warfare games.
The bad guys can kick the dog however many times the writers feel the need for them to do so but if they're going into battle with a worldwide superpower, armed with guns barely able to take over a shopping mall, you understand why they're so upset with you in the first place.
Call of Duty Advanced Warfare did it right, probably the only modern Call of Duty to do so. Their bad guys were a PMC organisation, whose only cause was money and control, high in manpower and resources, working secretly to undermine the UN and led by Kevin Spacey.
Those were compelling antagonists.
Disenfranchised militants from third-world countries with minimal resources and poor morale are not.
8286442
I agree, Atlas was well designed as enemy.
8286449
Yeah, though gamer critic Yahtzee describes him...
8286453
Sounds like he is jealous. Altas had a good plan and a good character
8286455
I know but what he's saying is, essentially, having their leader played by Kevin Spacey is a dead giveaway that they're up to no good.
He also says.
8286647
No villian's perfect, no matter how well they have planned their things.
What is this a crossover of?
8289403
Tom Clanys endwar, a RTS Game, i also took some Elements From Other Games
Nice overall but here.
Needs more detail. Never just say 'killed him', you need to really describe how the scene turns violent or the audience isn't going to care.
You need to put these on different paragraphs. If everything's in one block, it's going to feel way too fast.
Not sure why Celestia has such a low opinion of humans.
Then again, considering they seem to be doing nothing but kill each other...
8290192
Thanks, I take care of that right away. I hope you like Flash Sentry's apperence. Celestia, she thought at first that Peter may be part of a invasion force of Equestria, but as she can see our favorite filly and her friends, plus Luna, take care of that
I thought Dr Stable and Dr Horse were the same.
8292456
Indeed it's the same pony, Peter was just unsure which of the two names he should use for him.
8292464
Makes sense.
Everyone's always asking me Derpy or Ditzy.
8292892
Yeah, I prefer to the the old names, and the names that are easier to remember and write for stories.
You don't need to say this twice.
Odd. Why exactly would they all want to look the same.
Hopefully not these guys.
8294693
As you could read, many soldiers of the enforces are Rainbow Six members, so Peter (The the Eternal Knights in your version) Are the perfect soldiers for the job. About the armor, as the guards in the show look all the same, that's the best of a explenation I could up with why, and how they can still identify each other. Or what would have been your idea for that?
8294989
That is difficult.
I suppose it's like the fact that ponies don't wear clothes.
We're not supposed to think about it too hard.
8295167
Right. I thought it might be interesting for Peter why the guards look all the same and how they can distinguish each other
I'd have Cheerilee more worried for the foals here, highlights her character.
Is Ms. Trissie Twist's mother from the fanon?
8297131
Yep she is, From the fan Comic Peter mentioned
Interesting chapter.
Definitely add more detail to whenever he has to kill. Always important.
And the foals reactions.
Heh. Nice to see Dinky using her father's catchphrase.
8301164
Well, in my headcanon, she comes after him. I'm pretty sure Dinky in your universe would use it too.