Bronystories
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825711
I may have to check it out.
WOW...............
Uh
hmmmmm
Ok, well I believe if you cant say anything nice don't say anything at all
So Thank You
For writing something so God Awful in both characterization and storytelling
that it made me enjoy fics like THIS even more
.825815
I tried to keep Applejack and Apple Bloom sounding hickish. As for Big Mac, we rarely see him speak. We know he has a knowledge of 'fancy mathematics', so I'd like to imagine that he's also an eloquent speaker; using 'fancy words' when appropriate.
I didn't want him restricted to only saying 'Eeyup' and 'Nope' inthis story.
It's hard to make a dialog scene interesting when half of the conversation is exclusively yes or no questions.
As for the spelling, in the FIM search page character tags, they spell the name 'Apple Bloom.' I was just going off of that.
825895
but the reality is when I was typing about a bossy unicorn, my mind went right to Twilight, and I typed the wrong color. 
I'd like to say that I meant to put the "purple-maned" unicorn,
Fixed!
ER... Uh... Well... That wasn't that bad actually. I skipped the teasing of Fluttershy in Ch4.
Other than that, it's pretty good. I don't usually read clop, and the personalities given to Cheerilee and Rarity sort of surprised me.
Either way, I'll keep readin.
825952
Thanks for the feedback!
Big Mac teasing Fluttershy was sort of an experiment for me. I typically don't do extended foreplay segments. It was just an attempt to break new ground as a writer. I would appreciate any any all feedback offering constructive criticism on these segments, as I recognize it's not my strong suit.
Cheerilee and Rarity are both kind of kinky in this story, but I made them distinct enough so as not to appear as clones of each other.
Future chapters will reveal more Rarity and Cheerilee's personalities.
1) You're playing favorites my friend. Big Mac has THREE wives. Which means, all three should be written and shared equally for screen time. HOWEVER, you completely disregarded the first two wives, when clearly they have interesting tales on their first nights, and focus mainly on Fluttershy. When it comes to fics like this, equality must be maintained. What would work better is, that you restart this fic, and name each chapter after each of the three wives, to keep the focus rotating between all three.Â
2) The beginning was off. Badly. First of all, you don't explain why Celestia is making Big Mac practice polygamy. You don't really emphasize on why and explain everything.
3) Try to do most of the scenes, in chronological order. Start out with Rarity, have her adjust, then throw in Cheerilee, then explain their feelings and start up the other things, little by little. If you do take my advice, you could really have a great fic.
TAKE CARE!!
826091
Very well worded. Thank you!
I agree the beginning needs to be stronger, with a better explanation as to why this is necessary.
It was an intentional goal to start from Fluttershy's perspective and reveal more about the other wives as the story progressed.
For example, the next chapter will be about Cheerilee and Rarity talking about their situation, and thinking about how Fluttershy must feel, based on their past experiences.
That chapter will lead into Big Mac's night with Cheerilee.
You've definitely given me a good deal to think about.
Thanks again for the feedback!
826091 / 826147 Yeah, that's what I wanted to say, pretty much. I mean, on top of that, Who was it exactly that said they were going to marry? Maybe I missed it, but was it Big Mac who decided who he got to marry? Celestia? How were they told? Were they just handed a letter? Did whoever told them tell them to their face? There's a lot more details like that that need explaining. (As well as why Rares and Cheer are so... *AHEM* in the third chapter. I mean, they're supposedly only have been married for a few months. Maybe it's just me, but I would THINK that there would be a LOT more... I don't know, hesitancy, tension, misunderstanding, ect, between ALL of them, especially if they were FORCED to get 'married'. I mean, if they're 'married', what the heck happened to their weddings? All of a sudden Flutters is just there in her own house? Why do they all have their own freaking HOUSE, and not just, like, a couple rooms to themselves? Why don't they just share a HUGE bed? I my opinion, they don't really seem to care about Fluttershy or her feelings at all. She's barely given ANY time to adjust, and is expected to just go along with everything from the very beginning. This could be an AWESOME fic. I was drawn in by the idea, but the way it was presented could use a TON of help. (No offense.) Finding a pre-reader/Editor or three could help a TON, as they could help bounce ideas and suggestions as to how to better present your story. There's LOTS of potential conflict that you just blew past or flat out ignored, and that's not going to make a good story. I was, personally, VERY put off by Fluttershy's lack of... IDK, real feelings? You WROTE her shocked, but she never SEEMED shocked. A lot of the reasoning of the three wives could use a bit of help making it more subtle. You didn't even let us really try to guess as to why the three of them, you just came out and said 'Oh, Rares is organized, Cheers is good with kids, and Flutters is kind and good with little ones/animals.' Not very attractive in a fic. Readers want to THINK, to an extent. They want to be SHOWN, not told. That's why books are ALWAYS better than movies. Movies HAVE to tell, while books can SHOW. Don't TELL us that Rares is organized. SHOW us! (Instead of something like 'Rarity was very organized, nothing in her kitchen out of place', show us things in her kitchen that tell us that she's organized. If you have to TELL us she's organized, then that's not... Sorry, I don't know how to word things more often than not, so I'm probably rambling. tl;dr, start over. It's not that you did a HORRIBLE job with this fic, it's just... You are NOT doing it justice. Imagine a Middle School student who just graduated trying to take the ACT. They can do it, get it done, but they won't do very well.
I'll say more later, so that this wall of text doesn't get any longer! XD Don't want you to get TOO overwhelmed.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Jizz cake
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Meh I read it anyway
826412 Actually, jizz cake is very yummy.
You reposted an earlier chapter.
What is going on!?
827342
I'm new at this. I didn't know how to rearrange chapters, if that's even possible. This was not one of my better implemented fics. I had the idea in my head, but then I jumped in right in the middle.
So, to give this fic a stronger beginning, I pushed all the chapters back by three.
These new first three chapters will be:
Chapter 1: The origins of Big Mac's covenant with Celestia
Chapter 2: Rarity's call and her early experiences w/ Big Mac.
Chapter 3: Cheerilee's call and her early experiences w/ Big Mac and Rarity.
That should get everyone caught up on where I originally started the fic.
I'll work on them when I can. There are other stories I'm also currently working on, which are more fleshed out, that I want to work on before I get back to this one.
I'm going to put it on a brief hiatus. I just wanted to get the structure right with three blank new chapters to work on when I return to this story.
I can tell dimond tiara and silver spoons future.
Silver spoon: a slut.
Dimond tiara: a lesbian cunt.
Dont worry bro we got faith in ya. even though the story is over the place, its still a good read.
825994 Well, actually. It is very well-written. And I only skipped that part as I'm actually not very into clop-fics. Nevertheless, the idea interested me, so I read on. I was not disappointed.
Write on, my friend! Write on!
825802 Have to agree with him, here. I mean, the premise was interesting, but the pace is rushed, the characters aren't IN character, and you did an all around messy job. The grammar is good but... That's about it. Also, the old testament references... UGH.
Try harder, try again. That's all I can say.
Meinos Kaen
832213
Glad you liked it!
This fic includes lots of ideas I wanted to try.
Its presentation isn't as complete as my previous ones, but I hope to smooth everything out with time.
832256
Thanks for the encouraging words!
I just plan to go back and add some earlier chapters to make the beginning stronger.
832300
I may still do that, but at the very least, I need to include Celestia in the beginning. Even if it's just a short scene of her and Big Mac discussing the reasons why this is happening.
I just wanted to get to get to the good stuff, but the premise could've been established better.
I appreciate the kind words and I also look forward to finishing this!
I don't like so many other peoples clopfics, hell I don't even like my own...But humor and sex?
You're putting my Thursdays and Saturdays in pony form!
833095
Thanks for the feedback!
It's difficult for me to not include humor in my writing. I look at some of these grimdark clopfics, and all I can ask is "Why so serious?"
well this is... unorthodox.
835488
What could be more orthodox than that?! 
JK!
What are you talking about? Celestia said they could do it!
Thank you for the feedback!
835547 It's not exactly constructive feedback but I suppose it shows that this is the first time I've seen this. It's certainly interesting.
BTW, it could be so orthodox that Celestia doesn't even need to tell ponies to do it.
Not bad, but certainly not very good. Needs a lot of work on details and making dialogue and expression of feelings a little less...obvious. It's just fairly uninteresting in the way it handles simplicity, that's all.
I admire what you're trying to do, and you can certainly get better as a writer from here. There's no harm in getting your ideas out, after all. I wish you luck, good sir
Where is the rest? I like it!
good job
Bahahaha!!!
Bottom Line: "... I couldn't stop laughing~!
"
Oh and poor Fluttershy- in the bunt cake scene:
xD
wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so good
Something tells me most of the dislikes came from this page
.
.
.
I don't blame them. . .
Don't get me wrong, I have very relaxed standards, but the age difference, the naivete, Silverspoon's love of "Frosting" and Cheerilee playing along. . . Too much for me
It's BUNDT. Not BUNT.
867936
Well, don't I feel like a bundt head.
I'll get around to replacing those soon. Thanks!
fun story! keep writing! I do editing if you want some help! not that you need it too much.
910161
Thanks!
I do like this story, and want to add to it. I'm starting to feel like the chef with too many pots going.
Let's just say this one's on the back burner for now; but I haven't given up on it. Not by a long shot.
Meh, can't say I've never really been a fan of MacxShy. She's just too . . . shy. With Rarity, she despises things dirty and gross so I can't really see things working out between them unless she had a secret fetish for that kind of thing. Cheerilee is a bit more understandable but with teaching foals, she didn't have to be married to Mac to already do that. I would've replaced her with Twilight. She could mantain all the high end stuff for the farm. Finances and that kind of thing
931614
Maintain all the high end stuff, eh?
"Wink wink nudge nudge, say no more. A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat I always say."
931636
Oh you so nasty /)^3^(\
...of course.
Doi....I made an account just so I could comment.
....Now I'm not really sure I had anything to say XD
o-o That was....Nice.
Short chapter was short xD
D'aaaaaw, poor Flutters D: Despite all of the gore and hardcore fics I've read, the scene where Big Mac's trying to fit into Fluttershy is...strangely uncomfortabe o-o
= Such a cute couple :D
can't w8 for the next chapter
and poor fluttershy 
827379 still havent returned!!!!
1480723
I do want to work on it some day, but right now there are other stories I'm more focused on. You have my word that I won't quit until all the stories I have in me are finished.
Will you continue this?
1559817
I will continue it. I actually have a sweet story planned out where Cheerilee and Rarity work with Fluttershy to help her overcome her phallus fear. It will just have to wait until I have more time for it.
In all honesty, I wouldn't have started this story yet if I had known how time consuming my other stories would've gotten. I don't like leaving things unfinished, which is why I will finish this, and all my other stories when I can. I'll keep on writing for as long as possible. (Which will hopefully be a while longer.)
826609
