Cliché

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After a strange pony arrives in Ponyville, natrually Pinkie Pie's his first friend. Although Twilight is now curious about his strange appearance.

Written as a joke fic.

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Comments ( 6 )

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Scorch215

Scorch215 #1 · Aug 21st, 2016 · · ·

Not sure why Twilight would have a breakdown over her counterpart being cousin s with the other world's Sunset but OK.

Not really sure what ypi were going for, you mentioned the character had randomness but he didn't do anything random, he did have a strange appearance from the POV of the ponies do to being an Alicorn so I guess that is accurate.

Honestly only saw two real cliches with the unexplained travel, Pinkie Pie friendship which is mostly unavoidable and I guess being an alicorn could be cliché but I habnet seen many HiE fics with that happening to the character (just one actually)

Overall i guess the story is OK. Its concsist, only jad a few spelling errors, eveeon was in character for the most part till Twilights random breakdown for no real reason. But this didn't really live up to the comedy or random tags as nothing was really fun and the only random bit was him showing up due to a malfunctioning book of magic text messaging.

Banana Boat

Banana Boat #2 · Aug 21st, 2016 · · ·

Scorch's comment sums up the narrative issues pretty well, but I think he gives you too much credit on your writing. You need to proofread your work before you post it, at least once. There were misspellings and grammar errors in the description, for crying out loud.

Satirizing bad writing won't work if you write badly.

edit: The changes have greatly improved things. Good job!

Moonlit Path

Moonlit Path #3 · Aug 22nd, 2016 · 1 · ·

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Thank you so much for your input. I had edited it before posting it, but I should've waited until I was more awake to go over it again and then post it.

I worked on it some more, and fixed the problem areas that I could find.