• Member Since 12th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen Jul 15th, 2021

Moonlit Path


People are not born equal. That's the hard truth I learned at age four. But that was my first and last setback. -Midoriya Izuku

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When Sweetie Belle screws up a spell, the cmc learn that taking care of a foal, is a little harder then they could have imagined. For a few others, it just brings back memories.


Placed shortly after Twilight becomes a Alicorn
More main characters are involved then listed, but I am limited to what I can add

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 23 )

What could possibly go wrong?

MURPHY LIVES! AND WALKS THE REALM ONCE MORE!

Famous last words?

6591685 I think you should double that for the CMC :pinkiecrazy:

"Sweetie, I think you just need to see for yourself." It was then they went into the kitchen. Sweetie bell stood in shock at what had happened.
"I did that? But how? How do I fix it, what do I..."

This story doesn't have a lot of description but this passage in particular needs a description of what happened to Twilight and Spike. I know what happened because the synopsis, but that's not really a replacement for missing it in the story.

Also it's dotted with punctuation and capitalization errors. For example, this:

"It's ok spike." She soothed, picking up and rocking the crying dragon, until he was asleep again.
"I know I should go and help them." Angels glare told her all she needed to know. "But come one Angel, I warned Pinkie pie and Applejack, so they will be on guard. What could possibly go wrong?"

Should be:

"It's ok, Spike," she soothed, picking up and rocking the crying dragon, until he was asleep again.
"I know I should go and help them." Angel's glare told her all she needed to know. "But come on, Angel, I warned Pinkie Pie and Applejack, so they will be on guard. What could possibly go wrong?"

That last paragraph also has some construction issues. Is Angel interrupting her speech? If so it needs some kind of punctuation for that. If he's not, then at bare minimum it needs to be in it's own paragraph. I know Angel can't talk, but if I didn't I would be wondering if Angel was the one talking because he's the active person.

6596779 Thank you for that. I'll be sure to fix them as soon as I get off work. :twilightsmile:

now this is a stor, a rare 1 of twilight becoming a young filly,.
it is the kind that hard to fin for most are short but still good. I look forward to more ch and others sotys you make sto till than later


p.s. top5 filly twilight fave

Great chapter :heart::twilightsmile:

:raritystarry: Sweetie how could you?
:unsuresweetie: I'm real sorry
:raritydespair: Spike was supposed to help me with that special order, Now I'll never make the dead line!
:unsuresweetie: Who was it for?
:duck: Twilights anniversary ball. . .
:unsuresweetie: I don't think you have a problem with Twilight order she's a foal too:raritystarry:

img10.deviantart.net/8be7/i/2015/321/b/7/run_ii_by_hillbe-d9h136o.jpg

Nicely done :pinkiehappy: story

Not a bad update, but there are a lot of errors here and there.

Punctuation and capitalisation errors are common, as are typos and the occasional mixed up tense. You' re really got to watch out for these things; all in all, the fic this fell far short of its potential.

one of the good turning back into a filly/kid story I read. pleas ekeep up the alsome work. and I look forward to more ch/storys you make.


also are the rest of the mane6 or ponyville going to find out, I like to read what will happing if they do. but if not owell, maby you can make a nother story that has to do with twilight turing into a filly/kid again if not still make some good ch and storys

7221537 Ponyville I honestly doubt it, mane 6 most likely. There will probably be 2 more chapters then I am planning a twist that will lead to a Sequal.

Good thing Twilight is a filly or otherwise she'll be blush & steam seeing Flash Sentry.

Limitations.

Better inform the rest of the Mane 6.

This is a pretty good story. I love the premise.

good 1st chapter, No doubt, I'll admit it is cute, even with some typos

so flippin cute, even with typos!

Sad to see a good story end. :applecry:

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