A Celtic Pagan with with a really bad case shipping fever.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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#roasted
Interesting story so far, I always liked the idea that Vinyl is mute.
However, you could certainly use a LOT more commas in your sentences. It is actually kind of exhausting to read a long line without any pauses, so please keep that in mind.
7492628 Thanks and I'll try to work on that!
I have noticed you've misspelled a lot of words like route you put as "rout", bus while you put "buss" and there's a few others too
7493475 Thanks my editor is a bit busy and sometimes I get to caught up in the story to notice little things like that. I'll try and do a sweep soon. I edit before I submit but most of the time it ends up being story changes or additions.
7493522
Yeah i'm kinda a bit of a spelling nazi and a grammar nazi
Lesbian, go frigging figure.
Can't wait to see where this goes
7507987 Thanks! I'm glad you like it so far!
This story is the best
7514976 Why thank you!
7514999 your welcome
7514999 Two thumbs up.
Awesome chapter
7521035 Thank you!
You have piqued my interest, my good Author,
s6.postimg.io/5ul2jmext/continue_Monkey.jpg
7522031 Haha thanks and that pic is hilarious!
I love this story I hope there's more soon
Not to be rude, but.
When is next update?
As soon as I can I've gotten rather busy lately. Thanks for the interest though.
7618444
7619708
Okie dokie loki
So, Twilight is dating someone and has lost the V-card? AWESOME!
In one day, Vinyl went from no friends at school to two tables she can choose from to eat lunch with people.
7644492 indeed!
7644492 Here's a link to the story where that happened one of my first works so bare with me.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/315662/im-not-leaving-you-now-or-ever
*sigh*
It's going to be bad when Octavia discovers that Vinyl has had a long time crush on her, isn't it? I hope Neon doesn't let anything 'slip'.
This sounds really good.
Well done can't wait to see where this adventure takes them!
7671495 Why thank you!
7671708 If all goes well you'll be able to see tommorow or the day after at latest.
*slowly claps and smiles8very good I do love Vinyl and Octavia stories and I love what yoru doing keep it up
7673477 Thank you very much!
I'm assuming Vinyl means "Text anytime", because it's a bit hard to have a conversation on the phone with someone who's mute. This story has been good so far, and I like both Vinyl's and Octavia's personalities here.
The only problem I have is that Vinyl seems to be using her phone so much (and for so many long sentences) that she might as well be talking out loud. If it was a movie, then that would be fine, but since this is all text anyway it is hard to tell the difference. So maybe you could think a bit more on what someone like Vinyl would type in if she was trying to communicate something quickly. Also, there could be a bit more emphasis on Vinyl's wordless communication like body-language or hand signals...since those are what most mute people use to communicate with most of the time.
7676011 As you read you'll notice she does a good bit of motions like nods and hand gestures but also keep in mind only so many motions are understood easily by no mute people or people who aren't that familiar with someone else. That said I should add more of them yes I agree.
As for the amount she types on the phone keep in mind she has never been able to vocalize once in her whole life. If you could never speak only write would you not have a greater appreciation for language? Vinyl uses long sentences because she cares greatly about her messages because it is much harder for her to communicate hence the amount of long messages.
Thank you for the feedback! A comment from my readers means a great deal to me! Especially when they give constructive criticism.
7676072 You're welcome. Constructive criticism is what made me into the author I am today, so it felt only fair to return the favour. Also, I know what it's like to hunger for comments (or reviews, depending on what site you're on), so I decided to be a decent person and give you some.
By the way, in my own fanfic Vinyl is also mute...though she isn't really a main character in that one.
I am just loving this fic! You write the characters really well, makes excited to see what happens! Also I love the idea of Vinyl and Sunset being friends, I never really thought about it, but they do have things in common like what you've brought up.
Speaking of which, I totally want Sunset's official catchphrase to be "Fucking tits!" now! XD
7677423 Why thank you my friend! Don't worry while it may not be her catchphrase she will most likely say it again!
7677185 Well thank you very much! I hope my reply helped explain a few things as well.
OK, two things.
One! How the hell does this only have 36 likes? I, just, what?
Two! The only criticism I have is your lack of needed commas.
Okay, I lied.
Three! Give me more!
7679616 Thank you very much! I'm glad your enjoying the story so much! It means a lot to a writer to have their efforts validated!
Unless Octavia is secretly a boy, you should change it to "Magnifique ma chère Octavia! You have done most excellent."
Okay, I really liked this chapter, especially in how Vinyl tried to find so many ways to communicate without words. However, I'm really curious as to what Fluttershy told Vinyl that she had only told two other people about.
This story has been good so far, keep it up.
7685820
And in that there lies the mystery muhaha!
This could be trouble. Vinyl has been
stalkingobserving Octavia from a far for at least a year, maybe two. Octavia has been Vinyl's friends for a month at most officially?7685820 Hopefully it's something we learn down the line. As least who the two other people are.
This is not good. That b got the beating she had coming for awhile. However, I can see this b being very vindictive. Just make sure Octavia's parent find out about Vinyl 'convincing her' to skip school, even for a half day, and the fireworks will fly.
Goods.
Just be careful with the commas.
Despite the fact that you really need an editor and a few more commas in your sentences, I really loved this chapter. I can really sympathise with Vinyl, and how much she cares about making Octavia happy. Though the punishment for what she did was a bit...excessive, given the fact that Sunset got away mostly scot-free after turning into a demon and brainwashing the entire school.
7716912 In friendship games they seemed to hint that they covered that up for Sunsets sake. Vinyl beat up the Deans daughter meaning that it went right to the top of the chain of command. Even if Celestia wanted to she couldn't hide this incident from her boss therefor the choice to overlook this was never in her hands. If you beat up the daughter of your bosses boss who do you think is gonna be breathing down your neck?
7716940 Touché.
7718108 Thank good sir.