Cuddles

Vinyl cuddles with Octavia.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 8 )

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PegasusMesa

PegasusMesa #1 · Sep 24th, 2016 · · ·

I think this story needs more showing and less telling.

ShadowblazeCR

ShadowblazeCR #2 · Sep 24th, 2016 · · ·

7591070

Yeah, that's usually a problem with my stories. But this one I kinda did the "more telling less showing" because I wanted more description of what was happening and not just a big conversation between the two. While I agree that would've been better in most cases, especially a multi-chapter story, the telling was for the cuddling to be as close as I could get it to what would've happened.

With this particular moment between the two, this was the result. But that's not to say that I won't take your advice, I'll try to balance more for my next OctaScratch story.

PegasusMesa

PegasusMesa #3 · Sep 24th, 2016 · · 1 ·

7591222

Well it's important to note that showing can be done with things other than conversation and dialogue. For example:

Vinyl Scratch was not someone who considered herself sappy, as in she didn't do much PDA -- didn't say “I love you”, and so on. It just wasn't her style. Well, she liked to say that, but it actually embarassed her to do things like that in the presence of other people.

You can show this through description, like having Octavia reach out to take Vinyl's hand only for Vinyl to snatch it away and shudder. Things like that let the reader pick up on the fact that Vinyl dislikes showing her affection publicly. Keep the narration neutral so that the reader can come to a conclusion on her own terms. That makes for much more engaging literature.

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