• Member Since 23rd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 6th, 2022

Damocles23


I write what makes me happy. Hope it makes you happy as well!

Comments ( 36 )

Setting this aside for a read later, this seems like it's going to be really good.

turning the faucet on to let her body to the wonder of tepid water.

clawing at the ceramic to keep her slender figure to shake of pure, primal fear.

“Whoa, Twilight!” Spike jumped a few inches away from her friend,

1-- let her body to the wonder- what? incomplete. like the next one.

2-- to keep her slender figure to shake of- what? keep her figure from doing what? sounds like u want it to shake with fear.

3-- her? i have stopped at the point spike thinks they are prank letters. i'll read more later.

Holy fuck is that cover hot

setting it aside....

My god this is so stimulating <3

She felt a short tug of the fabric and Twilight couldn’t see nothing but darkness.

Either "couldn't see anything but darkness" or "could see nothing but darkness."

Double negatives are the devil. :twistnerd:

7473742 Fixed. Thank you. And what about the story?

56

"Twilight digged in"
"dug"?

56

"that get’s her hands"
"gets"?

I REALLY hope they can make Spike forget what he saw

7487300 He'll have to carry that weight.

7490595 Which is not that bad of a thing :raritywink:

7490816 Now we need Chrysalis trying to steal her Lustful Slut away from Celestia :3

I would suggest an editor, this story is great but it desperately needs someone to look it over before it's published. :twilightsmile:

7493904 It was spellchecked...

7493986 It's not simply a matter of spell checking, there is more that an editor does than just check for spelling errors they also look for words used incorrectly or words that have been transposed in a sentence. Those are things that no spell checker will accomplish as it requires a human eye and a good sense of grammar and syntax. Trust me I enjoyed the story but perhaps the reason this story has as many dislikes as it does is not because they didn't like it but more that there are people on this site that simply will not up vote a story if it has multiple grammatical errors. An Editor will also help you make the story flow better and help you bring your creation to life in ways that we as authors may be blind to, taking a good story to one that makes the feature box. It can make that big of a difference. Like I said I really liked this story and would like to see it continued if that is what you have planned but getting an editor may help you in ways you may not even know you needed help with. just a friendly piece of advice.:twilightsmile:

7494106 Don't worry, you didn't offend me or something and I always appreciate constructive criticism. I'm just as surprised as you are due to me always trusting my editor that, again, are just wonderful people that invest their time to help us basically for free. Perhaps I could have it double checked from now on.

So. This is basicly rape

Is it just me that thinks this is basicly rape? She didnt want shit to do with it at the start and celestia kept going

7495708 It's a wonky issue.

7496290 like, its still a secksy story but i felt uncomfortable reading it

7495692 No, Twi clearly wanted it. Celestia was playing into Twi's fantasies.

7495692 BDSM. Different thing entirely

7496301 Rape doesn't fit because it wasn't against her will. Her reluctance at the beginning was because of her embarassment and disbelief that Celestia actually wanted to make her fantasies a reality, not because she didn't want to bang. If a dream crush that someone fantasized for years about, sometimes in very kinky ways, suddenly showed up and said "let's do this crazy shit," I imagine most people would be stunned, embarrassed and/or nervous, especially when it's someone that you already have a close relationship with that isn't sexual.

7532761 everyone has those kinky fantasy scenes in their minds, but that doesnt always mean you actually WANT that person, its just that, a fantasy. Granted i cant see twilight to say "ey bb didja actually want to do that?"

That was pretty hot... though I'm sad we'll never see the aftermath of the Spike part there :rainbowwild:

7495708
Twi could have safeworded at any time, barring the oral sections, and when she did have trouble there, Celestia asked her if she wanted to continue.

7681565
I hadn't given a sequel or new chapter to this fic any thought, since I felt that the plot/story/action sorta started to fall apart the closer it got to the end. I'll be thinking about this though.

Finished part 1, really enjoyed it! Great job!!! :twilightsmile:

Needs some thorough editing...

But amazing finish, very creative and fun to read! Hope you write more!!! :twilightsmile:

So, I think the word should be… Hmmm…” She held her finger against her chin, her eyes lost in thought, which Twilight found so human and cute. “Laputan.”

.... MOTHERFUCKER!

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