turning the faucet on to let her body to the wonder of tepid water.

clawing at the ceramic to keep her slender figure to shake of pure, primal fear.

“Whoa, Twilight!” Spike jumped a few inches away from her friend,

1-- let her body to the wonder- what? incomplete. like the next one.

2-- to keep her slender figure to shake of- what? keep her figure from doing what? sounds like u want it to shake with fear.

3-- her? i have stopped at the point spike thinks they are prank letters. i'll read more later.

She felt a short tug of the fabric and Twilight couldn’t see nothing but darkness.

Either "couldn't see anything but darkness" or "could see nothing but darkness."

Double negatives are the devil.

"Twilight digged in"
"dug"?

So. This is basicly rape

7495692 BDSM. Different thing entirely

7524149 Indeed.

Finished part 1, really enjoyed it! Great job!!!

So, I think the word should be… Hmmm…” She held her finger against her chin, her eyes lost in thought, which Twilight found so human and cute. “Laputan.”

.... MOTHERFUCKER!