I'm an experienced writer and editor who happens to like ponies.
Princess Twilight Sparkle vanished for three days. When she returned, she carried with her a pair of curious relics and no recollection of what happened to her. Only one thing is certain: She must retrace her steps to the beginning to understand the end.
Page generated in 0.105 seconds
Total duration
981 users online
1,451,456 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Sounds interesting
This is a promising start. I hope you continue this.
11081438
Planning to release new chapters this week and next. Hope you continue to enjoy it!
This is great. Tracking it.
On one hand, I'm glad that Twilight seems to be relatively okay (even her amnesia only covers a few days, instead of years, for instance) but on the other hand my girl what on Equus happened to you?
Commenting as I read so I apologize if there are a lot of these.
I do love myself a good mystery. They're also some of the more difficult stories to write, judging from your writing quality so far, I think you can pull it off. I was feeling some "Quantum Castaway" vibes from this start. That's not a bad thing at all. Looking forward to more. 👍
And things go HORRIBLY wrong. 😁 Good job of setting up the mystery. I particularly like how every time Spike interacted with Twilight. Her studying seemed more...i don't know...manic? Either way it simultaneously hints at what's at stake in this story as well as the mystery.
11090947
Thanks! I don’t know what “Quantum Castaway” is, I’ll have to check it out. Hope my little mystery pans out for you!
Oof. Some mind shenanigans. Here's to hoping Twilight isn't too far gone.
11091007
You will not regret a read of quantum castaways. My only warning is that it might distract you from writing cuz you will get sucked into the story 😁
11091525
Lol understood. I’ll check it out!
11085153
I can only agree with this sentiment. The rings feel evil...but maybe...a necessary one? Just a guess.
Awesome story, though I find the end fight a bit short, other than that, great story
Sooo, did Tinker build the obelisks? They seemed ancient. What role did they play in all of this?
11103599
11098656
The idea is that all of this - the obelisks, rings, ritual thing - was ancient, and Tinker and his crew stumbled upon it and started messing around with it without fully understanding what would happen. The most direct inspiration is Starswirl’s unfinished spell from Magical Mystery Cure, which never worked because it was selfish in nature (“the mark of one’s destiny singled out, alone”). Like Starswirl, the ancient ponies and Tinker were able to harness great power, but never able to reach their full potential without the magic of friendship. That’s also why it’s Twilight’s friends who break her out of it, in contrast to Tinker’s selfishness.
Doctor Who theme song starts playing
11109758
Tardis noises intensify
I just read the whole story in one sitting, and all I can say is: wow. It's a great story, very intense. It honestly feels like something that could've been part of the actual show if the show was a lot darker.
11109793
Allons-y!
11109794
Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
While I like the air of mystery so far, there seems to be a gaping plot hole surrounding Celestia’s actions and presence (or lack thereof) within the story. After Spike noticed Twilight’s disappearance (on assignment FOR Celestia), his first course of action should’ve been to send her a dragonfire scroll and ask for her assistance, whereupon she likely would’ve dispatched the Guard or the Wonderbolts to assist with the search instead of having the EoH alone search the entire Everfree. Then she likely would’ve dropped everything to be at her side when she woke up, or if she truly couldn’t due to political duties, would’ve at least sent a letter inquiring about her condition and advising Twilight/Luna about the nature of the rings (assuming that the knowledge is highly classified). Keeping Luna in the dark at this point, even if she had reasons to do so before, makes little sense. You seem to have effectively written her out of the story without explaining why, and I hope that future chapters address this issue.
A good story, overall, I think. My main problem is that it's too short, really. While the concepts are very interesting, it's a shame they aren't explored further. You could make a great novel-length story out of it. But then I overcomplicate everything, so it's probably for the best you kept it short and sweet.