Let's Talk About Boys

by garatheauthor

Let's Talk About Boys

Boys were a topic Rarity loved to gossip about, though she was never able to do so with her friends. Fluttershy was too shy for gossip, Rainbow Dash and Applejack too disinterested, Twilight too socially awkward, Sunset too critical, and Pinkie Pie was too immature. This had previously left Rarity in a bit of a rut when it came to her little hobby.

That is until she expanded her group of friends with the addition of the recently reformed Dazzlings. She found in them a group willing to finally dish the dirt and share forbidden little stories with one and other.

Rarity invited the three other girls to a night out. At first they had rejected but with a bit of charm, and well placed guilt, she managed to arrange a date. So that is where she found herself tonight, sitting in a booth at a local chain restaurants joined by those she had only recently befriended.

Aria looked bored out of her mind, her eyes glued to a nearby window.

Sonata seemed spaced out, playing with the straw sticking out of her coke.

Adagio surfed the web on her phone, occasionally letting out a soft snort or snicker at whatever she was viewing.

Rarity bit her lip and broke the silence. “Soooo, uh, have you three been seeing anyone?”

Adagio looked up from her phone. “Seeing anyone? Like, dating?”

“Yeah, I mean if that’s not too personal of a question,” Rarity answered.

Adagio looked at her sisters, all of them exchanging a shake of their head before she answered, “No, we’re not seeing anyone. I mean personally none of the guys at school interest me.”

Sonata snorted. “They’re all kind of-” She rolled her wrist as if trying to throw out the missing word.

“Idiots,” Aria answered.

“I mean I wouldn’t say that, but yeah they aren’t really our types,” Sonata cheerily stated.

Rarity opened her mouth, pausing for a moment. “Oh. So what are your types? Older guys?”

Aria laughed and looked at Adagio, both of them exchanging a smirk.

“Older guys? You do remember that we’re all like, over a thousand years old right. It doesn’t get much older than that. Unless we start dating rock formations,” Aria replied.

“I mean, obviously darling. It’s just that you all kind of look well, sixteen.”

Adagio grinned. “We’ve looked like this since we entered your little dimension.”

Sonata nodded along in agreement. “While it totally blows to be stuck here. It’s nice that we got to keep our rocking bodies at least.”

Rarity sighed. “I have to admit I’m a bit jealous. I’d sell my soul for the ability to stay this fabulous forever.”

Sonata gave a mischievous little expression. “That can be arranged.”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Were Sirens, not Satan, Sonata.”

Rarity held up a hand, silencing them. “So anyways let’s get to the meat of things. You three must have some pretty risqué stories.”

Aria gave a dismissive look. “More then you’ll ever believe.”

“Well please share. I’ve been dying to do something like this.”

Sonata giggled. “We were part of a harem once.”

Rarity’s eyebrow shot up. “Pardon me?”

Aria nodded. “Yeah we were touring Europe. You know, after they did that whole colonization thing. So pretty much we reach this place in the Balkans and we get taken prisoner.

“Oh my, was it by bandits?” Rarity asked, a scandalous little smirk creeping onto her lips.

Adagio shook her head. “Nah, they were uh-” She snapped her finger tying to place the word. “Janissaries.”

Aria went on. “So pretty much they capture us and haul us off to Istanbul-”

A cough interrupted Aria before Adagio interjected. “Constantinople.”

“You’re just saying that because you liked that Greek servant.”

“Sue me, he had a cute ass.”

“Fine whatever, I don’t honestly care. So we get taken to Constantinople and presented to this Sultan guy. He instantly takes a liking to us and well next thing you know the three of us are in a harem.”

That story seemed almost straight out a harlequin. Not that Rarity would have any knowledge of those.

“Was he any good?”

Adagio laughed. “Any good? He was 76. I don’t think he even touched any of us. Once he died we high tailed it out of there in the confusion.”

“Well that is rather, anti-climatic.”

Sonata raised her hand. “Oh, oh, oh. Tell her about the time we were pirates.”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “I doubt she really wants to hear that. Its not really a ‘risqué’ story.” She put emphasis on the word risqué, repeating it in a half hearted imitation of Rarity.

Aria laughed. “That’s because we stuck you with all the management stuff while we fucked off and actually enjoyed the decade.”

Adagio shot her a glare, a soft growl bubbling in the back of her throat.

Rarity covered her mouth. “You guys slept around with pirates? Were they,” she paused, “ruffians?”

Sonata snorted. “Are you kidding? They were total sweethearts. I remember Blackie used to bring me gifts all the time.”

“Blackie?”

“That’s her nickname for Blackbeard,” Adagio stated with a roll of her eyes.

Rarity blushed. “You slept with Blackbeard?”

Sonata nodded.

Rarity cleared her throat and let out a pent up breath. “Alright girls, I am sensing this list is going to be far longer then I’m prepared for. How about you each tell me about your favourite?”

Aria tapped her chin, before giving her fingers a snap. “There was this guy back in the 80’s. Scottie, or maybe it was Jeff. Man, the 80’s were great. Anyways he was magic with his tongue.”

“Was he famous?”

“Fuck no, he was a bartender in some dead end town. You know, not everyone we slept with turned out to be famous.”

Adagio chuckled. “Though I will admit we actively do try and get close with powerful figures.”

“Why?” Rarity asked.

“I mean, if you can influence someone powerful, you can get powerful stuff to happen. We fed off negative energy remember? So, what we used to do was influence monarchs, and rulers, and what not to do some pretty nasty stuff in order to brew resentment and discontent within countries.”

“That is downright despicable.”

“I mean it wasn’t even that hard. They would have torn themselves apart with or without us. Might as well speed things along and get a free meal when the opportunity presents itself.”

Sonata sighed fondly. “Remember Raz? He was all about that discontent stuff. I’m picking him as my favourite.”

Rarity smirked. “Raz? Who names their kid that?”

Adagio snorted. “They don’t, Sonata just likes to give pet names. His real name was Rasputin.”

“You mean, the Rasputin. Like the one in the song.”

“Yeah same guy, he was pretty cool.”

Aria gave Adagio and then Sonata a look. “Though he was a shit lover. The only reason he was even memorable is due to him being the only person who apparently heard of foreplay in that whole damn empire.”

Adagio chuckled. “Plus he was fucking the empress behind your back.”

Sonata grinned. “Oh no, I was there when he did that. It was actually pretty hot.”

Rarity was slack jawed. She was starting to feel incredibly out of her depth here.

Adagio rested her chin in the palm of a hand before speaking up. “I think I’m going to pick, John.”

“John?” Rarity asked.

“Yeah, I blew his mind before it was cool,” Adagio said, letting out a soft chuckle.

“What do you mean, before it was cool.”

Aria leaned in and whispered, “She’s talking about JFK.”

Rarity was dumbstruck. “That is a terrible, terrible joke and you should be-” She paused, a little gear seeming to move in her head. “You slept with Kennedy?”

Aria grinned. “We all did.”

“At the same time.” Sonata added.

“Do you uh girls wanna see my uh little president,” Adagio said trying to put on her best New England accent. It wasn’t even remotely close.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it little, mister president,” Sonata replied in a sultry tone, her eyes half-lidded.

Aria smirked and looked at Rarity. “Alright, enough putting our lives under the microscope. Time to spill your own dirt. Who are you fooling around with?”

“Yeah give us the deets,” Sonata ordered.

Rarity stammered, blushing a fire red at the question. This was going to be so humiliating.

She covered her face, replying, “I uh, once got to second base with Thunderlane.”

Adagio paused, her expression growing tight. “Is that honestly the juiciest story you have?”

Rarity let out a groan. “It’s the only story I have.”

Author's Note:

Look, this all started with a dumb pun about Kennedy. It spiraled into something else and I am so sorry for that.

If you enjoyed please like, favourite, follow, and do all those nice things that make me feel better about myself. <3

Comments

[Monster Tamer AJ]

I'd like to see more out of this. Like Adagio and company try and help Rarity get laid, maybe with one of them.

[Magthere]

Feeding off conflict taking on numerous lovers, I can imagine all the stories they could tell, if it wasn't for the complications that'd arise I'd argue they be brought before a war crimes tribunal.

[Lazruth]

7431595 This. This needs to happen. All of my yes.

[NotanImportantPony]

I don't know what I just read, I don't know why I just read it, I just know I read it and I liked it. Why.

[HiddenMaster]

Rarity let out a groan. “It’s the only story I have.”

Favorite line in the entire story. It was fun all the way through, but Rarity really did not think this through-they have thousands of years on her and she's a teenager. Although, it is commendable that she even managed to get them there for gossip in the first place.

[OmniFox]

Maybe this time Rarity invites her friends next time to hear the Sirens' Centuries of Laid Moments.

[Just Defender]

Sonata shared a bed with WHO!?
My mind is shutting down right now...

[garatheauthor]

7431595
Yeah that'd be pretty good. Constantly drop names while talking Rarity into doing things.

"Rarity I swear, that's how Aria got James Dean into her bed. Just do it."

7431645
Adagio did nothing wrong.

7431774
Glad you liked it :P.

7432058
I mean they look sixteen, they act sixteen, they go to high school. Sometimes Rarity forgets that they are actually immortal monsters from another dimension. Also glad to hear you enjoyed it.

7432059
If they wanted to hear such risque stories Rarity wouldn't have had to invite the Dazzlings in the first place. Of course then we'd have to hear the thrilling tales of Rainbow's clumsy groping and Sunset's reasoning for nicknaming her ex (over in a) Flash Sentry.

7432147
Blackbeard, Rasputin, John Kennedy, Napoleon, Sir Walter Raleigh, to name a few.

[warbird]

Good story, any chance of more like this one. Maybe sharing more stories with the whole gang or flashbacks of the Siren's escapades.

[Magthere]

7432499 Depends on what words they may have whispered to their lovers, and how much of their magic was used to influence situations to turn them into conflicts, perhaps they did no influencing on these individuals but there were no doubt others.

[garatheauthor]

7432655
I have a couple of ideas jotted down in my notebook. Though, I'm not going to make any promises.

[pahnazd]

The joy of starting something only thanks to a pun.
Funny how you ask something of someone who is over a millennium old, and you don't expect to feel out of your depth.
Still, this was quit an amusing read!

[Just Defender]

7432499 You had a dread pirate AND a Catholic US politician each share a bed with the nicest villain of the series???

[RadPony]

GEEZUS THAT JFK JOKE

THAT WAS HORRIBLE AND TERRIBLE

I also laughed really hard BUT STILL TERRIBLE

[BigMac009]

I thought that joke about JFK was talkin' about John Lennon...

[jaroslav]

7431645
With what evidence?

[Magthere]

7842280 That is one of the complications I was referring too unless you could get them to blab when they knew they were being recorded, and then prove they were sane and knew what was going on. Tricky but not impossible if their ego was played to properly.

[Arc Angel]

Given what I know about Blackbeard, and Kennedy actually, I can totally believe this. You know, Edward Teach had like 13 or 14 wives. Wouldn't be surprised if Sonata was one of them.

[StubobNumbers]

This story is hilarious. And believable in universe. You get a thumbs up and a favorite.

"You know why they called the JFK administration, Camelot? Because he came a lot" - Paraphrasing George Carlin.

[StubobNumbers]

7998066
I for one would happily volunteer to go South Of The Border with Sonata Dusk.

[StubobNumbers]

7432059
I demand this story. It would be hilarious!

[redandready45]

I love the Constantinople joke. I actually met some Greeks who still claim Istanbul as a Greek cty.

[Turbotune]

Seeing the older figures share their experience is honestly some of the most intriguing stories I have ever heard~
…
Seriously, I love it when seeing pony stories mess around with history, things get funny after that~

[Mzuark]

Ah it ended so abruptly! I would love some more