• Member Since 29th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen Feb 6th, 2019

21latenighter


she could change the future, all she had to do was give up her past, and all of her friends, could she do it....

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from the shards of hatred are planted the seeds of friendship. a war like none other has broke out in what will become Equestria, and the stakes- the future of the world. Kaorn, the master of chaos, unleashed a power upon the world that has never been seen before. It's now up to the six alicorn children after the first six are defeated and killed and battle. What happens when they find a power to rival that of Kaorn, The Elements Of Harmony.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 6 )

a story about alicorns, oh boy, and an oc that has a relationship with the sisters, oh my. First off who cares, it's my oc and i'll do with him as I please, if I want to make him destroy the world with a shake of his tail, then so be it. this may not be the best story on this site, but I take time to write this like everybody else. My interests are different from yours, you believe that the sisters should be left alone when it comes to oc's, and may I dare even mention Mary Sue, that's your choice. if even one person likes my stories, then it makes it all worth it, it means that I reached out to one person and may even inspire them to write something of their own one day. Isn't that what we bronies are, people who dare to dream outside the box, people who inspire others. what has this place become in my absence...:flutterrage::twilightangry2::ajbemused:


for those who enjoy my work, please forgive me, i'm just tired of receiving down marks and no comments on what they didn't like..... Today is a dark day in the world of Latenighter's creation, the walls are shaking from the tension, the very air is thick enough to choke on. I need a hero of my own here, I really need a girlfriend actually, but those are my own problems, not for on here.:ajsleepy:

"Who cares"

Uh, a great deal of people who like stories that aren't shit self-inserts. No offense man, but your "OC" is one of the most bland OC's I've seen in awhile. I can relate literally nothing with him. He's the walking definition of a Gary Sue, and a dull one at that. You basically checked off all the steps of making a stereotypical Sue character. Older brother of the sisters? Check. Alicorn? Check. Backstory bland and overused? Check. Barebone Uniqueness with name and personality? Check.

If this isn't the reason people will dislike your story, then it might as well be the obvious OOC Celestia and Luna characters, especially Celestia. Young as they are, pretty sure they wouldn't speak so "modern", nor act like it. It's odd and out of place, and breaks any little immersion this gave me.

Another issue is with the story idea. Personal preference, maybe, but this idea has been done to death. Cannot tell you how many stories follow suit with this exact same formula, because there would be more stories like this one than the total amount of Fallout Equestria stories (Which is nearing the 3k mark, mind you).

Finally there's the description issue. You write a book's worth of words of every little thing that the protagonist glances at. Should you provide detail of the setting your character is in, and his/her surroundings? Yes, but not too much that it simply leaves no room for thought of the reader to use their own imagination on what the setting looks like.

With that said, I don't think you should prolong this story trend of yours. I checked the past stories you've made, and the only ones that got attention were the eye catching ones, not anything that had to do with "Fury" here. Why not give something original to the audience?

I always like reading about peoples take on alicorn lore and history. Not a bad story. Little Luna with a stuffed opossum sounds adorable lol.

7785866 Why be an ass about it??:ajbemused: If you don't like it, then take your sick pleasure of making people feel bad about their stories and go make an ass of yourself elsewhere!! :twilightangry2:

7785657 You need to get laid?:trollestia: jklol! *Lesigh* People have become dicks. These days you can sue someone for farting. I mean, people have become the biggest idiots, and its spreading and taking away 'love and tolerate', one of the many things that leads many bronies to join the brony community. So us bronies gotta band together against the incoming idiocy of the morons that take sick pleasure in messing with others. With that being said, I like the story already! I look forward in seeing where you go with it!!!

7787395 That isn't why I commentated what I commentated. I posted my constructive criticisms of the story. In no way did I had the intentions of maliciously making this person feel bad about themselves.

You need to get off your high horse and look before you start accusing people of being dicks.

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