she could change the future, all she had to do was give up her past, and all of her friends, could she do it....
My Little Droid: Friendship is Logical418 stories ·743 members
transformers universe174 stories ·184 members
Transformers Generation Equestria90 stories ·141 members
The Authors' Cafe1,751 stories ·226 members
Equestria Kaijus!25 stories ·50 members
One day Megatron is somehow transported to equestria through a surge in his space bridge. He is now surrounded by Ponies, and somehow, one of them has found a formula for synthetic energon. Will Twilight and the others be able to stop Megatron from his evil scheme, or will they have to call on another titan to fight him, Optimus Prime.
Page generated in 0.118 seconds
Total duration
1,088 users online
1,902,372 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Give me a few ideas if anybody thinks of them
A few things I'd like to mention.
The first is that thoughts should be italicized or put into single quotation marks.
'Such as this thought that you can somehow read,' the commenter thought. Or this thought you can still somehow read. It kind of disturbs me you can read my thoughts.
The second is the pacing feels a bit too fast.
Now, before I continue, it's still way better than it was with the first story of yours I read. So, it isn't too fast (or too furious).
I'm okay with how Megatron gets to Equestria, though I feel it would've been cool if he questioned his surroundings a bit more. He was in space prior to his before hand, right? Maybe you could've had him look around a bit and encounter a creature native to the land before we jumped to Twilight.
The second is... ehhh, more a nitpick. I feel it's a little OOC for Twilight to fire something at Megatron.
Granted, it is a... what, forty foot robot? I can understand it being a knee jerk reaction to seeing it.
At the same time, her not apologizing was a bit odd.
While I'm at it, I also feel she was convinced a bit too quickly to make more of the Energon.
That said, I'm definitely interested to see where this story goes.
My criticisms aside, there's potential here—especially as someone who only knows of the Transformers thanks to the Michael Bay films.
So, with my long winded comment done, keep it up, and don't take my criticism too harshly.
7449334 thanks for the feedback, I am kinda in the thinking out process of the rest, and I have though of going back and working on the first chapter. I will look foreward to more comments from you as the story unfolds.
7449387 I'm very glad you're taking my criticisms well.
I have one last thing to mention. You say you've thought about going back and working on the chapter you just put up.
If you aren't 100% satisfied—or sure—about a chapters quality, hold off on putting it up.
Re-read it and make sure everything sounds as good as you'd like it to. Once you feel it's as fantabulous as you'd like it to be, put it up.
That isn't to say that contemplating revising something down the road is a bad thing (I'm doing it right now with my story).
And, of course, I could've read into what you said so much that I somehow ended up in the Andromeda.
TL;DR, If I interpreted what you said correctly, and you're skeptical of a chapters quality, hold off on publishing it.
If I read too much into your comment, greetings from the Andromeda Galaxy!
7449412 oh no, after I put it up and reread it again, yea, I'm weird like that, I had a couple thoughts about making it better, and your comment was among them. it might be a little bit before the next chapter.
and on your last comment, about Megatron. I am using The Transformers Prime Megatron, which looks like this,
http://tfwiki.net/mediawiki/images2/thumb/e/ee/Tfprimemegatronjet.jpg/250px-Tfprimemegatronjet.jpg
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/transformers-prime/images/d/da/Prime-Megatron.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20121006043614
The Prime Megatron was very persuasive, and a mentor to Orion Pax (Optimus Prime). He has all the destructive qualities of Bay's Megatron, and very very cunning. He once persuaded optimus to become a decepticon. He also persuaded one of them to work on their own demise, by crafting synthetic energon to destroy the earth. don't want to fanboy too much here, I loved the Megatron In prime, the best besides G1, and I even think he's got that beat!! ok, that's all for now...
Well, that escalated quickly.
Grammatical errors aside, this was quite a bit of fun. The chapter length was also rather nice, even if I think it was rather disappointing that Megatron didn't get to fool the ponies for longer.
That said, I wasn't expecting him to kill Luna or Celestia so quickly. Heh. Gotta admit though, I chuckled when that happened.
My only concern is if Megatron is defeated really easily. If I was you, whenever you hit the final battle, don't make it terribly one sided. You've bow shown he can easily take down the two sisters, and that's he's rather smart. I think it's better wise if you continue to showcase that with whoever his final opponent is.
Overall though, nice job. I'm very interested to see where this continues to go. :)
7460733 don't worry about that, the final battle will be a good one, I promise. Megatron was a very powerful villain, and with him to go seemingly without a fight, that just wouldn't be fair. No, I expect a very good fight between good and evil at the end, pitting Megatron against an old opponent.
I'm not sure when it is going to happen, but the final battle is coming, soon...... Will all hail the might of Megatron?...
Or will good prevail and the great leader of the Decepticons be defeated?.....
7460763 One last thing, and this is something I should've included in my original comment.
You didn't need the comma after "history" there. It should've been a period.
That and the period didn't need to be after the quotation mark.
I noticed you did this a few times, and I felt like pointing it out.
A minor complaint, but I'm generally one for finding errors like that when I read.
7460782 cool, I didn't see that, but it made me take a fourth or fifth look at my latest chapter, not sure which one it was, and I found one and fixed it. Thanks for the catch. Hop you enjoy the next chapter, Optimus Prime, or Pinkamus Prime
Looks good, characters are pretty good.
I noticed a ton of grammatical errors having to do with quotes- you might want to go over your work a few times before publishing it. If you don't want to do that, you could get an editor. I'm always available, and it shouldn't be too hard to get one otherwise.
Other than that, this has amazing potential!
7460898 I had someone else say the same, so I have been working on it throughout the rest of the story, hope you enjoy it !!!
two chapters in one day, I must be on a roll!!!
the ending sucks, I know
7467148 I quite enjoyed this!
Now...sequel?
7499164 yes, there will be a sequel, not sure when, but yes. I have been working on it a little, and have a halfway general plot made up, still stumped on a title though.
