12. The Agogo Migration
"I'm not too sure about this." Starlight frowned as she stared back at her reflection.
"What ever do you mean, darling?" Rarity idly brushed a stray lock of her mane back into place with a hoof, choosing to focus her magic on adjusting the hemline of the dress Starlight Glimmer was wearing. "And do stop fidgeting, please."
"Sorry." Starlight held as still as possible. "But is the dress really necessary? I mean, we're going to be outside. What if it gets dirty?"
"Starlight, a lady should never be afraid to look fabulous. Besides, if you're going on a date you want to impress Tree Hugger."
"I don't know if it's a date, actually." Starlight turned a shade of red that would make a tomato jealous.
Rarity stifled a giggle as she stepped back from Starlight.
"There we go! One absolutely stunning dress, if I do say so myself." Rarity twirled a hoof about in the air, indicating for Starlight to spin in place.
Starlight obliged, admittedly impressed with the work Rarity had done on such short notice. The lightweight, dark turquiose garment hung loosely, allowing Starlight to move freely. At the same time, though, it managed to hug the right curves to show off Starlight's figure without being sultry. Deep topaz stones added a perfect accent, breaking up the color of the dress perfectly.
"Oh, wow." Starlight gasped lightly. "Rarity, you've outdone yourself. This is- I don't even know what to say."
"Don't worry about it, darling." Rarity waved a dismissive hoof. "Now run along. I'm certain you've other things to do before you see Tree Hugger tonight."
Starlight looked over towards where Cadence, Twilight, and Flurry Heart were seated. "Do I?"
Cadence gave Starlight a sly smile. "We could always just stay here. Although, if you weren't at the castle to meet Tree Hugger..." She let the sentence hang unfinished.
"Oh no!" Starlight began running to the door of the boutique, only to find herself a few inches off the floor wrapped in a purple magical aura.
"Starlight, relax. I don't think Cadence was serious." Twilight couldn't help but giggle a little at the sight of Starlight flailing just above the ground.
"I- You're right. Sorry," Starlight blushed furiously as she was gently set down. "I'll try to relax." She forced herself to walk from Rarity's shop, followed by Cadence and Twilight.
"What if I say something stupid?" Starlight paced back and forth, much to the chagrin of Cadence and Twilight. "What if I do something wrong and she doesn't want to be friends anymore?"
Cadence massaged her temples with her hooves, exhaling slowly.
"Starlight. Stop." Cadence said after recollecting herself. "Tree Hugger was the one who wanted you to go with her earlier. She likes you enough to want to spend time with you. Stop stressing."
"You're right." Starlight paused her pacing. "I'm just being silly. I'm stressing over-" A knock at the door interrupted Starlight. "She's here!" Starlight's ears flattened against her head as her pupils shrank to the size of pinpricks. "I'm not ready. Tell her I'm still getting ready. I can't- Hey!"
For the second time that day, Starlight found herself being magically lifted into the air. This time, however, it was Cadence taking it upon herself to carry Starlight through the air and deposit her in front of the door. Before Starlight could object, Cadence gently pulled open the double doors with her magic, revealing Tree Hugger.
Starlight's heart leapt into her throat, refusing to allow words past it. She was vaguely aware of Twilight and Cadence excusing themselves, leaving Starlight alone with Tree Hugger.
"Hey, Star." Tree Hugger smiled. She wore a simple, light lavender dress. Her yellow bandana was gone, replaced with a crown of flowers. "You ready?"
Starlight nodded, still having trouble with the whole 'speaking' thing. Tree Hugger giggled lightly and motioned for Starlight to walk with her into the crisp evening air.
"So, how are you doing?" Tree Hugger broke the silence as the two trotted through the mostly empty Ponyville streets.
"Fine. Just fine." Starlight replied a bit too tersely.
"You seem tense..." Tree Hugger slowed her pace to look at Starlight.
"Tense? Who's tense? Not me, that's for sure." A nervous laugh escaped Starlight.
The two sank into another silence as they continued, leaving the shops and buildings of Ponyville behind in favor of an open field. Soon enough Ponyville was a distant sight on the horizon.
"Why did we come so far out? I can hardly see anything out here." Starlight looked over her shoulder back at the town.
"It's cool. You'll get the best view if there's less light."
Before Starlight could ask what Tree Hugger meant, they arrived at their destination. Or, Starlight hoped so. Otherwise they were about to steal somepony else's picnic.
"Here we are." Tree Hugger smiled and motioned a hoof for Starlight to make herself comfortable.
The picnic itself was a simple one. More of a blanket laid out and a few snacks, really. Still, Starlight couldn't help but smile at the effort Tree Hugger had put in.
"This looks lovely." Starlight sat and made herself comfortable, only having a minor heart palpitation when Tree Hugger took a seat next to her.
"Right on. I'm glad you like it."
"So, um, when do they start migrating?" Starlight looked about, seeing no creatures in sight.
"Soon. Any moment, actually."
As if on cue, a small mote of white light winked into existence in the distance. A few seconds later another appeared, followed by a third. Soon the tall grass stretching before the mares had dozens of glowing spots nestled within it. A soft gasp slipped from Starlight's lips as the first of the glowing lights floated from the grass and began lazily drifting skyward.
"Ooh..." Starlight's eyes widened at the sight.
Even as the first lights drifted up from the ground, more started to appear within the grass. Soon the grass looked more like a canvas of the night sky than an open field.
"Why do they do this?" Starlight asked, her eyes never leaving the sight of the agogos. "The lighting up thing, I mean."
"The migration is the start of their mating season. They're like fireflies like that. The lights attract a mate."
Starlight flushed slightly, suddenly realizing how close Tree Hugger sat to her. Warmth seemed to radiate from the green mare, pushing away the chill Starlight had felt earlier.
The two sat in silence, occasionally munching on some of the snacks Tree Hugger had laid out. The Agogos continued to drift upwards, drifting about almost hypnotically. Indeed, Starlight found it hard to look away from the sight.
Starlight was painfully aware of the silence. 'Should I say something? What would I say? I should say she looks nice. That's not too forward, right?' Starlight suddenly found it hard to focus on the migration. 'What if I say the wrong thing though? What if she doesn't like me the same way if I do say something?! What if-'
Starlight's train of thought was broken by Tree Hugger's gentle voice.
"Your dress is far out." Starlight turned her head to look at Tree Hugger. "I like it."
"I, uh, thank you." Starlight managed to stammer out. "I like your dress, too." Starlight hoped she was keeping a calm demeanor, but she couldn't tell over the pounding of her heart. And why was it suddenly so hot outside?
Starlight turned her attention back to the agogos, uncertain of what to say. The dancing motes of light were far above the pair now, resembling oversized stars against the clear backdrop of the sky.
"They're really pretty." Starlight said, staring upwards.
"Just wait until you see what happens next." Tree Hugger grinned, clearly knowing something about the migration Starlight did not.
"What happens next?" Curiosity temporarily buried Starlight's nervousness. "Are they leaving?"
"Not quite." Tree Hugger said cryptically.
Starlight raised an eyebrow, but quickly turned her attention back to the agogos again, not wanting to miss whatever Tree Hugger was hinting at.
Eventually, something did happen. Two of the agogos changed color, a cyan and orange light breaking the white lights of the rest of the creatures. Then two more changed color, though this time to a purple and lavender respectively.
"Why did-" Starlight began, though she cut herself off with a gasp of surprise. As if the first few had started a chain reaction, various colors swept through the rest of the agogos, a blanket of color illuminating the sky. "Oh, wow. It's so beautiful." A breathtaken Starlight managed to say in a voice barely above a whisper.
"Mhmm." Tree Hugger agreed. "I love watching the migration. It's just peaceful, watching part of the cycle of life."
Starlight's mouth hung open a bit as she stared in awe. Her attention was pulled away by a solitary agogo floating down and flitting about in front of her.
"I think it likes you." Tree Hugger giggled.
"Um, hi there." Starlight said, taken aback slightly.
Now that she was close to one, Starlight could see the agogo clearly. It looked like a tiny cloud that had been shaped into a pony, no bigger than Starlight's hoof. It tilted it's head in curiosity, flitting up and down as it quietly hummed a happy-sounding noise.
"They're adorable!" Starlight squealed in delight. She glanced over at Tree Hugger to find the mare with her own look of wonder.
"Radical..." Tree Hugger murmured.
What felt like too soon, however, another agogo flitted down next to the first. This one darted about the first, apparently getting a postive response. After only a few seconds, the two creatures changed colors. The now green and pale lavender agogos floated skyward, joining the rest of the cloud sprites in the sky.
Tree Hugger and Starlight sat in silence for some time, content to merely watch the multi-colored cloud of agogos drift lazily away.
"Hey, Star?" Again, it was Tree Hugger who broke the silence. "Can I ask you something?"
Something in Tree Hugger's voice had changed, though Starlight couldn't put her hoof on what exactly.
"What is it?" Starlight turned her attention to the other mare, briefly forgetting about the migration.
"Is-" Tree Hugger hesitated. "is this a date?"
There it was. The question that had been nagging at Starlight all evening, silently tormenting her. Starlight was pretty sure her heart stopped for a moment. Or maybe it was the world around her stopping as her mind raced at a million miles an hour. Either way, it was a long moment before Starlight was able to form any coherent thoughts. Before she could reply though, Tree Hugger continued speaking.
"Like, you asked yesterday, and I totally bailed before you got an answer. So I've been kinda wondering what tonight is, myself, you know?"
Starlight answered much faster than she expected to.
"I'd like it to be." Starlight's heart was threatening to tear itself free of her chest at this point. A small part of her wished she hadn't said that. Even as the words left her mouth she found herself second-guessing herself, slipping deeper into a panic. Starlight looked up, afraid her face would betray her panic spiral to Tree Hugger.
"Me too." Tree Hugger simply replied.
With those two words, Tree Hugger had somehow managed to end the panic rising up in Starlight. Instead, Starlight found herself smiling, attempting to maintain a semblance of normal despite the fact that her heart was now pounding from sheer joy at those two simple words.
Tree Hugger softly rested her head against Starlight's shoulder, sighing happily.
Starlight smiled as the familiar scent of juniper berries wafted about her. Soon enough, she found herself resting her head against the soft curls of Tree Huggers mane. A light giggle escaped her as the two of them watched the agogos drift further away into the night.
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Awww...so romantic! I NEED MOAR!!!
After that chapter I think I don't care what happened before, or how it happened since this was really perfect or at least very good.
7871950 Yes I think I agree, I rarely get to see moments like this in a story, without one of the characters being somehow denounced, getting teased and everything else overdone as well. However I believe this is supposed to be a short one right? I think it was mentioned, or I'm thinking that because such nice storys sadly never last really long.
7872406 Eh, its just how it works. Granted, if the romance is a long story, then things can get drawn out too much or just repetitive. These moments like this is where romance stories shine.
7872413 honestly I while I like slow paced romances, I hate it if they choose the last chapter for it to happen (in really long storys), because I'm interessted in how it happens, and what happens afterwards.
A part of me agrees with you.
7872406
7872413
You guys have made my week with these comments.
7872733 No prob my friend.
7872606 That's true. I especially hate that with mangas. The main characters are always 'will they, won't they' for like 5 years and then right about when they're gonna confess their love...THE END! AUGH! Hate that garbage!
7872406 I was a nice romantic setting. Very cute too.
Beautiful.
7938058
Okay. Well, good luck~
I'll continued to read this later when I have more time.
DUDE! I didn't even realize you were the one that wrote this until I visited your page! I only started reading this because it got featured awhile back! And when's the next chapter, man?
7969935
Next chapter should be up soon. I just need to iron out some wrinkles.
I don't think the story ever hit the feature box. Or if it did, I missed it.
7970020 It did, otherwise I would've missed it.
I've caught up! :'D
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/211585/reviewers-caf/thread/308771/reviews#comment/5856317
8026576
If one may offer a more literary counter-review: the review linked here completely misses the point (and could do with an editor if one might be frank, 'dude'). If one wants grand romance or heart-breaking conflict, look for the drama tag. If you are accusing a slice-of-life story of being boring in your opening sentence, then you've really brought the wrong set of generic conventions to this story.
This story is quite explicitly a slice-of-life story that is comfortable with what it is. Generically, it delivers what is expected of it,- moments of the everyday lives of the characters that contribute to the development of the romance, whether its Starlight Glimmer's freak-out or Tree Hugger's chat with Fluttershy. Is there a huge amount of backstory given about them? No, but this is not a piece devoted to character exploration. Is there a huge amount of detail given about their surroundings? No, but this is not an exercise in world-building or Naturalist narration. Slice-of-Life is often mazy and digressive,- the romance is a focal point, not a goal as it may be in a story keyed for drama, hence why the various plot points like Big Mac's not-attraction can and will occur in such stories. Yes, the writing could see some spicing up, but that does not mean it is bad, merely forgettable, which is perhaps the only charge I could level at this story, and which is hardly a fly in the ointment considering it isn't aiming to be some grand narrative.
It does what it intends to do and what is expected of a light, slice-of-life romance; nothing enormous or world-changing,- which is fine. There is room for humble things as there is for great ones, and one should evaluate things based on what they are, as much as what one expects of them. If you judge something like Three Men in a Boat according to the same set of rules you would Paradise Lost, it will be difficult to ever find anything good to read.
8077534
Perhaps you misunderstand us? We are looking for exceptional stories to uplift what is exceptional. This story is fine, if a little boring. In the first three chapters of this currently 12 chapter fic, nearly nothing happens. No plot and no characterization other than that which came from canon. Then, the romance is incredibly rushed, with just three meetings between the characters before they decide they're in love just like that with no struggle or anything interesting happening. And then the points of drama and conflict, y'know, the things that make people invest in stories and characters, get resolved quickly and without consequence, meaning that we aren't getting to see much of anything unfold more interesting than watching a mall's security camera feed. I did say the story was competent enough to be okay -- I'm not denigrating anything. And by your own admission, this fic would not be exceptional. Allow me to quote you.
You are implying that slice of life genre should be boring.
Generic -- adjective meaning forgettable, unremarkable, average.
That's my point. The Reviews Cafe is about exceptional stories, and this does not qualify.
Dwarvish is a decent writer and, through my second opinion, a later story of his was accepted just a few days ago. It solved many of the problems and charges leveled in my review.Want to see him going above and beyond? Try "Love, Laughter, and Funnel Cake". It was accepted, partially by my recommendate Here, try this one: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/365943/love-laughter-and-funnel-cake
8077613
I'm not misunderstanding your group certainly. What criteria you add stories to your group is no business of mine. I merely think that that review in particular is being unfair to this story due to a form of gente blindness.
And if you'd quote a little less selectively, you understand the point I make here:
Is not to say that slice-of-life is boring but rather that you have judged it according to a benchmark of conflict or action that is too high,- more appropriate for a drama than a slice-of-life. Contextualize it according to my rebuttal as a whole and that should be abundantly obvious.
And just to make things clear, generic in my review refers to genre, not 'unremarkable'; this is intended as a literary review and will therefore use the terminology of literary analysis. Genre is essential to assessment as it governs how an audience engages with a piece if fiction. Misunderstanding the place of genre would be like saying that Jaws is a terrible film because it doesn't make you laugh. If a comedy doesn't make you laugh, it has a problem, whereas a horror film that doesn't make you laugh is par for course. It is the criteria by which one makes an empirical judgment of good/bad, boring/interesting, that concerns me in your review. If you said that you feel this is a bad slice-of-life, then fair enough. However a lot of the issues you do raise seem to judge the story as something other than a sluce-of-lufe, which is what I feel was misleading when I first clicked on your link and read your review.
Whether you accepted the fic into your group is not something I care much about, but I think a review should be a little more considered regarding things like genre or form lest it review hastily or unjustly,- especially since your review is in the comment section of this story and may give new readers a sonewhat misleading assessment of this story.
8077632
I'm just going to give you four slice of life stories so you can see what can truly be done with the genre. That way you can see what truly exceptional slice of life is.
#1: The Living is Easy
#2 Cadence in a Minor
#3: Summer Days
#4: An Escort's Journal
8077646
Meaning? I know that there are exceptional slice-of-life stories, online or in print, (e.g. The Diary of a Nobody; Three Men in a Boat) and I will be looking at these once I have the time. However, you've not addressed the points I've raised about your review in terms of how it does not seem to take into accout the generic (genre) or formal (form) aspects of this type of literature into account in its assessment of this story.
Yes, this is not an exceptional, world-beating slice-of-life story,- but I think your review is unfairly harsh because it is judging thus by the wrong set of generic criteria. This takes away a great deal of legitimacy from your review, which would in turn be unfair to you as a reviewer and unfair to a reader who hopes to learn something when they read your review.
8077665
I would argue quite to the contrary, in fact. At the Reviewer's Cafe we look for the best stories fimfiction has to offer, and a tale that comes across as dull came simply not be accepted by our reviewing standards. That is far from saying it is a bad story and clearly people enjoy it, but rather that it is not what we are looking for.
Generally speaking, a story has to have conflict in some manner or other. I have not read this and am solely writing based upon the review and your responses, however I can imply that this is a very laid back tale. That in itself is fine—but a story will indeed suffer if there is little conflict to hook a reader. Kalash described it as a series of fillers. Now while filler chapters are important in every story, if it is nothing but this then it will inevitably suffer and leave little impact on the reader.
The Reviewer's Cafe judges stories, to put it simply, based on the impact they leave. I once read a incredibly well written "random" story, but it was not up to the cut because while it achieved its goals it did not leave enough of an impact. Similarly a clopfic might be both amazingly written and achieve its goal of, frankly, turning someone on. It might do so very well and could leave someone lying on the floor quivering—but other than that, it did not have a meaningful and impactful plot. The same can (presumably) be said here; it's a cute little read, but not much more than that.
8077742 Thank you for you clear and well-informed response. If I may say, this (and its awareness of the meta-elements thar inform literature) are more what I was expecting in a review.
As I said, and will be happy to reiterate, I have no issues whatsoever with the criterua by which a story is admitted to your group. My primary issue is with the specific review of this story, and the terms by which it seems to judge with this piece of fiction. As it is, I feel that the review is misleading as it fails to frame and judge the story within the confines of its genre and thus seems far harsher in its assessment thereof.
I would have not have taken issue with the teview had it shown enough awareness of generic and formal conventions to make the review a fair analysis of said piece,- its acceptance or rejection into your group being an irrelevant matter in this case.
8077773
If I may make an assumption, obviously not knowing Kalash's personal opinion, I would say that is not actually the case. The "lack of action" issue was obviously an important one, and even slice of life stories will suffer without something testing happening to the characters. Hence, that is still a perfectly justified critique of the story which the author could work on. After all, would you watch a programme where literally all the characters do, from what I implied from the review, is have tea parties? An unjustified critique would be saying that "there aren't enough fight scenes", or the like, but explaining that it is boring because there is nothing to hook the reader is not so unfair.
Kalash went on in his review to point out that while the plot was bland at times, this was partially worsened by the actual quality of the fic. He mentions the issue of direct addresses and how the author needs to learn to vary sentence structure and length to achieve a piece which is truly engaging. This is an issue seen much too often on fimfiction, I must say, so I do believe Kalash' review was still informative, plot point aside.
8077804
When framed and written the way you have done, I find the essential point you, and Kalash, make is not at all unreasonable. If I may make a suggestion, however: it would help if Kalash's original review had been written is a more neutral style as, for example, the opening line seems to suggest a lack of generic awareness or objectivity (insofar as anything is objective today) to feel like it is giving a reader (especially one like me who had never read any of the reviews of your group prior to this) a balanced assessment. There is a bit of a gonzo journalistic style at work that makes the negative aspects he discusses more pointed than perhaps he intends, but which feels somewhat misleading/excessive for an unfamiliar reader (of both the Reviewers' Cafe and the story in question).
8077829
c.martech.zone/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/you-keep-using-that-word.jpg
What are your literary qualifications? How much writing do you do? Has your writing won any contests? Have you done any reviewing? Have you been in any reviewer groups? Do people seek out your judgement on stories? Do you edit for people? The answers for all of these for me are a resounding yes. I have written over fifty stories on fimfic, I have conquered the feature box more than once, I have been in more than one reviewer group, I have won in contest, and I have hundreds of followers. Compared to me, what do you have to show? If you're unqualified, allow me to show you where I put people who try to tell me how to do my job.
i.imgur.com/V04Ru42.jpg
8077841
Forgive me for saying this, but I keep using the word 'generic' precisely because I know what it means, regardless of 'The Princess Bride' quote. Words can have different meanings in different contexts, as I'm sure you are aware, and the word 'generic' is no different (much like the word 'ironic', which has one meaning in literary analysis and a different one in everyday vernacular). Please don't take my word for it: if you type 'generic convention' into any search engine, I can assure you that you will get something that means very different to 'unremarkable' or 'forgettable'.
In answer to your questions in order: my literary qualifications are poetic, journalistic and editorial. I write and edit as both my profession and my hobby, being a freelance copywriter and an English tutor (of secondary and tertiary level), as well as serving as the on-off editor of a number of small firms (usually for PR publications) in my locality. I write poetry as a hobby and have never submitted or intended to submit them to competitions although there is a small quarterly publication to which I occasionally send them (as well as a number of book reviews over the years). I have never been in any reviewer groups as I prefer to keep my reading options open due to the limited time I have between teaching and editing. Do people seek out my judgment on stories? Amongst the company that I keep, yes, although I find it rather embarrassing,- I rather they read and form their own judgments first before asking me if 'All the Light We Cannot See' is worth reading, especially when I have yet to receive it in the post. As to editing,- I have been editing for so long (this summer will mark the 15th anniversary of my entry into professional editing and copy-writing) that it has reached a point at which it is practically compulsive.
None of what I have said has made me any more qualified that you to speak of literary matters. I merely think that your review could be packaged a little more objectively for a person unfamiliar with your style. For me personally, I simply dislike the sensation of being mislead by what I had though was an objective review, in the same way that I suspect most people would dislike being led by a new article that leaned in a direction without first informing its readers that it is, ah, leaning, so to speak.
Now, if you feel I am infringing on how you do your job, then please pardon me. You have your way, I mine,- but if that's the case, then don't you think you should perhaps take a breath and keep calm over, what is essentially, a review of a review?
8077889
Though I have no reason to doubt your claims, I do wonder on your use of hyphens with commas? Would you care to elaborate on your reasoning?
8077959 Oh, that's something I picked up during university. A lot of the books (and I tried to get old editions wherever they were stocked by the university library) I read for my university dissertations (primarily on Victorian poetry, but also a fair few novels) were published during the late Victorian/Edwardian period, where the formatting and type-setting were yet to be standardized. In many Victorian publications (at least in Britain) many pauses or long hyphens would be preceded by some other punctuation mark to suggest tone (so !- for a sharp exclamation; ?- for a question that has been cut short) or to signify the duration of a pause (,- for a short pause; ;- or :- for a long pause or an aside). As the university I attended penalized bracketed or parenthesized quotations, I used the comma-hyphen as a way around it to write asides or to insert quotes, and never looked back.
Consider it a deliberate archaism on my part, in the same way spelling 'among' as 'amongst', or using 'athwart' instead of 'across' is not wrong,- regardless of the spellchecker,- but merely outdated. As I specialize in texts published before the 20th century, this has never been seen by my faculty colleagues as anything more than a character quirk. I will confess, your question is not the first time I've been asked about this. :)
8078006
8077841
8077959
This conversation has been fascinating, and a bit educational, but can it be moved somewhere else? It doesn't seem to pertain to the story after a certain point.
8078006
Alright, if you think you're so hot, why not apply to join the Cafe as a reviewer? PM Aeluna for details.
8078549
Thank you for the offer, but I must decline for reasons which I have stated earlier, which include two day jobs, editorial work and contributing to a quarterly magazine. Also, I would feel it would be disingenuous of me if I were to, as you seem to suggest, join your group to prove my credentials,- for what reason I cannot fathom. If I were to apply to join the Cafe, it should be,- as Aeluna has suggested in her earlier posts,- because I genuinely wish to contribute to those who follow the Cafe by finding impactful and meaningful stories.
Now, I rather agree with DwarvishPony, in that we are crowding out the comment section of his story, and should carry this conversation on elsewhere,- unless, if either you or Aeluna agree, we've argued the matter to death and may be better off going our separate ways.