The Anthropologist

by Weavers of Dreams

-77- Family Matters

"Mmmnnng, stoppit, mama. The cheese said I could follow the pork chop's guacamole."

"Ma'am, please wake up. If you and your colt are tired, then return to your suite."

"But the soap won't slip under the door."

"Ma'am. The Bubble Court is not for sleeping on. Seriously, that's going to kill your back."

Lyra slowly opened her eyes, blinking as the bright lights flashed across he vision. "Ugh. "Wha' time issit? Have we reached Fillydelphia yet?"

"It's about eight o'clock, ma'am. And, no, we're not going to be reaching Fillydelphia anytime soon."

Eyes beginning to focus properly, Lyra took a good look at the mare who was talking.

"Huh?" she intelligently muttered and she rose up on all fours. Great merciful heavens, she was right. Her back felt as though someone had tried to tie it up like pretzel. "Owwwuch. Mm, Henry? Henry? Wow. Just how many games have did we play?"

The mint mare reached down to disentangle her colt from the sizable nest of tickets they had apparently won before passing out.

"Too many," the uniformed mare rolled her eyes as she helped Lyra gather them all up into a large paper bag. "You must really like playing games, ma'am?"

"I guess," the mint mare yawned, thanking the other mare for the help. "I really just wanted to make my little stallion's first arcade experience memorable. Guess I went a little overboard, huh?"

"Just gonna be another spoiled rich brat," the other mare muttered under her breath, thinking she would unnoticed. She did not.

She got a face full of maternal rage.

"What did you just say about my colt?" Lyra growled, baring her teeth at the now-terrified mare. She may not have been a thestral, but being raised by them had given her a somewhat predatory glare.

The mare was thoroughly terrified. "I-I s-s-said... he's going to g-grow up into a f-fine st-stallion. Hehe. Yeah. That's what I said, ma'am."

"That's what I thought you said," Lyra snorted, pushing past the mare, rather indignant. "The nerve of that bi... ahem. Language, Lyra. You're a mother now. Let's go collect your prize, kiddo."

She stomped off in a huff.

* * *

"You'll not be throwing any parties, inviting strange stallions, or rummaging through the masters' belongings while we're away," Bouncing Betty Instructed the maids as she packed her extra-large cast iron frying pan into her alice pack. She gave the assembled mares the gimlet eye. "If I so much as see one button missing from any suit or dress, discover that there is any jewelry missing, or even find that the mistress's perfume bottles are so much as a fraction emptier... you'll all be fired, without severance pay."

While she would never actually do such a thing (there was a kind mare beneath that iron shell), she was still scary enough to ensure none of the maids dared try to test her. Especially after that latest eavesdropper had just recently gotten her job back.

Head wrapped in bandages, the maid in question nodded in confirmation. And nodded. And nodded. And nodded some more until Betty rapped her between the eyes.

"As for you, High Polish, you may return home until that skull heals a bit more," she said in a softer tone. She hadn't meant to cause that much damage to the poor mare. But it had been a matter of national security.

"Yes, Ms. Betty, yes, Ms. Betty, yes, Ms. Bett..." the poor mare quickly found a hoof in her mouth.

"Two of you escort her back to her mother's house," Betty sighed in resignation as she turned to throw the pack on her back. "Remain there until she's better. Or until her mother chases you out."

Moving to do as they were told, one of the selected maids inquired, "how long will you be gone, Ms. Betty?"

"Until we get back," was the earth pony's unsatisfyingly vague answer.

"Glad to see you're taking care of things."

The household staff all to turned to see two stallions descend the staircase, carrying ominous looking, elongated cases made of hard plastic. The head housekeeper inclined her head respectfully.

"Of course, Master. Everything shall be in shipshape by the time we return. Right, ladies?"

The maids quickly agreed and spoke in unison.

"Yes, Ms. Betty."

"Are you sure you want to come with us?" Noteworthy asked as he adjust some of the straps.

"Why ever not?" Bouncing Betty uncharacteristically snapped at the stallion. "I helped raise the young mistress ever since she came to this house as a little filly. I've protected her, fed her, and comforted her when her parents were unavailable. I grieved alongside her when her brother was taken from us, and I'll be damned if I stay here while she and her son could be in danger."

Not exactly cowed, but very taken aback by the outburst, Noteworthy stared at the mare in shock, not sure if he should say something back or not. Silence seemed to be the best option

Clearing her throat and running hoof through her pristine mane, Betty stood up straight and composed herself. "Forgive me. I was out of line, Mr. Noteworthy."

Baritone, on the other hoof, chuckled at the display the mare had put on. "Go easy on him, Betty. The colt's not that familiar with you yet." He turned to the other stallion and patted his back. "Bouncing Betty here has always been somewhat of a surrogate auntie to my daughter."

The mare froze up a bit and looked a little nervous. "Master, please, I-I would never presume to have such a relationship with the young mistress. It is not my place to..."

"You cuddled with her and Peter every opportunity you got," Baritone teased, though it seemed somewhat hollow, given the circumstances.

"I-I... Was instructed to keep close to them, sir, I was only... was only doing... as, oooh." Blushing like a filly caught messing with her mother's makeup, the mare pulled a quick about-face and hurried off.

Baritone chuckled humorlessly. "And that, Noteworthy, is how you get under a mare's skin."

"You realize she's going to get revenge for that, right?" the blue stallion mentioned as an aside.

"Of course. She is a mare, after all." The thestral slumped his withers and sighed. His attempt at humor had fallen far short of improving the mood.

* * *

"Are you sure this place is safe?" Bon Bon asked worriedly, looking up at the large house. There were a lot of large houses in Canterlot. It was nowhere near as big Baritone and Mercury's, but neither was it very small.

Clinging to the mare's mane was Twist, who trembled slightly as she gulped. "Do I really have to thtay here, mommy?"

Her grandmother gave her swift kiss on the cheek. "For the time being, until we get back, dear. They're a wonderful couple who have experience with raising rambunctious children. You'll be safe with them."

"I'm not ram... rambunc... rambuncthiouth," Twist stated with a frown.

"Just covering all the bases," was the grandmother's calm response.

Bon Bon leaned over and whispered. "I want to know all about these ponies before I leave my Twister in their hooves."

The thestral just smirked as she reached up and knocked on the door. "Oh, you'll believe it when you see them."

It was true, the mare that answered the door quickly erased all doubts from the earth pony's mind.

"Why, hello, Mercury, it's been a while since you last visited, do come in," Twilight Velvet smiled welcomingly. She smelled of fresh-baked bread and foreign spices, which delightfully tickled the small filly's nose.

"I would love to, Velvet," the thestral sighed, taking the filly from Bon Bon's back and giving her a squeeze before holding her out to the unicorn. "But, my baby and grandson have been kidnapped and we need you to look after my granddaughter while we run a dangerous rescue operation. For old time's sake?"

"I'd be happy too," Velvet cheerfully chirped as she took the filly in her magic and nuzzled her. Twist reluctantly giggled a little, then looked back at her family.

"Can't I go with you?" she pleaded, causing the kind unicorn to from a little.

"I'm afraid not, Twister," Bon Bon sniffed as she stroked the filly's mane comfortingly. "It's too dangerous for a little filly."

"I'm not little," she protested, drawing a laugh from the good mare.

"Don't worry, sweetie. We're gonna bring your brother back very soon." She planted kiss of the filly's forehead nuzzled her cheek. She turned the unicorn. "What kind of security do you have here?"

Velvet smirked a bit. "Well, on top of the various detection and look-away spells me and my stallion have cast upon the property, there are also the multiple layers put in place by our children. They think we don't know about it, but, so far, we've found around seventy-seven of them. Good ones too."

Protection spells put in place by the two most powerful unicorns of the modern age made a very convincing argument for the earth pony. Well, Twilight Sparkle was an alicorn now. Which just meant they were stronger these days.

"And, yes, we know it's theirs," Velvet continued as she set the filly upon the ground. "A unicorn's magic is just as distinct as a nose-print(1). And a mother always recognizes her children's magic. It's known as gestative sympathetic arcane resonance."

Bon Bon felt even better now. "Okay, so... you're fine with watching my daughter then?"

Velvet nodded. "Of course. It's far too quiet around here as of late. This should be just the thing to slap the writer's block out of me. Though, would you like a few enchantments or potions for the road? Night Light just finished a fresh batch of entomological-necromantic-terrors, and I think we may have a spare wabbajack or two you could borrow. Perhaps even something... Lovecraftian?"

"No, I think we got enough wabbajacks, and zombie bugs are too much of a hassel," Mercury said with a shake of her grateful head. "Though, if you have a couple shoggoths, I would be delighted."

Velvet head sunk. "Drat. We just sent the last of them away to the Frontier. There is an old batch of old Hasturs that should still be good."

The thestral considered it a moment. "Just one. Might make for a good distraction."

One bottle of... something appeared in a flash before their eyes, sealed with a cork and wrapped in woven thrushes. It made little baaing sounds as it was moved into Mercury grip.

"Will that be all?" the unicorn asked as she placed the filly on her back.

Mercury Meldoy looked conflicted for moment. "Well. My baby and grandson are in danger, so... I'm calling in 'the favor', Velvet."

Velvet blinked as her face became serious. "I see. Very well. As co-head of the Foggy Mage Counsel, I present you with this."

A scroll was the next thing to appear was a scroll.

"Use it wisely, Mercury," the unicorn warned darkly. "And do try make home before our next luncheon. I would love to properly meet the rest of Lyra's little herd."

"I shall try," Mercury nodded thankfully.

Bon Bon, however, was gaping. "Hold it. You're co-head of the Foggy Mage Counsel?"

Velvet nodded. "Yes. Is that a problem?"

Bon Bon shook her head. "Are all the secret government councils run by married couples?"

The other two mares looked at her like she'd grown two heads.

"Yes," Velvet said slowly with another, equally slow nod.

"Why wouldn't they be?" Mercury asked, confused.

The poor mare just sighed and gave her daughter one more hug. "Never mind. Let's go save Lyra and Henry."

* * *

(1) This is a real-life procedure for identifying animals in crimes, and since most ponies use their faces to pick things up, it's not a farfetched idea.

Comments

[pahnazd]

Lyra, Lyra, Lyra. Never change. Then again, that attendant (I presume the other mare from the start was an attendant) had pretty good reasoning for her little quiet quip. Very few rich kids value anything worthwhile and are really spoiled.

So, wabbajacks. Why not just call on Discord when you want some chaos? I'm sure he'll give everyone cheese as well should you wish

This was great though, preparations for a rescue are almost done. This will be so much fun!

Also, one little grammar error:

We're gonna bring you're brother back very soon.

Highlighted should be your