The Anthropologist

by Weavers of Dreams

-14- Wednesday Part: Two

"Please don't let them eat me, I'll do anything you want. Just don't let them get me."

Lyra had been on both the giving and receiving end of many hugs. But this one felt awkward. It wasn't the fact that the person hugging her was a human female, nor was it the fact that she was obviously mentally disturbed (though that was definitely a factor in the whole of the situation). No, it was the fact that this woman apparently thought that clothing was optional.

Which it was.

It was a rather conflicted feeling of awkwardness. Other than her formal wear she kept in a drawer at home, she was naked all the time too. But, having never seen a human in the nude, other than her textbooks, it felt... off.

Not that it was unpleasant. Heavens no. The other side of the conflicting awkwardness was fascination. But she was a professional, most of the time, and would not pull a Rainbow Dash(1). Besides, she was comfy, why ruin the moment with science?

"There-there, Julia," Lyra said, patting the woman's shoulder. "No one going to hurt you. We're safe here."

"No we're not," Julia cried, burring her face into Lyra's messy mane. "I can hear them, they're crawling in the walls. Can't hear them chewing on the insulation?"

Lyra felt uncomfortable in her embrace all of a sudden. "Eh-he. What do you mean? I thought you were upset about the staff. They can be a little mean."

"Well, they are," the woman cried, "but they're nowhere as scary as those creatures. They won't stop following me. Even in this world, they keep hunting me."

Lyra wasn't so concerned with the imaginary monsters as she was with the increasing pressure being applied to her spine. "Maybe they'll go away if you ignore them, Julia. So, why don't we both a take a deep breath and you just loosen your grip so I don't strain my lungs."

She was immediately released.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the woman cried, covering her face with her hands. "I'm always messing up. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Lyra groaned internally. Now she had guilt. "It's okay, Julia. Really. Please, look at me. Com'on, look at me. That's it." She grasped a hanky in her magic and used it to wipe away the woman's tears. "It's okay, Julia. It's okay. I'm not upset with you."

"Y-you aren't?" the woman asked, sniffing.

Lyra smiled warmly and shook her head. "Of course not. Are things not sitting well with you here at Plum High Asylum? I'm here to help, you know."

Julia looked aside. "I-it's fine."

Lyra was not convinced. "Listen, sister. I can tell things are not to your liking. And, other than your obsession with things living in the walls, you don't seem like a hopeless case." She trotted over and sat down beside the woman rested a hoof on her shoulder. "Now, tell me what's bothering you."

"I don't like being naked," Julia blurted out.

Lyra just nodded. "A very common thing amongst humans. We ponies respect that. But, then, why are you in the buff?"

"I'm just trying to fit in," was the quiet reply. "None of you wear anything, so... I figured it would help me get along better with everyone here. I think it just made them hate me more."

"Who hates you?" Lyra almost demanded, brandishing her clipboard.

"I don't know," Julia sighed. "I just hear them whispering when my back is turned." She turned to face Lyra. "Are we humans really disgusting creatures to you."

Lyra bristled. "No," she stated firmly, her voice filled with honesty. "Not to say I haven't seen some ugly ones, but, no, humans, in general, are beautiful creatures. And you are no exception, Julia."

The woman smiled a bit and looked away, blushing. The next thing she knew, a Lyra was draping a sheet around her.

"There you go," Lyra chuckled. "That oughta do just fine until you get your own clothes back on."

"Th-thank you," Julia said, giving Lyra a hug.

"No prob', girl," Lyra said, returning the embrace. "You're human, behave human. Besides, I'm sure most of those nasty words were from mares, am I right?"

"They certainly didn't sound male," Julia replied.

Lyra nodded in understanding. "Yeah. Best keep those clothes on, Julia. There's no need to tease the other inmates and the male staff. Or else, we may have to turn on the sprinkle system to cool everyone off."

They both shared a polite chuckle.

"So," Lyra began, "think you can go back to adjusting just fine now? Behaving like a human is supposed to?"

Julia nodded. "I think so."

"Good," Lyra said, crossing some stuff off of her clipboard. "Remember, be yourself, and don't worry yourself over a few misanthropes. Just as long as keep to their bratty gossip to themselves, you can switch all the sweetener for salt and laugh at their misery till they quit."

Lyra devious grin grew to near Cheshire proportions. Julia's came close.

"Would that be wise?" she asked the mint pony.

Lyra rolled her eyes. "You're in a home for psychos and nutcases, wisdom's got nothing to do with it. Have fun."

"But, what about the squirrels?" Julia asked, looking around warily.

Lyra tilted her head to the side, confused. "What squirrels?"

"The ones that are trying to eat me," Julia said as if it was common knowledge. "The ones that are chewing on the insulation."

"Squirrels?" Lyra repeated quietly. "That's what you're afraid of?"

"Of course," Julia said, hugging her knees. "I can see them skittering about in the corners of my eyes, and hear them. They're watching me, waiting for me to lower my guard so that they can eat me alive."

The lightbulb came on in Lyra's head. She looked at the clipboard. "Ooooh. So that's what severe sciurophobia is. Huh? Learn something new everyday." That was definitely a bad thing to have anywhere in Equestria. Those little rodents were everywhere.

"Well, I'm not that kind of doctor," Lyra said with a shrug. "I was called in to help you adjust better to pony society. Sorry."

"It's okay," Julia sighed. "The doctors here say it's all in my head anyway, but..."

"But it's like being scared of heights," Lyra cut her off, "even if you had a rope holding onto you, as well as metal railing, and nets below, you still wouldn't go anywhere near the cliff. Am I right?"

Julia nodded. They both shared another hug before the woman left and Lyra awaited her next patient.

Julia would be given a clean bill of health a year later thanks to what could only be described as Squirrel Stew Therapy(2). Thanks to Lyra's prankster advice, Julia got creative and eventually invited to join the Equestrian Secret Society of Pranksters(3). Which, maybe coincidentally, led her, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie to become fast friends. By another coincidence, Lyra seemed to be the only pony in town spared the trio's antics.

(1) Everyone heard about her meeting with A. K. Yearling.

(2) They couldn't exactly serve beef, could they? And, no, Fluttershy was not upset. What do you think she fed her carnivore friends?

(3) Their founder, dubbed the Lord of Knock'n'Bolt, is known only by her super-secret codename: Sunny Buns.

Comments

[enderare]

Sunny buns... GASP! Its celestia!

[Rokas]

Hehe, Sunny Buns.

In my head she had the Element of Laughter, amongst others.

Nice addition. It's gotta suck having a phobia like that.

[Lancerlot]

That works... Afraid some things are going to eat you? Eat them first! Positive pro-activity provides protein!
...Wait, did Iron Will write this?