The Anthropologist

by Weavers of Dreams

-10- Tuesday Part: Four

"So, Pipsqueak, how's your anthropophobia(1)?" Lyra asked the little colt.

The colt in question twiddled his hooves nervously as he looked down at the cushion he sat upon. "I think it's getting better, Miss Heartstrings. Mr. Smith didn't scare me as much as usual."

"I'll admit," Lyra said thinking back to when she had first met the man. "Him just marching right into the center of town while playing his bagpipes with a shotgun strapped to his back and a machete at his hip was not a very good first impression for your first introduction to a human." If not incredibly fun, but Lyra kept that bit to herself.

"There weren't any humans in Trottingham," Pip went on to say, stealing a quick glance out the window, just in case a scary human was peering inside. "My mum and da decided to move here after their business started floundering. At first I thought it might be fun to see one of those humans everypony talked about. But... when I saw... him. He was covered in dirt, with those scars on his face, and making that terrifying horrible racket."

Horrible racket? Lyra suppressed her annoyance. Bagpipes were awesome. "We covered the root of the problem last week, Mr. Exposition. Today I would like to talk to try a little exercise with you, if that's alright."

Pipsqueak nodded and gave her his full attention. "Alright. What do I 'ave to do?"

"We'll start simple," Lyra said, lighting up her horn. "Shake my hand."

Poor Pipsqueak scrambled against the back of the couch in terror as a the golden appendage flew up to him. "Aaah! It's all wiggly, and disembodied. Kill it. Kill it with fire."

Lyra rolled her eyes. "Come on. It's just a magical construct. Besides, minotaurs have them as well."

"They're scary too," Pipsqueak protested loudly.

Lyra couldn't argue with that logic, but nevertheless.

"Just shake the hand, it won't hurt you."

"No!"

"Shake it."

"No!"

"Shake it."

"No!"

"I said shake it."

"Never."

"People are going to mistake you for a racist if you don't get over this."

"I don't care."

"That's it, you asked for it."

With a growl, Lyra summoned another hand and launched thrust them at the colt. His cries of distress soon turned into raucous laughter as the ethereal appendages tickled him his hooves and belly. Lyra leaned to the side resting her head on a hoof as she watched him flail about, unable to escape from the immobilizing effect of the nimble digits.

She let up her assault when it seemed like he was about ready to pass out from lack of oxygen.

"What did we learn?" Lyra asked, after letting him catch his breath.

"That hands... are... treacherous things," Pipsqueak gasped out, the color starting to return to his smiling face.

"Indeed they are," Lyra chuckled, using the magical constructs to scratch behind her ears. "So? Do you think that they are dangerous?"

"Well, they did immobilize me," he pointed out. A withering glance from Lyra made him flinch. "But, they're not as sharp and claw like as I thought they would be. At least I'm not torn to shreds."

"You got over the idea Nightmare Moon was going to gobble your backside in less than one night," Lyra pointed out. "How is it that it's taken you two whole months, living around humans, to progress just this far."

"Mr. Smith is scary," Pip returned sharply.

"He's done nothing wrong," Lyra cried out in exasperation. "Besides, he's leaving before the end of the week on an expedition for the crown." She emphasized that last bit to attempt, perhaps mentioning the princesses' trust in him would help him understand a few things.

"Well, maybe the others humans won't seem so scary when he's gone," Pip muttered, crossing his hooves in front of his chest obstinately.

Lyra could only sigh in frustration. But, perhaps Mr. Smith leaving would be best for the young colt. "We'll see about that, Pipsqueak, we'll see."

(1) Yes, this is a real thing that people have.

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

What do anthropologists do, again?

[Weavers of Dreams]

7123412 They are people who study human cultures

[Rokas]

Bagpipes are indeed awesome. This version of Lyra gets +2 points.

[Sollace]

Lyra, summoning a pair of disembodied, ghostly translucent, terrifying appendages and then threatening with them is not a good way to cure somepony of their phobia.

[Macross84]

7125588

Love the Bagpipes. One of my favorite Rock songs was AC/DC's "Long way to the Top" and it has an awesome bagpipe solo.

[Lancerlot]

7123412
They apologize for throwing aunts. Or ants. One or the other, anyway. It takes a great deal of study and training.