Following Nightmare Moon... And Luna!

by Davesknd

Them Nuts

The pressure increased slowly and viciously. Iron Fangs dug closed in. The tips unerring and without mercy. Finally, the structure gave in!

*CRACK*

Autumn smiled and took another walnut out of his nut-dragon. It was winter in Canterlot and soon he would have enough nuts cracked to bake his special walnut cookies. This year, he would beat Mother Midnight's vanilla circles and if it was the last thing he did! These cookies would be good enough to make even Princess Luna's royal mouth run with regal and royal drool! He was sure of it!
So he grabbed another walnut with his magical grasp and levitated it into the steely mough of his dragon. An adorable construction that looked like a dragon that was prone on his belly. It was made of wood with the exception of his teeth and one of his wings was a lever that could open and close the jaw. The tail could be pulled out to reveal a corkscrew and there was a bottle opener in the other wing. It had been a really nice gift from the other followers and Autumn found himself buying walnuts a lot more ever since he obtained it.

*CRACK*

"AUTUMN!" Sounded the angelic voice of his beloved and seconds later, the door was smashed open.

The stallion looked up at his very excited marefriend, who still had a towel wrapped around her head. "Yes?" he asked carefully, pretty sure that he was mostly innocent at the time. Whatever the deal was.

"Do you know what this is?" Diamond Shadow asked aggressively and pointed at something very particular.

Autumn took a very close and careful look.Then he looked some more. After another close inspection, he decided to answer. "That would be... YOU. You are pointing at yourself."

Diamond Shadow's eyes narrowed. "And what am I pointing at in particular?"

The stallion took another careful look. Taking the spot in very carefully and curiously. Making sure everything was exactly as it was supposed to be. "That's your haunch!" he said happily, a bit of a grin appearing on his face. "Can I look some more?"

"So you like THAT?"

Autumn blinked. "What's not to like! It's an amazing rump! I'd take it home every day and night if it didn't live here." he looked around for a moment. "Can I touch it?"

"NO!" Diamond Shadow growled "It's all wrong!"

"What?"

"I just got off the scales! I gained WEIGHT!"

The stallion tilted his head to the side. "So? I remember a few months ago when you were happy you gained a few pounds. You showed off for the whole evening."

"Yes, because that was MUSCLE!" Diamond Shadow explained quickly "That was pure strength! This... this is not! This is WEIGHT! Ballast! FAT!" She slapped her rear, making Autumn bite the inside of his cheek. Luna, those were some nice, spankable flanks! "This is not what I want!" She glowered at him. "And it's all your fault!"

"What? How is it my fault that your work of standing around and guarding the princess gained you a few kilos?" Autumn asked in shock.

"Because of what you feed me! All these warm meals and home cooking and that wonderful chili-mango dip that goes so well with the-" Diamond Shadow interrupted herself as her mouth began to water. "All that food is making me soft!"

"Soft?" Autumn deadpanned.

"Yes! Soft! Weak! Fragile!"

"Love... you are not... soft. Trust me! I have touched you... I touch you a lot. You are as buff as any mare has the right to be."

"The scales speak differently and so does all that cushion here!"

"Ok, that's it!" Autumn groaned and grabbed one of the walnuts with his magic.

"Autumn, what are you doing with that nut?" Diamond Shadow demaned to know as the nut floated past her.

"Just testing something..."

"Hey, where do you thing you are-"

"Flex!"

"What?"

"Flex them."

*CRACK*

"Indeed this is softness... Took you all of half a second to obliterate a walnut." Autumn commented and let out a sigh.

"But..." Diamond Shadow tried to conter, face flushed with embarassment.

"Honey, do you want to know a secret?" Autumn asked calmly.

"What?"

"You have gained weight. And I am happy that you did."

"You want me to gain weight?"

"I will be honest with you, love. You looked terrible when we met."

"What? But you said I was beautiful!" Diamond Shadow asked in honest confusion. Autumn never lied to her.

"Yes... you were and are beautiful. But you looked terrible! You were thin and wiry and meager looking. You didn't eat right! You didn't take care of yourself!" the stallion explained. "Love, It was like hugging a sack full of coat hangers."

"That bad?"

"It was my sack of coat hangers and I love you... but I was worried that you had some eating disorder." Autumn admitted. "But... you just-"

"I didn't care. I ate because I had to and never put any thought into what I ate." Diamond Shadow concluded.

The stallion stepped closer and put his foreleg around the mare, holding her close. "And now I take care of that and you can focus on your tasks as usual. But you have some support from home."

The pegasus leaned into the embrace and let out a sigh. "But I don't want to look soft... I want to look dangerous... I am a guard. Ponies should think twice before-"

"I think the bat wings, the fangs and the legs will make them think twice." Autumn interfered. "I mean... you can still bench-press me in full armour, right?"

"You are right... sorry that I freaked out." Diamond Shadow sighed and pushed a small peck on his cheek.

"I freak out about much dumber things. So we are good."

"Like when you swore eternal vengeance on Mother Midnight for her cookies being good?"

"Oh, she will fall! These cookies that I am baking are going to destroy her!" Autumn announced proudly with a hint of manic glee in his eyes.

Diamond Shadow sighed and smiled. "You do that... I will take another shower. I have walnut shells digging into my bum. They kinda hurt."

"Want me to-"

"No, you can enjoy your accomplishments later."

Autumn looked after his marefriend as she left the room. Then his gaze went lower towards the broken nut on the floor. The gears in his head turned for a while before he sighed, grabbed it with his magic and floated it into the dustbin. "Would have been such dick move to put THAT one into the batter..." he muttered before fetching a new one to crack.

Author's Note:

I have had a conversation like this before. Just with a slightly different test.
Comment and Critique!