• Member Since 25th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 29th, 2018

pokefreak13


Clap and a half!

E

After the Starlight time traveling incident, Twilight decided to write about it in a report and send it to her mentor. However, when Princess Luna got ahold of it, some troubling thoughts entered her head.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 19 )

Very interesting. Also.... HAPPY NEW YEARS MEIN FRAULIEN!

An interesting thought. I like this story.

6787286 Happy New Years to you too!:yay:

the elements have chosen them, like they chose us thousands of moons ago.

T and E should be capital.

Instead, they shall praise her sisters name!

Sister's

6788805 Okay, I'll fix those mistakes, thank you for pointing them out:twilightsmile:

6788845

You're welcome. :eeyup:

This seems like it should be a prologue or first chapter than a completed story.

Once Celestia nodded her head and closed the door, Luna trotted down the sleek hallway. A smile adorned her face. Drastic changes were going to be made, and the alicorn couldn't help but feel excited about it. Soon her sister wouldn't be called weak behind her back by the guards. Instead, they shall praise her sister's name!

I feel that this paragraph is ambiguous. It sounds like it is talking about Luna's thoughts, but it feels odd for the guard to be talking behind Celestia's back.

6791762 Hmm, you do bring up a good point. I'll change soldiers to.... the Canterlot Elite?

6791896
It seems I was too ambiguous in describing how you were ambiguous. I meant to say that the pronouns made it so that it could have been Celestia or Luna thinking it.

6791953 oohh. So just state who is thinking these thoughts clearer?

6792202 Okay, I'll see what I can do:twilightsmile:

Isn't everyone praising Celestia what caused the Nightmare Moon incident in the first place?

6811263 :facehoof: How did I forget about that?
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will try to fix this in order for it to make sense. :twilightsmile:

Nobel's calling Celestia weak?
Blueblood... what are you planning? :trixieshiftleft:

I just thought of something funny after this conversation;
Next day
Luna: Sister, I thought you and I were going to train today? *she says while sparing against a guard*
Celestia: Oh... yes, well... I have some rather important paperwork to take care of. *she runs off to the throne room*
Luna: Humph, *she punches the guard, knocking him out* Oh uh... take him to the infirmary...

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