pokefreak13
Joined 25th Mar, 2014 ·
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"A spoon! How did you know?"
This is sweet.
6209357 thanks
Soooo... Silver likes to... Pfft... SPOON?! ah? Ah?... I'll show my self out...
6210200 She likes to puff spoons?
Anyways, thank you for the fave!
6210204 oh you poor innocent child, how I envy you.
6210212
It's a cute story and I gave it an upvote, but it could use a once-over from a decent editor.
Your dialogue is punctuated incorrectly, you've got a couple of missing commas, there's at least one extra apostrophe, one or two typos like "seem" instead of "seen", that sort of thing. It's not bad, but you can make it better. Stories are like the spoons in Silver's collection -- they look better when they're polished.
Great little slice of hugs you wrote here.
I chuckled at the boredom part that led to the two to play hoofies under the table. So cute. At least until that stuff eventually gets into the whole straight on kicking war. lol
Dawww........this gets a fave!
Those two are so sweet together.
6211248 Thanks, I'll take a look into it.
6212427 Thanks!
6212616
6212867 No prob!
Cute story
6225888 Thanks
this was nice. Short and sweet.
but i did have one technical issue with the premise of the story. Anchient Waters is the proprietor of a high end antique shop in a small town and does not recognize Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon. There's not that many rich fillies living in Ponyville. At least not before Twilight's castle appeared and likely drove up the property values just because a Princess took up residence in the center of town.
And if Silver Spoon was a collector (probably the ONLY collector of antique spoons in Ponyville) she would likely be a regular customer.
7182333
Whoops
7187691 well if you corrected it and had your OC recognize the names and faces of the fillies in question it would not change the story much. It would only make your OC seem more competent and believable as somepony who knows Ponyville's more well to do citizens sense his business only attracts those with expensive tastes.
7187853 I did try and explain in the beginning paragraph that he just moved to Ponyville a couple weeks back. Also, with the dialogue I tried to convey that he was kinda antisocial. Do you think that helped?
7187863 OH I either missed that or forgot it. Yes if his shop was new in town then that would explain why he didn't know Diamond. Though I'm not sure how Diamond would take somepony not recognizing her LOL.
7187892 True! Still kinda having some trouble writing her.
7187916 I don't think so. You seem to write her well as close as I can recall. Diamond is a complex character to write for. Make her too mean and the reader wants nothing to do with her. Make her too nice and suddenly she's not believable accept in an alternate universe perspective.
As far as i remember you wrote her pretty close to the delicate balance of spoiled and snippy but still affectionate and sympathetic.
If there's one pony other then her dad she's ever shown her kindness to it would be Silver Spoon. Her gift and the affection behind it was truly special.
7188122 Thank you!