• Member Since 11th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 8th, 2015

Baby-girl-annie


T

Diamond Tiara has always loved Silver Spoon. She's just never known how to admit it, and it may take the help of the ponies she's tortured for so long, to work up the courage to tell Silver how she feels…

Edited By ServingSpoon
Cover Art by unknown

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 26 )

BRILLIANT I especially loved the ending, very clever baby-girl!:raritystarry:

Comment posted by ServingSpoon deleted Jan 14th, 2014

I loved everything about this. you used so many head canons of mine!:pinkiehappy:

Like DT being calmed by having her mane brushed (just like a little pomeranian :twistnerd:)

and Silver Spoon being the cool head and voice of reason, a mediator between Diamond and her self imposed adversaries.:twilightsheepish:

I loved how :unsuresweetie: reached out to DT to help her with expressing her feelings.:duck:

I loved how DT turned the tables on:scootangel:in the end!

FIRE ALL THE HEAD CANONS:yay:

3785586
I'll admit I did adopt a lot of your head canons that were pretty neat ^^

3785614
Yeah. I will admit, being given the power to go into someone else's blog is kinna exciting, and intoxicating.:ajsmug:

I constantly worry I will see a message alert pop in your inbox and click on it without thinking. Hasn't happened yet though.:twilightsheepish:

hard to know where to draw the line, but i wanted to surprise you with the new screen grab image for Sissy Spike.:duck:

The shortness of it all doesnt do this idea its justice

3785715
Yeeeeah I'm not that good with long stories ^^"
If I think of a continuation though, I'll add it.

3785715
i agree. But I always want to see more DT and SS shipping, especially when it's this good.:duck:

What a lovely kiss they shared. :heart::heart:

HA! That was a good ending. Scootaloo sure knows how to hold a grudge. That's not healthy at all.

Sweetie Belle was adorable as well.

/+1
/fav

This was a cute story. I liked it.

This story can't decide if it wants to be in the present tense or the past tense. While it is still readable, the grammar mistakes are very distracting. They stand out especially in such a short work.

Speaking of short, wow. There is a place for one-shots just as there is a place for chaptered stories. What makes for a good example of either is in choosing the right size to fit the story/message. In this case, a much longer story was crammed into a short story and it feels rushed and choppy. Furthermore, this story is a great example that proves the stereotype of "show don't tell." While each individual sentence and paragraph seems to be crafted as if trying to comply with that absurd rule, the story misses the essence behind it. Rather than show us that these two young mares love each other, we're rather abruptly told it (in only a slightly showy way). While there is a focus on body language and dialogue, the main point is being forcibly shoved down our throat.

What makes for a good romance is the build-up and tension, which are entirely lacking in this story. Anyone who has seen the show can accept the open hostility of Scootaloo towards Diamond Tiara, but nothing is really done with it aside from some minor comedy at the end. Apple Bloom's part in the story appears to be included for no reason other than to complete the set of Crusaders. Sweetie Belle's part is really awkward. While it is a nice gesture that she'd be friendly and supportive... there is really no explanation of why. Why is Sweetie betraying her friends to side with the enemy, as portrayed in the show?

On to the main players, Silver's part is really lacklustre. When the scene shifts from Diamond's to hers, it is rather jarring. It looks like it was supposed to come across as a clever reveal that she shares Diamond's feelings, and it isn't really the transition itself that is jarring. What is jarring about it is that we had so little build-up of the scene with Diamond Tiara, and before we had a chance to really get comfortable with the shift from the school scene to the home scene, we were already flung to Silver's home. And then flung roller coaster-like on to DT deciding to get help from her enemies.

Despite her relatively greater importance to the story, we get no real depiction of who this Silver Spoon character is. She could easily be replaced with any other name and the story would work equally as badly as it does with Silver Spoon. So little was done to explore who she is that what little time was spent from her point of view feels like wasted space considering the breakneck pacing of the story.

And on to Diamond Tiara herself. Nothing really of her personality shines through in this story. Despite the fact that we get to hang on for dear life through this mad dash of a story mostly from her perspective, we get no real opportunities or insights into anything of importance to her. Once again the fact that she is in love with Silver Spoon is simply dropped in front of us, take it or leave it. Why has it come to a boil? What has forced her hand after apparently years of infatuation to do something about it now? Why is it so critical that she has to seek advice elsewhere on how to confess?

It would be far more believable for DT to go somewhere else for advice. Why did she choose to ask for help from ponies she regularly mistreats, whom she knows hate her, when there is an entire town of ponies to get help from who likely don't hate her? Why doesn't she ask her mom with whom she is obviously close? Why not her dad who is depicted in the show to be a very reasonable and level-headed stallion and interested in bringing DT up right? Why not one of the other full-adults from the show, such as Rarity who could very easily be an idol to Diamond Tiara, or Twilight Sparkle the one who is well educated and studied in friendship?

That question of "Why the CMC?" could easily have been answered by having two of them in a relationship. Then at least there would be some reason why DT would go to them for advice, since they would be peers who were friends and are now going out. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle as a couple would fit fairly snugly with what little cues exist within the story. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom would help give reason why AB is even in the story at all. Both of those options would help explain somewhat why Sweetie Belle is willing to help, for sentimental reasons based on her own love life. Either would still need some work done to explain the situation smoothly, but at least then there would be some hooks to work with.

There really is no conflict in this story either. Both mares love each other, and that fact is revealed to us well before the confession scene. Everything that could possibly be a conflict is sort of brushed to the side or ignored outright, such as seeking help from the CMC, or familial opposition to the relationship, or anything. The story is focused on the "what" without any real care for the "why" and the "how" is boring. "Who, When, and Where" are condensed into name brand recognition due to fanfic status. Scootaloo seems to be very easy to cast into an antagonist role in this story and could easily have been used to create some real conflicts, especially if she were still single and could attempt to sabotage the relationship between Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara by asking Silver Spoon out on Friday or something.

Some of the elements of the story would be passable or good if the overall execution didn't fail so badly. The joke at the end with Scootaloo would have been a lot funnier in the correct story. The romance itself between these two has been done many times over, so the fact that they do like each other isn't unbelievable, it's just boring without giving us some of your own unique insight as to why.

Comment posted by ServingSpoon deleted Jan 27th, 2014
Comment posted by Baby-girl-annie deleted Jan 28th, 2014
Comment posted by ServingSpoon deleted Jan 28th, 2014
Comment posted by ServingSpoon deleted Jan 28th, 2014
Comment posted by MutantMane deleted Jan 28th, 2014
Comment posted by Cryosite deleted Jan 28th, 2014
Comment posted by ServingSpoon deleted Jan 28th, 2014
Comment posted by Cryosite deleted Jan 28th, 2014
Comment posted by Baby-girl-annie deleted Jan 28th, 2014
Comment posted by JetstreamGW deleted Jan 28th, 2014

This was a cute little story, especially the ending, but it seriously needs editing :twilightsheepish:

Why did everybody's comments get deleted the 27th?

"OH COME ON!" Scootaloo shouts, jumping out of the bush, startling the two mares… but then Diamond smirks, seeing the camera.
"Scootaloo...I'm gonna need a copy of that tape."

I would do the same. And, I think I've fallen in love with this ship.

"Hey! Don't yell at her like that, she said she was sorry!" Said scootaloo, stepping up to defend Sweetie.

To be fair, in this one instance, Diamond Tiara is in the right. If someone knocks you down because they aren't watching where they're going,they should be grateful if all you do is yell at them.

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