• Published 4th Feb 2016
  • 5,130 Views, 166 Comments

The Mare Who Became Queen - misskoifishpony



Long ago, when Saddle Arabia was young and new, a chaotic king takes in a shy pegasus as his queen. Will she have enough courage to face the perils and dangers ahead?

  • ...
11
 166
 5,130

Second Chances and A New Life

Chapter 11: Second Chances and A New Life

The next day

Celestia's sun was shining bright and clear on the market place. Every pony was buying supplies, selling items to customers, and haggling for a good price. But something quickly interrupted their activities.

A bright magical flashed appeared in the middle of the town square. When the flash disappeared it revealed King Xerxes, his lovely Queen Esther, all the royal guards and soliders, the former captain of the guard Moriyah, Hamana the royal visor, their ex princess Vashti, the royal dragon scrub, all of the Queen's ladies in waiting, a rainbow pegasus mare, and two earth ponies mares.

Our narrator watched this display on a rooftop; a house right next to the big main square. She was swishing her tail around like a proud lioness, she was laying on her belly like an alley cat. She smiled at the King and at the ponies below her.

The ponies of Saddle Arabia were surprised to see their Chaotic King on the ground with them. Not flying above in a carriage or being carried around by servants. But on the ground with them. They were surprised to see their new Queen. They haven't seen her since her coronation parade. But above all...they were surprised to see Moriyah and Vashti. Unharmed, clean, and smiling. Right next to the King of all creatures! They were all wondering what their mysterious King was up to.

Xerxes took a step out of the group and poofed up a standing mircophone. He tapped it while thinking aloud, "Hello? Is this on? Testing, testing. Ah, it does work. Good morning Saddle Arabia! How are my faithful subjects doing?"

His question was meet with a curious silence and uncomfortable staring.

"Ha ha! I see that my subjects still have a sense of humor! Ha ha good one!"

They continued to stare at him silently.

"Tough crowd," Xerxes muttered to himself, "Anyway, I have big news every pony! I have decided to eliminate a law I have made long ago! Scribbler!"

The purple and green baby dragon waddled up to Xerxes, and handed him a thick rolled up scroll. Xerxes unrolled the old and long document and proclaimed, "I, King Xerxes, hereby decree that every pony has the right to believe in any god or goddess they wish to believe in."

Then, he ripped the law in half right before their eyes. They made the ponies gasp and their jaws drop to the ground.

"Ah-ha! Now, I got your attention! Well, now that every pony is behaving...I can tell you all why I'm doing this. You see...I made a mistake. A horrible mistake. My mistake was...my pride...my ego. It would have...cost me the love of my life."

Esther immediately blushed. She placed one of her hooves over her racing heart. Then, she saw Xerxes reaching out to her with a smile. With a shy smile, she took his talon and joined him by the mic.

"Esther, this wonderful mare...had the courage to speak when no pony could. Without hesitation, she confessed to me about her devotion and faith to Celestia, and how unjust my creed really was. Without her bravery, her cousin Moriyah, Princess Vashti, and even her dear childhood friend would have perished in exile."

Now there was soft mumur and gossip within the crowd.

"Also, without her courage...I would have cruelly punished a pony I have known for so long...who has been by my side through it all...Hamana."

Hamana softly gasped. He had never...ever...thanked her before. His gratitude made her feel warm and full inside. She couldn't help but smiled.

"I made a decision my ponies. In order to prevent something like this to happen ever again, I have decided to create a counsel!"

The ponies' gossip and gasps became louder, and their words couldn't be ignored.

"This council will be consisted of delegates, specifically in charge of areas and principles important to this kingdom. My first delegate will be Moriyah."

The purple unicorn stepped up proudly, with a humble smile on her face.

"As my new royal visor, she will be my third in command; and in charge of the wisdom and knowledge of our kingdom. The next delegate will be...Princess Vashti. Or should I say...Delegate Vashti! Delegate of Saddle Arabia's humility and generousity!"

Vashti stepped forward. She was looking more radiant than ever, waving to her fair and loyal subjects.

"My fourth delegate will be...Kehest. She will be my new captain of the guard and in charge of the kingdom's protection. She will be the spirit of the kingdom's loyalty each other and to our neighboring kingdoms."

Kehest flew forward and posed in an heroic pose in her new armored uniform.

"My fifth delegate will be..."

"Me! Simcha!" Simcha interrupted the King by bouncing in front of the mic. She took the microphone from him and continued with, "I'll be the delegate of all things laughter and fun fun fun!"

Then, she pulled Tsoori close to her side and exclaimed, "And my sis Tsoori here will be my second in command!"

"Yay." Tsoori proclaimed in a monotone voice with the blank face to match it.

Xerxes stretched his paw to grab the microphone from Simcha, "Yes well, thank you for the self introduction Simcha."

"You're welcome Kingie!"

"Any who, as I was saying, the next delegate of my council will be Ruth."

Ruth stepped out and nervously smiled to the crowd. She bowed her head to them before heading back to the other ladies in waiting.

"She will be the delegate of love and honesty within our kingdom. And finally, the last delegate of my council...and my second in command..."

Xerxes gave Esther's hoof a tight yet loving squeeze to let her know how much he cared for her. He looked down at her and lowered his head to her eye level. She blushed in a beautiful shade of light pink, and her shy smile grew bigger.

"Esther...the queen of kindness, mercy, forgiveness, hope, faith, and bravery."

When the shy pegasus gave her little wave to the crowd, the ponies roared for her and for all the new delegate council members. They cheered loudly for the King's release of his most harshest rule and for the new bright future ahead.

The King waved his hands slowly around to calm the crowd down. He had one more thing to say, "My loyal subjects...I am sorry...for all that I had done. For taking over your kingdom and for taking away your Sun Goddess. I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I hope that I can make amends for what I have done."

Esther gave Xerxes's hand a loving yet tight squeeze. The King immediately noticed this.

The silence of the awe struck crowd was interrupted a slightly tall cream mare stepping out. She had big poofy blue hair and she spoke in her loud yet harmonious voice, "Of course we can forgive you Your Highness. As Celestia always preached in the great scrolls...if one of us can love, then all of us can love."

"Mhmm-hmm!" Some of ponies shouted in the crowd. Others then added "Speak the truth girl!" Many other ponies exclaimed after, "You go Sapphire Sandyshores!"

Sapphire Sandyshores continued in her speech, "And you know why that is?"

"Tell us why!" The crowd cheered together.

Then, Sapphire sang in her beautiful Gospel voice...
You see Celestia is a goddess of mercy!
She's gotta love!

Soon,the ponies in the crowd became her gospel choir...
And right now, She's gonna lend
A helping hoof from high above!

Sapphire and the ponies of Saddle Arabia stomped their hooves and sang to the King, who was surprised yet confused by this sudden musical number. Especially when Esther was stomping along to the beat. All his delegates, servants, guards were happily trotting to the beat except for Hamana. For she was just as confused as the King.

Sapphire and the ponies of Saddle Arabia sang...
Praise Celestia, She's the Goddess of second chances
You'll be floored how Her love, your life enhances
You can be restored from your darkest circumstances
She is a Goddess of second chances!

Simcha then sang...
Ain't it good to know a pony who gives a second chance?
Then, she sings while her foreleg wrapped around Hamana's neck...
Why, that's enough to get a smile from Mrs. Grumpy-Pants!

Hamana scrowled at Simcha, and the pink pony bounced off before she faced the blue unicorn's wrath.

Moriyah calmed Hamana down by singing...
So, if you say you're sorry for all the stuff you do...

Esther sang to Xerxes...
We know that She'll be ready with a second chance for you!

Then,all the ponies in the crowd start dancing down the street together to their righteous tune. Esther, Moriyah and the rest of their group join the citizens in this dancing and they took the reluctant Xerxes and Hamana with them. With exception of the King and the blue unicorn, every pony dances and sings...
Praise Celestia, She's the Goddess of second chances
You'll be floored how Her love, your life enhances
You can be restored from your darkest circumstances
She is the Goddess of second chances!
Celestia is our Goddess!

When the parade of musical ponies got to the end of the street, they were facing the ruin of a once mighty temple. One of the temples in Saddle Arabia dedicated to Celestia. Xerxes was in front of this parade, and he was able to get a good look at the building he destroyed long ago. He remembered destroying this temple...and all the emotions put into its destruction. He couldn't look away from it.

But the ponies around him, except for Hamana, sang while prancing in one place...
If you believe, Celestia's love is true
Then you should know what you should do
If you believe, Celestia's love is true
Then you should know what you should do
If you believe, Celestia's love is true
Then you should know what you should do
If you believe, Celestia's love is true
Then you should know what you should do
Celestia! Gives! A! Second! Chance!

The ponies paused in their musical number and waited eagerly for Xerxes to do something. He looked down at his paws before looking back up at the destroyed temple. He lifted both of his hands in the high air and magically restored the temple back to its former glory.

This made Sapphire Sandyshores and the rest of the pony gospel choir joyously sing...
Second chances! Second chances!
Praise Celestia, She's the Goddess of second chances
You'll be floored when you're restored from your darkest circumstances
She is a Goddess of second chances

Soon, every pony was dancing into the temple with bright smiles on their faces. Even Xerxes was dancing in with Esther with a toothy grin on his face. Even Hamana was dancing in with Moriyah with a smile...
Second chances, second chances
Praise Celestia, She's is the Goddess of second chances
You'll be floored when you're restored from your darkest circumstances
She is a Goddess of second chances
If you believe, Celestia's love is true
Then you should know what you should do
If you believe, Celestia's love is true
Then you should know what you should do

When every pony inside, there were rows upon rows of long bench seats on each side of the giant temple. Every pony took their spots in these rows. But they still continued to sing and dance. However, Xerxes and Esther traveled to the glorious white marble altar at the back of the temple. Esther was so happy to see Xerxes dancing and singing the tune with her and the other citizens.

When the royal couple stopped at the altar and faced the crowd before them, the song finished with...
Second chances, second chances
Praise Celestia, She's the God of second chances
You'll be floored when you're restored from your darkest circumstances
She is a Goddess of second chances
Celestia!
Celestia!
Second chances, second chances
Second chances, second chances
Second chances, second chances
Second chances, second chances
Yeah!

Every pony cheered and applauded when the gospel song ended. Every pony felt so new and alive. Especially the King. He announced, "Oh my! Ha ha now that was a blast! My dear, are these Mass things usually this exhilarating?"

Esther answered nervously, "Oh um...sometimes."

"Wohoo! I can't wait for next Sunday!"


The royal couple returned to the palace after a long day of rebuilding all the temples. Their smiles were bright and their hearts were full. But they were certainly exhausted.

Xerxes escorted Esther back to her room, walking side by side with her. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was completely and utterly radiant.

"Have I mentioned how lovely you look today?"

Esther giggled, "Yes Xerxes, you have. Three times."

"Ah, you're counting. That's the good sign."

"A sign of what?"

"A sign that you like it, my dear."

Esther rolled her eyes up at Xerxes, seeing the draconequus giving her a mischievous yet cheeky smile. He just loved to 'point out' her supposed subtle flirting. And for some reason...it made her smile.

Before they knew it, they reached Esther's door. They stopped and faced each other. With blushing cheeks and nervous smiles.

Esther was the first to speak up, "Um...thank you. For escorting me back to my room."

"Anything for my queen."

"Also..."

"Also what my dear?"

"T-T-Thank you...for all that you did today. I never thought that...I would see the temples again...like they were before. So, thank you."

"Oh believe me Esther, it was the least I could do. After all, it was my fault in the first place that they were...well..."

"But still, I appreciate what you did. It took alot of humility, and I...I'm very proud of you for doing it."

Esther looked up shyly to Xerxes and immediately noticed the love shining in his smile

"Are you proud of your hubby?"

Esther cracked up and giggled into her hoof, trying to hide her smile from him. This made Xerxes laugh and chuckle with her.

When their laughter slowly died down, a thought suddenly came into the Queen's mind. The thought made her face fluster.

"Is there something wrong? Wait! Don't tell me you have something to confess again?!" Xerxes asked in a worrisome tone.

"Huh? Oh...Oh no! No no! It's just...I-I was thinking about...how I could ever repay you...for all that you've done."

"Oh. You don't have to do anything my sweet. Just smile that sweet smile of yours and..."

"Xerxes...you've done so much over these past two days. All that I want to do is do something small yet kind for you. And besides...I haven't even given you a gift for our one month anniversary."

"Well uh...if it's for our one month anniversary, then go right ahead! What is it?"

"Y-You have to close your eyes."

"Alright!" He closed his eyes quickly and eagerly, just like she said. "Let me know when to...Mrhm?!"

His statement was interrupted by Esther's lips pressing against his. Xerxes's eyes immediately popped open. He saw her face all tight, scrunched up, red, her eyes closed, and her lips puckered against his. She looked so adorable to him. Yet he was so surprised to see her bold like this and show this kind affection so soon.

But before he could kiss her back, Esther pulled away. She opened her eyes and looked into Xerxes's lovestruck yet flustered look.

"S-S-Sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you like that, it's just..."

Then, Xerxes stopped her little statement by giving her a kiss on the lips quickly yet sweetly. Esther was stiff at first, but just like their first kiss, she eventually eased into it and closed her eyes.

The image of the King and Queen freezed and turned into a beautiful illustration in a book. Our narrator then explained to us, "As time passed, our hero Esther did confess her love for the King. And her confession soon created another glorious and official wedding between the two. They vowed loyalty, truth, and love for one another, and sealed their bond for all time. What sealed their bond even more is when the royal couple had an heir of their own. But...let's just say that's another story for another time. The story of their love and reign was passed down from the royal scrolls written by Moriyah the Wise and True. Saddle Arabia has kept this story alive for their children and future children to come."

Our narrator closed the story book and we returedn to modern Saddle Arabia. With an all knowing smile, she commented "All of you are probably wondering how I know this tale. Well, you could say..."

Our narrator transformed into her true form. Her coat turned white. She grew elegant wings on her back, a long horn on her forehead, her rags disappeared, and her mane turned into a magical flowing wave of rainbow colors. Golden slippers appeared on her hooves, and a golden tiara poofed on top of her head. She opened her piercing pink eyes and smiled.

"That I was there."

Celestia winked at us and giggled.

Author's Note:

MissKoi doesn't own MLP or the story and media that this fanfic is based on, for they belong to their respective owners and creators. MissKoi also doesn't own the Veggie Tales movie song "Second Chances" and it's lyrics,for it belongs to it's respective owners and creators. I had to change lyrics and cute some of the song for story and plot.
Haha lol that sneaky Trollestia, always loves to pop up at the end;) Anywho, what did you guys think of the ending? Do you think this story should have a sequel? Are there any other Bible stories that should have a MLP version? Let me know in the reviews:)
Thank you...thank you...to all my amazing readers. Thank you for supporting this story from the very beginning. I dedicate this chapter to all of you:) No matter what the contest results will be, I'm so glad that all of you gave this story a chance and believed that it could be an audio drama someday. I cannot tell you how much that means to me as a writer <3 Also, big thank you to Stardom Freedom for starting the contest in the first place. Not to long ago, she had to leave Fimfiction due to some unknown drama going on the site :( Luckily, she was generous enough to let the contest continue with TheFanficFanPony as the new contest host. Thank you Star, for all your contributions here on Fimfiction and I hope life is treating you well <3
Anyway, going to submit my completed story tomorrow:) The contest ends on March 10th, and the results will be announced on March 12th. Cross your hooves for #AudioDramaForTheMareWhoBecameQueen

Comments ( 52 )

This was a amazing story, bit back childhood memories. I hope you win the contest:yay:

This ending felt like a proper ending for this story. The Fluttercord started out at a bad start but turned out okay. While it was interesting to see the Mane 6 as various roles in this story. But they never were the focus of this story to the point of being completely forget able. Only Twilight felt like she was part of the story despite not being the main focus. Trixie as a corrupted second in command was the perfect role as a minor villian. Overall, this just like a small minor love story. Just an okay read. Not Bad in anyway but Not the best story I've read either. Especially for a Fluttercord story.


And Celestia as the narrator. Called it.

Great ending! For a sequel maybe you could do a pony version of Lyle: The Kindly Viking. And possibly add a pony version of Omelet with it?

Nice ending!

7000800

7000807

Sorry I sound so negative...

First of all, you are not being negative at all. You're giving me your honest but constructive opinion, and I deeply appreciate constructive criticism from my readers. Especially with opinions that could improve my story. Let's face it, writers need more constructive criticism than just praise. In other words, there's no reason to apologize because you reasonably and perfectly stated your constructive opinion without sounding negative and overally critical.

The chapter felt okay but very rushed in the emotions, the turmoil and the resolution. Bride of Discord at least span a few chapters in this type of dilemma. You know each Povs of the lovers emotion, thier inner thinking and finally the resolution. This felt like it could have encompass a few chapters but was sticked into one cramp one.

Fair enough, I can see why this chapter can feel cramped and rushed, it's waaayyyy too long and simply too much in comparison to the other chapters. I will keep this in mind for the future.

The scene I like the most was the dialogue between Fluttershy and Discord. Especially the reasoning behind why he hates believers of Princess Celestia. Though I wished Fluttershy could have also replied back her reasonings of believing in Celestia in a way Discord can understand.

Agreed, you bring up a good point, it would have been so great to have Fluttershy explain to Discord why she believes in Celestia and why the other ponies believe in her as well. Dang it! That would have really cemented in the message too!:raritydespair:

This ending felt like a proper ending for this story.

Thank you:twilightsmile:

The Fluttercord started out at a bad start but turned out okay.

Oh um thank you:derpyderp1::derpyderp2::twilightblush: I'm sorry that the Fluttercord in this story had a bad start. I think I know why it might had a bad start. It was probably too rushed on Discord's side, right? But there's a good reason for that. In the original tale that this story is based on, well, let's just say that Xerxes only wanted to marry Esther because she was pretty. As soon as he saw her, it was instant marriage basically. In the veggietales episode for this biblical tale, the Xerxes in that one agreed to marry Esther because she won a singing competition, and it wasn't really love either. So, I tried to make a more legitimate romance within the limits of the original tales and source materials. I'm not saying this is perfect or this gives me any excuse. All I'm saying is, keep this in mind. This is a more liberal retelling of a story and it's not canon to the MLP show, so there you go:raritywink::pinkiehappy::ajsmug:

While it was interesting to see the Mane 6 as various roles in this story. But they never were the focus of this story to the point of being completely forget able.

Fair enough, I can see your point.

Only Twilight felt like she was part of the story despite not being the main focus. Trixie as a corrupted second in command was the perfect role as a minor villian.

Oh thank you:twilightsmile:

Overall, this just like a small minor love story. Just an okay read. Not Bad in anyway but Not the best story I've read either. Especially for a Fluttercord story.

Fair enough, I can understand:) I was certainly not trying to have this as the best story ever or even the best Fluttercord story either. It's just a fun comedic drama retelling of a story with some cutesy and fluffy Fluttercord romance. It's not serious, it's not perfect, it's a minor love story and I can understand that:twilightsmile::ajsmug:

And Celestia as the narrator. Called it.

Haha lol you soooo did XD! Before anypony did XD! You get a cookie :3 Thanks for reading my story and giving it a chance:heart:

7001989 Well as a story reviewer it's important to give your honest opinion on what can be improved. That way we learn from our work. Too bad I don't get much feedback on how I can improve on my story.:fluttershbad:

7020804
Oh my gosh!:pinkiegasp: I thought the results would be posted tomorrow!:pinkiegasp: Unless...is it tomorrow in your time?:twilightoops:
Anyway, doesn't matter, Oh my Celestia I can't believe it that I won!!!!!:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::yay::yay::heart: I'm speechless:derpyderp2:...all that I can say....thank you:pinkiehappy::heart: Thank you so much:heart::pinkiehappy: I'm going to message you back soon

Dear Author,

Can I hug you for hitting me in the feels? This story was so adorable and SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!:yay::twilightsmile::trixieshiftright::pinkiehappy:

That was a great story! Although the FlutterCord did feel slightly rushed at first it smoothed out more after they first met and stuff.

7090382
Yes, all the names in this story (except for Celestia) are Hebrew:) At least, based on my research I did for each name and my knowledge. I'm so glad that you're giving this story a chance despite your initial hesitations, I'm also glad that you like all the names so far too and find them fitting:twilightsmile: Find the right names took quite some time :twilightblush:

Okay, it was a pretty good read. I must admit that I still have reservations about ponifying Bible stories, and I definitely have reservations about this story having a sequel. However, the story is definitely worth a thumbs-up. I'll give you that much.

7090558

and I definitely have reservations about this story having a sequel. However, the story is definitely worth a thumbs-up. I'll give you that much.

Why? Is it because the original story of Esther doesn't have a sequel? If that's the case, I can definitely see your case. Thank you for giving my story a thumbs up:) Are you going to see the audio drama for this story that's going to be on Youtube fairly soon?

Comment posted by devildog452 deleted Apr 21st, 2016

Are you still going to do the mare who became queen in audio drama?

7145094
Yes, there's still going to be an audio drama. I'm working on the casting call video and it's almost done, so be patient.

7145878 Do you have a link on your youtube name?

7150860 That's ok. I'll just subscribe you and be ready when the time is right.

7151400 Your welcome. Just write back to me when you start making it ok?

7151430
Well, a post a blog here on a Fimfiction once the casting call video is up and make an announcement on Fanfiction about it too:)

7001055 um.... I was actually planning to do a pony version of that.... This story inspired me. (if that's ok with you:fluttershysad:)

7311789
Dawww really?:rainbowkiss::heart: My story inspired you to make your own, dawwww:rainbowkiss::heart: Yes of course, you should do it:D You have my permission without a doubt:D Let me know when it's up on Fimfiction cause I want to read it:pinkiehappy::heart:

7313741 :pinkiehappy: *squee* I'd be honored if you'd read it! :pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss::yay:

This was overall decently written and a lovely tale to read. I am planning on auditioning for both an artists role and a few voice acting parts for the Audio Drama version. Can't wait to see this for myself!

Best. Fan-Fiction. Ever.

*internal fan-girling*

This story is so cute and sweet, I love it! :raritystarry: I've checked out the casting call and some people's auditions on YouTube (I haven't auditioned myself because I'm not much of a VA), and I just wanted to ask you when you'll be posting the cast list for the audio drama of this. (I don't mean to sound pushy, but I'm really excited for the audio drama of this :twilightblush:). I'm definitely going to be staying tuned for the audio drama! :heart:

I should probably read this at some point, but every time I see this David Bowie's Man Who Sold the World plays in my head.

Comment posted by Dr midnight deleted Dec 27th, 2017

7823539
Oh really?:derpyderp2: I did not know that, fun fact:pinkiehappy: Did Esther's son have a story in the Bible?:pinkiesmile:

Comment posted by Dr midnight deleted Dec 27th, 2017

7828532
Ooohhh, that makes sense why the story of Darius comes after the story of Esther:)

Comment posted by Dr midnight deleted Dec 27th, 2017

7829756 Is it the same Darius from the story of Daniel?

7864723 I will look into it

Dat ending tho :D was priceless :D
Wait What contest?

Spike as Scribbler

... wut?

8205570
Oh haha lol:twilightblush:, you see Scribbler is the name of the character that Spike pony playing in the story:pinkiehappy: For example, Fluttershy plays ESther in this story:) In other words, it is not referring to Spike being played by in the story nor in the audio drama by you:twilightblush:

8205570
Fun fact: The reason why I called Spike's character Scribbler is for many reasons. One, his character is Xerxes' royal scribe. While coming up with a Hebrew name for Spike, I thought "Hey, would it be funny if Discord just keeps calling him Scribbler and just not bother with calling him by his real name?XD And just for fun, wouldn't it be funny if every pony in the story did that too and just make this a running gag?XD" After writing and publishing the chapter of Scribbler's introduction did I realize that "Oh my Celestia, I just made a ObabScribbler reference, did I?0-0 Haga lol oh well, I guess I'm going to attract Scribbler fans to my story now, lol XD". In other words, do forgive me for using some of your name by accident without your permission:twilightblush: Did you read my story? It looked like you did possibly because you are commenting on the last chapter of the story

Comment posted by devildog452 deleted Nov 9th, 2017

Amazing job! I had a feeling our narrator was Celestia! Loved your stories!

This was amazing! Great work!:pinkiehappy::yay:

This is now one of my FAVORITE story in fimfiction and I'm seeing the audio drama in YouTube and it's AMAZING.
I hope that one day we could see more of this universe. (Maybe a sequel)
Anyway Beautiful and wonderful story 😍😍😍.

Login or register to comment