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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting idea, but you really need an editor.
6678711 what did I do wrong ?
6678735
There are a ton of grammatical and structural mistakes with the story that make it hard to read.
Bravo! Good Job! Once again you made an amazing story! And I am not being sarcastic just to let you know. I truly enjoy this. Can't wait for another chapter!
Only thing bothering me about this is the language. So can you tone the curse words down a bit? Just wondering. I am not saying it is bad but just a little extreme.
This seems somewhat interesting, so i will keep my opinion as neutral for now
It is a bit strange what happened so far, but way to soon for me to say much about the story.
I´m not a fan of that part, I just prefer it if they don´t talk to the author.
I kind of hope this story isn´t just about torure, being a sexy slave, and maybe sex itself. I mean I can handle that stuff, but that isn´t really what I would like to read, "if it is the only thing in the story." I prefer other stuff, but as long as this story is mixed with more than what it looks like, I give it a fair chance.
I´m actually curious about the romance part, I mean it would be a bit weird if she would start a romance with a pony that she has to see as her Master, but I know something like this already exist in animes, and stuff like that.
I somehow thought she would start a relationship with Twilight, or someone else later in the story, but I think this isn´t really about them.
6687738 the the torture and sex is just a bonus its really just a romantic comedy with a little adventure later
I admit I start to like those characters, and it is a bit strange that my sense of justice, or moral, or whatever I should call it, start´s to react if I see someone being in the position of King Sombra/Umbra, but I guess it is okay so far.
Like I said, I somehow start to like it, if Blood Vine?, should actually get a few short Background chapters once in a while, I think I would enjoy it even more.
I somehow hope that she has a Background, that makes her look like more than she is right now, and with that I mean not only mean, but maybe she has some kind of reasons, and is actually lonely or something like that. I just want something that makes a romance easier to believe if it should start between them.
I think I´m going to give you a thumb up, but I wait for one chapter more. Another thing, I´m not sure if the POV is changing to much, or not.
I watched few horror movies, but I´m still not sure where I draw the line.
I try to read one such a scene if you should write it, and then I probably know if I like to read about it or not.
I think Mass Effect had something similar, but it had a better explanation, I´m not sure if I´m happy with the reason.
.....not sure if the last part is explanation enough, but I let it go. I´m still in the mood to read this,
I forgot what I wanted to say, but even if I sound a bit wary, be sure that I can take such stuff, and doesn´t judge the story, just because it could get a bit messy in later chapters.
Eating a lot of heavy food after starvation is a guaranteed painful death. Sombra's durability is indeed remarkable.
I would like to have a new chapter please.
More?