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Lyra Heartstings is a pony with an obsession. Humans, mythical creatures from ancient history. Before now, she was just a theorist, a madmare. But with the discovery of the crystal caves beneath Canterlot, all the clues finally make sense. Now it's up to one pony to brave the depths, the fury of Equestria's finest at her hooves, and find the truth.
No obvious grammar or spelling mistakes, no weird or unwieldy sentence structure. You're already ahead of the curve. Then add to that a frankly excellent story that doesn't fall into the tired old "all humans are always evil all the time" cliche, and you've got something frankly amazing.
The only constructive criticism I can give you is that the "There wasn’t a line, was there? Between good and bad." thing wasn't quite clear to me. Why, exactly, does Lyra find this to be such a big deal? I fully admit that this might be just me being a bit thick, but I think you didn't explain it as well as you think you did.
Overall, this was a good story well told.
Would read again.
I certainly hope to! Be rather sad if this was my magnum opus.
(Ah, and it is sir)
Thank you!
I'll be sure to keep an eye out for that in the future, but for now I'll blame the "upload from Google docs" function.
I see it as a big deal because the whole point of the pony world is that good is good and bad is bad. There isn't much whinging over whether or not Nightmare moon was justified in her alienation, whether there was an upside to Discord (chocolate rain excepted) and whether Chryssalis might have actually been a competent ruler (Almost zero chance of that, admittedly, but still...)
In the human world however, there is always the interplay of yin and yang, with every action and every person occupying an arbitrary point on a cloudy gray scale of morality. Like the weapon she wielded: it was a thing both wonderful and terrible. The lack of a line means that every action, well meaning or ill, can and should be questioned.
Still, I do have a bad habit of making assumptions in my writing. Sometimes it makes for clever insights, others for disjointed philosophy. Really it's just a matter of getting more beta readers in the future.
((PS: Thank you everyone who commented so far, and sorry my reply was kind of sloppy, not accustomed to the comment structure yet.))
I'm very glad I was pointed this way, this was a fantastic read - original and thought provoking to boot. Personally, I love the potential drama and philosophy to be found when our equine friends are placed under duress, or how they handle (and overcome) dark themes without compromising their innocent nature. Celestiabot is possibly one of the darker themes I've seen for a while - I'm sending you my next power bill for night time lighting. If I had anything approaching feedback I'd say you had a good thing there and could have extended/explored the scenes with her, Luna and Twi a little more. Or, maybe I am just greedy for your words. Plus, Lyra/Twilight (aka best fanon/canon ponies) dialogue is wonderful. 
+like, +star, +watch +brohoof.
Then look forward no longer, but rather direct thy view to my stories page, where chapter 1 of "Freedom" now resides!
I get what you're saying. I'm considering dusting Eclipse off for more usage, and developing its character more. Within the context of the story, I couldn't really give it that much personality to begin with, mostly being a rogue weapon, but I could definitely see it's relationship with our two favorite alicorns being explored in a future fic.
Best comment ever. 
You're supposed to put a URL in the image source box
What originally caught my interest was the "Daring Do"-esque title;
I totally agree with "Alien Entity" here, this story has ancient catacombs, dark secrets, an action chase, Lyra, Humans, spaceships, and whathaveyou - and squishes all that in just 8700 words... and it works! 
“There’s nothing down here! That’s the point! It’s a trap!”
Dark yet hopeful... Just how I like it. The humans are powerful, but vague, also well done. Lyra got everything she wanted and yet still developed as a character, very well done. The event changed the world, but without cultural contamination changing their ethics or ideals. I am very pleased to have read this. Very pleased indeed.
I forgot to do something very, very important here, and I hope you'll forgive me.
"Now she was Master of the world, and she was not sure what to do next.
But she would think of something."
So I liked it, didn't make humans out as evil or perfect...although one question.
What happened to humanity? It says they're gone, yes, but did they die out or leave Earth and go out to colonize other worlds? I would like it to be the latter but my mind is saying it's the former.
They transcended this plane of existence. It plays into a larger headcanon regarding the actual laws of physics changing, and the rebirth of the Earth in a different form, resulting in magic.
So they still exist, just in a state imperceptible to the standard material realm.
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but anyways i loved the story and the detail in it. very well written thank you for this amazing fan fic.
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