Twilight asks Zecora why she rhymes.
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- Member Since 2nd Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Last Friday
Between Lines
A purveyor of intelligent literary commentary some of the time, and whatever I feel like the rest of the time.
Between Lines
Joined 2nd Jun, 2012 ·
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Wow!
Great story!
I think you should delete the first they in that sentence: "what harm they brought hither".
6025322 Thanks for the catch. Two editing cycles and nobody caught that XD
Nice read and head-canon! You know you've written something good when people want to read it again.
~Squiggle-Squiggle~
Fantastic! We always need more Zecora.
This is certainly a twist in the tale of Zecora. Don't know why but this remind me of a Doctor Whooves FimFic called "along came the spider". It featured young zecora growing up from a brash kid to a wise shaman in the end.
Sorry to say that this one didn't work for me. I had to stop halfway. When it's directly about Zecora's speech but fails the Zecora Test, it's very hard for me to read.
Poetry is about rhythm as much as rhyme. She speaks in rhyming couplets, which means two lines with the same structure back to back. A certain amount of flexibility goes into spoken off-the-cuff rhyming, but here you've got one of your lines is literally twice as many syllables as the other:
And the structure of those couplets is at least as important as the length. There's no pattern of stresses in the speech, even though she speaks in iambic meter (see my review of "Ode to Change" in this comment for the fifteen-second version: the three-second version is, dit-DAH dit-DAH dit-DAH).
Finally, lines like "That in savannahs I walked and daily did toil?" … there's just got to be a more natural way to phrase that. If you're stretching that much for a rhyme, there's got to be a better one to use. Ugh.
I do like this (though the meter still stumbles: e.g. "CUR•i•OUS QUER•y"). Baltimare's a nice jab back at Twilight and the slant rhyme is actually kind of clever.
Anyway, better luck with the next one.
6025853
Absolutely. I think it's the rhyming that puts a lot of authors off. But more than that, she's a fairly well balanced character, so it's tough to write a journey for her. Most characters have a fault or such that they can battle to overcome, but Zecora is so wise, and her past such a mystery, that we don't have a lot to work with.
6026118
I think I saw that one, once upon a fimfic search.
I remember a year or two back when I got on a Zecora fic kick. No one seemed to be able to get her to sound... well, like her. Just because a sentence rhymes, does not mean it works for anything she'd say.
You are not one of those writers. You are perhaps one of the first to actually have every line sound and feel like one of my favorite characters. Bravo on taking the risk and doing wonders.
6026454 So that story was your inspiration for this?
A comment right here, I give you a beer. This story you've written has left me quite smitten!
6026695 Oh! No, haha. I mean the name seems familiar to me, but I'm not really a follower of the Dr.Whooves sub-fandom. Maybe I should give it a glance.
Twilight looked suspicious, "Did you say something vulgar in the first half of that couplet?"
I don't know about that; it's not crazy to think that someone with an accent grew up in a foreign country. Also, how did Baltimare work? Was there an equally creepy forest on the outskirts for her to hide and be ostracized in?
6028793
Not entirely crazy, true, but I always wanted to play around with the idea the Zecora grew up somewhere totally mundane. Would be a cute twist.
I like it. Nice work, rhymes are tricky. A quick query...
I feel like you mean squawk at the end there, but correct me if it's intentional.
6030213 Gah! I've been trying to remember the correct spelling of that for AGES. THANK YOU.
6030567 Happy to help!
6025411 Cool story! How did you get the rhyming down?
6026454
Doesn't stop many of them from butchering Celestia, so I'm more inclined to believe it's the rhyming that puts off most people, and the more in-depth thinkers amongst the authors have trouble finding some hurdle for Zecora to overcome when she's already so wise and well-traveled. Which I must assume is the truth because Lauren Faust meant for her to be Twilight's mentor in Ponyville, taking over for Celestia while Twilight wasn't in Canterlot.
Truly great
You really wrote a great Zecora there, the story is also very nice and feels fitting, but I simply admire the feat of creating so much good rhymes a little more.
This deserves mad props. The rhyming in this really comes off as true to character without sounding forced.
.... And then someone wrote a rhyming Zecora and let it look like it was not much of an effort.
If I remember the ... three or four lines I gave her back in one of my stories. Tinkering for eternities just to make it sound less-then-terrible.
Kudos. You, dear Sir or Madam, are a genius.
My like for this nice story. My fav for the excellent rhyming. And this handy moustache for the twists you waved in Zecoras Background.
I have a feeling that by Monday this will be atleast in the top 100 best stories on the site.
The author, and the editor too, probably, are both rhyme masters.
Or they worked hard on her dialogues. Dang. I've only managed a line or two for Zecora in my stories.
Well written. Thumbs upping and shelving.
A very interesting tale and well written story this was indeed. A nice little read before going to sleep where my imagination bleeds.
Zecora seems extremely difficult to write for by some, and I am one of them.
Sir Crabington Seal of Approval!
6042313 Your crab has a top hat and a cane.
I approve. Jolly good, sir shellman.
Loved this! And you did really well on Zecora's dialogue- that rhyming is hard to write!
Beautiful! Perfect Zecora is perfect. Have a fav!
This was well wrote, you got Zecora with every note. Keep up the good work, for other eyes still lurk.
Okay, no, but where's she from really? c.c
Nice work I don't think I'd be able to come up with that many rhymes
Such a great and simple story. And yes - rhyming is really hard.
Definitely 5 out of 5 and to my favourites.
Zecora: Hey Shaman-lady! Your dress is ugly!
Shaman: ...
Zecora: You have weird knees!
Shaman: ...
Zecora: You fat as hell!
Shaman: ...
Zecora: You got a dumb voice!
Shaman: NO U.
Zecora: *Screams in rhyme*
Well this has been Jossed.
10486225
Shhhh, the creators are wrong.