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I'm The Villain? - Dawn of A New Nightmare3,006 words
The Nighmare Continues! - Self Explanatory.4,744 words
Still A Villain! - Six Hooves Under5,034 words
Good Deeds Gone Bad - Things Aren't What They Seem5,439 words
The Nightmare Is Over - Time To Wake Up Luna9,527 words

The Nightmare Is Over - Time To Wake Up Luna

Ponyville Hospital

Nightmare Moon stood outside the entrance to the hospital, her thoughts teeming with the possibilities a building full of helpless ponies unable to escape from potential dangers. Oh yes, this was going to be like taking candy from a foal indeed. Nightmare felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around to come face to face with a wall-eyed pegasus with a gray coat hanging upside down in the air.

“Excuse me, but have you seen my-”

“WHAT THE DEVIL IS THIS CROSS-EYED CREATURE?!” Nightmare screamed in horror and whipped around to deliver a monstrous buck to the poor mail pony in question.

“-MUFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!” Derpy Hooves shouted as she sailed into the sky for the second time that night. Nightmare Moon gasped for air and leaned against the hospital for support.

“It… was the most terrifying beast I have ever seen… But it can’t… Can’t hurt me now…” Nightmare reassured herself and after taking a few more calming breathes, entered the hospital.

Nightmare wandered down the halls, looking for a certain wing of the hospital, the maternity wing. She growled to herself, feeling lost in the maze of hallways. As much as it pained her to admit it, she needed to ask for directions. Again.

“I just hope I don’t get some loony like at Hooves Across Equestria, that moron nearly gave me brain cancer just listening to him.” She peered up and the halls, looking for any sign of an official to help her find her target.

“Ma’am? It seems that you are quite lost, in my expertly medical opinion; may I help you find something? ” A pony in a white coat with a red cross on her flank asked cheerfully. Nightmare Moon regarded her carefully, debating whether she should buck her into the ceiling or not for sounding so cheerful in her presence.

“Yes… I need to find the Maternity Ward, specifically where the foals are delivered, direct me at once to it.” Nightmare commanded, deciding that instead of bucking her, she would use the mare’s knowledge quickly so as not to give her a chance to show her more annoying side, which the midnight marauder knew surely existed.

“It’s down the hall and to the left, but you can’t go in there with out a pass, like this.” Nurse Redheart said, revealing a laminated card with her face and name on it.

“A pass? Very well, I shall take yours then, hand it over.” The alicorn towered over the medical mare with her hoof held out.

Nurse Redheart chuckled lightly and gently placed a hoof on Nightmare’s shoulder and began leading her down the hall in the opposite direction of the Maternity Ward. Nightmare Moon tried to pull away, but the mare leading her down the hall had a surprisingly strong grip.

“I see what happened; you must have come from the fifth floor, right? You know you aren’t allowed out of your nice comfy room with out an escort, you could get hurt or lost dear!” Nurse Redheart cooed in a term reserved for infants and those that society often labeled as ’insane’ and Nightmare snorted in rage as this realization dawned on her. She shoved the nurse away violently and snarled with blazing fury in her eyes.

“I am neither an infantile foal nor a mentally deficient pony and I will not be spoken to in such an insulting manner as that! AM I CLEAR!?” The furious lunar princess bellowed as she threw the nurse headfirst into cart marked ‘R.D. Restraints, Maximum Security’ She briskly trotted over to the unconscious mare and rifled through her pockets, plucking the small plastic I.D. card out with her magic.

“It could have been avoided, but nooooooo, you just had to keep your silly piece of plastic like a selfish filly and disrespect your superior.” NIghtmare sneered, pulled a spare white coat onto herself and walked off in the direction Nurse Redheart had previously pointed out. “I bet she isn’t even qualified to be a nurse.”

A Few Minutes Later, Ponyville Hospital, Maternity Ward

Nightmare Moon trotted up to a pair of earth ponies standing outside the door to the hospital’s maternity ward. One of the ponies, an ash colored stallion with a lock as his cutie mark, looked at her with a stern gaze, the other one looked as if he were sleeping, or he might have been dead, it was rather hard to tell.

“Excuse me; I’m Lockdown, chief of security. The area beyond this point is a restricted area, therefore, it is protocol to show your employee identification badge before entering. Do you have an employee identification badge allowing you to pass this check station?” He asked in a very military fashion, and she handed him the I.D. badge she had borrowed from Nurse Redheart. He took the badge and inspected it closely, his eyes traveling from the badge to the alicorn in front of him for several long moments.

“Ma’am, there are a few discrepancies with your identification badge, are you sure this is you?” He questioned, fixing his gaze on her with a suspicious expression.

“Absolutely, I am Nurse Redheart, and I must get into the Maternity Ward.” Nightmare huffed impatiently and stepped forward only to be blocked by the guard.

“Now wait just a minute ma’am.”

A Few Moments Later

“And remember what I said Mr. Lockdown, all it will take is one letter, and you will be out of here faster than you can blink.” Nightmare called back over her shoulder to Lockdown, who was looking shaken and responded with a nod.

Nightmare peeked her head inside the first room she came to and a haggard, breathless mare looked at her pleadingly.

“P-please! M-my water just broke, and I need a nurse or doctor or somepony!”

Nightmare Moon considered her plight for a second and trotted into the room to her bed after deciding it was what she had come to do anyways, and this saved time.

“Very well, I’ll have that thing out of you in ten seconds flat or my name isn’t Nurse Redheart!” She said in a chipper tone, a pair of rubber gloves snapping into place on her hooves. She kneeled down and took a thoughtful look between the mare’s legs. “Let’s have ourselves a little look see here, shall we Miss…” A quick glance at the clipboard on the end of the bed listed her basic information. “Miss Rainy Days? Oh look at that, you‘re Chineighse, how delightful, I simply adore your Chow Mane!” She turned her focus back to the problem at hoof and mused to herself.

“Hmmmm… Now how was I supposed to get this thing out again?” She peered up at the mare she was supposed to delivering a foal for with a questioning look in her eyes. “Do you come with an instruction manual or something? Because this looks like an older model, and I’m afraid I’m not entirely sure how a rust bucket like this works, know what I mean?”

The pregnant pegasus looked incredulous and sputtered indignantly. “Wh-what?! M-my body is not a rust bucket! How in Equestria could you say such a- EEP!!!” Rainy Days screamed out in shock when the faux nurse reached a gloved hoof into her womb and fished around.

“Hold on, I think I got it… Nope, not it… Almost… Dang, I dropped it!” Nightmare huffed as if she were a foal losing at a game. She reached back in, determination in her eyes as Rainy writhed and squeaked, the rather unprofessional delivery not sitting well with her.

“H-hey! Eep! St-st-stop!” Rainy protested, squirming more as the delivery dragged out. Nightmare suddenly pulled back her hoof and held a bedraggled looking pegasus foal in the air looking triumphant.

“Huzzah! How many points do I receive?” The giddy alicorn asked excitedly and the mother of the foal she was holding like a prized fishing catch was flabbergasted.

“Points? What the bloody blazes do you mean points!?” Rainy shrieked and Nightmare frowned in mock bewilderment.

“What do you mean what do I mean? I never said anything about points; motherhood must be addling your brain Miss Days. Moving on, your foal is a beautiful baby girl, perfectly healthy and in more or less mint condition.” Nightmare said and Rainy Days held her hooves out to take her newborn baby from her would-be nurse.

“It’s okay Miss Days; I know all about Chineighse culture, I know how to handle this. You don’t have to worry about a thing.” The midnight mare nodded solemnly and looked around the room. “No buckets of water… I see… Well I’ll just put it back till somepony gets here with a bucket of water, okay?”

Rainy blinked, that didn’t make sense, what does a bucket of water have to do with foals? “Excuse me, did you say bucket of water? And put what back where?” Nightmare clicked her tongue disapprovingly and shook her head.

“Honestly, what pony doesn’t know their own culture’s traditions? So sad… Back you go little one, the water will be here soon, so behave, okay?” She said and smiled at the gurgling foal and pushed the foal back into her mother’s womb. Or at least she tried to that is, it was not as easy as it looked.

“Oh stop being a pain and go back in! This is not funny, I have many things to do and you are delaying my plans with your insistent resistance!” Nightmare glared at the foal and turned it around, trying put the pegasus back in rear hooves first. She glanced up at Rainy Days who had a look of pure horror plastered on her face. “You can relax Miss Days, I, Nurse Redheart, am a licensed Emergency Medical Pony and am trained for situations like this.”

Rainy Days sputtered and tried to protest, the horrified look growing each second. “Y-you… You c-can’t… Th-this is very wrong!”

“Yes, yes, I know, this is really turning out to be a ‘Square Peg, Round Hole’ situation, but there is no need to fear because I know I can do this. I am a champion at Trot-tris, and this is no… problem!” She crowed the last word as she finally succeeded in jamming the poor foal back into her mother.

Rainy Days gasped in terror and shock, her eyes wide and trembling. “Y-you… M-my baby… I… I…” What ever Rainy was about to say, Nightmare never found out because the frightened mare had hyperventilated herself unconscious and was twitching slightly on the bed. Nightmare stood up and nodded approvingly at her hoof work.

“Another job well done, on to… Er… Well this is embarrassing, I can’t seem to remember what else I came here to do.” Nightmare blushed as she exited the room and trotted down the hall to exit the Maternity Ward.

“Ah, yes! The crippled ponies, delightfully fun to play with!”

Ponyville Hospital, Disabled Ponies Wing

Nightmare Moon looked around the room she had stepped into with barely contained glee, there were ponies on crutches, ponies in wheelchairs, ponies who were mute, deaf, blind, and others with many more ailments and handicaps. It was a veritable paradise for the mischievously malevolent mare, and she was practically dancing around the room with excitement, twisted tricks and predatory pranks churning in her mind.

She trotted over to a pony in a wheel chair who looked rather dejected and stood in front of him. The stallion sighed and looked up to see who was here to bother him now.

“Yes? I really don’t want… to be… bothered…” The wheelchair stricken pony gaped at the alicorn in front of him; this nurse was a far cry from the usual humdrum mares that came to pester him. This nurse was very tall, very imposing, and very… Did he mention she was very tall? “Uh… Hi?”

“Hello my little pony, what’s your name? You seem so sad and lonely, I thought I’d come to cheer you up.” Nightmare said as she smiled so sweetly, it could have given the diabetic mare across the room enough of a shock to send her into a coma.

The stallion gulped nervously and stuttered before he could actually get his name out. “W-w-w-w-w-wind Chaser… Th-the doc says my legs are useless for the next few months, can‘t feel anything from the waist down, nothing works… So I can’t be in the Running of the Leaves… Some crazy mares ran me over during the last race, and I’ve been here since then waiting for my legs to heal up so I could run again…”

The imposter nurse had to choke back her laughter as the paraplegic pony told her his plight, and she nearly lost it when she looked into his eyes and saw the soul crushing despair that the memory of the race had brought him. After reining her composure in again, she gave him her best sympathetic look and whispered quietly in his ear.

“You poor dear, let Nurse Redheart take care of you, I’ll make sure you feel better, okay?” She wheeled him into an empty supply closet and closed the door behind her. Chaser laughed slightly and looked at her apprehensively.

“Wh-what’s going on? I’m feeling very uncomfortable!” His voice cracked slightly as Nightmare turned slowly, shedding the white coat and sashaying towards to seated stallion. She turned once more and Wind Chaser was greeted with a front row seat, so to speak, of the alicorn’s, for lack of better term, assets.

“Now you just sit back and let Nurse Redheart take care of you, okay my little pony?” And with that, the mare with an obvious lack of understanding of the professionalism that is typically held between nurses and patients began a slow dance, gyrating her hips in what she thought to be the best way to seduce any stallion. She imagined a steady bass driven music track to help her really get into her act and was forced to admit she was enjoying herself a little, the dancing part. Not the whole ‘Doing this for a stallion’ bit, neigh, this mare was more inclined to play for the home team, not the visitors. Most assuredly, it was definitely the dancing she loved, how did she not know about this joyful art form beforehoof?

“Um, excuse m-me miss, b-but what are you doing?” Wind Chaser asked, hesitantly poking her back with one hoof. Nightmare huffed feeling greatly irritated and spun around to face Chaser. Just when she was really enjoying her newfound love for dancing, even if it was in a provocative manner, how very rude of him.

“Yes? Why did you stop me in the midst of ‘Dancing of The Lap’? Answer me or suffer my rhythmic wrath!” She growled and glared at the stallion, who recoiled slightly, and then looked a little sheepish.

“W-well, I appreciate the thought and all, but it’s not doing anything for me Miss Redheart.”

Nightmare inwardly crowed with triumph and pretended to look deeply offended. “You do not like my dancing? Humph! I bet it’s because you can’t get your little fellow up, ungrateful little-”

“It’s not that I can’t… you know…” He flushed red and looked down at his hooves for moment before returning his gaze to the alicorn. “It’s just… I’m gay.”

Nightmare looked as if he had told her she was a small purple and green dragon. “Crippled pony say what now?”

Chaser scratched the back of his head uncomfortably and smiled apologetically. “I mean, you dance really well, but, like I said, I’m more interested in stallions than mares. I’m sorry Miss Redheart, but the thought was nice anyways.”

Nightmare Moon sighed. “Well this plan backfired, I was planning on making fun of you because I thought you couldn’t feel anything from the waist down, but it turns out I picked the one crippled stallion stuffer out of the whole accursed lot!” She turned away from him and dragged a hoof down her face in exasperation. “This just makes my day. Er, night, some period of time, whatever! Well, I bid you farewell then Wind Chaser; I hope you get hit by another pair of mares in the next race.”

Nightmare trotted out of the closet and slammed the door shut behind her. Chaser blinked and looked at the door.

“Miss Redheart? Hello? You forgot me… I’m still… in the… closet…” He sighed and rolled his chair up to the door, but could not reach the handle to open it.

“I should’ve stayed in bed this morning….”

Later, Everfree Forest

“I’m telling you Flim, this idea is gold! Pure, 100%, satisfactory guaranteed, gold!” A tall vaudeville looking unicorn exclaimed dramatically to a unicorn who looked almost exactly like him save for the lack of a slick mustache.

“Indeed, but I think we need to expand the market a great deal more Flam, we could make a killing selling water in containers to everypony, including the sea ponies!” Flim replied looking at Flam with delight shining is his eyes. The prospect of easy money was something both brothers enjoyed immensely. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to see a man about a horse, if you’ll pardon the clichéd remark.”

Flam nodded and looked back to their meager campfire, and poked at it with a stick held aloft in his magic’s grip. They were falling on hard times, and a get-rich-quick scheme was a desperately needed necessity for the pair of sales ponies. All they had to their name were their clothes, the Super Speedy Cider Squeezey 6000, and around two hundred bits that they needed to convert their cider press into the Flim Flam Brother’s Resplendently Rapid Water Bottler 9000.

“If only we had another hundred bits, then we could make it over 9000...” Flam sighed wistfully.

A tap on the shoulder broke the con artist, er, salespony from his thoughts of machines with listings that exceeded a previously determined number. Flam turned his head to come face to face with a widely, it was almost intimidating in fact due to the very sharp fangs adorning it, grin attached to an alicorn of equally intimidating appearance. The unicorn edged away from her slowly as if the small distance he was putting between them could actually prevent any harm from befalling him.

Nightmare Moon chuckled wryly and sat beside him. “Afraid of a little mare such as myself are we? Come now, I mean you no harm; in fact I am here to do quite the opposite! I’m here to offer something unique and superb, unseen at anytime in this great new world!”

Flam frowned slightly, was it his imagination, or did that sound vaguely familiar?

“Sir, they’re the one and only, the biggest and the best! The unbelievable, unimpeachable, indispensable, I-can’t-believable!”

Ok, now that was definitely familiar, but where had he heard such a riveting, compelling, and enticing sale pitch before?

“And for a limited time only, you, my very handsome friend, can have this life changing product for the low, low, low, low price of 500 bits! Did I mention how low the price was? And that the time for this incredible offer was limited?” Nightmare exclaimed, her eyes growing more and more excited with every word. Flam was astounded! Such a low price for a limited time to pay for-

“Hold on a second young filly, what are you selling? You’re asking me to pay 500 bits for something I haven’t seen and know positively nothing about!” Flam pointed out, and Nightmare reeled back in surprise.

Come on Nightmare, you can do this, just think of something! She scooped a hoof across the ground behind her back and came back with three rather shoddy looking beans. “These, my obviously very intelligent customer, are magic beans!” She waved them back and forth in front of the salespony who merely looked at her like she a wall-eyed pegasus ranting about something ridiculous like muffins.

“Magic beans. You can’t be serious, I’m a unicorn, ergo, I can do magic on my own. What use would I have for magic beans?” Flam asked, becoming less and less interested in the beans. Nightmare thought for a second, and with a stroke of either brilliance or desperation, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“It grows bits!” The princess of the moon exclaimed waving her hooves wildly to make her point more believable. Flam’s jaw dropped an inch, now there was something he could get into, free money.

“It grows bits? Then why on Celestia’s green Equestria would you ever want to sell them?”

“It’s against my religion to have magic beans?”

“Well that’s a certainly reasonable answer, but I’m afraid I just don’t have 500 bits, just 200, this cider press, and my clothes.” Flam sighed remorsefully, cursing his financial misfortunes.

Nightmare put on a thoughtful pose, and hummed dramatically, as if deep in contemplation about the situation.

“Well… Perhaps we could make a trade… I mean, of course I’d give you an extra discount since you seem to be an outstandingly upstanding stallion.” Nightmare said after a few moments of ‘thinking’ and that was the hook that landed her the gullible catch of the night. An extra discount on top of a limited time only low price? And all he had to do was some minor trading? Flam was in paradise.

“I’ll trade you my cider press for your beans!” Flam offered eagerly, but Nightmare Moon shook her head slowly.

“I’m not sure about that, this are very rare beans…”

“I’ll throw in my bits and clothes, no charge!”

Nightmare pretended to shift uncomfortably in her spot. “Oh alright, you drive a hard bargain, but I suppose that I can accept your terms.” She shook his hoof to seal the deal and after gathering up her spoils, trotted off with the mobile cider press, a set of vaudevillian clothes, and 200 bits. “You have a pleasant night!”

Flam grinned proudly, he had magic bit-producing beans, and that foalish mare had nothing but a few mere possessions of his and a paltry amount of bits compared to what he and his brother would soon be swimming in.

“Flim will be so proud of me when he comes back!”

The Streets Of Ponyville

The tyrant of the night strolled leisurely down the deserted streets of the quiet town. So far, the night had been very successful, and the only thing that could make it better at this moment, aside from the continued torture of innocent ponies was finding something small and adorable, like a kitten or a cat perhaps, and enacting insidiously evil punishments upon its adorable being.

About the same time, Opalescence had decided that tonight she would escape the confining, and might she add dreadfully tacky, clutches of her keeper, Rarity. She could not take the incessant moaning and wailing that arose from the white unicorn after discovering things had been slightly rearranged in her boutique. Honestly, how you can you call yourself sophisticated if you act like a foal every time something is nudged out of place? You did not see her acting so embarrassingly if her milk dish was a millimeter to the left, no, she preferred to leave her worrying for important matters. Such as whether or not mice went to cat heaven for the enjoyment of cats, or were spared from eternal evisceration by means of the natural feline fashion, killer claws and fierce fangs.

Deep in philosophical thought about the after-life of mice, Opalescence paid no attention to where she was walking and bumped smack dab into the leg of one pony she would soon find out was not somepony she wanted to run into. Ever.

Nightmare Moon looked down to see what had so foalishly made a feeble attempt at attacking her mighty limbs.

“It’s a cat! Or at least, I think it’s a cat… I thought all cats were adorable, but this… This is not… Well the important thing is that it‘s a cat.” Nightmare said, looking at the cat at her hooves with confusion. Opalescence glared at the alicorn as witheringly as she could possibly get.

Her? Anything less than adorable? The very idea was ludicrous and Opalescence was prepared to make her extreme displeasure known to this obviously tasteless pony. Oh yes, this mare would receive a punishment most-

“TO THE TREE!!!” Nightmare shouted as she punted the cat across the street landing it with precision in the top branches of a sparsely leafed tree. She approached the base of the tree with a satisfied smirk and grinned darkly at the feline above her. “You know, this tree looks a little barren, and you my little friend, look so very parched. I am very certain that both of your problems can be solved at the same time.”

Nightmare Moon flicked her horn and a small army of shapeless puffs of starry smoke materialized, each with its own supply of very swollen water balloons. Nightmare took a deep breath and looked at the cat with determination and a hint of glee.

“Throw… The… BALLOONS!!!” She commanded her troops, each of which immediately hurled as many balloons as they could wrap their wispy tendrils around at Opalescence. The cornered cat screeched shrilly and swiped at her attackers in vain as the deluge of watery weapons rained upon her.

Nightmare Moon cackled and trotted off, leaving the helpless Opalescence to her doom. “I love it when a plan comes together.”

Ponyville Town Square

A crowd of ponies was gathered at the town’s center, and a frazzled looking tan earth pony was desperately trying to calm down the frenzied mass of ponies. Cries of outrage, despair, and general rabble filled the air and Mayor Mare could hardly hear herself.

‘Excuse, but can- Ahem, everypony, I need- Will you please SHUT THE HAY UP?!” The town’s mayor shouted as loudly as possible and the crowd grumbled slightly in unison before settling down. Mayor Mare nodded gratefully and cleared her throat before speaking again. “Now I know you all have many complaints about the recent string of assaults, burglary, larceny, arson, humiliation, and so on and so forth, but there isn’t anything I can do. I’m only an elected official!” Mayor Mare looked to the crowd desperately, her nerves were fraying and she needed help badly.

“Mayor, I know who is behind these heinous crimes, the monster that calls herself Nightmare Moon!” Twilight Sparkle said, limping up to the podium, helped along by Applejack and Rainbow Dash, and closely followed by Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie.

Mayor Mare sighed in relief; this is just what she needed to solve this fiasco. “Oh thank Celestia! The Elements of Harmony have arrived everypony, we’re saved!” Twilight stood in front of the microphone the town’s mayor had been using to address the crowd.

“Citizens of Ponyville! My name is Twilight Sparkle, and my friends are here to rid you of the menace Nightmare Moon! She will be executed as soon as possible in a way that accurately matches the severity of her crimes!” Twilight exclaimed to the crowd, earning her cheers from all attending. Princess Celestia, who had been attending the meeting at the mayor’s request stood up with a look of horror on her face.

“My most faithful student! What has gotten into you? That is no way to solve our problems, I thought I taught you better than that, I thought friendship had taught you better!” Celestia gave her student an incredulous look and Twilight frowned slightly.

“I’m sorry, you’re right Princess Celestia, and what do you propose we do about this problem?”

“Did you even consider using the Elements of Harmony to perhaps change her back into a good pony?”

“…Will it hurt her?”

The white alicorn put a hoof to her chin in contemplation. “Well… It produces concentrated light in the form of an explosively prismatic beam, so I would assume that it would be the equivalent of firing a laser made of color at her. Yes, I believe it would cause pain, but nothing fatal. I‘m so glad you‘re concerned for her well being.”

“New plan everypony! WE’RE TAZERING HER WITH A RAINBOW LAZER!!!” Twilight shouted enthusiastically to the crowd, whipping them once more into a frenzy. Celestia raised a hoof to protest this course of action.

“That isn’t what I meant! Twilight Sparkle!” However, the princess was a tad too late, for Twilight Sparkle had jumped onto Rainbow Dash’s back, and after much arguing and promises of Wonderbolts tickets, and flew off into the night in pursuit of Nightmare Moon, closely followed by the rest of the Elements.

Outskirts Of Ponyville

“Hmmmm, I wonder who I should share the gift of evil with next?” Nightmare Moon sighed dramatically. “So much evil, so many ponies, and just one Nightmare to do it all.”

“STOP RIGHT THERE YOU BOOK BATTERING BEAST!” A voice shouted venomously from behind her, and she turned around to see Twilight Sparkle and her little group of friends.

“Hold on a second, are they actually you’re friends? Because with that tone I cannot imagine anypony would want to be friends with you. Not to mention you’re a humdrum librarian who thinks reading is actually fun.” Nightmare said, and Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to speak in her friend’s defense.

“HEY! Twilight may be a total egghead and a bookworm and a nerd, and have a weird obsession with dusty old books, and act like a total geek sometimes-”

Twilight put a hoof over the cyan pegasus’s mouth and the librarian’s eyebrow could be seen twitching if you were watching her closely. “Thank you for those kind words Rainbow Dash, but we’re here to fry ponies with rainbows and eat apples. Too bad we just ran out of apples.” Twilight glared at the midnight marauder in front of her with fury in her eyes.

“Ah got some apples in mah saddle bag if ya want’em Twi’ all ya had to do was ask for’em.” Applejack said, digging into her bag to pull out a shiny red apple. Twilight face hoofed and groaned.

“It wasn’t a literal thing Applejack; I read it in a book that you’re supposed to say things like that in situations such as this.”

“Now hold on a second dear, I thought we were going to use a rainbow to electrocute the evil out of her, but you just said it’s not a literal thing, so are we going to or not?” Rarity asked with a slightly confused frown on her face.

The librarian turned to the white unicorn and looked at her in exasperation. “No we ARE going to scramble her brains with the Elements of Harmony; the eating apples thing was the part that wasn’t literal.”

“A-actually… I would to have an apple… If it’s okay that is…” Fluttershy whispered, hesitantly putting her hoof in the air.

“Put your hoof down! It’s not okay Fluttershy; we have to stop Nightmare Moon before she does anything else to the library!”

“I’m sure Black Snooty didn’t mean it Twilight, and how can you be mad at somepony so adorable, huh?”

“In my defense, I actually did nothing to your library; I simply bribed that dragon of yours to do it for me. And for the last time, I am not cute you babbling fool!”

Twilight dragged her hoof down her face again as the ponies surrounding her continued their ramblings and the villain she was trying to stop just kept offering her opinions in that irritatingly innocent tone.

“BE QUIET! Celestia herself couldn’t love and tolerate you ponies and your crazy chattering! We are trying to stop the forces of evil here, remember?” She glared at her friends who all looked at the ground sheepishly. “Thank you, now, Nightmare Moon! You have been found guilty of the most terrible of transgressions, wrongful and willing assault on the proper order that libraries everywhere hold sacred! Oh, and I guess you’re in trouble for assaulting other ponies too, apparently that’s almost as bad as tampering with the library filing system.”

Nightmare snorted in defiance, these pitiful looking ponies thought they were a match for her might? “You can’t be serious. I am the Almighty Nightmare Moon and there is nothing a group of simpering!” She pointed at Fluttershy. “Bone-headed!” Her hoof pointed at Rainbow Dash. “Backwoods!” Applejack found herself receiving the point this time. “Prissy!” The hoof directed itself to Rarity’s direction. “Bubble brained!” Pinkie got the Hoof of Pointing for that one. Nightmare turned her glaring gaze to Twilight. “Weaklings like you and your band of misfits can do to even put a dent in my plans, do you understand me? I am Nightmare Mare Moon! I am unstoppable and you foals shall feel my-!” We’re just going to hope whatever the thing the ranting villain would have made them feel was not anything little fillies and colts should not hear, because we won’t know as she had been cut off by the most bizarre battle cry in the history of Equestria.

“Super Special Awesome Mega Super Cool Not Frilly Frou Frou At All Magical Rainbow Blasting Harmony Blast!” Twilight yelled, her eyes glowing with the limitless power of the Elements of Harmony.

A blindingly bright beam of color shot forth and rammed into Nightmare Moon like a herd of wild buffalo. She screamed and writhed on the ground, the rainbow causing more damage than she had anticipated.

“THE PAIN! THE PRISMATIC PAIN! OH BUCK ME, HOW CAN A RAINBOW HURT SO MUCH?!” After a few seconds, the air was filled with an electric smell, as if lightning had struck the alicorn, not a rainbow of death.

Nightmare Moon, now Princess Luna stood shakily on her legs. “Th-thank you Twilight Sparkle, thou hast saved our life, how can we-”

“I think she’s faking it, one more time?” Twilight asked her friends, all of whom nodded, it was possible it was just a trick after all, and Twilight was never wrong. She read books after all.

“We are most certainly not faking anything, we are-”

“Super Special Awesome Mega Super Cool Not Frilly Frou Frou At All Magical Rainbow Blasting Harmony Blast! Second Volley!” And the princess of the moon was again assaulted by a surprisingly harmful blast of rainbow.

“WHY?! WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE SUCH COLORFUL CRUELTY?!” Again, the air was filled with the same electric smell from before, only it had a slightly charred smell as well, as if somepony had put their hoof in a fire for a few seconds.

“Now that was exceedingly ludicrous! Thou hast completed thy task, now cease thy needless assault!”

“She’s talking crazy, she must be hexing us! Fire the SSAMSCNFFFAAMRBHB again!” Pinkie Pie shouted, and Twilight steeled herself to attack their fiendish foe with the Elements of Harmony again.

“Super Special Awesome Mega Super Cool Not Frilly Frou Frou At All Magical Rainbow Blasting Harmony Blast! TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERBUCKER!” This time, Rainbow Dash shouted the name of the rainbow blast, adding her own flair to it in the form of coarse language.

“OH BIG SISTER, MAKE THE TECHINCOLORED TORTURE STOP!!!” This time after the assault finished, the air smelled like barbecue. Princess Luna looked very shaken, and a little like a piece of charcoal.

“Th-thou… I mean you have saved me, I am very grateful to you…” Luna said hesitantly, not wishing to invoke the purple unicorn’s wrath a fourth time.

“Ok, she’s talking like a normal pony, I guess she’s cured.” Twilight said with confidence, and she and the other Elements of Harmony turned to head back into town. Luna heaved a sigh of relief and trotted after them.

“Thine assessment is correct; we have been restored to normal.” The young princess smiled weakly and Twilight whipped around suddenly.

“What was that?”

“I am feeling much better, there is no reason to attack me again, because I am a normal pony who speaks in a normal manner!” Luna squeaked in fear and Twilight nodded satisfied and turned back to face Ponyville.

Canterlot Castle, The Throne Room

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to have you back little sister; I was very worried about you, even though you may not have thought I was.” Princess Celestia smiled and hugged her sister who returned the hug and smiled back softly.

“I missed you too, I really did, and I promise that I’ll never mess up like before again!” Princess Luna nuzzled her sister and sat in the throne beside her. Celestia looked at her younger sister in amazement.

“Lu-lu, I didn’t expect you to have such a mastery over modern language after being turned back to your normal self so soon.” The elder of the two royal sisters remarked, and Luna gulped, afraid that a certain librarian watching her from her spot in the long line of ponies that had come for an apology from Princess Luna would again use the Elements of Harmony to turn her into a princess flambé.

“Er… I’m a fast learner ’Tia.”

“Of course, I forgot how studious you could be when you put your mind to it.” Celestia smiled warmly and turned her head to look at the crowd. “Alright my little ponies, please step forward one at a time, and Luna will apologize for whatever grief she has caused you as Nightmare Moon!”An Unbelievably Long Time Filled With Apologies Later“And I apologize you to, Pinkie Pie, it was terribly mean of me to eat all of your sweets and not leave any for you to share with other ponies.” Luna said, secretly happy that Pinkie Pie was the last pony in the line, she really did not think she could stand her sister volunteering her for something to compensate a yet another pony that she had mistreated, especially one as crazy as this.

She was already supposed to help Twilight Sparkle alphabetize the library by subject, author, and title; model every dress, hat, and lace covered creation Rarity had planned for the next fashion show at Canterlot; watch Rainbow Dash do her routines for the Wonderbolts tryouts and give a ten page summary on what she thought of each trick and ‘how much they blew her mind’; help rebuild the Apple family’s barn and lend Applejack a hoof in the next Zap Apple harvest; help Fluttershy with every animal mother that was going to be giving birth for the next two months; and a long list of other things ranging from listening to stories about the war days of Stalliongrad and playing games with orphans to helping certain dragons stalk certain unicorns and helping keep pegasi desperate on escaping hospitals in their rooms at all costs.

“That’s alright Princess Luna; I forgive you because now you’re even cuter than before!” Pinkie Pie grinned at the lunar princess with an overly theatric wink.

Luna blushed hard and stuttered meekly. “P-please d-don’t say that! It’s still v-very embarrassing!” Celestia thought for a moment and smiled slyly.

“You believe my sister to be cute, correct? Hmmmm…. Well, Luna must repay you for eating all of your pastries, so I believe that she would be more than happy to visit Sugar Cube Corner every Friday and spend the weekend until sunrise on Monday to help you bake pastries for everypony. Perhaps you’ll cook up something more than sweets, won’t that be fun?” Celestia gave Pinkie Pie a wink, and the pink earth pony nodded excitedly.

Luna paled. “E-excuse me?”

“You bet your crown it’ll be fun! We’ll have so much fun together, you could fill a library with all the fun things we‘ll do, and we’ll do it Pinkie Pie Style! We can do all sorts of fun baking things, and then maybe we’ll even some alone time!” Pinkie bounced up and down ecstatically, and then stopped in mid-air, gasping very loudly. “WAIT! Today’s Friday! Princess Celestia, can Luna come over tonight??? Huh??? Can she??? Please???”

Celestia put on a face of surprise. “Why I do believe you are correct, today is Friday! It must have slipped my mind; of course Luna may go with you. In fact, why don’t you two go ahead and pack Lu-lu’s things for the weekend and head off right away?”

Pinkie Pie squealed giddily and dragged Princess Luna to her room to gather everything she would need for a weekend at Sugar Cube Corner. Luna looked back at her sister pleadingly as she was pulled along by the party pony. Celestia smiled back and waved at her little sister as carted off to her room for a ‘Pinkie Pie Style’ weekend.

“Do have fun my dear little Lu-lu!”

Author’s Notes/Apologies, Thank You Notes, And The Always Enjoyable Extra Special Bonus Scenes That You’re Secretly Always Fantasizing About But Would Never Admit To Doing So Because Let’s Face It, Who Has Fantasies About Added Scenes In Writing? Answer: You

Author’s Notes And Apologies, Followed By Thank You Notes

Ok, I know this is out of order from my usual way of doing things, seeing as I usually save this boring stuff for later after the popular ‘Bonus Scenes’ you’ve all come to love and expect/demand from me, but I really had to do this first.

I in now way, shape, or form intended to insult the Chinese culture or the Gay community, please understand this. While I do not support the practice of aborting girls just because they’re girls, I do happen to love the Chinese culture, they have very rich history, the myths and legends are engaging, and the artwork and older style of architecture is so beautiful. I have no ill feelings toward the Gay community, in fact, one of my closet friends, Jack, is extremely and with out a doubt gay, he lives very happily with his boyfriend, and I often have dinner at Olive Garden with them. So no hate mail about either of those, alright?

This is the longest chapter of anything I have done so far, or at least I’m pretty sure it is. The story, by itself, clocks in at 6,789 words, excluding this and the extras at the end, and while that number made me giggle, I just want you to know that I put a lot of work into it just for you. I haven’t exactly had a whole lot of free time on my hooves, what with the whole ‘moving my whole house by myself with no truck’ and a few financial issues here and there, and a lack of internet because the cable company wants to be a jerk to me, it’s just been very stressful.

I’m extremely sorry I made you all wait so long for this, and I hope you think no less of me for it, but if you want to yell at me, by all means do so, I bet I deserve it. I also apologize to those of you who are eagerly and impatiently awaiting follows up to both ‘Ping Pong Just Got 20% Cooler’ and ‘Discord’s Day’. I promise I’ll start bashing my head against a wall for ideas as soon as I can, okay?

I sincerely hope you’ve all enjoyed the love child that I, caffeine, and sleep-deprivation induced hallucinations came together in a metaphorical threesome to make that is known as ‘I’m The Villain?’. In case you forgot, it’s the story you’re reading right now.

Now, for the long list of Thank Yous. Is that Right? Thank Yous? Whatever, a lot of bronies and pegasisters unknowingly, knowingly, and for the most part, willingly contributed to this story. Whether they knew it or not or even wanted to, they did.

Eurobeat Brony, Odyssey, Glaze, Mic The Microphone, Tarby, The Living Tombstone, and Wooden Toaster - Their music set the perfect mood and inspired me when I was writing this story.

Garino - Agreed to be a victim and offered up some dastardly deeds for Nightmare Moon

Max The Loco - Gave me the wonderful idea for Pinkie’s scene that led to the following ‘relationship’ between her and NM

Tundra Stanza - Unknowingly inspired a scene between Chrysalis and NM

Kiue Jin - For letting me blow him up as a an Emo Goth orphan pony and supplying the basis for Celestia’s Plot Statue

Airstream - Actually volunteering to be a victim without me offering it as a reward, bless his soul

Lucky Roll - The Cutie Mark Crusaders’ scene was partly thanks to you, Sweetie Belle as a chef had to be done and that led to the other two getting their ‘marks’ as well

Aziraphael - You made me laugh, ‘nuff said.

Terrycloth - Just because you coincidentally had the same name as a character I used

Inferno Demon Dash - You were my first crazed fan, and it made me feel like a boss, I’m half expecting a fan club to be started by you

Scorpion - You reminded me I still had to do Spike’s Scene, which is below, you’re welcome by the way, hope you like it

Everypony else who commented on or read this story - I really appreciate every comment and thumbs up, thanks. The only reason none of you were specified was because you didn’t actually do anything particularly noteworthy, but I love you just as much as I do everypony else, okay?

And a very special shout out to my best friends who are also in the fimfiction community, Hans and Rosa, a.k.a. WhoopAss_McGue and unfortunately, I forgot Rosa’s penname, so I’ll just add it in as soon as possible, but you two kept me going when I felt like giving up, not just here, but anywhere else too, I really couldn’t have finished this without you.

Alright, I guess I’ve bored you long enough with this stuff, I guess it’s time for what you really wanted, the…

Super Secret Special Happy Fun Time Scenes!!!

Spike Receives A Rare Gift

Spike had just finished rearranging all the books upside down by color, like that strange mare that had come by earlier had told him too.

“If Twilight says it should be done, it should be. She’s never wrong, because she reads a ton of books and all. Besides, a gift from my sweet Rarity doesn’t hurt too much either.” The young dragon sighed happily, a small blush reddening his face.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Mail! For a Mr. Spike, from a Miss Rarity!”

Spike almost battered the door to the library down in his haste to get his present from the mare of his heart’s desires. He opened the door and took the package from the town’s mail mare. The green and purple dragon waved goodbye and rushed back inside to open the package.

“Oh boy! I bet it’s jewels from Rarity’s prized collection!” Spike exclaimed, licking his lips hungrily as he tore the top off the box and peered inside. He pulled out a stack of photos and looked at them curiously.

“Pictures? Why would Rarity send me pic…” Spike froze. The first three photos were of his secret crush in very lewd and inviting positions, her patented pout adding to the photo’s ‘charm’. He gulped nervously, his claws shaking as he continued through the stack, his heart raced faster and faster as the photos contained less and less clothing, and even more sensual poses.

“I… Rarity…” Spike stuttered, unable to process what he was seeing at first. Then the light bulb clicked on and he jumped into the air in celebration. “YES!!! Rarity loves me too and wants me to be hers!”

“I told Twilight the mustache was a mare magnet!”

Derpy The Moon Mare

“Excuse me, but have you seen my-”

“WHAT THE DEVIL IS THIS CROSS-EYED CREATURE?!” Nightmare screamed in horror and whipped around to deliver a monstrous buck to the poor mail pony in question.

“-MUFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!” Derpy Hooves shouted as she sailed into the sky for the second time that night.

The Moon

A very dazed pegasus pulled herself out of a sizable, yet oddly pony shaped crater on the surface of the moon. She stood up and after dusting herself off, looked at her surroundings with a very puzzled expression, and this time it wasn’t just the wall-eyed look like it usually was.

“How… Did my muffin get here?” Derpy asked nopony in particular as she picked up the breakfast snack she had been relentlessly searching for all night. She nuzzled it like it was her own flesh a blood, and the heavens seemed to cry out in great choruses of D’awwwwwwww, for nothing can match the love of a mail mare and her muffin.

Lockdown Gets Shutdown

“Ma’am, there are a few discrepancies with your identification badge, are you sure this is you?” He questioned, fixing his gaze on her with a suspicious expression.

“Absolutely, I am Nurse Redheart, and I must get into the Maternity Ward.” Nightmare huffed impatiently and stepped forward only to be blocked by the guard.

“Now wait just a minute ma’am.”

Nightmare Moon frowned slightly, it seemed yet another pony was going to interfere with her schemes.

“Yes?”

“Well…” The security guard said slowly, again looking from the badge to the mare in front of him. “This picture shows you as having a white coat, but your coat is black.”

“I dyed my coat, is that a problem?”

“You look bigger in person ma’am, ponies don’t just-”

“Bigger? Was that a fat joke? Did you just call me fat?” Nightmare asked indignantly, and Lockdown backpedaled quickly.

“N-no! I’m just saying you look very good in person, very healthy and attractive, not fat at all!” Lockdown smiled nervously, the last thing he needed was for another crazed mare to bite his flank for calling her fat.

“Are you hitting on me? You are! You’re flirting with me, don’t deny it! I can have your job terminated on the grounds of sexual harassment, understand?! One letter and you are through!” Nightmare Moon growled harshly and the guard recoiled and stepped aside.

“Y-you can go ahead, everything checks out ma’am.”

The Liar, The Wind, And The Hospital Supply Closet

Nightmare trotted out of the closet and slammed the door shut behind her. Chaser blinked and looked at the door.

“Miss Redheart? Hello? You forgot me… I’m still… in the… closet…” He sighed and rolled his chair up to the door, but couldn’t reach the handle to open it.

“I should’ve stayed in bed this morning….”

He strained to lean forward enough to grasp the handle, but the wheelchair he was put in prevented that by just a few teasing inches. Wind Chaser looked around the closet for anything that might aid him in his escape.

“Breath mints… Band-aids… Syringes… Rubber bands… Fire Extinguisher! That’ll work for sure!” He exclaimed, and using the rubber bands and band-aids to attach the fire extinguisher to his chair. Wind rolled back to the far end of the closet, held the hose pointing behind him, and let loose everything the canister had, which rocketed him forward towards the door, and seconds later, he crashed through the door and into the hallway.

“Yes! I did it! I’m free!” The handicapped stallion cheered happily. A pair of older ponies, the only married couple that was still in the same wing in fact, looked at the younger pony and shook their heads.

“Bout time that whippersnapper came out of the closet…” The old stallion grunted, moving a checker piece on the board between them. His wife nodded and looked at the pieces carefully, not giving Wind Chaser a second glance.

Flam Gets Flimflammed

“I’ll trade you my cider press for your beans!” Flam offered eagerly, but Nightmare Moon shook her head slowly.

“I’m not sure about that, this are very rare beans…”

“I’ll throw in my bits and clothes, no charge!”

“Flim will be so proud of me when he comes back!”

And as if by command, his brother just so happened to return a few minutes later. Flam jumped up to show off his savvy business investment.

“Dear brother of mine, why are you naked?”

“Flim! You’ll never guess what just happened!”

“I’d like to know why you’re naked, but what? You found us enough money to finish converting the Super Speedy Cider Squeezey 6000?” Flim asked hopefully, but looked a little disappointed when Flam shook his head.

“Better.” The mustached unicorn replied.

“The Apples decided to sell their farm after all?”

“Better .”

Flim was stumped; he couldn’t imagine anything better than that. “Then what? What happened?”

“I traded the Super Speedy Cider Squeezey 6000, my clothes, hence my nudeness, and the last of our bits for these magic beans that grow bits!” Flam held out his hoof proudly and Flim inspected the beans closely.

“Flam, you moron, those are beans from our dinner last night!” He groaned and dragged his hoof down his face. “I told mother we should have left you at the petting zoo when we were young, but no, she said I had to take care of you!”

Flim shook his head and heaved a tired sighed. “I told her that letting you drink cider so young was going to scramble your brains…”

Flam hung his head sadly. “I’m sorry Flim, but she was so convincing… I couldn’t help but believe her…”

Flim rubbed his hoof against his snout in and effort to remain calm. “We’ve been over this Flam; never buy things from strange mares unless I’m around to authenticate it. You know you‘re too weak willed to deal with them.”

“But you always spend a lot of bits on lap dances Flim, why can’t I buy things too?”

“Your purchases are backed with stupidity in the area where mare’s are concerned Flam, mine are backed with proven science, lap dances are scientifically proven to reduce stress and induce feelings of euphoria. The situations are completely different.”

One Last Thing From Yours Truly

Thank You All So Very Much For Sticking With This Story. I Really Hope I Lived Up To The Expectations You Had. Remember To Love And Tolerate, No Matter How Much There Is In The World.

Lots of Love,

Roxxi

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G S tol Kriaal

G S tol Kriaal #1 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

This has been a... strange and entertaining (I think) story. Good work!

Rhulain

Rhulain #2 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

Nope I did not enjoy the ending. I was waiting for Moon/Luna to tell Celestia it was all Twilight's fault. y;know...cause it was. TO THE DOWNVOTEMOBILE

Roxxi

Roxxi #3 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

1101221 Someday, my army of fans will find you, and they will not love and tolerate you.

Rhulain

Rhulain #4 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

1101327

If someone loves your stories enough to hurt someone who doesn't, well I wouldn't have a problem defending myself. With a gun.

Inferno demon Dash

Inferno demon Dash #5 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

When I heard the cracks on my favorite mare Derpy, I was PISSED.....but then you redeemed her by adding a perfect and completely honest bonus, so I'm very happy and I thank you very much. A fan club.......I shall name it....ALL HAIL DERPY!!!!! Hoping to see you on it soon LOL.

I bucking loved the hospital and Flim and Flam ideas, they had me dying LOL.....woah, woah, woah....a Pinkie Pie/Luna? COUNT ME IN!!! Am I a crazy fan, yes....am I very honest and blunt with my reviews, always. You know I always got you should you need me, Rox....shit, I'm hoping to read that Pinkie/Luna at another time though.

So glad that yuo did a chapter with the CMC though, that made my night, I was honestly hoping Nightmare would meeet with a few other villians and buck with them though, such as Trixie, Gilda, and maybe even Discord....not sure how that would work though....oh well. You id this story 100% perfect and I'm forever glad to be a loyal and honest fan to you, granted your not a legend quite yet...but your getting there, I know that for a fact LOL.

Roxxi

Roxxi #6 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

1102328 And suddenly I stopped caring about Rhulain's jerkishness

Inferno demon Dash

Inferno demon Dash #7 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

1103272 As you should, for no one can please every stallion or mare out there in the world, and you have many, MANY honest fans my friend.

Garino

Garino #8 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

1103272 I was glad to be a victim of the Nightmare's evil, and ecstatic to see the poison joke idea used. Thanks for making an awesome story! Now, on the subject of this story ending...

What? WHAAAAT?!? WHAAAAAAT?!? NO! NO! NO! NO! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?

Airstream