- Member Since 6th Nov, 2015
- offline last seen May 8th, 2016
BlandPony
"Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on." - Louis L'Amour
BlandPony
Joined 6th Nov, 2015 ·
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Where's the cover image from?
Not a bad first attempt.
Not bad.
Pretty decent for a first time.
I don't know how to make a nice comment, and criticize!
*panic attack*
6629936
Like this:
Sir, I regret to inform you that you have a few punctuation mistakes. However, for a vanilla clop fic, this was still pleasing to read despite the occasional error.
Good for your first time.
She wants him for more than a night.
structure wise, its a fairly decent fic, with only a few errors to distract the reader. story wise, its very, very bland with very little in the way of a hook to draw the reader in. now, u admitted this was ur first clopfic, so i can be somewhat forgiving, but there is a limit. essentially what we have here is clop for the sake of clop, something that normally really pisses me off because its rarely, if ever, well written. i see stories like this that have characters hook up and have sex for almost no reason and theres usually very little in the way of build up or even any semblance of plot (not that kind! please exit the gutter for a bit). here, u have a semblance of a reason for the clop, Flutters wanting to thank Spike for his help, but there still isnt a lot of build up and the actual sex scene is lack luster and fairly boring. that being said, there r some people who go for that kind of thing and would enjoy it. i just happen to not be one of them...
6629953
Oh, the Horror, The HORROR!!!!
B-but, th-that's n-not m-m-me!!!.
6630209
See, it sounds like someone else. Maybe my angelic behavioral sister?
6630192
Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate that you pointed out my mistakes. I will hopefully write a decent clopfic in the future once I get better at writing material like this!
6630646 if i may...the way to best improve? read the works of others, the good and the bad. look st what works, what doesnt work...and apply it
6630805
Okay, thank you!
Nice first attempt.
Also, sequel; a little longer, if I may add.
Well, not bad! It's a good fic for a first time
The only problem here it's the size, I like long chapters/fics more.
you may want to proofread before posting... notice a few mistakes. not bad though
The quality is quite simple in the development, but I like it. It's good to have something simple every once in a while. Take care of the grammar and spelling though, I could help with that if you want to.
Despite the spelling errors in this from here and there, this is a pretty good fic. Sexy fic, too. Just work on the grammar and all that.
Eh, not bad. Short and sweet, good first attempt. You get 4/5 mustaches
~The Rift Walker
It's not bad for a first clop fic, I kind of want to see where this going. My biggest complaint is that it was too short.
Many other comments have already said most of what I want to say. But I just wanted to add that I thought Fluttershy was very in character here, well apart from being brave enough to initiate sex maybe. Spike felt pretty good too. Overall, I wouldn't say it was shit, just a bit bland really.
6629520 http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9621803/ (SFW image on a NSFW site)