The Fluttershy Guy
Joined 7th Apr, 2012 ·
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- colorbrush94 · 14k words · 22 0 · 3.1k views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm not too sure but I did enjoy the first chapter. Liked and Fav'd. Lets see where this goes
EDIT: Was Awesome! Can't wait for more!
Hmm interesting concept. I would like to know more about the other alicorns and Aldric's relationship with Luna and Celestia. The plot int his first chapter is a little lacking, but you can tighten it up in future installments. But it is pretty good, it certainly got my attention!
Favorited and i will be following this!
I liked this chapter better than the first. You made the plot more...together is only how i can describe it. The action in the story is great!!!
I would suggest you work on the character development. I can't wait for the next chapter!!!
692317 oh don't worry friend the first two chapters are the 'prologue' Three is rather big and 4 is probably going to be one of the largest chapters. 5 I'm aiming to make EPIC.
to those of you who favorite this...please thumb it up too! the downvotes make me sad
I think You have improved a little bit. You did manage to put images in my head (and some pretty cool ones at that). The story line is really interesting, I have no complaints there. Some suggestions I would have is that you work on letting the dialogue flow a little bit better. In some places it seems to be a little forced or out of place, such as when Aldric suddenly starts shouting at Applejack. You could have built up to it instead of all of a sudden having him start screaming. But I Like how suddenly his temperment can change, it gives him an interesting character. Just keep it coming, this is a good story!!!
I don't know why you have gotten so many down votes in proportion to the up votes. Some people are to critical. GET ME THAT NEXT CHAPTER SOON!!!!
723357 she blamed him for the fall and letting chaos kill foals thats why he suddenly started screaming :/ thank you btw moar coming up
I loved this chapter! No criticism this time. Can't wait for the next one!
And boner at the end thanks for that T_T
896496 lol
Next up......SEQUEL!!
This is amazing
979479 aw ty have a mustache
979497 this story is so underrated it deserves so many more views and likes and I demand a sequel as the former god of knowledge I demand one
979497 and Luna actually managed to seduce Aldric I called that