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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Fine. Have it your way, then.
Okay... Have it your way~
This is well-written, but I really don't see Fluttershy ever falling in love with this guy. Tolerate, maybe, but so far, he's just been ignoring her feelings, using her to further his career, and being an overall creep! He may have been nice to his subjects but that doesn't excuse his behavior towards Flutters at all. Maybe I'm overreacting with this, but she WAS basically raped, so I don't think I am.
I don't hate this story, I actually like it, a lot! I just have no idea how Flutters would ever fall in love with him.
I'm done ranting now. Please don't hate me for this comment.
7640957 Rape is a pretty strong word to use in this instance. I don't want to get into details, but the scene where they consummated their marriage could have been a lot uglier, if you use your imagination. Is Sombra a villain for what he has done so far? Yes, he definitely is, and I will not try to justify his actions. I will only portray an explanation that illustrates an understanding as to why he is the way he is. I leave the judgement of his over all character up to you, the reader.
I would very much like to see another chapter out as soon as possible. Besides for 'magesty' which is actually spelled 'majesty' I have found nothing else wrong. You sir, have just earned a follower!
Now this is a great story. Truly Sombra is the pinnacle of Lawful Evil. Love how easily he dismissed Celestia. This story kind of reminds me of the nature of freedom vs security that most leaders struggle to deal with. Great start and hopefully we get to see more.
Nice reference too lord of the rings.
Hope to see more chapters soon
7640708
7640922 Agh! Dammit! You both beat me to it!
Okay, I loved this chapter and I'm happy to see the story return after so long. I liked how Sombra tried to comfort Fluttershy by being more gentle yet was ****blocked by his advisor. It was nice to see more of Sombra's servants, especially loved the bat pony brewer. Overall, I loved the interaction between Shy and Sombra as he acts kindly towards her while Shy deals between feelings of fear and liking.
I'm lovin it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Wait, shit, that's McDonalds.
7642410 That's it, I'm changing the name of the chapter!
Oh my gosh!!!!! This was so worth the wait. I am looking forward to the rest of the story.
I like the way you describe parts of stuff in the story like the food, rooms, and items as well great job
Took me forever after before I got it. Though in my defense, I work 50 hours a week.
7645792 I work sixty
I love this story
And i love the contrast sombra has. Though im dying to see how he handles the labd around him.
It being filled with so many criminals
Not going to lie, I thought of this scene when I read this bit.
I am seriously loving this story so far!
First time sex shouldn't be so painful you cry after. Sounds like Sombra was far too rough. I hate it when guys just jackhammer away! Either that or Fluttershy was nervous and tensing up. Probably both.
Still, he did rub her back after. Interesting.
Fluttershy closed her eyes, shuttering.
*shuddering.
I understand your scared but you are the best friend of the lord of chaos, it's not the first out there title you have.
I was going to move along without doing this, but then you added that Author's Note...
HAVE IT YOUR WAY™
Killjoy.
Well, here's a good one from a great book.
“Right,' Thomas said. 'Where are we headed?'
'To where they treat me like royalty,' I said.
'We're going to Burger King?'
I rubbed the heel of my hand against my forehead and spelled fratricide in a subvocal mutter, but I had to spell out temporary insanity and justifiable homicide, too, before I calmed down enough to speak politely. 'Just take a left and drive. Please.'
'Well,' Thomas said, grinning, 'since you said 'please'
- Thomas Raith & Harry Dresden, Small Favor, Jim Butcher”
This is clearly Alt-universe, but with out any internal logic behind it. Ugh, so much is wrong with all of this. It's own continuity doesn't make sense either.
If Sombra was good to his subjects, why would they have gone to Celestia and Luna and begged for their help in the first place?
As with most fanfic 'Sympathy for the Devil' nonsense, it rewrites a fraction of the history it needs to demonize the good guys, but totally ignores everything that doesn't fit the propaganda message.
7641230 Pfft, give me a break. if you sew Deadpool's mouth shut, you can also pretend that you're the best wise-cracker.
In a story where no one is permitted to give a response, it's not genuine. It's nothing but character-wanking.
Hmm, if Sombra is such an evil king, that uses slaves and chains in the show when he briefly ruled, why is he being such a nice guy here. "Sympathy for the Devil" takes a long time of build up. If you want to write a smutty paperback, please do so, but this is not even close to the Sombra we know and briefly met.
He better evil it up pretty soon so we remember what a douchy jerkbag he is.
Meanwhile, back in Ponyville, an Earth Pony mare with a wine bottle and grapes for a Cutie Mark smiled at the letter from her former employee/close friend. She should've known Nevermore would be fine. Not only was she a strong, confident young batpony, she was with Fluttershy: the mare who stared down a cocktrice, made a fully grown dragon bawl like a foal, and tamed the spirit of Chaos. If anypony could handle Sombra, it was her...
Sombra. From what Nevermore's letter said, he was surprisingly just and kind, nothing like what Sombra of the books was like. She knew first hoof how stories could be exaggerated- most of the town thought of her as a drunk because she ran the liquor store, and her friend Derpy as a retard because she had Brown's Syndrome! Perhaps Sombra wasn't as bad as everypony thought...
"What're you doing Mommy?" Berry Pinch asked as she trotted downstairs.
"Nevermore wrote us!"
Pinchy lit up at the mention of her former hoofsitter. "She did?! How's she doing?! Did she get my picture?! Did she see Sombra in pony?! Does he really eat fillies?! Is his castle creepy?! Has she seen the Northern Lights?! Did-"
Berry Punch chuckled. "Why don't you come here and read it yourself?"
9028541
If you don't like it then stop reading it and fuck off 😏
8699993
From what I'm seeing. it's less a sympathy for the devil and more a history is written by the winners/ too much suffering can change a person or in this case pony type scenario where after Sombra failed the first time he took a different approach. Plus, if you read the comics "My Little Pony: Fiendship is Magic" that give the back story to a few of the villains including Sombra. alongside the my little pony comics. He becomes a whole new character that puts this whole thing into perspective. But then again I am ONLY THREE CHAPTERS in.
9301797
I actually just started reading the comics a few months ago. To my surprise I'm enjoying them more than the show.
Well, critique time.
I love your prose. Your gothic, fantasy atmosphere is wondrous. The dialogue is lovely and Sombra comes across strong. The emotion in this story is tangible and there's a lot of background lore and nice supporting characters. You know how to tell a story and you do it wonderfully style-wise.
However, the end of the last chapter made me rather nervous. Like I mentioned in my first comment, I was worried that there would be some potentially abusive undertones because this kind of storyline can spawn them pretty quickly. I felt pretty ill reading the first few paragraphs of the chapter here because I don't know how I'm supposed to see the 'sealing' of their union as anything but really rapey. It's really the only negative thing I can find in this story, but it's a big one. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel about what's happening.
9326691
I say this with all do respect, and I am in no way being sarcastic.
Fuck, that makes me sound like I'm being even more sarcastic, doesn't it?
If rape is a topic that makes you uncomfortable, I would recommend that you drop the story. It hasn't even begun to get rapey yet. There is a scene a few more chapters in that describes a mother being beaten and violently gangraped In front of her ten year old daughter by a group of bandits. The daughter is then raped in front of the mother by one of the bandits. It's not too explicitly written, as this is a teen rated story, but yeah. It's a thing that happens. I don't want you to get too invested into something that will ultimately disturb you.
If I see even ONE Burger King reference in the comments...
I was going to make a joke about Mattress Queen, does that anger you more?
quite. Adjective.
9667936
sorry, I forgot the company. There's a company with queen in the name, I thought it was called mattress queen. There isn't, my mistake.
the went on?
That little bit at the end there was cute
telekinetic
Telekenetic. Telepathy means reading minds