I love the concept, although it is too long for me to want to read...the description is good enough to earn a thumbs-up from me.

>>682731682731

I thank you for your honesty. Tell me though, if you find the time to read it, could you maybe recommend where  you think I should consider cutting the chapter?

>>682804682804 I'll fav this to keep track, but I have no clue when I actually will read it. If I do relatively soon, I will give any advice I think of. Good luck on the rest of your fic!

As a hint though, if you want to spread out chapters...I don't know how often this happens because I still haven't read it...but if the scene ever changes that is a good opportunity to change chapters.

Good story, but I think you may want to find a proofreader.

>>683378683378

I'm open, I'm just waiting for offers. Unless you know where I can find some?

>>683391683391 Nope, sorry. I just read the fics. No idea what happens behind the scenes.

>>683414683414

That's alright. Trust me though I plan on re-reading both chapters and editing them. I'll do everything I can to make this turn out at 100%.

This was very good. Its very funny. Nice concept. Youve got the CMCs down good, and the comedy is perfect. Dead Ringer is a interesting character and i kinda like how he and scoots have something in common. Looking forward to see how thats gonna play out.

As for the length, I found it perfect. Not too long but not too short leaving you wanting more. Also not much if any rambling or dragging something out. I tend to do that a bit myself.

If your looking for a good place to cut this chapter up, I'd say just after the girls leave for the tree house maybe.

Please, keep up the awesome work.

Mmmm, not a bad story so far... It doesn't really have as much meat on its paragraphs as I normally like in my story, but it really did a great job of keeping me interested and I'll definitely take a jab at that chapter 2 tomorrow when I'm not feeling so gosh darn tired.  

From first impressions alone, I'd say this story ranks in the high 3 star to low 4 star range.  If I'm really impressed with the second chapter though, I'm sure a personal rating of 4.3 wouldn't be out of the question!  

Dead Ringer must learn to stop taunting Murphy.

Given this huge chapter length, I'm dreading the wait for a new chapter, but DAMN is that an awesome-huge chapter. I love it.

I've heard of putting love into your food, but that's just crazy!

>>684125684125

Well, that's Pinkie Pie for you. Actually there a chapter that will explain how she makes cupcakes from scratch.

>>683504683504

Thank you, you have no ideas how much that makes me feel . I'm also glad you noticed that.

Well, talk about your co inky dink.

You split the chapter? Why?

>>684742684742

A few readers complained it was too long, and it was turing them away from it. Its still just ONE chapter, just split into parts.

Chapters this length are PERFECT, IMO, anywho I didn't see any spelling errors because I was not looking lol.

Love the story and I will patiently wait for more.

Aw I for one loved the long chapter length.

Eh oh well different readers have different tastes.

Also I must say that typing on an iPod is hella awkward.

>>685768685768

I know what you mean.

Don't worry Dead Ringer, you won't be embaresing any other chagelings.

They're all dead.

>>686077686077

Wha? I miss something?

... Scootaloo Prime?

Just for shyts and giggles:

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CHANGELING CARETAKERS YAY!

*a squirrel in a nearby tree explodes, a tragic tale indeed*

(Typing on a touchscreen phone is fascinating yet frustrating)

>>683948683948

I'll keep working.

>>687729687729 Read the revision of that part. Looking much better! And thanks for taking my thought into account.

Yes, the CMC taking their leave, after telling it amongst themselves, makes their disappearence seem less sudden. (At least to me, and that's all that matters )

>>687382687382

That's funny, I might actually use that. Is that okay?

>>688130688130

By all means go ahead

>>686109686109

Currently have one who's trying to get back to me. In the mean time updates have been made.

Any updates either to the story or progress?

>>918208918208

The next chapter is almost done. What's taking so long is its longer then I expected it would be.Its currently 10,000 words, so I'm considering splitting it. But currently I have my editor looking at the first half, once she's done with that I'll update soon.

So just hang in there.

Great, looking foward to it.

“His name is Professor Con McFabricator"

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1v8lfJ8vE1r3k1m8o1_500.png

>>10689901068990 Pretty much my reaction when I was going through it...

>>10689901068990

Thanks for the awesome comment.

Another neat chapter.

Sweet.

>>10701151070115

It's about to get sweeter.

>>10701281070128

Liiiiiiiiike ChimeyCherryChonga sweet or Mazqapone Meringue Madness kind of sweet?

Hurr Hurr Hurr

“I promise, for as long as I’m here, no harm will come to you. And… to be your pupil, till I’m healed.” kinda poor choice of words. Great chapter by the way

>>10723221072322

Thanks , but why a poor choice of words?

>>10729411072941 he said "no harm will come to them.", when he should have said "he will not harm them."

>>10733121073312

Correct, but by saying that he's secured the promise that no harm will befall them while he's there. By saying it like that, he's assured that no harm will come to them from him, or other threats. *HINT HINT*

>>10737421073742 exactly

>>10793261079326

Dead Ringer: "What was that?"

please continue?

>>11673691167369

Don't worry I'm working on the chapters.

The only things slowing me down is editing and a few things here and there.

Like the Alien refrens.

Hmmm, little surprised Cheerilee didn't push the subject, maybe waiting for a better time.

So Dead Ringer started off as kind of a failure eh? He must have really worked hard to get where he is...Oh no, what in Celestia's name did Ringer just find...I'm thinking a squirrel...

Pretty good chapter but despite it's length it didn't really feel like much happend...they got a bunch of books...and some cupcakes...Pinkie Pie would never allow for so much filler in a pastry.

Additionally there were a number of minor errors, mostly misspelled or missing words. Pointed out in context for ease of correction:

dusting his hands of any grim (I believe you mean grime)

“we’re here looking for a books to-”

release form wavering Twilight Sparkle (waving)

herself a certified therapists!

Cheerilee tilted her head as mind interpreted what she just heard.

“Your,” Scootaloo paused.../cut for length/...cookie jar. “You're not upset over the whole scooter accident are ya?”

goodbye to the fluttered dragon. “Bye Spike! Thanks for the books!” (flustered)

brothers and sisters of they’re shared class. (their)

“Oh?” The part pony asked,

or in this a second pink pony munching on popcorn (this case?)

while Scootaloo was just tried to look

did I have to wear a apron

Your arguments invalid!” (argument is or arguments are)

newest visitor a invitation.

>>12924441292444

Well I'm sorry you feel that way about the chapter. But don't worry the next one will be shorter. Also thanks for the pointing out the errors.

>>12930041293004

You're welcome, and I don't want to sound like I didn't enjoy it, because I did (I wouldn't even be commenting if I didn't actually like reading this story.). Just ya know...eight thousand words to check out some books and buy cupcakes.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png

It's probably not even a complaint anyone else will share.

>>12930121293012

I know what your saying, don't worry.

But on a side note other stuff did happen that will factor into the story later, like with Pinkie's party and her little cupcake experiment.

But like I said we're both on cool.

lol XD

>>12935951293595

I'm guessing you found it funny?

>>12936011293601 alittle yeah. i liked it

>>12930611293061

Alright sounds good.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png

Briliant,  I realy liked the part with PinkiePie, she is so awesome 4 th wall breaker.

Splendid indeed.

But one must wonder, how will Zecora respond to this foreign being?

For in this forest, anything can be most teeming.

Dead Ringer nodded

Image: http://ih2.redbubble.net/image.10093511.5453/sticker,375x360.png

they just could go back (could just)

Scotty hastily nodded with affirmation.

Commander Dead Ringer: "Scatty, buzz me up." *Teleporter noises*

Why do I get the feeling that Scatty and a certain gray coated, blond maned pegasus are destined to meet...

“Adventure is just bad planning.”

-Roald Amundsen

Love the quite.

“COMMANDER! Commander Dead Ringer!”

“Commander Dead Ringer!”

Dead Ringer

Image: http://www.tfportal.de/gfx/items/large/dead_ringer_large.png

>>682731682731

O for the love of Celestia...    This is precisely why good, longer (particularly novel-length) fics rarely end up in the featured box.  The average attention span on this site is equivalent to the length of a gnat.  

H123G, despite what everypony else seems to think, shorter is not always better.  I think your story is pretty close to the "right" length for what you tried to accomplish.  

What those needs to be what's that. If they're multiple items, it would be What're those.

Nice to see another update. Do it again!

>>13861681386168

I won't lie, I've never played that game.

>>13861721386172

Wow, thanks.

>>13860951386095

Maybe...

Image: http://i1086.photobucket.com/albums/j446/my_little_avatars/Apple%20Jack/applejack_012.gif

>>13862951386295

>>13862201386220

I considered using the grammar contraction for it, however "What're" felt rather clunky. In fact it felt like the kind of grammar Applejack or Apple Bloom would most likely use.

However it's just my opinion.

I like the fact that Changelings heal in cocoons for a week.

>>13863461386346

Technically it only took Dead Ringer a week. It varies depended on injury.

I know I'm a little late to the party, but I gotta say, this was an awesome chapter. The little throw-away lines make this a very engaging story.

"What the fang"

"We gotta move that lamp"

The little things make it great.

>>13865121386512

I love the little things too.

w00t

For an instant I thought this chapter would have the Cupcakes reference.

>>13862721386272

Yeah, but I just had to reference it, the changeling's name is the same from one of Spy's watches in Team Fortress 2. :P

>>13863651386365

I know. Did you got this idea of the changelings healing in cocoons, or it is canon?

>>13871151387115

No it was my idea. Everything involving the changeling mythos in this story was an I idea created.

When it comes to the changeling's the only idea from the canon I'm using is that they survive on positive emotions, and can change into ponies. Anything else you read is coming from my noggin only.

>>13872591387259

I'm planning to make a changeling-related fic soon. May I use your ideas?

>>13883451388345

Define, "use ideas". If you mean the idea of them being able to sniff emotions, and heal through cocoons. Then sure.

I'm actually kinda flattered to have my idea for changeling concepts spread.

>>13863231386323 Harrumph. Racist. Somehow.

>>13902541390254

I don't think, "Southern" counts as a race.

Technically I live in the south as well. So, "I beg your pardon."

>>13885981388598

Yeah, like that.

Keep up with your story, it's good.

Cutie Mark Crusaders Transform and Roll out

Pinkie found that joke to be in poor taste.

Wow that joke must have been bad for Pinkie to hate it

Hahaha, they wanted to teach changeling with books, and turn out those books are on the University level when they need children books, and when did Daring Doo book became a educational tool ?

Anyway I m looking foward to part with Zecora, still, I find somethink weird about this story, plot hole or somethink.

Changelings fed on love, it mean they need to disquise thamself to steal love, the invasion on canterlot was probably result of not enogh love gathered convencional sneaky ways.

So how can changelings not know how to read when they need to disquise thamself as ponies and act like tham ( with mean they should know what book is, not to mention know alot from life of pony they disquise thamself as ), I find it as rather weird changeling backstory, not realy suitable for a sneaky nation who need to feed on other creatures love and emotions to not know anythink about other cultures.

>>13965301396530

You are correct. However their more focused on being deceitful then learning of others. Your are also correct by saying there would've been at least a curious changeling or two in the bunch. As the story continues I hope your questions will be answered.

Also Daring Doo isn't an educational tool, its just a really known book to children.

>>13970591397059

I know, the part with Daring Doo book was ment to be a joke.

Just be careful to avoid plot holes what the show itself is popular for.

>>13971131397113

Well in the show he was blank, plus the writers assumed the blanket covering his flank would be enough to hide it. Even though clearly he has none. So although the writers state that, I'm still going by the show standards for this. Plus this does play a factor in the story later.

>>13970731397073

Oh sorry.

Don't worry. I've got ideas.

Chapter one: protagonist loses his dignity.

Oh, that never gets old.

Third chapter (technically chapter 2 if I include the prologue)

“A Cha cha cha cha! Changeling…!”

Oh gosh. I just read that line in David Bowie Sensei's voice. Why does my mind do stuff like that?

...

There's just one line that bothered me:

“I’m supposed to be heading away from settlements, now going near them!”

I think you meant "not".

...

I'll keep reading.

>>14102731410273

Thanks, I don't how my editor or pre-reader missed it.

I hope your liking the story.

Chapter 4 (or three if you want to get technical)

Professor Con McFabricator That is the codeword for "shady" and "untrustworthy".

I assume that was an intended pun.

Afhoofica

This pun on the other hand just burns.

“Who said I was joking?” Silver Spoon responded, her amused grin never leaving her face.

Oh that is it! I am going to shove her rusty cutie mark right up her... *notices small children listening*... tailbone.

...

Yes, yes I am enjoying reading this.

Chapter 5 (or is it 4?),

Oh thank gosh! He didn't break out his version of This Day Aria. *wipes sweat away*

>>14108021410802

Well first he has to execute his plan. THEN when he has one of the Mane Six captured he'll break out the song. It'll go something like this: "This day has been just perfect. The kind of day I've dreamed since I woke up..."

Once he's finished he'll realize they've already escaped.

I am of course joking, no spoilers here.

“… Baker’s Log: New Sour Cupcake needs less sour...” She coughed as her voiced strained to speak. “Less, less, sour…”

I'm not even disgusted that Pinkie Pie made something so sour.

She succeeded in making something so horrible that even her taste buds couldn't handle it.

That's amazing.

MOAR