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An Earth Pony Filly loves to go around and help others with her inventions. One day one of the Elements of Harmony discovers her talent and decides to get a bit too nosy. But the little filly Saving Grace has nothing to hide, right?
This is a story of self discovery, but it is also something a tad different.
Editor: skultech
Credit for Story Art Goes To: Playful Foxe (Previously known as Kyro King)
Note: This has nothing to do with religion, it is just a name.
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I like Night's immature personality. It's a nice contrast to Grace,
There will be MOAR. 2100945
Now this is a nice little gem of a story. You have caught my eye a second time dear sir!
Best of luck with it!
Story seems fine to me.
:D I love this already! Innocence! Changelings! Huzzah! Commence follow :D
Really looking forward to seeing more of the interactions between these characters.
... Now to hope you don't go and pull a 'The Golden Armor' >_<
2102446 Might I ask what you mean with pulling a golden armor?
Also twas about time you posted this story. And when will you give me another chapter to edit?
Working on it now! Also thanks everyone! No clue what he means lol. 2102984
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)
Ah, by that I meant how the story began as super cute and innocent and 'Romance/Comedy' in a nutshell, and something great to feel bubbly and happy inside.
And in the most recent chapters, the main character has broken a heart, been acting medically depressed, and exploded at someone who really didn't deserve it.
Its just... not exactly the direction the first few chunks of the story had been suggesting :/ (And, for the record, I hope this doesn't explode into some horrifying grimdark doom-fest D:)
( ^ Is slightly paranoid
I don't do grimdark or romance that well. I do make stories that make you feels however, still I wanted Grace to be different. They live on their own but she is not depressed. 2103425
hahaha, a changeling had to be taught by a filly how to impersonate a pony he live with many years, lol.
And to think other changelings need just mere minutes to do that, this one sure give up on stealing love and lost all his experience.
I hope mane 6 wont be to cruel when they find out who he really is, and knowing Twilight, they sure will, it is just matter of time.
Actually, Grace had to teach him how to act ( or at least light lessons ) around town. Since around him she acts quite differently and is not graceful in teh least bit. A for stealing love, he has no clue how to do that and can only receive love for the most part. 2109181
A simple start so far, kinda wish their would be more of an indication when switching view points between characters.
A small error: "looking around she noticed quite a few happy GLARES and waves" you probably meant to say stares, not glares
Nice catch, and I usually use dividers in my stories but I did not feel like it called for it... I suppose I could fix that a bit later or soon. 2113704
Sorry, did you mean from Chapter 3? Because until then the story focus's on Grace's perspective only. 2113704
Feels a little rough, but I like it.
Thank you! I will admit that sometimes my stories lack polish. But I try to make them seem like real life situations and life can be rough... Granted I do need to learn a better style for planning my stories. 2133983
Well I am the only one here who can complain about his
*insert dramatic acting voice* HORRIBLE HORRIBLE GRAMMAR!! oh the horror, the horror!!
Yeah I have problems
Strange, even Mary Suesness of main character isn't that bad for story.
Well... I wanted this story's strong point to be that. I suppose she is slightly Mary Sue, but she's still a kid. 2152314
my feels....keep up the good work
How cute, I wonder what Fluttershy is hiding.
too much dawwwww my feelz are hurting
Ah that is hilarious, I guess night shade can't hold in is feelings after all.
anyway can't wait to get to the Twilight scene. I bet she's gonna freak when she finds out her friends are backing the changeling.
Ish coming hehe. 2183118
2183177 oh dear I cant help but hear it in the golum voice. It's soo cute!!!!
and thanks for the heads up.
Well, I already know how I wan't that scene to go and in fact that scene idea was why I started this story in the first place. It has feeeeeeeeeels lol. 2183190
You need a proofreader. There are a ton of little mistakes everywhere, such as incorrect punctuation and improperly-used words. You also seem to have trouble with tenses.
That said, I am interested in seeing where you're going with this story.
You can ask around here to find one.
I do have one. However if you think you can find enough mistakes, then why not choose to help me? Besides, I'm not that bad
No offense, and I always appreciate help but not really citing examples is not constructive criticism and all my readers seem to agree that I'm obviously doing SOMETHING right hehe. 2183708
I will give you two things out of this that I do agree with. When it comes to punctuation, I'm always missing the right place's for a comma or a semi colon and things of that nature. As for tenses, normally when I switch one in my stories I will give an indicator marker such a divider made out of these ======== or something of that nature, but each chapter is so short I felt it didn't matter. 2183708
2185351 Like I said, all those mistakes are little ones scattered around the story. Individually, not a single one of them is worth mentioning; it's as a whole that they become a problem.
I'll consider your suggestion that I help. Sometimes I've been known to copy-paste a chapter into Word and correct as I read.
Shrugs, all though I would love perfect stories...I tend not to care and a lot of readers don't either. Now granted if it's something like
"Dialogue XXXXX" and there is no comma or period, then I get annoyed. Really annoyed actually, it proves that writer did not polish their writing at all. But if a story only has some errors scattered about, and i still enjoy it...Then no big deal. 2186183
Introducing him to other element bearers went far more easy than I expected, not that I complain, but it seems a little to easy ( but it was probably because it was small changeling, more easy to trust child than grown up when it comes to deciding do he/she is not a threat ).
Often times in my stories I have trust come way later for the Mane 6 but I wanted to go in a different direction, like say how it would happen on the show. 2192462
So far everything go fine, but the hard part will be with Twilight.
What gave it away?
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And it won't be hard when pinkie throws a party and probably invites the entire town over.
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Not really, so far all her friends accepted it easy, I bet PinkiePie will be easy as well, random, but easy, if they make her Pinkie promise not to thrown party or scream, she wont.
As for Twilight, both logic and this story itself repeat over and over that it will be hardest case, no surprise there ( I noticed your sarcasm, we all know Twilight will be hard one from the beginning of the story ).
Loved Pinkie Pie's part, though I can't help but feel as though the Twilight section was a little rushed.
I mean, it seemed like she did a complete 180 the instant Grace started yelling at her. I'd have expected a little more internal resistance, but overall, still done quite well. Just fast :v
(Also yay update :D)
I suppose that is the issue with shorter chapters. I do give her a reason to just run away though in the next chapter so hopefully it wont seem too OOC to everyone. 2279806
During my editing of this chapter I also felt Twilight didn't really act completely natural, maybe it just went by too fast. But I still like the chapter.
This is good but......
I NEED MOAR!!!!!
Ish coming, ish coming.
2282700
2282711 How long?
Cuz I need it NOW.
Two chapters left I think, so not too long. 2282866
2282873 If you can please make a sequl.
You made him burping machine xD
He only burped twice, c'mon.........
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But it felt like he do this all time :P
He's burped three times in the whole story, what can I say? A guy likes to eat
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