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After a freak solar eclipse, Shining Armor and Princess Cadance are whisked away to the human world, where they are taken in by a happily lonely young musician. This young man and the ponies quickly become friends as the two adapt to living in a world different from their own.
Heavily Inspired by My Little Dashie and Rarity and I, along with the films of Alexander Payne and more specifically, the movie Beginners.
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...Meh.
Very meh... Nothing too interesting but I suppose every writer get's their self-inert fic at some point.
i love it!!!
i claim the SUPREME SWORD OF THIRD!!!
678699 Sorry, you'll have to settle for bronze.
Not bad, but it feels a bit rushed. Also, I would recommend having Shining Armor and Cadance be a little more suspicious of Ian. After the whole Changeling incident, I'd expect them to be a little bit more parnoid.
I think it has quite a bit of potential
And out of the darkness a loud voice spoke:
"AND LET THERE BE MEH!!!!!"
And so there was meh....
You know your supposed to start a new paragraph when someone new starts talking.
678796 No, I didn't. I've always separated my chapters by "sections" in the story (Ian at work, Ian driving home, etc.).
Honestly, thanks for the feedback. I'll keep that in mind next time.
*places tracer beacon on the story* Now I can follow it.
Loving this. Saw the writer, definitely reading this!
Not bad, but one advice to the author. Slower. Don't rush so hard. This look a little unnaturall that they are talking with no hesittation. If you slow a little with this, story is going to be much better ;) Anyway i'm going to watch this one and wait for another chapter.
Awesome! Definitely gonna track this.
Dialogue between characters should always start a new paragraph each time someone starts to speak. Putting all the dialogue together like that makes for a confusing read unfortunately. I would suggest you break it up to help your readers.
Still, interested to see where this concept goes.
Very interesting... Following dis shit
In my opinion, there are not enough fics where ponies come to our world. So, I'll watch this then!
To quote some of the good viewers here:
Meh... It has potential though.
liken it
i like it but it is very rushed
It's meh. I like it but two things.
1. You are rushing it a little.
2. I could see that they (Shining Armor, and Candence) could be a bit suspicious, after all there is some strange creature on a different world
well i had this big list of ideas for ya but i didn't put them up don't want any pony thinking im trying to make them wright there story the way i like it but good work man liked it just make it longer slower and you got it the story line is good so keep it up lofl wow some puns in there
Interesting... I like it.
Nice so far
Nice!
I would call this kind of story EoE (Equestrian on Earth).
Cooking with ponies. (i know, this is already with a human but...hush!)
Thanks for the salsa recepie! I look forward to trying it out next time I have Mexican cuisine.
If cadence got on me for having meat, I'd be all like " this is my meat mother Fu--er!!!!!
684184 Well then, I hope you enjoy Shining Armor's back hoof in your face after talking to his wife like that.
Thank you for the salsa recipe!
684597 No prob'. It's the hit of every party I go to.
Good story.
I wonder if the next chapter would contain Christopher Cross' Arthur's Theme (The Best That You Can Do)
I would love to see 80s music.
686568 I'm really not into that kind of 80's music, but I'm sure something like that will appear somewhere.
690293 The Chapter 2 Title, Hungry Like the Wolf is by Duran Duran?
Is that where you got it from?
690349 There are exceptions, don't get me wrong, but I only did that because the chapter had a lot to do with food. I'm trying to make a motif where all the chapter names are song titles.
Oooh, things are getting interesting!
Yay! We got a song title from The CURE!
692241 I was relating to the Dream Theater song of the same name, but sure.
692269 I thought it was The Cure because they were the one with the song title the first time, which was released in 1990. The song you referring to was released 15 years later.
Oh well
Not to mention that your mentioning of Jewel-Osco perked up on the setting being in Indiana, Illinois, or Iowa. I'm guessing Illinois.
692376 psdgraphics.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/bulls-eye.jpg
The song, "Why don't you get a job" by The Offspring, perfectly shows us what Ian's dad should have done a while ago.
693480 Don't you mean Ian's mom? Even if that were the case, this was supposed to be a really dramatic chapter, and a chapter titled with a song with as much tongue in cheek as that one would not fill that dramatic quota.
The main problem I have when reading this is the Dialogue (its like 2 characters speak in one paragraph... it's suppose to be only 1 in a paragraph).... aside from that this story looks good
695224 In all honesty, the "correct" way of writing bugs the literal hell out of me. I don't like moving my head and/or eyes down 3 times every second after a bout of short sentences, especially since doing so forces me to interrupt my reading every 15 - 30 seconds to scroll the page down.
My god the formatting. It really REALLY makes it hard to read this.
The dialogue is really confusing since it's not separated out at all. I think I'll leave this one on my 'to do' list and come back later to see if the author ever cleans it up.
Please change the dialogue to paragraphed, it really is so much easier to read and makes the whole thing seem like much less of a mess!
It would also help if you could fragment the paragraphs to stop the whole story looking like blocks of text (This could be the first point as well.)
It might also be a good idea to use more pronouns or just cut out the I did this and I did that then I did this then I did that, it makes it really really boring.
Just a poem about another point: Don't Use Said.
Apart from that seems good.
I do say, this was quite the chapter. Nice cliffhanger as well.
Ian's story was quite well done, just about to the point of