Writing in my nest. Proofreading status: Avaible!
(The cover image will be added later today as I cannot seem to add it at the moment)
Azure Radiance, an earth pony filly with a rare genetic mutation that makes her look like an alicorn but without the ability to use magic and fly, is thrown into a world of bullies when she goes to school for the first time. Will she be able to find a way to be happy again?
Rated T for references to filly birth and possible suicide mentions later in the story.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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An interesting idea, but the execution is lacking.
The biggest problem I see here is stilted, unnatural dialogue and reactions. That's not how parents react when their child is sick. That's not how doctors and nurses talk. Plus, you managed to get almost everything about DNA wrong, but I guess I only noticed because I worked with it.
Also, what bothers me is that making her look like an alicorn seems to be a cheap way around the whole "people hate alicorn OCs" thing. The logic of it is also rather flawed: if her wings and horn don't work anyway and never will, it could be fixed with plastic surgery (for example in polydactyly, superfluous fingers are often removed when the kid is young) or whatever magic spell ponies have. If you really want to go with that, find a believable reason why it can't be done. And it should be better than cheap reason to have feels in the story.
Worst case scenario, you want her to look like an alicorn because she's totally getting alicorn powers later in the story. For God's sake, don't do that. That would be going back to an overpowered OC again, which, I assume, you wanted to avoid.
6498477 Yeah, she's not getting alicorn powers later in the story.
The prologue was a little rough for me to write, which is why I kept putting off releasing the story sooner.
Now, spoilers. Like deep spoilers. If you don't want to be spoiled for the rest of the story, please don't read them.
The reason I want her to look like an alicorn is for the fact that she will be bullied about it. Like being called "Princess Failure" and stuff like that. Amputation is a possibility, but her parents are going to let her make that decision. Azure eventually finds out in the end that it's not bad to be different and unique, and she ultimately decides to keep her 'wings and horn'.