Excy
Joined 14th Dec, 2013 ·
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This seems very "telly: at the start. In particular this paragraph:
reads like a story description, not something you'd find inside the story.
You've also go some very odd word choices, for example:
Is Spike in awe of Twilight? Is Twilight in awe of Spike? Why would either of them be in awe anyway?
To be honest, I've lost my sense of sympathy for Spike. Is there really any evidence that proves Rarity even likes him as more than friends? It's getting stale.
Back to the story, first thing I noticed was the opening paragraph which describes a lot of things that could have been expounded upon. Also it seemed odd that Spike avoids interacting with Twilight and everyone and then with Twilight barely prodding him he suddenly opens up.
In conclusion this isn't necessarily a bad story imo and I like that you wrote it but with this theme having been done before arguably better with more depth, as the deep topic of unrequited love should warrant, I feel like it just falls short.
img09.deviantart.net/b342/i/2015/246/7/d/spike_angelbunny_by_hillbe-d98au7l.jpg
Then Manifestation Inspiration Castle Sweet Castle come along 'RESET'
img05.deviantart.net/fc3e/i/2015/248/d/c/fin_by_hillbe-d98jwoz.jpg
YOU DONE GOOD
Certainly needs work. It seems like Spike has everything thought out which makes Twilight kinda useless in this. Twilight also isn't the only one to leave Canterlot. True she left her parents and brother, but Spike was also hatched and raised there. In the very first episode, it was shown that he had some relation with other ponies meaning that he had left them behind when they moved even if that present was on Twilight's request.