I peeked out and saw Cadence standing there, with a few guards. I said, as I walked out, “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Princess Cadence. What brings you here?”
Cadence said, “Me and Shining armor saw a strange light coming from here.”
I bowed and said, “Why I was just helping a fellow pony with some magic. Care to come inside, alone?”
Cadence looked at me sternly and said, “I don’t go anywhere without my guards.”
I sighed and said, “I guess you left me no choice.”
Then a cry came from the cave. “Whoever is out there, help me.”
Cadence’s eyes widen and said, “That sound like Twilight.” She glared at me and said, “You let her go.”
I said, “Either you come in alone, without your guards, or Twilight will never see daylight.” I wavered at the end, hopefully she doesn’t notice.
She said, with a sigh, “Fine.” Then she turned to her guards and said, “Wait out here.” Then turned back to me. “Come on, let go into the cave.”
I lead Cadence into the cave, and to Twilight. She was tied up in a chair, looking like I whipped her, which I did a while ago. Twilight raised her head and said, “Cadence, is that really you?”
Cadence ran to her, hugged her,and said, “Of course it’s me, Twilight. Why wouldn’t it? What has he done to you?”
Twilight said, “ He had a changeling disguise as you, then say mean things about me. The changeling hasn’t been around for a few days.” I tried not to laugh at the story that she made.
I said, “Sorry, to break up this... family together. Cadence, the only way to get Twilight is to look into my eyes.”
Cadence stopped hugging Twilight, stood tall, and turned to me. There was a hateful look in her eyes. But after a few minutes, of us staring into each other's eyes. She lowered to one knee, but still looked at me. A little hate had left her eyes. I said, “Quit resisting. You will like to be controlled. You already know that Celestia is stopping Equestria from evolving.”
She shook her head and said, her head drooped closer to the ground, “No, she’s not. She wouldn’t.”
I said, “I can see the thought in the back of your head. Deep down, you know that it’s true.” Then she fell sideways, with her eyes closed. I said, as I sat down, “Open your eyes.” She opened her eyes to show that they were glazed and unfocused. I said, “You will forget everything Twilight told you in this cave. You will tell the guards that I kidnapped Twilight to talk to you in private, but you won’t go into detail. Tomorrow, you will travel with me, fluttershy and a random pony to Ponyville. If the guards or your husband asks where you are going, you will say that you will be taking care of Twilight to get over the trauma of being kidnapped. If any other pony asks, you will say that you are visiting Twilight. When I say awake, you will return to normal, and when I say sleep, you will return to this mindless state. Do you understand?
Cadence said, in a monotone voice, “Yes.”
Twilight said, as she removed the ropes that held her to the chair, “I didn’t know why you wanted me to portray as Twilight kidnapped, but now I do. That was pretty good acting evil, master.”
I said, with a smile, “Thanks, Chrysalis. That almost drained my body, as much as you did.” I turned to Cadence and said, “Awake.”
She stood up, shook herself off and said, “You know you could have asked to talk to me privately, other than kidnapping my sister-in-law. Come Twilight, let head to my castle.” I didn’t hear anything after that. I passed out from all the magic that I have used.
When I woke up, I saw Sombra looking at his body. He said, with a surprised look on his face, “You did it. You actually took the dark magic out of me.”
I said, as I got up, “I want to see you on the train tomorrow morning. I going to help you repay for what you have done.” He nodded and I walked out.
After a few minutes, I arrived in the Crystal Empire. I was walking around, when I bumped into Fluttershy. She said, “There you are, I was worried about you. I saw a big beam of light, and then Cadence leading a group of guards to where the light was. I thought you were hurt, or worse.”
I walked up to her and said, as I rubbed her head, “I’m sorry for making you worry. If I told you what I was doing here. It would have made you more worried. I’m safe, and tired. Could you please lead me to the hotel?’
She nodded and said, “Sure, follow me.” I followed her. When we got to the room, I got a new meaning of cheap. The wallpaper was peeling, it had a smell to it. and I saw a few cockroaches crawling around. Fluttershy said, as soon I shut the door, “Is this alright with you?”
I said, as I plopped on one of the beds, “It’s fine. we are only staying here for one night.”
She said, as she sat down on the other bed, “Why did you want to have two beds? Is it because of what happened on the train?”
I sighed and sat up on the bed. Then I said, “Fluttershy, look, I had what you call a marefriend, and it didn’t work out well. Just being told that ponies will think of you as my marefriend, reminds me of what happened, and I’ve been trying to forget it. So, yeah, it has nothing to do with you, it’s just the memory. I’ll see you in the morning.” I laid down, closed my eyes, and fell asleep.
When I opened my eyes, all saw was black, then Luna popped in and said, What has been going on with your quest?”
I said, “Good, I got Cadence and freed Sombra from the dark magic. I hope you don’t mind that I chipped a piece off the moon.”
Luna, smiled and said, “It’s fine. When are you coming back to Ponyville, I found some info that you will want to know.
I said, “Tomorrow, and what is the information about?”
She said, “It’s about a way to get Canterlot. I got to go, I need to keep my appearance to keep nightmares away.”
I said, right before she left, “Add me dreams to a list of nightmares. I have been getting them regularly.” She nodded, then I woke up with Fluttershy next to me. I shook her awake and said, “Why are on the same bed as me?”
She blushed and said, “You looked cold, plus a pony want the other bed.”
I was about to ask what other pony, then I almost screamed when I saw who it was. Sombra was sleeping on the other bed. How did he find the hotel that I was staying in. Did he follow me? There was so many questions and very little time. I walked up to him shook him awake and said, “How did you find me? Does anypony know that you are here?”
He opened his eyes and said, as he got off the bed, “Relax, I know how to cover my tracks. Speaking of tracks, the train will be here in a few minute. So, lets go.” I sighed and followed him to the train.
I think the premise of the story is interesting, but the hole process of taking over Equestria is, in my opinion a little amateurish, which is perfectly normal for some one how doesn't know a thing about subverting a kingdom. I like some of the ego trip that he goes though, but I would like it more if he showed off more of his overconfidence of his situation and see him start making mistakes or that he start realizing the limits of his powers or that it see that that his time is running out and has to find a way to stay alive longer. But, I am rather looking for the moment when he frees himself of the influence of the evil influence. But in so doing, I would expect he loses control over his slave and turn on him afterward and then he finds himself either a prisoner of the thrown or that he is on the run all the time.
The main problem that I see in the story is that I don't see any real challenge to his rule and every thing seem to fall in place perfectly for him with out any real effort on his part or moral dilemma that he is faced with.
6668540 ok I got the ending already planned
The story is very interesting and has great potential and plot, but I see many things askew. The story is being written in haste, it is as though it was not corrected or previewed in care, there are many mistakes, and there is not enough explanation on what is happening in the story. I do recommend searching for an editor or someone who would love to work on this story alongside you. I also recommend fixing or editing your recent chapters before continuing. But aside from unwanted commentary, I wish to see more of your amazing imagination in the near future.