(Original Story Done by Me, Rewrite Done by Inuboy7 be sure to read both ;D)
Bad things always seem to happen to good people, or ponies for this matter. When a life is claimed, promises are broken and things are left unsaid. When Applejack and Rarity get into an argument Rarity storms off, but after Applejack is injured in a fire at her house, Rarity is nowhere to found. By the time Rarity returns and wishes to apologize and make up with her friend, it's too late...
(Cover picture found on deviantart by: ValeriyaShyshkina)
Chapters (6)
Good enough.
You could have dragged it out a little more to give it some more depth. It was really cute though.
This is excellent for a first story! Very cute plot, but a bit too short
make sure to double-check/reread your story (to make sure that you didn't make any grammatical mistakes)
other than a few minor grammatical errors (and a tiny plot) this was rather well-written
very enjoyable
!
Hmm. It needed to be longer, but I really enjoyed what was there!
Well this is really similar to the story I wrote, except the characters have been switched. Funny about that...
i liked the idea i gave it a thumbs up but i do agree it could have been longer, needs more drama to get the tears really rolling
658557 never read your story so sorry if it seems that i stole an idea : /
658299 not my "first" story its just my first attempt at a sad kind of story
658568 okie, i will, like i said before this is my first "sad" fic normally i'm more of a dark kind of writer
This wasn't bad, could've been better though.
It's good but you tried to combine too many ideas into one. No single idea was powerful enough. I did not even come close to crying. To say the least add more detail.
ever so often the grammar is messed up. like you said "might" instead of "mighty" and i think most people use "Everypony" as one word
659637 critical Angel is critical...
Thank you guys so much for the positive/constructive criticism :) I really didn't expect this to get as much attention as it did. But I realize what my major problem was. I need to make the ideas more clear and there needs to be more detail. Also as on of you pointed out, it's a sad concept but the execution of it wasn't good enough to make it relatively sad. So If I decide to do another "sad" fic I'll work on that
660074really? cuz im better at sad not so good on dark im trying to make rainbow factory version, myown twist you know. but i just ran out of ideas and its gone a little off topic of my original design, itll have the same ending i planned but I just dont fell it has all the elements i wanted in it originally. Maybe you and I can help each other out pm me tell how i can make it better. Ill do the same for you. Maybe we can even edit each others stories!!!
Wait I thought AJ died....
793666 this is a rewrite, inuboy7 rewrote the original unforgiven so thats not like events after the original story.
MUST READ LATER!
OMG WHYYYYYYYYYYY
Y U MAKE ME CRY, YOU EVIL BASTARD, YOU 
Luna damn it, this story was soooooo beautiful! Why did I wait to read it? 
Must. Fave. Now.
Hmm... I liked the rewrites, they weren't bad, but I think I would've just preferred the one-shot.
Still, a great job though
(Note: AJ's name is properly written Applejack; as one word and, some advice, when writing in a character's point of view, it's best just to write normally, not as how they would talk.
)
YOU MISPELLED BELL IN SWETTIES NA,E ITS BELLE
SHE GOT HER CUTIEMAR YEAAAAAA
