Of Mares and Donuts: The Holes that need Filling

Scygnus #1 · Aug 10th, 2015 · 1 · ·

An arousing tale as usual, CCH. Faved and... well, I'll upvote as soon as it'll let me. Which it won't right now for some reason.

cuteycindyhoney

cuteycindyhoney #2 · Aug 10th, 2015 · 2 · ·

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Thank you very much Scygnus! The funny thing is that I created Pay Dirt as a two sentence throw away joke because of her name. in chapter 12 of "My Little Pony: It's Good to be The Princess"

In the dining hall just off the main ballroom, Twilight struck Pay Dirt.

“Pardon me Ma’am!” she said to the illustrious and wealthy mining magnate she had collided with.

I simply fell in love with the Pay Dirt, and she came to life in my imagination. The throw away joke became the basis of a novella! I'm quite proud of how they both came out. Oh, and chapter 11 and 12 used to be just one gigantic chapter. I realized it was roughly twice as big as the average for the other 10 chapters, and did some editing to chop it into two parts.

Scygnus

Scygnus #3 · Aug 10th, 2015 · 1 · ·

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I am shocked and ashamed that I didn't even notice that pun when I read it.

cuteycindyhoney

cuteycindyhoney #4 · Aug 10th, 2015 · · ·

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That's okay!
Here's another peek into my creative process.
I named Sunflower Meadows for a specific reason. I really like Sunset Shimmer, and when writing posts about her on MLP blogs and the like, I always refer to her as Sunny. Of course Pay Dirt calls her closest and dearest friend Sunny as well! As for Boss, I just think it's cute that Sunny never calls her lover Pay Dirt. She only calls her Boss.

Azure Blackstone

Azure Blackstone #5 · Aug 27th, 2015 · · ·

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Alright, finally got around to reading this. All things considered it's a well executed story and the clop scenes are plenty descriptive, but I do have a hefty complaint: there's just way too much dialogue! Quite a bit of the exposition is ultimately unnecessary and the dialogue also intrudes on the clop as well, cluttering up the scenes and making them unwieldy: it certainly doesn't help that the story isn't broken up into paragraphs either. There were also a few spelling mistakes sprinkled here and there and I honestly didn't like the character of Donut Joe all that much: he seemed a bit too "high and mighty" to me, and while I understand that it's a key point of his personality, I really do think that he needed a bit more naivete to balance him out.

Don't get me wrong though, I still enjoyed the story: all it needs is a bit of pruning. Have an upvote.

cuteycindyhoney

cuteycindyhoney #6 · Sep 2nd, 2015 · · ·

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Thank you very much for the upvote!

I do appreciate when someone actually gives constructive criticism and doesn't just say "Nope, didn't like it." Going way back to my very first attempts at erotic fiction, my number one reader complaint is that I include too much story with the sex. It may just be me, but I much prefer a story with an actual story, and not just a bunch of sex scenes strung together. That's how I always write. I couldn't do a "Flash" story to save my life! As for not being broken up into paragraphs, I don't understand. Is there a format issue? I just looked, and it is displaying as paragraphs.

Azure Blackstone

Azure Blackstone #7 · Sep 2nd, 2015 · · ·

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It may just be me, but I much prefer a story with an actual story, and not just a bunch of sex scenes strung together.

And fair enough! I can certainly understand where you're coming from and I do enjoy a bit of context myself when it comes to these things. I wonder if dividing this story up into neat little chapters might have helped spread some of the story around in even helpings. I'm probably not the best person to talk to on the matter mind you, considering I'm not much of a wordsmith as of yet.

And maybe paragraph was the wrong word: the problem I had was more to do with the scene transitions and how there's no discernible difference between them and the regular paragraph break. We go straight from Pay Dirt to Donut Joe without a pause for breath or a moment to pop our monocles back in and it ends up being a bit jarring. Maybe have one of those fancy page dividers or something.

LegionofPony

LegionofPony #8 · Dec 3rd, 2015 · 1 · ·

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Well, this is on my favorite's list and upvoted. This literally has every fetish I can think of that I like (and even some that I don't, but that's A-OK), and is indeed very...stimulating. Yeah, let's go with stimulating...

Overall, the only things I didn't really like about this was the formatting. I personally have a thing about sectioning off the story into chapters, or at least inter-chapter sections or chapter indicators (even something as simple as a tidle (~) ). This is just one extremely long wall of text, and it's difficult to re-find your place should you lose it.

Pet peeves and minor criticisms aside, this is a very good story, and definitely earns my favorite and thumbs-up! Oh, and follow too! Please, keep up the good work. I'd love to see it!

Jirodyne