The Pony Whose Brain You Can't Handle
I woke up with a few lingering remnants of something like a hangover. Not debilitating or anything, but unpleasant enough to take a bit of the joy out of the new day. At least until I remembered exactly what had happened last night.
Or rather, what might have happened last night. Looking back at it, my encounter with the Princess of the Night had a fuzzy dream-like quality to it. To be honest, I’m not sure if it really happened or if it was all just a drunken sex dream. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time I’d dreamed about banging somepony, and after what happened earlier in the night it was only natural that I’d have Luna on my mind. In fact... Were those even mutually exclusive? We’re talking about Luna here, the Princess of Dreams. Who’s to say that the dream wasn’t the real thing at the same time?
However, now that I was more or less sober it seemed rather implausible to me that one of the Royal Sisters would decide to take yours truly into her bed. Especially after she’d tossed me into her dungeon for my less than entirely polite attempt to get her to bang me. Princesses generally want princes to come in and sweep them off their hooves or something, not some cheesy pickup lines from a random nopony with an overactive libido. The more I thought about it, the more likely it seemed that the whole thing was just a bit of wishful thinking on my part.
On the other hoof, there was a chance I’d just banged Luna. How cool is that? Given the choice between brushing it all off as just a dream or pulling off the ultimate banging-conquest (unless I could pull off a threesome with both sisters), I knew which one I wanted to pick.
That left me feeling good about myself for a little bit, until I thought things through. The nasty truth was that it didn’t matter if I’d banged Luna or not, because I couldn’t brag about it. From all her talk about discretion when we’d banged, I doubt Luna wanted me to go around telling anypony about what had happened. If I started going around claiming that I’d banged her she would deny anything had happened, and probably toss me into the dungeon again for good measure.
Okay, that was just cruel. What was quite possibly the crowning achievement of my entire sex life, and I could never tell anypony about it. It was almost enough to make me want to demand an audience with the Princess and ask her straight-up if we’d banged or not. Of course, if we hadn’t that would probably get my dungeon-time doubled. Or if we had, for that matter.
Come to think of it, I had no idea how long Luna was planning to keep me here. Nopony told me anything about how long my sentence was or when I’d be released. For all I knew, Luna might be planning to keep me down here as her personal sex toy for the rest of my natural life.
Admittedly that wasn’t the worst fate I could imagine, but spending the rest of my days as a royal pleasure slave wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when it came to life goals. Besides, I don’t do monogamy.
Before I could get too worked up about my possible status as a member of the royal harem my ears perked up as I heard the sound of hooves passing over clouds and the low murmur of two ponies talking. Looks like I was getting some visitors. Hopefully it was Luna here for round two, and not Luna here to toss some punishment my way and confirm that I had never banged her. Or worse, the first delegation of the Kicker clan coming to chew me out for making a mule of myself. Hopefully if any of the Kickers were coming it would be Mom, so I could get all angry at her and start an argument. Beats the hay out of having to deal with Dad being understanding but quietly disappointed or any of the family members whose opinion I actually gave a flying feather about.
To my immense relief my visitor was neither my parents coming to chew me out or a Princess coming to crush my very satisfying belief that she’d given me one hay of a good time last night. Instead, my visitor was perhaps the last pony I’d ever expected to see in any sort of dungeon. “Hey Blossom.” I stuck a hoof through the bars and waved to her. “How’s it going? You here to spring me, or is this a conjugal visit?”
“Cloud Kicker.” My best friend had just a hint of a frown on her face. I guess she wasn’t all that happy about having to fly all the way to Cloudsdale to (hopefully) bail me out of jail. Or maybe she just wasn’t in the mood for my jokes right now; she’s always been a bit of a grump.
I grinned and rested the side of my head against the bars. “So, if you’re here to bang are they gonna let you in here, or do we have to do it through the bars? I’m pretty sure I can...” I jammed my muzzle in between the bars. “Yeah, that’ll work. Alright, now just back up a bit and...”
“Cloud Kicker!” Blossom glared at me for several long seconds, until I got the message and stopped foaling around. I guess she really wasn’t in the mood for humor. Or maybe she felt like she had to start being all prude-y again now that we were in a royal dungeon. Probably both, now that I think about it.
Blossom moved up in front of my cell and I noticed a key-ring hanging off of one of her wings. Looks like she was here to spring me. Darn, I think I might’ve preferred the jailhouse banging. “So, is this a jailbreak? ‘cause if it is then I gotta say you are a truly awesome friend.”
Blossom shot another annoyed glare at me before she very tersely answered, “No.”
I guess expecting Blossom to bust me out of prison would be a bit much, she’s a bit too much of a goody four-shoes for that. Besides, odds were trying to bust out of Luna’s personal dungeon would just get her tossed in here alongside me. I didn’t want that happening to her, even if it opened up the prospect of us having prison-sex and a possible prison-threesome with Luna. Not even the interesting options that opened up to us with ready access to hoofcuffs was enough to change my mind on that. Though it did make things a little tempting.
“You’re being released,” Blossom answered stiffly. “Rainbow Dash intervened on your behalf; you’re lucky you’re friends with a pony who helped save Equestria twice.”
“So you are getting me out of here. Super.” To be honest, I’d never been all that pumped about the boss being the Element of Loyalty. Don’t get me wrong, I was proud of what she’d accomplished. It was just ... well, let me put it this way. My family is very proud of the fact that we’ve stayed loyal to the Princess for nine hundred years, that we’ve served her loyally for longer than any other pegasus clan out there. So yeah, it’s not hard to guess how the family reacted when the word got out that a pegasus from Ponyville had snagged the Element of Loyalty. And how they reacted once they found out it wasn’t me.
So yeah, it was kinda hard not to occasionally wish that I’d been the one to run into Twilight Sparkle and make friends with her instead of the boss. Snagging the Element of Loyalty would’ve been huge, more than enough to make up for the whole not being in the Guard thing. Now, my family hasn’t been crazy about that or anything; it’s not like they tossed me out and cut me off the way some families will do. Sure, things had been weird for a while, but we’d worked it out. Mom and Dad even moved to Ponyville for a while to patch things up and give me plenty of time with ‘lula.
But despite that, I couldn’t quite shake the sense that I’d failed. That I was a disappointment because I’d gone against the family tradition. Getting the Element of Loyalty would’ve proved that I was still doing right by Equestria, just in my own way. It would get rid of that lingering aura of black sheep-ness that always seemed to hang over my head whenever I interacted with my family.
I shook my head and pushed those thoughts aside. My family issues weren’t what was important right now; I was getting out of jail. “So the boss bailed me out? I owe her one.”
“A lot more than just one,” Blossom snapped at me. Looks like somepony was determined to be a grumpy bear. “She negotiated a very lenient deal for you; all you have to do is apologize to the Princess and everything’s fine. No jail time, not even a fine. You’re a free mare”
Well that’s a relief. I’d been a little worried Princess Luna was going to throw the book at me for offending her sense of decency. With the benefit of sobriety and hindsight, that had been a really dumb move on my part.
Blossom took the keys in mouth and opened up my cell. She didn’t even wait for me before turning around and heading for the door. After I caught up I made one or two efforts at small talk, but there was awkward silence hanging between us. I didn’t like it, and I wasn’t quite sure how to fix it either. I couldn’t really sit her down for a talk about why she’d gone into grump-mode in the middle of Luna’s dungeons. The simplest explanation was that she was probably just annoyed over the whole getting me out of prison thing. Flying all the way to Cloudsdale to bail out a buddy from their own goof-up is a pretty big favor. If that was the case, the best way to resolve it would be to finish the whole mess up so we could move on.
Well, there was one other thing I could do. “Hey, uh — thanks Blossom. I really appreciate you going to all this trouble for me.” Blossom’s answer was a noncommittal grunt, but she seemed a bit less annoyed with me after that.
Luna was waiting for us in a rather stately room which contrasted rather markedly with where she’d been accommodating me just a short while ago. Not that the dungeons had been especially nasty or anything – being up in the clouds makes it hard to get most of the classic features of a true dungeon like filth and rodents – but the royal suite still puts it to shame. It must be a huge pain in the posterior to get all those tapestries enchanted so they don’t go falling through the clouds, though it was nice to see some color breaking up the normal cloud-home decor of white walls and blue sky.
The Princess herself looked every bit as nice as I remembered her being. I searched her face for something to indicate what had or hadn’t happened between us last night, but Luna had the best damn poker face I’ve ever seen in my life.
Blossom gave me a slightly rough nudge with her wing, and I remembered why I was having this meeting with the Princess in the first place. “Um. Your Highness.” I had a feeling sticking to all the formalities would be a good idea right now. “I just wanted to apologize for my behavior last night. I had a little too much cider and said some things I really shouldn’t have said to a Princess. So I apologize.”
Luna stared down at me imperiously long enough for me to start sweating before she gave a very slight nod of her head. “We accept thy apology. All is forgiven, Cloud Kicker.” I was relieved that she spared us the Royal Canterlot Voice; I guess she was learning not to deafen everypony she talked to. A hint of contrition entered her face as she added. “By imprisoning you We ... may have reacted somewhat more sternly than the situation required.”
“It’s all good.” Normally I would have given her a little pat on the back or something, but I didn’t wanna push my luck with the Princess. I’d just finished getting out of trouble for the last time I’d gotten a little too familiar with her. Still, I felt like I should offer some kind of olive branch. I tentatively extended a hoof to her. “Friends?”
The Princess’ eyes widened in surprise at that, but after a few seconds of silence she gave a slight nod and shook my hoof. “We accept thy friendship.”
My brain dredged up a couple old lessons on royal protocol I’d learned back at West Hoof, and I dropped into a bow. “Thank you, Your Highness. Do we have your leave?”
A slight smile appeared on Luna lips. “‘Tis a pity thou didst not display such refinement when last We met thee, Cloud Kicker. Thou havest our permission depart. When next We meet with thee, We hope it shall be under less troubled circumstances.”
I looked over to Blossom, who had been a bit unusually silent during the conversation between Luna and I. The sweat pouring down her brow and other classic signs of nervousness answered just why that was. Somepony was just a bit freaked at having a private audience with a Princess. It probably didn’t help that she’d missed all the fun and games last Nightmare Night thanks to being down with a nasty case of pony pox.
Maybe I was just a bit jaded when it came to dealing with Royalty. Being the daughter of two fairly high-ranking Guardponies meant I ran into nobles from time to time at parties and the like. Plus there was time back when I was still going to West Hoof when I’d gone for a late-night study break at Doughnut Joe’s and ran into Princess Celestia herself. Sharing late-night doughnuts with the ruler Equestria and chatting about nothing in particular does kinda change your perspective on royals.
Princess Luna seemed to have picked up on Blossom’s little problem too. “We would have thy name, companion of Cloud Kicker.”
“Oh! Me?” Blossom started flop-sweating. The poor girl looked downright terrified. “I — um — I’m Blossomforth, Your Highness.”
“We are pleased to meet thee, fair Blossomforth.” The Princess smiled magnanimously down at Blossom, and I tried to subtly give her a reassuring little pat on her hoof. “We hope that when next We meet with thee, it shall be under happier circumstances.”
“Likewise,” Blossom squeaked out nervously.
“Thou art a friend to Cloud Kicker, yes?” Blossom gave frightened little nod. “Then t’would seem fitting if thee were to be Our friend as well, neigh?”
“Okay.” Blossom wasn’t shivering in terror quite as much as she had been. I guess she wasn’t quite as scared of the Princess anymore.
“Huzzah!” Luna declared with a smile that somehow transformed her from regal to adorable in the space of single moment. “The making of new friends is always most pleasing to Us. We hope that in the future We may have the opportunity to engage in fun with thee!”
“Yes, that would be nice.” Blossom was almost back to her old self by now. Getting a chance to see the pony instead of the Princess seemed to be helping with her nerves.
“Then We shall meet with thee anon.” A bit of Luna royal aloofness returned. “For now, Our duties call to Us, so We bid thee good day.”
Once poor Blossom finally escaped from terrifying prospect of more social interaction with the co-ruler of Equestria, the two of us started on our way back to Ponyville. I have to say, after how problematic my last visit to Cloudsdale had been heading back home sounded like a good idea.
Well, for all the trouble I’d gotten to there had been one pit of silver lining to the cloud. Sure, I was supposed to keep that hush-hush, but I could trust Blossom to be discreet. “Hey Blossom, you’re never gonna guess what happened.”
“You got into a drunken bar brawl and propositioned Luna like she was a — well — a pony like you?” Blossom asked with a saccharine smile. Where does she get all that sarcasm from anyway?
“Okay, besides all the stuff that doesn’t really matter.” I waved a hoof dismissively, then leaned in to conspiratorially whisper to Blossom. “You’re not gonna believe this, but me and Luna? We totally banged! Arresting me was just her way of getting an excuse to bring me back to her place so we could be all discreet about it.”
I landed on a cloud and buffed a hoof on my chest. “Sure, staying overnight in the dungeon kinda stunk, but in exchange for banging a Princess? Totally worth it!”
Blossom’s response took me completely by surprise. I wasn’t quite sure how I’d expected her to react to the news. Probably shocked disbelief, or just dismissing my story out of hoof as a ridiculous lie. Maybe a bit of concern that saying that kind of thing could land me in Luna’s bad books again. All of those would’ve been expected.
Slapping me? Completely unexpected.
I gingerly rubbed a hoof against my sore cheek and shot Blossom an angry glare. “What the hay, Blossom?”
Blossom was glaring at me with more fury than I’d ever seen from her, and I’ve seen her get fairly aggravated before. “You ... inconsiderate ... whorse!”
“Whoa!” I took step back in surprise. Blossom hitting me and breaking out the bad language made for two very unprecedented events. Usually when somepony’s that mad at me I’ve got at least some idea why they’re so steamed. “Okay, seriously. What the hay is going on, Blossom?”
“Rainbow Dash sent you to Cloudsdale to represent her, remember?” Blossom shoved a hoof against my chest hard enough to plant my rump down on the cloud.
“Yeah, I do remember why I was there, Blossom.” It was a struggle to keep my own temper in check in the face of her fury, but getting mad wasn’t gonna sort anything out.
“Apparently you didn’t.” Blossom shot right back with a snarl. “Otherwise, why would you decide to humiliate her in front of all of Cloudsdale and one of the Royal Sisters?”
“Huh?” It took a second for what she was saying to click. I wasn’t here as Cloud Kicker, I was here as Rainbow Dash’s proxy. Out of all the ponies she could’ve sent to take her place, she’d picked me. So if I went and feathered things up, it made her look bad by association.
The worst part was, I probably did more damage to her reputation with the movers and shakers up in Cloudsdale than I had to my own. Another one of those fun little quirks of pegasus society. As far as most of the top-level management would be concerned, Rainbow Dash deserved most of the blame for picking somepony who wasn’t up to the job. It wasn’t my fault for screwing up the job she’d given me; it was Rainbow’s for hoofing an important task to a screw-up.
Still, none of that should matter. “Okay, look, all that stuff happened after the weather business was taken care of. I wasn’t on the job or representing her when I decided to hit the bars looking for somepony to fool around with. Besides, what I do in my private life is my business and nopony else’s. As long as I get the job I was sent to do done, what’s the big deal if I want to have a little harmless fun while I’m in the city?”
Blossom let out a frustrated growl and shoved her face into my personal space to the point where she was almost headbutting me. “So you don’t care if it makes Rainbow Dash look bad, or hurts Derpy or me or anypony else as long as you get to have your fun, is that it?”
“What? No! That’s not it at all!” I wish I didn’t sound quite so defensive when I said that.
“Oh really?” Blossom snapped at me. “Tell me something, Cloud Kicker. While you were having your ‘harmless fun’ did you stop even once to think about how you might be affecting the ponies who love you? How Rainbow Dash would react when she has to hear everypony in the entire weather service talking about how she sent a drunken lout who gets into bar brawls and was thrown in prison for public lewdness as her second? If it were anypony else, you’d be out of a job right now!”
I tried to say something about how nopony should blame me for defending myself from a couple creeps, but Blossom wasn’t in the mood to let me say anything in my own defense. “How do you think Derpy feels about all of this? It’s no secret you’re in a relationship with her, and by the time we get back what you’ve done is going to be all over Ponyville! How do you think she’ll feel if Dinky or Sparkler get teased over your antics?”
Blossom gave me another angry shove that backed me up right to edge of our cloud. “What about your little sister? She’s back in Canterlot with your mother, by the way. Not that you thought to ask after her when the pony who was supposed to be keeping an eye on her flew all the way to Cloudsdale to help your sorry flank!”
Oh Celestia, I hadn’t even considered that. My reputation wasn’t a big deal, and the boss would get over being mad at me after a couple days once everypony forgot about what I’d done. But if something happened to ‘lula or Derpy’s girls because of me... “Blossom, I — I didn’t think—”
“Exactly!” Blossom shouted me down. “You didn’t think about anypony except yourself!” Blossom’s glare suddenly turned from furious to downright toxic. She wasn’t even mad at me anymore, it was worse. Like I wasn’t even worth getting mad at. “I used to think you were brave, and strong. I looked up to you. Even —” Blossom cut herself off with an angry shake of her head. “But now ... you’re no mare, just an overgrown filly. You might have found new toys to play with, but you’d still rather run around having fun than grow up.”
I could take a lot, but everypony has their breaking point. “Oh come on!” I got right back up in her face. “Who the hay do you think you are? You, lecturing me on maturity? That’s rich, coming from a pony who’s two years younger than me! You wanna talk about maturity when you can’t even hold your liquor!”
Blossom shoved me back with a wordless cry of fury, then launched another verbal salvo. “Well at least I was never such an unrepentant and uncontrollable nymphomaniac that the sweetest, kindest pony in all of Equestria can’t even stand to be in the same room with me!”
“You do not want to go there,” I informed her, my voice deadly calm. “I can put up with a lot, but you do not use Fluttershy like that.”
“What’s the matter?” Blossom smirked at me triumphantly. “Are you ashamed of what you did to her? It must’ve been really bad to get to a pony as shamelessly self-centered as you.”
I was more than a little tempted to use my hooves to rearrange her face. She was gonna use Eepysqueak on me? Well fine. That’s the way she wanted things to be? Well two can play at that game! “At least I’m not nursing a silly little schoolfilly crush on my best friend!”
An instant after the words slipped out I wanted to take them back. In a single moment Blossom had gone from furious to utterly crushed. Her mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water, while her wings, ears, and tail all drooped down like she was a balloon that somepony had just let all the air out of. And of course, there were tears streaming from her eyes. “Blossom, I—”
Before I could get another word out she fled off into the sky. For a second, I thought about following her to apologize. I’d probably just end up making things worse though.
What the hay had I been thinking?
It was hard to miss the signs that Blossom had a bit of a thing for me. I’m no Rainbow Dash, but I’d kinda been ignoring it; I guess I was hoping she’d get over it after a bit and everything would go back to normal. The thing was ... well, Rule Seven and Rule Eight for starters. Blossom wanted love and romance, and I’m not the kinda pony who could do that. It was better for everypony if I just ignored her passing little crush until she got over it.
But was it really better for everypony, or just better for Cloud Kicker? Blossom’s accusations were still ringing in my head. Maybe I’d been ignoring her feelings because I just didn’t want my happy little status quo messed up.
I guess the why of it doesn’t really matter anymore. though. I’d taken her feelings for me, and I’d used them as a weapon to hurt her. That was just wrong. I’m no hopeless romantic, but taking somepony’s love and using it to hurt them ... that was low. Damned low.
Sure, I could say I’d been provoked. She knew Fluttershy was a sore spot for me, and she’d deliberately gone after it just to hurt me. A lot of ponies might say I was justified in hitting her right back by saying the nastiest thing I could think of. They’d be wrong. Maybe hitting her below the saddle like that was understandable, a very equine reaction. Doesn’t make it any less wrong.
Blossom was my best friend. Hay, Blossom was in love with me. And I had just hurt her in the worst way I possibly could.
It was well into the night before I finally got back to Ponyville. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to push myself. Going back to Ponyville meant going back to Blossom. Not to mention all the other ponies I’d let down. I couldn’t let the fact that I’d just emotionally destroyed my best friend distract me from the fact that I’d also failed Rainbow Dash and Derpy.
My first instinct was to go to Derpy’s place, but her lights were already off. Waking up her kids in the wee hours of the morning wasn’t the best way to start making things right.
Waking up the boss would cause just as many problems, so I guess the best thing to do would be to get a little sleep. At the thought of my bed a wave of exhaustion hit me like the Friendship Express. Right now, the thought of just collapsing on my bed and not getting out of it all for the next couple of days just sounded absolutely lovely.
I landed at my home, opened up the door, and was about to hit the hay when my stomach gave a very loud growl. Oh yeah, I hadn’t eaten anything since ... last night? I guess going more than twenty-four hours without food would make a pony hungry.
I turned on the lights and stumbled into the kitchen to look for something I could turn into food. I wasn’t in the mood for anything complicated, but now that I realized how long it had been since I’d eaten it was hard to think about anything else except how empty my stomach was.
I was halfway through throwing together a quick sandwich when somepony started pounding on my door. Whoever it was, it had better be really feathering important for anypony to come pounding on my door at — I did a quick check of my clock — two in the rutting morning. Huh. When did it get that late anyway?
The instant I opened the door Rainbow Dash barged in and started shouting in my face. “What the hay is going on Cloud Kicker? First I hear you’ve been arrested by Princess Luna herself, then I start hearing something about a bar brawl, and then when I send Blossomforth to go get you, she comes back alone, flies straight to her home, and starts crying like crazy and refusing to let anypony in! Now you’re finally coming back, what, more than half a day later? What gives?”
Oh Celestia, I was not in any condition to deal with this right now. I guess it was a good thing Derpy was sound asleep to stop me from going through with my idea of stopping by her place tonight. “Look, Rainbow Dash, can this wait until—”
“No!” Rainbow slammed a hoof down on the floor. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for answers? I spent the last fourteen hours going back and forth between here and Cloudsdale, thinking some monster must’ve gotten you or something! You’re gonna tell me what’s going on right now! Got it?”
My fragile self-control snapped. “Look, just get outta my face, okay? I said I’d tell you later, and that means I’ll tell you feathering later!”
Rainbow took half a step back in surprise before she came back twice as strong. “Like hay! Spill the beans now, Cloud Kicker! I’m not leaving until I get answers!”
Buck it. “Fine! I got into a fight with Blossom. That’s why she came back alone and she’s crying; because I was a total jerk to her. You happy now?”
Rainbow was still in her expressing concern through anger mode, but that news seemed to take a bit of the edge off of it. Just a little though. “What the hay did you two get into an argument about that has her getting that upset? And why are you getting back so late if you just got into a fight with her?”
I guess there was no avoiding telling her at least some of what had happened. “It started off just being about what happened in Cloudsdale, but then we both got mad and she brought up the whole Fluttershy thing, and then I —”
Rainbow cut me off with an upraised hoof. “Yeah, I can guess how things went after that came up. Does she even know what all happened there? She didn’t accuse you of—”
“No, it didn’t get quite that bad.” I almost tossed in a barb about how she hadn’t jumped to the same conclusion Rainbow had, but that was just my emotionally messed-up brain talking. Lashing out at the boss wouldn’t have done anypony any good.
Judging by the way Rainbow deflated a bit, the same thought had occurred to her too. She switched over to expressing her concern through sympathy and threw a comforting hoof over my shoulders. “Hey, friends get into fights. It happens. Wanna talk about it?”
I sighed and accepted the hug. “Maybe, but not now, okay?”
“Sure, later.” Rainbow held the hug for a bit longer, then suddenly pulled away and got right back angry aggressive mode again. “So that’s one thing, but that still doesn’t answer my other questions! What with all the horseapples that happened in Cloudsdale?”
I struggled to put it into words for a long moment, until I sighed, collapsed onto my couch, and settled on the simple truth. “I feathered up,” I admitted. “I wasn’t thinking, and I went and feathered everything up. I — I’m sorry, Rainbow.”
Rainbow still looked pretty angry with me, but after a couple seconds she just sighed and sank to the ground. “S’okay,” she reassured me, her voice bereft of the confrontational edge it had carried for most of our conversation. "Everypony makes mistakes.”
“Yeah, but this time it messed things up for you instead of just me.” It still seems kinda wrong that Rainbow would catch flak for my screw-ups. I guess I could get the logic behind it; as far as the big bosses were concerned Rainbow shouldn’t have sent a pony who was so out-of-control that she’d make a huge mess of things to an important meeting. Just ‘cause I got the logic didn’t mean I thought it was fair though.
I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what I had to say next. “I can — If you want I can resign.” I really didn’t wanna quit working weather, especially since leaving under these circumstances would pretty much kill my career. Leaving your last job on account of a massive and public failure wouldn’t look very good on my resume. However, it would take a lot of the heat off of Rainbow. Worst case scenario, I could always fall back on the family connections and go into the Guard.
Rainbow waved me off with dismissive snort. “You’ve spent too much time around all the Guard ponies in your family, got ya thinking the only answer to messing up is to fall on your sword.” Rainbow looked me dead in the eyes. “You leave now, and it’ll be months before you can get a new job. Besides, we’ve got Tornado Duty coming up in a couple weeks. I can’t afford to lose anypony right now.” Rainbow gave an angry shake of her head. “You gotta stick around and prove to everypony that your little mess-up was a fluke. That you’ve got what it takes. I’m not accepting any other answer! Got it?”
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised she was sticking by me. She got the Element of Loyalty for a reason. “Yeah, got it boss.”
The boss sat down on the couch next to me and let out an amused little chuckle. “First time ya called me boss all night. Guess that means you’ve got it through that thick head of yours that you’re not getting out of this. Until I get on the Wonderbolts, you’re stuck working for me.”
“Guess so.” I agreed. I shot one last worried look her way. “You gonna get in much trouble for sticking by me?”
“Nothing I can’t handle.” The boss gave a dismissive wave of her hoof. “They can’t fire me, I’m the best damn weather manager they’ve got and everypony knows it. Worst they’ll do is not offer me another promotion for a while, and I was sick of turning those down anyway. I do too much paperwork as it is; I go any further up the chain and I’ll spend so much time parked behind the a desk that I’ll forget how to fly.”
I let out a little chuckle at that. “You, forget how to fly? That’ll be the day. I bet you could spend the next year parked at Sugarcube Corner scarfing whatever Pinkie feeds you and still fly circles around most ponies.”
That got a laugh out of the boss. “Yeah, probably. But until I can fly circles around Spitfire and all the other Wonderbolts I’m not good enough. Though spending all that time hanging with Pinkie would be pretty cool. Still kinda getting used to the whole fillyfriend thing.”
I grinned and leaned in close to swap a little gossip. “How’s that working out for you anyway? Dating Pinkie Pie ... that has to be an experience.”
The boss smiled, put her hooves behind her head, and leaned back on the couch. “It’s cool. We hang out and have lot of fun, we go pranking, and every once in a while we make out.”
“Just making out?” I gave her a friendly little nudge with a hoof. “C’mon boss. You’ve been dating her for a while now, and you two still haven’t banged? You’re killing me here!” My curiosity about just how wild Pinkie Pie was in the sack was strictly professional, of course. Can’t blame me for being curious about how well Ponyville’s premier party pony does when the party is taking place under the covers.
“I dunno, maybe we’ll never do that stuff.” The boss stuck out her tongue. “To be honest, it all sounds kinda gross to me. Don’t know how you can stand it. The idea of letting somepony put their hoof or their mouth ... down there. It just kinda weirds me out, ya know?”
I swear, when Rainbow and I were born somepony went and sucked all the sex drive out of her and put it into me. That would actually explain a lot. “Don’t knock it ‘till ya try it, boss.” I was about to give her a couple pointers when a massive yawn hit me. Oh yeah, I had been planning on sleep before the boss showed up.
As so often happens with yawns, it proved contagious. Once the boss finished her own yawn, she got up and stretched her wings. “So, it’s late and we both need some sleep. I’m actually gonna be out of town for a bit; Spike’s going on some big ‘who am I’ journey, so me, Rarity, and Twilight are gonna go along to make sure nothing happens to the little guy.”
“Geez boss, taking time off for friend stuff again?” I poked her under the ribs with a wing. “Being Twilight Sparkle’s friend is practically your second job!”
The boss chuckled and gave a sheepish little smile. “Yeah, it does keep me kinda busy sometimes. Still, having awesome friends is worth it.” The boss’ smile turned wistful for a moment before she gave a little shake of her head and got back to business. “Anyway, Cloudsdale’s going easy on us for the next week or two, so the biggest weather thing you’ll need to deal with is keeping all the crops watered. You and Blossom can work out the details after you patch things up from your fight.”
To be honest, I wasn’t sure the fight Blossom and I had gotten into could be patched up, and certainly not overnight. No need to put that on the boss though. “Yeah we’ll work it out.” I’m not sure how we’d do it, but we would.
Taking care of things while the boss was away was the whole reason she’d bumped me and Blossom up to assistant managers. This was my first chance to really show my stuff; sure, we’d done little things while the boss was busy before, but there’s a big difference between keeping the weather working while the boss is on a picnic with her friends and running the show for several days while the boss is out of town.
I needed this to go well. The best way to recover from the disaster in Cloudsdale was to prove that I was still a damn good cloud pusher, even though my personal life might be in shambles. If I could at least do my job well, it would prove I wasn’t a total feather-up. If I did things right it might even fix most of the professional damage I’d done to myself and the boss; it’s a lot easier for the higher-ups to overlook a pony’s personal failures when they’re still putting in a good job performance.
On the other hoof, if I feathered this up... the boss was going out on a limb for me here. Leaving town and putting me in charge sent a very clear message that despite what had happened she still had my back. If I went and let her down again just about everypony would start questioning her judgement. Repeatedly hoofing major responsibilities over to a pony who wasn’t cut out for dealing with them would not look good for her. No way I was gonna do that to her. I’d caused enough trouble already; I was not going to let my friends down again.
I didn’t even start the work day before the first problem cropped up. I landed in the square for the usual pre-workday meeting of the weather team and was greeted with a chorus of resentful silence and angry glares.
A lot of ponies would be surprised to hear what a good boss Rainbow Dash is. She’s lazy, impatient, hot-tempered, stubborn, and thinks everything is a competition — not exactly the traits one looks for in a leader. However, she makes up for all that by having buckets of charisma.
Now, she’s not some kind of charming sweet-talker like most ponies think of when they say that a pony has charisma. Honestly, when it comes to most of her social skills she’s not that great. What the boss has going for her is this kind of personal magnetism that makes you believe in her, believe she can do all the crazy things she says she’s gonna do. Then she goes and sets some kind of impossible goal and pretty much everypony thinks she’s crazy, but you stick by her because deep down you know that she just might be able to pull it off. Then she goes and does it, and you know why you’ve been following her all this time.
Because to a pony like Rainbow Dash, ‘impossible’ isn’t so impossible after all.
Pretty much everypony on the weather team was in awe of her. It was hard not to be. More than that, we were all fiercely loyal to her. Maybe that’s why she got the Element of Loyalty; she’s not just personally loyal, she inspires that kind of loyalty in others.
And I’d gone and messed things up for the boss. As far as the rest of the weather team was concerned, that put me at a couple levels below dishonorable scum. Kinda hard to run a weather team when everypony on the squad hates your guts.
At least Blossom was still holed up in her home. I felt a sharp pang of guilt at the thought that she was too devastated to even come to work, but it was also a bit of a relief. I couldn’t deal with her right now, and adding our personal issues to an already volatile work environment was just a recipe for disaster.
I guess it’s a good thing I learned a couple things about running a team back at West Hoof. I might not have wound up in the Guard, but I’m not gonna deny that their training has come in handy from time to time. I dropped down in front of the crew and busted out my old officer’s voice. “Alright everypony, listen up!” First things first, if I was gonna take charge I had to act like I was in charge. “Here’s the deal: The boss is out of town for a couple days and Blossom’s sick, so right now I’m running the show.”
That didn’t exactly go over well. Most of the ponies started grumbling under their breath and shooting angry glares my way until one of the stallions in the crowd plucked up the courage to challenge me directly. “Why should we listen to you?”
“Care to step forward and say that again?” I almost added ‘soldier’ on the end of that sentence. Guess that’s one of the hazards of channeling your old military training. Too bad I started off at West Hoof with officer training, so I’d missed out on all the joys of being a fresh recruit getting verbally torn to pieces by a drill sergeant. We still had drill sergeants in the officer training program, but they were polite.
Don’t get me wrong, when it came to putting us through our paces they were even nastier than the ones the recruits had to deal with, but when they ordered us on our morning fifty mile flight in full combat armor and a couple hundred pounds of field kit they said ‘please’ first. Not that anypony could actually say no, but it was nice that they were at least nice about the whole thing. They even offered a few friendly little words of encouragement when it looked like we were all about to drop out of the sky after they tacked an extra ten miles onto the flight.
Fortunately, one of the things they covered in officer training was how to smack an uppity soldier back into line. I didn’t even give the pony who’d challenged me a chance to respond before I started ripping into him. “I think you’ve forgotten how things work around here. When the boss is gone, you take your orders from me. Nothing that’s happened changes that. You don’t have to like it, but you will fall in line. Got it?”
Nopony else tried to dispute my authority and I got a couple of cowed nods from the ponies under my command, so I guess I’d gotten the message across. “Alright, the weather schedule today is partly cloudy skies all day, so it should be nice and easy. The only big thing on our plate is some farm irrigation.” I sketched out a quick and dirty map of Ponyville and the major outlying farms. “We’ll split things up right here. Blossom’s team can take care of everything from the Carrot Patch on east, while my team will cover everything west of Sweet Apple Acres.”
Splitting the work between the two squads was a simple, commonsense division of labor. The fact that whenever Blossom got back on duty it would keep her and me far away from each other was just an added bonus. We both needed some time and space to calm down a little before we saw each other again; the last thing we needed was to run into each other while we were both still so emotional that we’d end up saying more things we would regret.
There was just one little problem with that plan; Blossom needed to sign off on the weather schedule first. Despite my little speech to the rest of the weather crew the boss had actually left me and Blossom running the show together. In hindsight, perhaps I should have told her just how bad things were between me and Blossom right now; if she knew that she probably would’ve just left one or the other of us in charge. Then again, considering my recent track record it almost certainly would’ve been Blossom filling in for the boss, which could’ve come with it’s own set of problems. I’m not sure how good Blossom would be at keeping charge after everything we’d put each other through.
Guess it’s a good thing for me that one of the things they teach at West Hoof is how to keep on task and get the job done even when you’re a long way from one hundred percent.
Still, since we were technically co-bosses of the weather team that meant she had to give her stamp of approval to everything I ordered. Well, just the big stuff like the daily weather schedule, but that was enough to cause trouble. Hopefully we could just keep things strictly business and put our personal issues off until after we were done cloud-wrangling.
Yeah, right. Can’t blame a pony for hoping though.
I sent the rest of the weather crew off to get started on taking care of the farmers and very reluctantly took wing for Blossom’s little cloud-house. I was sorely tempted to just delegate the delivery to somepony else, but from what the boss told me last night Blossom was probably still locked up in her room crying. Because of me. If I sent somepony else to make the delivery they’d probably just drop it off in her mailbox where she might not even notice it until she finished crying herself out.
Say what you will about the wisdom of going to Blossom’s place so soon after our fight, but the one thing I could be absolutely sure about is that if I showed up and knocked on her door she wouldn’t ignore me. Scream at me? Almost certainly. Throwing anything she had in her home that wasn’t made of clouds at me? A distinct possibility. But she definitely wouldn’t ignore me.
Plus ... well I wanted to get her out of her house and back on the job. I don’t know if Blossom had any other friends or family in Ponyville, but she’d never mentioned anypony. Blossom and I needed space from each other, but I didn’t want her to spend all that time locked up in her little house and stewing in misery.
Blossom’s house was a nice little patch of clouds hanging over the outskirts of Ponyville. It wasn’t terribly impressive by cloud-house standards. The house itself was a small and fairly simple design, and there were no non-cloud additions to it unless you counted the mailbox. There are the two big things a pegasus will judge a cloud-house on: how big and fancy the design is, and how much of the house isn’t made of clouds.
It might seem kind of counterintuitive that having a cloud-house without much cloud in it is a good thing, but having every single part of the house be the same cloud-white color can get a bit dull. Most ponies liked to liven things up a bit, like with the rainbow waterfalls at the boss’ place. The problem is that getting most physical objects to get along with clouds takes a bit of work. Even the most densely packed clouds can’t bear very much weight compared to what a pony can do with wood and stone. So with the exception of simple fairly lightweight stuff like food and basic personal necessities, having if you wanted something not made of clouds in a cloud-house you needed magic to make it happen. Magic is rarely cheap or easy to get. I’m pretty sure the only reason the boss was able to afford some of the more recent additions to her home was that Twilight Sparkle was handling the magic side of things.
Well, no sense in stalling for time any longer. I landed on Blossom’s modest little porch, which was really just a chunk of cloud that jutted out in front of her door, and tapped my hoof on her door a few times.
“GO AWAY!” Blossom predictably shouted.
I braced myself for whatever nasty reaction was about to come my way. “It’s me Blossom, I know you don’t want to —”
“GET OUT OF HERE CLOUD KICKER!” Blossom’s voice came shrieking out of her home, followed by a tuft of cloud that didn’t even come close to hitting me. “I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!”
I decided the safest route was to just stick to business. It was way too soon to try to make peace, and keeping things strictly work-related would at least keep me from making the situation any worse than it already was. “Since the boss is out of town I need you to sign off on the weather schedule and all the other paperwork. I’m leaving it in your mailbox.” After a few seconds of silence to give her some time to consider what I’d already said, I added. “Also, I set up the weather schedule so our teams aren’t doing any work together. You won’t have to see me if you come into work.”
“Good.” Blossom shouted out to me. “Now go away!”
I dropped the paperwork off in her mailbox and retreated to a distant cloud, then buried myself in the cloud so I could watch the place unobserved. After a few minutes I saw Blossom’s door crack open and she stuck her head out to quickly search the area, presumably to make sure I was really gone. When she didn’t see any sign of me she quickly flew over to her mailbox, grabbed the paperwork, and retreated back into her home.
I guess that was a good sign. At least I’d gotter her out of her house for a bit, and if she’d gone out to grab the paperwork she’d probably take care of her part of our jobs. Well, unless she was scribbling ‘Die, Cloud Kicker, Die!’ all over the weather forms instead.
With the trip to Blossom’s out of the way I joined back up with the rest of the weather team and buried myself in my work. By the time we got around to Sweet Apple Acres I’d managed to mostly put the problems out of my mind. As long as I had all the work of managing the team my mind didn’t have much space to worry about all my other problems. It was rough going at first, but once we got into the swing of things we started making good progress. My weather squad was used to taking their marching orders from me, so once the whole issue with me messing things up for the boss was — well maybe it wasn’t completely handled, but it was at least shelved for the moment. In either case, now that it was out of the way we didn’t have a hard time taking care of business.
I’d just finished setting up a nice little rain shower over the east northern orchard when my eyes fell upon one of the proprietors of Sweet Apple Acres. Big Macintosh was — much like the name implied — a nice big hulking hunk of a stallion. I popped on down to have a word with him; it was standard procedure to talk things over when you’re watering a farmer’s fields, just in case there was anything special that needed doing.
A couple quick flaps of my wings landed me right next to the big fella. A second later I wished I’d stuck to the air instead; all the rain had done what is usually does to dirt, so my hooves were all muddy now. Even though I was still feeling pretty down over the whole Blossom thing, I forced a casually friendly smile onto my face. “Hey there Big Mac.”
“Howdy,” the stallion answered with his typical laconic flair.
“Got anything special you need us to take care of?”
“Eenope.”
“Water getting where it needs to?” I swear, it was contagious. If I spent too much time around him I’d probably switch to saying nothing more than ‘eeyup’ and ‘eenope’ too.
“Eeyup.”
“Alright — well good.” I wasn’t quite sure what to say next. Normally I would’ve made at least a token effort to flirt with him at this point. Maybe ask him if everything about him was big. If everything was proportional ... well let’s just say I wouldn’t mind if he plowed my fields sometime.
After everything with Blossom I wasn’t exactly in a flirting mood though. Yeah, I know, shocking. Hay, I’d probably turn down twins right now.
If it were anypony else I could probably manage a bit of small talk, but Big Mac’s not really much of a talker. Not exactly easy to carry on a conversation when the other pony won’t give you anything more than one-word answers. After half a dozen ‘eeyups’ and ‘eenopes’ I was just about to give up on the conversation when we were not-so-politely interrupted.
Applejack trotted up and very bluntly placed herself between me and Big Macintosh. “An’ just what in the hay d’you think yer doin’ talkin’ to mah brother?” Well, somepony was getting a little possessive. “Ah know what yer game is missy, an’ we don’t want none of that ‘round here. We’re decent ponies, so y’all gwan an’ shoo!”
So not in the mood to deal with this right now. “Relax Applejack, we were just talking. Right, Big Macintosh?”
“Eeyup.”
“Yeah, I bet you were,” Applejack muttered darkly. “Y’all have gone an’ caused enough trouble for RD, we don’t need no more of it here.” The farmer stepped forward and made a shooing motion with her forehooves. “Gwan! Git!”
I felt another spike of irrational anger. Who in the hay did she think she was? “You might wanna be a bit more polite, or this nice little rain shower you’re getting could turn into a thunderstorm.”
“Y’all do that an’ Rainbow’ll tan yer hide.” Applejack dug her hooves into the muddy ground. “After I’m done with ya, that is.”
“Sorry, you’re not my type.”
Things might have gotten nasty from there — a good fight would make for a nice bit stress relief right now — if not for the elegant voice that cut into out budding argument. “Oh please don’t tell me you’re going to starting fighting in the mud. I mean, honestly!”
“Rarity?” Applejack turned her attention to very prim unicorn standing in front of us with an umbrella-saddle on her back. “What’re ya doin’ here?”
“Well,” the unicorn began with a haughty little sniff. “I was going to stop by to say farewell before I went to keep an eye on little Spikey-Wikey while he’s on his journey, but if that’s how you’re going to greet me...”
“Now hold on just a minute there.” Applejack turned her back on me. I was almost tempted to take the opportunity to chuck some mud at her head. “Not like I ain’t happy to see you or anythin’ Rarity, I was just...”
“So you are happy to see me then?” Rarity smiled and gave a playful little flutter of her eyelashes.
Applejack trailed off, and I swear I could see a hint of a blush on the farmer’s cheeks. “Well, I — I reckon it’s always nice to see one of mah friends.”
Rarity’s amused little smile went away. “Oh. I see.”
Not this dance again. I was not in the mood to put up with more of their back-and-forth flirting that never quite led to either making a move right now. “For the love of Celestia, will you two just bang already!”
Applejack and Rarity turned to me with twin looks of open-mouthed shock. After several long seconds of silence, Big Mac added in his opinion. “Eeyup.”
Big Mac speaking up seemed to be enough to knock some words back into Applejack. “Big Mac, y’all best keep yer mouth shut ‘bout things that ain’t none of yer business.” The farmpony rounded on me. “An’ as fer you, just who in the hay d’you think ya are, talkin’ to me an’ Rarity like that?”
“Yes, I quite agree.” Rarity ran a hoof through her mane. “You shouldn’t be so horribly crude, Cloud Kicker.”
“Exactly.” Applejack gave a very satisfied nod. “I’ll thank the two of ya to keep yer noses outta me an’ Rarity’s private business.”
“It’s past time your business was with her privates,” I grumbled under my breath.
Big Mac looked like he was about to offer another ‘Eeyup’ until Applejack hit him with an utterly furious glare, daring him to do it. Big Mac was no fool; he kept his mouth shut. Once she was sure she’d made her point, Applejack went back to being offended. “Now as ah was sayin’ before somepony went an’ interrupted me, y’all keep yer noses outta mah business with Rarity. Ah’ll have a bite of her apple pie when ah’m good and ready.”
A second later Applejack’s eyes widened and she slammed her hooves over her mouth. Rarity looked rather pleased with herself, while Big Mac apparently considered this such a momentous occasion that it actually merited two words. “‘Bout time.”
Rarity stalked in like a predatory cat and began circling around Applejack. “So tell me darling. What precisely gave you the idea that I would allow you to ... eat my pie, as you put it? I am a lady, not some farmgirl you can just take up into your barn for a roll in the hay. I expect to be properly courted, at the very least.”
Applejack let out some indignant sputters that eventually started to resemble words. “Now just a cotton-pickin’ minute here—”
Rarity examined a hoof and daintily removed a fleck of mud that had somehow found its way onto it. “If you can duly impress me with an appropriate display of romantic appeal, I may bestow my favor upon you. But for you to just assume I would be willing to — no darling, that’s not how it works.”
Applejack glowered at the unicorn. “Well if yer gonna be this much of a pain about the whole thing I might outta change mah mind about it!”
“I should think not!” Rarity sniffed indignantly. “You can’t just declare your intentions and then drop the matter entirely! I expected better, even from you Applejack.”
“Well fine,” the farmer growled out at the object of her affection. “I’ll take ya on a date then if yer gonna be all prissy about it. Hay, I’ll even take ya to one of them fancy restaurants ya like so much.”
“Well I should hope so!” Rarity huffed.
“Fine!” Applejack shouted right back. “Though I say once the date’s over we oughta come back to mah place fer some kissin’. Is that what it’s gonna take to make ya happy Rarity?”
“That sounds lovely!” Rarity screamed furiously.
“Well alright then!” Applejack yelled at what was apparently her new fillyfriend.
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
Applejack took an aggressive step forward into Rarity’s personal space. “Are ya happy now Rarity?”
Rarity extended her neck so she was eye-to-eye with Applejack for her next shout. “Extremely!”
As Applejack and Rarity continued their argument-slash-foreplay, I glanced over at the only other sane pony in the area. “Hey Big Mac. Has your sister always been this crazy when it comes to Rarity?”
“Eeyup.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.044 seconds
Total duration
1,023 users online
1,774,854 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Time to sit back and wait for the readers to explode.
Already tossed up a blog about it, but for those of you who don't follow my blog, there's a Winning Pony TvTropes Page now.
Well, unless she was scribbling ‘Die, Cloud Kicker, Die!’ all over the weather forms instead.
“It’s past time your business was with her privates,” I grumbled under my breath.
Two best lines so far. God I laughed like an idiot when I read those.
...YIKES. That argument was not exactly what I would call 'good for their relationship'.
THat
and 
scene was priceless 
Though i am wondering how Cloud Kicker will fix this... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_lazy.png
“For the love of Celestia, will you two just bang already!” Cloud Kicker is sick of your BS.
Another exciting chapter, even if we didn't get a firm answer on if the Luna bit was a dream or not. Oh well. Here's to hoping Blossomforth wants CK back.
Damn, Cloud Kicker is really getting pounded In a very non-sexual way, for once. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png
I swear, if this wasn't first person, I would think that Cloud Kicker and Rarity planned this.
also, minor typo:
> that it actually merited two words. “‘Bout time.”
My giggles, too much!
Oh my things are getting heated, and i like it :D
i lol'd
*explodes*
I literally punched the air when I saw this had updated. Now to read!
Hmm... I'm guessing this story is aimed to end somewhere alongside the end of Season 2? Are you going to integrate the whole Changeling fiasco into the story? I'm going to answer my own questions and guess yes and yes to both. Its to obvious not to do.
That scene with AJ and Rarity was priceless, but when you added Big Mac, I lost it.
=
.
"'Bout time"
Another wondrous chapter, but I must have an obligatory
for that suspense...How are they going to fix this one 
? Keep doing whatever it is that you do that allows you to create these wondrous chapters.
-24th Flavor out
:DDD
Saw this updated, dropped everything and read it.
and 
we're HILARIOUS at the end there.
talking to Cloud Kicker.
'Cause it's just that awesome.
Frickin'... Blossomforth... Is all, like... Bleh...
But
Also,
I only noticed one problem that stuck, you wrote "On landed on her porch..." instead of "I landed on her porch..." Or something like that.
Oh, yeah, and that problem that exists with every story this amazing that is also incomplete:
The second it updates you need MOAR!
That is all.
Journcy Out.
This shit...
I just found out this story existed.
I remember back when I first read Dense Mind, and I was agreeing with you that your Cloudkicker and Blossomforth were the OTP to end all OTPs.
How did I not know this existed sooner?
Reading now.
By the Sun and Moon, poor Cloud Kicker....
Now Blossom AND Fluttershy have gone postal on her. 
And the one thing that was going on in my mind as I read this;
MISSING QUOTATION MARK!!!!!! YOU SHALL DIE FOR YOUR TRANSGRESSIONS!
“S’okay,” she reassured me, her voice bereft of the confrontational edge it had carried for most of our conversation. "Everypony makes mistakes.”
You need someone like me on the editing team (Translation: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I NEED THIS EDITING GIG!).
1075694
Oh my goodness I'm so sorry for not pre reading this after like the first two things you sent me but my life is sort of a mes right now and I'm a lazy bastard and I forgot this even existed and I didn't remember until my Favorites star updated with it and holy crap dude I'm sorry.
Yeeees, god Its so good!!!
I suppose the training procedures at West Hoof are rather different from the Neighval Academy's at Maneapolis.
I haven't laughed so hard in awhile, especially at that last bit. Hilarious!
Good chapter. One minor typo I noticed:
"We are pleased to meet thee, fair Blossomfroth."
That whole Rarijack bit... oh my goodness yes.
1075973
Better late than never, bud!
Rarity and Applejack? poor spike...
Argument with Cloudkicker? poor Blossom...
img.ponibooru.org/_images/8d35796c8dc27b7c3f78221d9e894478/51293%20-%20animated%20crying%20emotional_warfare%20filly%20rainbow_dash.gif
There is no way that this can end poorly for anyone.
1076115
Nah, that's clearly a Freudian slip.
I enjoyed this
Sigh... Poor Cloud Kicker. That hole she dug for herself just seems to be getting deeper and deeper.
Gotta say, that part where AJ had her little slip-up? One of the best parts yet, right up there with a drunk Blossom. That situation should be fun to follow!
Oh god... no... Please tell me these two get things straightened out!
Also, Rarity and Applejack are quite a pair, lol
I always look forward to seeing a new chapter posted on this story, and was quite excited to see it pop up in the featured box, so I dropped everything to read the latest chapter immediately. It's really great how flawed Cloud Kicker is, and how despite her usual self-assurance she sometimes has moments of clarity when she's gone too far.
After reading your and Comma-Kazie's alternate continuity stories about Derpy with cancer, I tense up whenever she's mentioned and really feel like Cloud Kicker should settle down with her, but I have to remind myself that those don't happen in this timeline. I really like the relationship between Blossom and Cloud Kicker and hope that something can come of it once CK manages to patch things up. Seeing them together would be really sweet.
Really likin' this story.
And some people thought Cloud Kicker could easily handle everything. Look now at the reckoning Cloud Kicker has brought down on herself! We have not even gotten to the fallout with Derpy and the Cloud family. I doubt her mom and family are going to be thrilled to hear all of this.
My, Blossomforth gave Cloud Kicker quite the epic chew-out there. Cloudy’s relatively self centered attitude gets all sort of called out. That had to hurt in all sorts of ways. Then poor Blossom got hit with the backlash. I really feel for the poor mare. Will she ever get what she wants?
More fun lines all around in another entertaining chapter. Nice to see Cloud Kicker smash up that unresolved sexual tension between Rarity and Applejack. At the rate they were going Big Mac was going to have to use...grammar.
And now time for some typos. Sometimes I wonder if I am a prereader:
I guess expecting Blossom to bust me out of prison would be a bit much, she’s a bit too much of a goody four-shoes for that..
-I believe you should only have one period, or three if you want an ellipses to express a pause. Not just two.
“‘tis a pity thou didst not display such refinement when last We met thee, Cloud Kicker.
-Tisk Tisk, someone forgot to capitalize at the beginning of a sentence.
Cloudkicker has huge amounts of patience. That fight didn't escalate nearly as much as it could and not as fast either.
RariJack is a source for so many facepalms. I swear, their fun in bed could very well turn into a fight for dominance that'd put gladiators to shame. It'd be hilarious.
I'm getting kinda worried thinking about Derpy and Dinky and whatever's gonna happen with the Derpy-CK replationship. Guess we'll see next chapter?
More awesomness. ...
So...bunch of minor typos. The kind that come from not being too careful when rewriting.
Surprised to see the mention of Spike's episode. Mostly because I forgot it was next. Lol. When will we get to see Hurricane Fluttershy? That's one I'm really looking forward to seeing.
Still, there was a lot of good stuff in here. Especially the ApplejackxRarity scene. My favorite part was Rarity's "gotcha" moment after AJ's little slip. I was hoping for some Derpy, because, damnit, I love how you write Derpy, but this was plenty long as it it is so I don't blame you for not having her in this chapter. Next chapter, though, ja?
Makokam out.
Blossom is just getting constantly destroyed in every story you write.
For god sakes this pony needs a win for once.
Even more awesomesauce! Cloud Kicker is becoming one my favorites. Still can't stand Rainbow Dash, but that's because I hate Rainbow Dash.
-asplosion-
Aaa anyway I now officially love big mac.
I would love to see that Rarijack extended into another fic.
Now, what else can our Cloud Kicker screw up?
OH MY GOD, BEST RARIJACK OPENING EVER!
Cloud Kicker defended herself against sleaze and got thrown in jail due to a royal overreaction, and she's the one accused of doing something wrong?
That fight wasn't good at all.
:"Eenope."
:"Eeyup."
But that finally with Rarity and Applejack was just hilarious.
The upshot is that Two and a Half Men would actually be a good show if all the actors were ponies.
I think this is the most show-similar story I've ever read. I can completely see Rarity and AJ yelling at each other while also flirting and planning a date. Nice job.
Also, Bic Mac is best brother ever
Fools - Van Halen
First pinkie and rainbow now applejack and rarity
Time To Get Twilight Laid.
I guess I'm an exploding viewer now?
I don't feel very explosive...
well... just a little
1075755
Cloud Kicker can barely handle her own brain at this rate. :ohdear: