The Life and Times of a Winning Pony

by Chengar Qordath

The Pony Who Is Tired of Ignoring That She Marches to a Different Beat

Things started going wrong before Blossom and I even headed out for Derpy’s place.

The first—and hopefully (but not likely) last—problem to crop up was a fairly simple one: we needed somepony to more-or-less moderate the talk between Derpy and us. After how badly things had gone wrong last time, having a neutral party who could tell us when to calm the feather down seemed like a good idea. Problem was, we were a bit short on candidates.

Aunt Wind probably would’ve been ideal, but when I asked her she pointed out the obvious problem with that plan. Namely, that she was Aunt Wind. She couldn’t exactly be a neutral observer in a discussion between her niece and the pony who’d left her niece sporting a shiner. Even if I was using some makeup to cover it up now, everypony still knew it was there.

I thought about asking Aunt Wind to recommend somepony to sit in on the meeting, but that seemed like a step too far. I dunno, there’s a big difference between bringing in my aunt who happens to be a psychologist, and pulling somepony else into this whole mess in a professional capacity. I didn't think things were quite that bad just yet.

Unfortunately, Derpy and I didn’t really have big social networks in Canterlot beyond our families and close friends. There wasn’t really anypony close at hoof who was good for moderating a big relationship talk. Nopony whose name ended in Kicker would be safe from family bias, and that ruled out ninety percent of the ponies I really knew here. I mean, there was Lyra, but she would probably be biased in my favor too.

Eepy would’ve been a great choice, except the fact that I’d slept with her was part of what set this whole mess off. Plus, from what Rainbow told me about how she took the news, I have a feeling she would be pretty much the exact opposite of moderate.

The only pony who wasn’t withers-deep in this mess or too close to one side of it was Rarity, and I just wasn’t sure about asking Ponyville’s resident drama queen to mediate a tense, drama-filled discussion. Plus, while she wasn’t mixed up in things, to some extent that was the problem. Derpy and I both rated more as acquaintances of Rarity’s than real friends. Even if Fluttershy had spilled the beans about what had happened at Flight Camp and some of the other stuff, there would be a lot we’d need to fill her in on. I’m not sure either one of us would’ve been comfortable sharing that much of ourselves with her.

In the end, Rainbow Dash kinda wound up being the mare in the middle by default. It would be a stretch to call her unbiased, but on a good day her biases all kind of balanced out, and her heart was in the right place. She just needed to be better about stopping and thinking before she charged in full speed ahead.

So at the end of the day it was me, Rainbow, Blossom, and Sparkler heading to Derpy’s place. I’d thought about asking Sparkler if she wanted to bring Star along for moral support, but decided against it. There would already be enough ponies talking and things to settle without introducing Derpy to Sparkler’s not-fillyfriend on top of it.

Cirrus met us at the front door. Derpy’s brother didn’t say anything for a couple moments, until Sparkler slowly walked up and hugged him. For a while the two of them just held each other, while the rest of us kinda stood awkwardly off to the side.

After a minute, Sparkler pulled back and shot a look inside. “Dinky?”

“She’s upstairs,” Cirrus answered. “Figured it might be a good idea to keep her out of the way while we’re talking.”

Sparkler shot a nervous look over her shoulder, towards the den where she probably figured Derpy was. “Think I’ll go keep an eye on Dinks for a bit—make sure you guys don’t have to deal with an inconspicuous cardboard box trying to listen in on the talk or anything.” From the way she kept looking around the rest of the house, I had a feeling she wasn’t just thinking about her little sister. I guess I couldn’t blame her for wanting to put off her meeting with Derpy for a little bit longer.

In any case, once she’d confirmed that Derpy wasn’t lurking in any corners waiting to pounce, Sparkler scampered upstairs after her sister. That left me, Blossom, Rainbow and Cirrus standing in the foyer of Doo Manor.

“So...” Rainbow shuffled her hooves and rubbed the back of her head. “Um, yeah. Here we are. I’m gonna go talk to Derpy, I guess. Make sure she’s up for this and stuff.”

“She’s in the living room, Rainbow Dash.” A second later, Cirrus pointed in the proper direction, earning him a faintly annoyed look from Rainbow. I guess she didn’t like being given directions. She had visited a few times in the past, so maybe she took offense at the idea that she didn’t know her way around. Then again, you never could be completely sure what was going in Rainbow’s head. She could be a bit of an odd pony sometimes.

Well, that left the rest of us with not much to do for the time being. After a few awkward moments of silence, Cirrus turned to me. “So ... welcome back, I guess. Your eye’s looking better, I was afraid it would be in bad shape after—well, what happened.”

“I’m wearing makeup to cover it,” I answered tersely. That got a flinch out of him, and I hadn’t planned on guilting him for something that wasn’t his fault. I decided to change the subject before things got worse. “So how have you been managing over here?”

Cirrus took his time answering. “It could be better, but at least we're talking things through. Having Dee run off and leave when there’s a big family disagreement didn’t end well last time, so we've at least learned that lesson.” He sighed and a quick little flick of his wings. “Thanks for keeping an eye on Sparks after she rabbitted. Hate to think what could’ve happened with her out on her own in the middle of a big city.”

“It’s not like I was gonna turn her away when she showed up on our doorstep. Besides, you should be thanking Star, she’s the one who found Sparkler and brought her home.” I sighed and rubbed a hoof across my forehead. “Sparkler got shook up bad by what happened.”

“I figured as much, what with her history and all. Guessing you got the whole story on that from her?” I nodded, drawing a faint grumble from Cirrus. “Yeah, I guessed she would want to fill you in. I never thought she'd leave Dinky behind for anything, especially...” He sighed and shot a look over at the living room, where Derpy was. “Between the two of us, I think the only reason she left her little sister was that she trusted me to be there as a Guard instead of their uncle. That's ... not what I had in mind when I came home to visit my family.”

That got a sympathetic wince out of me. “Yeah, I can imagine. I think Sparkler's doing better now, at least. We kinda talked things out with her, and I think we made some progress. Got my aunt to recommend a few ponies she knows from her work, if you wanna get some proper treatment.”

“Yeah? Might be a good idea.” He sighed and shot another look towards the living room. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Dee’s still the best damn mom in Equestria, but there are some problems that you can’t fix with a smile and a muffin.” No wonder he’d shot a look at the room Derpy was in before he’d said that—daring to doubt the power of muffins in front of her could get a pony in trouble. Hopefully Derpy and I could find a way to work this thing out, because if we couldn’t I didn't think I’d ever be able to eat a muffin again without thinking of her.

Things went silent again. That seemed to be happening a lot. Probably because none of us wanted to talk about the reason I was actually here. It probably didn’t help that Blossom and Cirrus didn’t even know each other. Eventually, Cirrus decided to go for the universal icebreaker. “Hey, you want anything while we wait? Water, cider, something harder?”

“Water sounds good.” Something hard sounded really tempting right then, but if I was going to talk to Derpy later I really shouldn’t get hammered. Judging from the fact that Blossom made the same drink order I did, she was probably thinking along the same lines.

Cirrus reluctantly nodded. “Damn, I was hoping I’d have an excuse to break out the good stuff. I could use a good drink right now.” Well, I could certainly sympathize with that feeling. “Maybe next time. We've got plenty of quality booze to choose from. One of the advantages of having your family in the trading business, I guess.” He shrugged and started trotting towards the kitchen, then paused to toss back, “Hey, I don’t know long Rainbow Dash and Dee are going to take, but it might not hurt to find somewhere comfortable to sit down for a bit. We’ve got space in the dining room.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Blossom and I followed him into the dining room. It was hard not to be a little impressed with Doo Manor. Like with most wealthy homes here, the Doos had gone all-out on the decorating. Being on the side of a mountain meant that space was at a premium in Canterlot, so most families with any money invested in fancying up their homes rather than going for huge sprawling mansions. With the Doo’s house, there was lots of nice wood panelling and a whole bunch of random art pieces, a lot of which looked non-Equestrian. Being in the importing business probably helped the Doos a lot, since they could pick up all sorts of knicknacks from outside of Equestria to keep around the house. Not to mention a big chunk of their income came from supplying neat foreign stuff to every other family in Canterlot that wanted to show off how wealthy they were. Which, come to think of it, was just about all of them who weren’t Kickers.

Granted, the clan didn’t just avoid showing off our money because of the old Pegasopolan austerity thing. Sure, we had a lot of clan assets, but in terms of actual liquid wealth, we weren’t exactly swimming in bits. Not to mention a fair bit of the actual money the clan had ended up going into maintaining the clan armory, keeping the compound in working order, and stuff like that. Besides, Dad couldn’t throw the clan’s money into fancying up his personal house without pissing off every single Kicker in the clan.

Then again, considering the Doos’ line of work, ponies would expect them to have a bunch of foreign junk to show off. Keeping up appearances is a big deal in Canterlot. Hard not to wonder if part of why the clan stuck to its traditional austerity was just because it was expected of us by now. Canterlot’s weird that way.

Cirrus came in carrying our water and a drink of his own. It looked tasty enough that I was almost tempted to indulge myself; I probably would’ve if not for the upcoming talk with Derpy. My self-discipline always picks the worst possible time to kick in.

Once Cirrus was settled in across the table from Blossom and me, we all just sat there for a bit. Then his eyes suddenly went wide, like he’d just thought of something. “Hey, as long as you’re here, could you help me out with something real quick?” He trotted off again, and came back a minute later rummaging through a set of saddlebags. “Do me a favor—if Dee comes in before we’re done, see if you can distract her for a bit? This isn't really something I want to talk to her about yet. Or ever, really.”

Well, that was intriguing. “Yeah, sure. What's going on?”

Cirrus shuffled uncomfortably in his seat as he pulled out a small stack of paperwork. “Well if she asks, I'm...” He struggled to think of a cover story on the fly. “I dunno, something. Refinancing my armor, looking for a toaster repairpony—anything that needs a lot of paperwork.” He passed the top sheet over to me. “Between the three of us, I need to rework a few legal things.”

I took one look at what the paper and winced. In light of recent events I couldn’t blame him, but still ... ouch. “So you need me to be a witness when you sign the paperwork and whatnot?”

“Yeah.” He quickly checked over the rest of the documents before passing it on to me. “Kinda handy that both of you are here. Dot all the 'i's and what not.”

I passed the papers over to Blossom, and she let out a surprised little gasp when she read them over. “This is a will!”

Cirrus sighed and slowly nodded. “I've had one in place since I signed on with the Guard. Thing is, that was the better part of seven years ago. Plus—look, I may just be a supply sergeant, but I can read the signs. I’ve got the brass breathing down my neck to make sure we’ve got enough of everything we’d need to handle a major deployment, and every other pony working in logistics tells me the same thing’s going on in their units.” He shot an apologetic look my way and added, “Plus, with some of the other stuff that happened recently...”

I could guess what he’d meant. Cirrus was one of the Machwings, so Mom’s death had to be on his mind. “Yeah, I guess it would make sense to update now.” That’s one advantage of the clan tradition of just rolling assets into the patrimony: it meant not having to deal with wills and the like. Dad kept Mom’s personal effects, and everything else went to the clan.

A quick scan of the will showed that Cirrus had things a bit more complicated. Nothing too unexpected; a bit set aside for Dinky and Sparkler, while the rest went to Derpy. Like a lot of soldiers who’d been in for a while, Cirrus had a decent amount of pay saved up. He might’ve gone into the Guard to help Derpy through the rough patch she’d gone through on account of her pregnancy, but Derpy had gotten on her hooves financially years ago. He wasn’t rich or anything, but if worst came to worst he’d leave his nieces with a pretty good start on their college funds.

Blossom’s wing wrapping around my shoulders snapped me out of that line of thought. Enough moping, I had issues to deal with in the now. “Yeah, so, where do I sign?”

Cirrus leaned over and pointed to a couple spots. “Here, here... this one needs two... and this one as well.” Blossom and I both signed off on everything. “Thanks. Needed somepony to sign off that this is my real will, and since everypony else in the house is listed as a beneficiary ... well, except Rainbow, but you know she’d make a big deal out of this.”

Yeah, I could see Rainbow making a bit of a fuss over the whole thing. Probably start insisting that there was no need to update his will because he wasn’t allowed to die or something. Not that I was terribly fond of the idea of Dinky and Sparkler losing their uncle. “It should be fine though, right? I mean, you're a supply sergeant. Not exactly a frontline role.”

Cirrus let out a strained smile and grumbled something under his breath about a transfer. “Normally I’m in camp, yeah, but you probably know how things can get during a fight.” He let out a sour little chuckle. “That fancy West Hoof officer education you went through had to tell you that much, at least.” I’ll admit, I was vaguely curious about how Basic Training compared to what I went through at West Hoof. From what I’ve heard, the sergeants at Basic were a lot rougher around the edges, but the ones at West Hoof managed to push twice as hard while being unfailingly polite the whole time. “Bottom line is, things are getting tense, and the current plan from our dearly beloved Captain of the Guard means that all hooves are on deck. Reserves are on standby, too.”

I couldn’t miss the sarcasm in Cirrus’ voice when he mentioned Shining Armor. I guess he wasn’t a fan either. To be honest, while I felt obligated to say that my father would make a better commander, by all reports Armor had done a decent enough job, and I could understand the strategy he had in mind. If the only thing we knew about our enemy was that they were coming for Canterlot, it made sense to focus our forces there. Still, it felt too much like we were ceding the initiative for my tastes.

“Oh. Yeah, the reserves.” Like me. Sure, so far I’d just had an offer made if I wanted to come back voluntarily, but if the Guard needed the ponypower bad enough, they wouldn’t hesitate to just call me up regardless of my feelings on the matter. And to be honest, despite the talk with Dad, I didn’t completely hate the idea of that happening.

Cirrus shot a knowing look my way. “So far they’ve only called up the Canterlot reserves. Most of the talk I’ve heard says that they’re not calling up anypony else yet.”

“Yet.” I knew the Guard well enough to realize that plans were subject to change on a moment’s notice. All it would take was one unit coming in a bit understrength or one gap in the formation, and I might be in the next batch of reservists they called up.

Blossom gave me a worried squeeze with her wing. “Cloud, do you really think that could happen?”

Cirrus thought it over for a moment, then shook his head. “I don't think it'll happen. Not right now.”

“Well, it was just a thought.” I shook my head and got back to the paperwork.

Unfortunately, Cirrus wasn’t willing to let the matter drop with just that. “If you're thinking what I think you’re thinking, I think you should think about another line of thought.” I was tempted to point out just how incomprehensible that sentence was, but it didn’t seem like a good time for being a smartflank. “Big mobilizations like this don't just happen overnight.”

I tried to wave them off and just focus on the papers in front of me, but I could feel Blossom and Cirrus both frowning at me, not even trying to hide how worried they were. It made it rather hard for me to just focus on sorting out all the paperwork.

I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised when Cirrus pounced the instant I’d finished initializing the last sheet of paper. “Can I offer you my two bits?”

“I'm listening.” It’s not like saying ‘no’ would’ve done me any good.

“If you want to go active, now's not the time. I’m sure you’re aware of all the logistics of bringing you up to speed, not to mention assigning you a command and all the red tape that comes with that.” I couldn’t argue that point; pushing clouds for years since I’d left West Hoof hadn’t exactly done much to prepare me for a battlefield command. “On top of the practical problems, it's a bad call because it's an emotional decision. It’s not hard to guess that you want back in so you can get revenge on whatever took down the Major. That’s not a good reason to join the Guard, especially as any kind of officer.”

“I’m not even saying I want back into the Guard, okay?” I grumbled as I passed the papers back to him. “It’s just—well yeah, it’s hard not to think about going back, with everything that’s been going on lately.”

“You might not have said it, but you’re obviously thinking it,” Blossom murmured.

Cirrus gave a sharp nod to Blossom. “Look, Cloud Kicker, take it from a pony who impulsively enlisted and wound up hating life for a few years.” He shot a look over his shoulder at the living room. “Joining the Guard isn’t something you ever want to do unless you’re damn sure about it.”

“Which is why I won’t make any decisions like that until I’m sure,” I answered him, just a bit testily.

Blossom shared another worried look with Cirrus, then spoke up. “Cloudy, for what it’s worth I don't think it's a good idea either.”

One of my ears flicked a couple times before I could rein in my annoyance. I really didn’t need another problem put on my plate right before the big talk with Derpy. “Right, right. Fine. I'll drop it.”

Neither of them had anything more to say, but from the way Cirrus kept shifting around in his chair while Blossom shot me worried looks and kept a wing wrapped around my shoulders, I could tell they were both still thinking about it. The silence quickly became awkward.

Thankfully, Rainbow Dash came to the rescue before too much longer. It was hard to feel too optimistic when I saw the look on her face, though. Her ears were flat against her head, and her voice sounded far too subdued. Rainbow was never subdued; even when she was in the dumps, she tended to be very loudly and energetically depressed. “Hey guys. Derpy's ready.”

“Oh.” Any lingering thoughts on the Guard flew out of my head at that. “Well, I guess we’d better go see her then, right?”

“Yeah,” Blossom mumbled. “Guess we should.”

Cirrus gave RD a quick nod. “I'll be right out here on standby if you need me. Sparkler's upstairs with Dinky, keeping her out of earshot.”

Rainbow gave a weak little laugh. “In that case, you better keep your eyes peeled for any inconspicuous cardboard boxes trying to sneak in.”

Cirrus let out a half-hearted snort. “I’ll be sure to double-check any boxes that say they’re making box noises or cause nearby ponies to go into diabetic shock.”

“Heh, yeah.” Rainbow gave a few chuckles at the image, then reluctantly turned back to face Blossom and myself. “So... guess we'd better get started with Derpy, right?”

I mutely nodded, and the three of us stepped into the living room. Every section of wall leading into the room held either a bookshelf or had some kind of artwork centered on it—all of them hung conveniently above the reach of young, curious hooves. Thankfully, the paintings were largely impressionistic landscapes rather than more modern forms of artwork, so it was less of an assault on the senses than it could have been. An olive-and-silver shield engraved with the Doo Clan coat-of-arms hung over the fireplace, telling visitors whose house they were in with about the same sense of subtlety as Uncle Ty or Aunt Wind’s house—which meant to say, it was only slightly less obvious than anything Rainbow did in her life.

My eye caught a quick glint of reflected light from the mantle below it—picture frames, taking up most of the space on the ledge and displayed front-and-center for anypony who would have been hanging around in the room. There wasn’t any order to how the pictures were sorted, but it wasn’t hard for me to guess who was in them: I saw a few slightly faded photographs of Derpy and Cirrus when they were closer to Sparkler’s age, but most of what was there was more recent. Derpy and her girls were there in spades, obviously, as well as a couple of snapshots of Cirrus in his Guard armor—a couple in the usual Guard gold, though it wasn’t hard to miss how the ones with him in the traditional Clan Doo olive green were displayed a bit more prominently. I guess I couldn’t blame them for that, given how much pride Kickers took in our clan reds when they weren’t on duty. Not to mention that Cirrus was the first Doo to actually bear arms in centuries, unless you counted the descendants of the ones who'd gone into exile after the Rebellion.

The walls were adorned with more of the fruits of the Doos’ trading efforts, most of it Zebrican. From what I’d heard, the Doos did a lot of business with the zebras, to the point of having some zebra DNA in the family tree. Not that I could talk: the Kickers are a military family, and it’s far from unheard of for a pony to go off on deployment single, then return to Equestria with a new spouse. One of my great-great-great grandparents was a Westmarch griffon, and my third cousin once removed is married to a rather nice donkey.

Derpy was sitting in a recliner that looked like it would be really comfortable under ordinary circumstances, but from the way she was constantly shifting and shuffling around, you’d think she was on a bed of coals. As soon as she saw me, she gave a guilty little flinch and her eyes flicked onto my injured one. For a moment, I was almost tempted to rub the makeup off, just so she could have a good look at what she’d done. “Hello, Cloud Kicker.” Her voice was soft and scared, a far cry from the bubbly tones I was used to hearing from her.

“Hey.” I gave her a slightly awkward wave, for lack of any better idea of what to do or say in this situation. Blossom didn’t say anything, but between the faint glower she was directing Derpy’s way and how the wing she had across my back tightened protectively, she didn’t really need to open her mouth to get the message across.

Rainbow looked between the two of us, then gave a faintly annoyed grumble and waved a hoof at one of the nearby couches. Once Blossom and I were sitting, she grabbed a spare cushion for herself, then plopped it down on the floor and pointedly sat down between Derpy and me.

Once we were all seated, things were painfully silent. I guess nopony wanted to be the first one to say something. After a few seconds of quiet, Rainbow started loudly tapping her hoof on the wood floor, her patience already running thin. Derpy decided to make an attempt at getting the conversation going before Rainbow exploded completely. “Um, hello to you too, Blossomforth.”

Blossom offered a very cool nod in response. “Miss Doo.”

That got a flinch out of Derpy, and I shifted so I wasn’t sitting quite so close to Blossom. I’m not sure if Blossom was deliberately echoing Sparkler’s habit of calling Derpy that to show her anger or not, but either way the choice of words stung. It wasn’t a good note to start things off on; we’d all hurt each other more than enough already.

After a couple seconds, I sighed and got down to business. “So, I guess we need to talk, right Derpy?”

“Yes. Yes, we need to talk.” Her wings drooped down, and she slumped into her chair. “Before we start, I just want to apologize for hitting you. Yes, I was upset and hurt, but that’s no excuse. I—anything else I could say would just sound cheap, I guess, but that doesn't mean I don't mean it. I'm sorry, Cloud, I shouldn't have done that.”

“Damn right you shouldn't have!” Rainbow snapped at her. “What the hay were you thinking, Derpy?”

I quickly put a restraining hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. “Dash, calm down.” Like I’ve said before, Rainbow is not the best choice of pony for a neutral moderator. I don’t think she was taking sides, exactly, but she tended to be way too passionate and outspoken. She didn’t want to sit back and let other ponies talk. She wanted to take action.

Sure enough, Rainbow turned and glared at me. “Oh, don’t give me that, Kicker. We wouldn’t even be in this mess if you knew how to keep your tail down!”

“Rainbow?” Derpy’s voice had turned dangerously sweet. “Could you please do us both a favor and shut up so Cloud and I can actually talk things through?”

“Fine,” Rainbow grumbled, crossing her forelegs over her chest and all but pouting.

Well, at least Rainbow’s little outburst had gotten things moving along a bit. I decided not to let that momentum go to waste. “Look, Derpy, it's—well, it's not okay, but it's not as bad as it could be. I mean, don’t take this the wrong way, but you lashed out after I’d hurt you pretty badly. It’s not like you just started pounding on me ‘cause you were in a bad mood or had too much to drink or something. And, well...” I awkwardly shuffled on the couch, trying to think of the best way to word my next point. “I think we can both agree from past encounters with certain other ponies that I can take care of myself.”

Blossom let out a faint noise of protest. “Just because you’re stronger doesn’t make it okay for her to hit you!”

“It doesn’t,” I agreed. “But it does make it a bit less bad.”

“As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t make any difference how tough Cloud is,” Derpy cut in. “I can’t hit ponies just because I’m upset with them. Especially not when I’ve got Dinky and Sparkler to think about, too.” She sighed and gave a resigned shake of her head. “I didn’t just hurt you, Cloud, I hurt them too. That’s ... that goes against everything a mom is supposed to do.” She groaned and rubbed a hoof over her face. “But yeah. We're here, talking about our problems in a reasonable fashion like civilized ponies, so that's something I guess.”

“Beats where we were a couple days ago.” I took a deep breath, and asked the question we’d all been dancing around. “I suppose now the big thing we need to sort out is where we go from here.”

Rainbow cut in once more to offer her own opinion. “All three of you need to stop being stupid.”

Derpy forced a small, polite smile onto her face. “Rainbow? Is that really helping?”

“What?” Rainbow groused defensively. “You know it's true.”

Blossom loudly cleared her throat. “In any case...” She reached over and put one of her hooves on top of mine as a show of support.

Derpy’s smile turned brittle, though I’m not sure if it was because of Rainbow’s running commentary or the fact that Blossom was acting the role of fillyfriend instead of her. Probably a mixture of the two. “Yes, moving on from that...”

Well, there was no point in dancing around the painful questions we both knew were coming. “Derpy, what do you want from me? From our relationship?”

Derpy let out a pained sigh, and her ears went flat. “For now? Space.” She shot another guilty glance at my eye. “If the way our last talk went was any barometer, I don’t think things between us are going to work. Even after this whole mess I still care about you, Cloud, but there’s just—there’s just too much baggage weighing everything down now.” She groaned and poked at her chair a few times. “It’s just ... it’s all too much to deal with anymore. You've been my friend for a long, long time, and if nothing else I want to try and walk away with that.”

Even though I’d been ninety-nine percent sure that things were going to end with me and Derpy calling it quits, hearing her actually say it still hurt. Rainbow’s ears had gone flat on her head as she looked back and forth between Derpy and me, while Blossom had scooted a bit closer so she could offer me a hug. I accepted it while trying to think of what I could say to Derpy. “So ... yeah. I guess that makes the breakup official then?”

Derpy’s head drooped until she was practically staring at the floor, and her voice was hoarse, as if she were struggling to keep herself from breaking down completely. “I still care about you. You still have a place in my heart. I really wish things were different, but after all this I'm not going to kid myself and say we can go back to what things used to be.”

I hated to agree with her, but the truth was the truth. “Yeah. I still love you and everything, but some big lines got crossed. By both of us.”

Derpy shifted around in her seat, and refused to meet my eyes for a few seconds. “Yes. We both made huge mistakes, and I wish I could take mine back. But I can’t.”

I shot an awkward look at Blossom, who still had a wing wrapped around me, then returned my attention to Derpy. “I ... I guess my screw-up was a bit more complicated. Blossom’s important to me, Derpy, and I can’t call loving her a mistake. But I damn sure regret that I ended up showing that in a way that hurt you, Derpy. I really do. Love should be about making ponies happy, not hurting them.”

I sighed and tried to figure out how to put it all into words. Knowing what I wanted to say was very different from being able to explain it in a way that would sit right with Derpy. “I think part of why I went wrong was just with how I approached this whole thing. I love you, Derpy, but I don’t love just you. The way I’ve lived my life, the choices I’ve made to get to this point ... I’m not a one-pony mare. Maybe I could’ve been, if a lot of things that happened a long time ago had worked out differently, but here and now, that’s not how I work.” I ran a hoof over my face, only to hastily withdraw it when I realized I’d taken a bit of the makeup off of my eye. “Trying to be something I'm not just to make you happy was never going to work.”

I guess I must’ve done enough damage to the cover-up on my eye, because the next time Derpy looked at me she flinched, then rubbed at her own eye. “I wanted something more than you could give me. That was just wishful thinking, and it wound up getting all of us hurt.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Derpy.” I shot a slightly self-conscious look at Rainbow Dash. “You wanted a pony you could depend on to come home every night, help you raise your daughters, stuff like that. I wish I could be that one pony for you, but that's just not how I am. There are a lot of ponies I care for.” I gave Blossom’s hoof a light squeeze. “Some more than others, but I can't just push all of them out of my life to make room for you.”

“I understand that now.” Derpy’s voice was barely louder than a whisper.

“I'm sorry. You deserve better than that. Better than me.” I leaned a bit closer to her. “You're still special to me, you know? One of the most special ponies in my life.”

“Everypony's special to you.” I flinched when I heard the bitter resignation in her voice. “Being special doesn’t count for much when you spread it around like that.”

Okay, that hurt. Before I could even think of an answer, Derpy held up a hoof to cut me off. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair. It’s just ... I don’t know, I guess we just had very different expectations. I know how you think of things, that having other ponies you love doesn’t mean you love me any less. But for me... It’s hard to feel special when I’m just another name in your little black book.”

I admit, I was pretty stung she thought things were like that. “Derpy, you know that’s not how I think of you.”

“Yes, I do.” She let out a frustrated groan. “I know that it’s wrong, but I still can’t help feeling that way sometimes. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.” Derpy was silent for a long time, then very gingerly reached out with one of her forelegs. “You're still special to me. You know that’s how I think of you, right? Even if I’m hurt over how things have gone, I still care.”

Rainbow tensed a bit when she saw Derpy’s hoof moving towards me, but once it was clear she wasn’t winding up for a punch or anything Rainbow backed down. After a couple moments of hesitation, I closed the distance with the foreleg that Blossom wasn’t holding onto. Derpy wrapped her foreleg around mine, and gave it a gentle little squeeze.

“Still friends?” I asked.

Derpy offered me a slightly sheepish smile. “If you'll have me.”

“Of course.” I tried to give her the most genuine smile I could, under the circumstances. “You’re one hay of a good pony, even if you do go a little muffin-crazy sometimes. Well—always, really. Besides, if I didn’t have you around, I'd miss your girls.”

Her smile shrank a bit, but turned a lot more genuine, so I called that a win. She looked like she was a lot closer to being back to her usual upbeat, bubbly self. Not all the way there yet, but a lot better than she’d been when I’d gotten here. “Sparkler and Dinky would miss you too.” Her ears perked up a bit. “Sparkler especially, after what happened. Thanks for finding her after she ran off, and keeping an eye on her for the last couple days.”

“Thank my cousin Star, she's the one who found Sparkler and brought her home.” Blossom and Rainbow both offered slight smirks as they sensed what I was planning to unleash next. “The two of them do seem to be getting along well. Really well, in fact.”

Derpy’s smile widened for a moment, then trailed off into a faintly bemused grin. “Huh. After Ratchet, I thought she only went for stallions.”

Rainbow shrugged. “So’d I, but I guess we were wrong. Or maybe there’s just something about Kicker mares that makes everypony turn into a fillyfooler for them.”

“Well, I have always claimed that everypony is Kicker-sexual.” I buffed a hoof against my chest. “And Star has always kind of looked up to me, so I guess it figures that she absorbed some of my natural charm and all that.”

“Cloud, you’re making Rainbow look modest now.” Blossom gave me a teasing little nudge with her shoulder. “That’s a bad sign.”

“What are you talking about?” Rainbow demanded, looking just a bit annoyed. “I’m totally modest. I’m the most modest pony in the history of Equestria. After all, it’s not bragging when I really am that good.” I had to wonder if Rainbow was actually using some self-deprecating humor, or if her ego really was so huge she could even brag about being modest. From the faintly amused grin on her face, I was guessing it was the first one. “But enough about how amazing I am, the point is that Sparkler and Star totally wanna bang each other, even if they deny it.”

Derpy blinked a few times, then gave a horrified little shiver. “Gyah! Rainbow! I don’t need those kinds of mental images! Bad thoughts, bad!”

Rainbow stared at Derpy, looking completely mystified by her reaction. “Wha'd I do?”

Derpy groaned and rubbed the side of her head. “I don’t need any mental images of my daughters having sex. Ever. Think, Rainbow, then speak. Please?”

I couldn’t resist an opening like that. “Derpy, remember who you're talking to.”

Blossom had a giggle at Rainbow’s expense, while Rainbow responded by grumbling and pouting in a somewhat immature but absolutely adorable manner. Derpy shot Rainbow a flat look, and used her best deadpan voice. “Point.”

That just made Rainbow get even more grumbly, so I grabbed her by the neck and noogied her for a bit. As anypony who knows Rainbow Dash will tell you, a noogie is Rainbow-ese for ‘you’re my friend, and I’m just messing with you.’ Rainbow-ese is a complicated language.

After a couple seconds of noogie-ing, Rainbow pulled her head free and gave me a playful shove back. Naturally I couldn’t let that pass unavenged, and soon we were having a playful little wrestling match. After a little bit of tussling, I let Rainbow win; we’re a pretty even match when we’re just messing around, but I usually give Dash the win. It makes her happy.

As I got up from the floor, I spotted Blossom passing a few bits over to Derpy. I couldn’t let that go by without comment. “Oh, so when I gambled on your little wrestling match with Fluttershy I was being horrible, but it’s perfectly fine for you to place bets on me and Rainbow?”

“Yes,” Blossom agreed with a prim nod. “If it’s any consolation, I did bet on you.” She gave me a playful little glare. “You just cost me two bits.”

“I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you,” I deadpanned.

“I’m sure you’ll come up with something.” Rainbow shot a smirk our way. “Especially now that you two are banging and stuff.”

Derpy let out a barely audible little whimper, and the lighthearted smile she’d been wearing a moment ago faded away. She awkwardly shuffled in her seat, then turned to Blossom once more and tried to force a cheerful grin onto her face. “Congratulations, I guess.”

Blossom’s ears went flat, and she started intently studying the floor. “Thanks.” The word came out with about as much enthusiasm as Derpy’s felicitations.

And things had gone back to being awkward again. Dammit. At least Blossom and Derpy seemed to have finally put the whole fight over which one of them would get to have me aside. I guess that was one less problem on my plate, for the moment. It did bring some other issues to mind, though. “So, I was thinking. I think we could all use some space for a bit.”

Derpy sighed and nodded. “I think that'd be for the best. I like having you around, Cloud, and I still want us to have a lot of fun times together, but right now things are just too messy. Once we’ve all had a bit of time to adjust and our feelings have cleared up, you and Alula are both always welcome to come over anytime.”

“Thanks for that, Derpy. I know Alula would be crushed if she couldn’t play with Dinky anymore.” If they were five years older, I might have given Dinky and Alula the same treatment that Star and Sparkler got. Well, that just meant I had five years to figure out exactly how terribly I should tease them when the time came. After all, it’s the sacred duty of big sisters to tease little sisters.

Still, that did bring up another issue. “I was thinking I might stay in Canterlot for a while. It’d be nice to have some more time with my family.”

Rainbow put a hoof on my shoulder, wearing a gentle and understanding smile that was completely at odds with her usual brash and cocky demeanor. “Hey, take as much time as you need, Cloud. Blossomforth and I can keep the weather running until you’re feeling ready to come back.” Blossom quickly nodded her agreement on that point.

Derpy shot a look at her own family photos on the wall. “After everything you’ve been through lately, I can’t say I’m surprised that you'd want to be around family for a while.”

I felt my own eyes lingering on Derpy’s family photos, especially the ones of Cirrus in his Guard armor. It kinda put some things into perspective for me. I knew there was trouble coming for Equestria, and the idea that there were other ponies with families putting their lives on the line while I sat back safe and sound in Ponyville just didn’t sit right with me. Burying Mom and helping Dinky and Sparkler’s uncle update his will kinda put all the risks those ponies were facing into perspective.

First things first, though. “Speaking of, could one of you take care of 'Lula while I'm in Canterlot?” That got me a whole bunch of confused looks, so I knew I had to offer something in the way of explanation. “Dad thinks it might be good for her to get out of the city for a while.”

Blossom frowned at me again, while Derpy tapped her hoof on the side of her chair, a thoughtful little grimace on her face. “After everything that’s happened, why would your father...” Her eyes went wide as the pieces fell into place. “Something’s happening, isn’t it? That’s why Cirrus has been spending so much time with me and the girls while he’s on leave.” Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Your mother wasn’t just killed by a random monster, was she? She must’ve figured something out, and now everypony’s getting ready for war.”

“Huh?” Rainbow shot a nervous look my way—Derpy was getting worryingly close to putting together some facts the Princesses didn’t want publicly known. A moment later, Dash gave an extremely forced laugh. “That’s crazy, Derpy. Nothing weird’s going on at all.”

Derpy’s eyes narrowed and she hit Rainbow Dash with a suspicious glare. “You’re lying to me, Rainbow Dash. You wouldn’t do that unless there was a very good reason. Like if you and Cloud found something out when you went out after her mother.”

Okay, Derpy had officially made her way to dangerous territory. I needed to cut in before she figured out enough to start getting her in trouble. “Hypothetically, if anything like that did happen, which I can neither confirm nor deny that it did, then the Princesses would’ve told me and Rainbow to keep our mouths shut. State secrets, and all that.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow agreed with an emphatic nod. “Hypertheticly.”

I decided that an abrupt change of subject was in order. Hopefully, Rainbow and I had gotten the message across. “I’ve been thinking ... Derpy, do you know what Cirrus asked me to do while we were waiting on you and Rainbow?” Derpy tensed up, and motioned for me to continue. I felt just a little guilty as I told her, “He wanted to update his will. 'Cause of things that may or may not be going on.”

Derpy let out a quiet, worried little hiss. “I told him he shouldn’t have joined the Guard. I told him not to sign up for a second tour, too. I swear, if anything happens to that blockhead...”

I gave a quick reassuring pat on the hoof. “Nothing’s gonna happen to him, Derpy. He’s a supply sergeant, he’ll be as safe as a pony can get. But I’ve been thinking ... well, if something does go wrong, a whole lotta ponies are gonna be putting their lives on the line. Not just Cirrus, but my Dad, my aunt and uncle, my cousins—hay, pretty much every single pony in my clan, and a lot of others besides.” I ran a hoof through my mane. “Makes a mare think about some things. And the more I think the harder it is to stay where I am. What gives me the right to sit this one out when so many other ponies aren’t?”

“Are you talking about going back into the Guard or something?” Rainbow wing-smacked me upside the head. “I thought I told you to stop being stupid! Now you’re being the exact opposite of not-stupid. Which is stupid!”

“Thank you, Rainbow,” Derpy remarked dryly, before turning to face me herself. “I can tell you exactly why you should sit this one out. For starters, you're not really a part of the Guard. Secondly, it's an incredibly bad idea.”

Blossom gave a sharp nod to signal her agreement. “Cloud, can you think of anypony, anypony at all, who thinks that you rejoining the Guard sounds like a good idea?”

“Look, I am technically in the reserves, and I spent four years at West Hoof. Maybe I’d be a little rusty, but it’d all come back to me soon enough.” I shot the three of them a faintly annoyed look. “And for your information, Princess Luna herself offered me a command if I agreed to come back to active duty.”

Derpy frowned at me. “'Technically' being in the Guard doesn't really count for much, even if you weren't rusty.” She gave me a level, unimpressed look. “And as for Her Highness ... some of the rumors I’ve heard about what happened between the two of you at Cloudsdale inclines me to think that she may not have the best reasons for wanting you active.”

I decided not to comment on the Princess Luna issue. I still had no idea whether I’d actually banged her or not, and regardless of the outcome she’d probably be less than happy if I started telling ponies that I had gotten her in bed. Besides, there was another point to discuss. “I'm not that rusty, Derpy.”

“Yeah!” Rainbow chimed in. “Sure, I helped and did a lot of the hardest stuff, but we totally kicked flank in the fight against the ch—” Rainbow thankfully caught herself before she could give anything away. “Um, against the thing that got Cloud’s mom.”

Derpy scowled at Rainbow. “Dash, you’re not helping.” She turned back to me, and resumed the lecture. “There's a big difference between doing a few warm-up exercises in your living room and actively training with ponies who know the business as well as you do.”

I let out an annoyed little growl at that. “Derpy, I spent four years at West Hoof, and was raised in a family chock-full of military ponies. I think I might know a thing or two more than you do about what it takes to cut it in the Guard.” I held up a hoof to forestall any comments. “And before you mention your brother, I think I should point out that officers and enlisted ponies play different roles in the Guard, and need completely different sets of skills.”

Derpy let that particular issue drop with some aggravated grumbles, but wasted no time moving on to her next objection. “Regardless of whether or not your skills are up to the task, and I’m still far from convinced that they are, you're forgetting about something else. Or rather, somepony: Alula.”

“Yeah!” Rainbow shouted, apparently having been shifted back into Derpy’s camp now that her fighting prowess wasn’t being indirectly questioned. “Your sister matters way more than a bunch of stupid Guard stuff, dummy!”

“Alula is important,” I agreed. “She’s one of the most important ponies in my life. But so is the Guard. I feel like I just have to do this. I can't sit back doing nothing while there are ponies putting their lives on the line.”

Derpy frowned at me. “Do you really believe that feeling like you’ve done your duty to Equestria is more important than caring for a little filly who's hurt even worse than you are?”

“Yeah, I thought you Kickers were all about how important family is,” Rainbow chimed in. “Besides, it's not like you've had a hard time letting other ponies take all the risks of being in the Guard for the last seven years.”

Ow. That hurt. That really hurt. I’m not proud of the way I ran out on the Guard, but having it tossed into my face like that added to the pain. A second later Rainbow’s brain caught up with her mouth, and she facehoofed before mumbling out a vague apology. That didn’t save her from getting wing-whapped and rebuked by Blossom. “Rainbow, that wasn’t very nice!”

Derpy, on the other hoof, was notable by her silence. I had a feeling that if I’d forced an answer out of her, she would’ve admitted that she didn’t completely disagree with Rainbow’s point.

I sighed, and tried to come up with a good way of explaining things to them. “It’s different now, okay? You know what I've always told myself after I left the Guard? To make the whole thing seem less wrong? I always said that if Equestria needed me, I'd come back. That there's a big difference between running out on the Guard in peacetime, and hanging Equestria out to dry in the middle of a crisis.” I self-consciously ran a hoof through my mane. “Hay, I spent most of Nightmare Moon’s return trying to find somepony I could report for duty to.” I felt a guilty little twinge in the back of my mind as I remembered that one of the Guards Nightmare Moon had blasted was a Kicker. “Would’ve done the same for the Discord thing, if things hadn’t gone completely crazy.”

Derpy let out a frustrated little grumble. “That’s all well and good, Cloud Kicker, but it doesn’t change the fact that joining the Guard right now would be abandoning somepony in your family at a time when she really, really needs you.” She shot a look at one of the photos of her parents and bit her lower lip. “Take it from me ... that hurts.”

“But if I don't come back to the Guard now, then it makes everything I've done with my life since then a big fat lie.”

“That's absurd!” Blossom exclaimed. “Why do you have to rejoin the Guard now of all times? Do you really think that’s the only way to prove that your life counts for something?”

“Exactly.” Derpy shot a grateful nod Blossom’s way. “Everything you’ve done since you left Ponyville was done with your family in mind. Why should you change that now?”

“Because now I need to do something for all of Equestria.”

Rainbow let out an angry snort and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure, Cloud Kicker. The Guard, the Elements of Harmony, the Princesses, and everypony else are just gonna be completely doomed unless you join up. ‘Cause you’re that important.”

Okay, when Rainbow Dash is calling you out for egotism, it’s time to step back and take a look at things. “Dash, it’s not that I think everything’s gonna fall to pieces if I don’t go back into the Guard. But just because I’d only be one more officer in the ranks doesn’t mean I don’t need to do my part.”

“You already have,” Derpy insisted. “I don’t know what happened out there with your mother, but if half of what I suspect is true, then you’ve already done a lot to help Equestria. Now it's time to do something for your family again.”

“No.” I shook my head, and shot a guilty look Derpy’s way. “I made a promise to myself about what I would do if there was ever serious trouble coming Equestria’s way. I think I’ve broken enough of my promises already.”

One of Derpy’s ears twitched and she grimaced at me. “Cloud, you're not thinking straight about any of this, and an officer who isn’t thinking right will get ponies killed. Maybe even yourself.”

Did she really think I was so messed up over losing Mom that I couldn’t even competently command a unit? It’s not like I was frothing at the mouth and bouncing off the walls or anything. I was just trying to do the right thing. “I have a du—” I quickly caught myself, and shot a look Rainbow’s way. “I have an obligation to the Guard and Equestria. I can't run out on it if I'm gonna start living up to my promises.”

“That obligation ended before Dinky was even a distant dream,” Derpy countered.

“No, it's still there.” I groaned and rubbed a hoof over my face. “The whole point of having West Hoof is so the Guard has a big trained pool of officers whenever something big comes up. Hay, even if I’m not on active duty, I’ve been in the reserves for years.”

“You’re only very technically in the reserves, Cloud,” Derpy jabbed one of her hooves at me to emphasize her point. “Do you even do any of the normal reserves training you’re supposed to do? I know you don’t get paid for being in the reserves like most ponies would.”

That was true; Dad had enough to deal with just by sticking me into a reserve unit to keep me from being classified as a deserter. No way he was going to let me collect a paycheck on top of that. “That doesn’t change the fact that I’m still in the reserves, so I’m supposed to report for duty when Equestria needs more soldiers.”

Blossom frowned at me. “Well, if they needed you wouldn’t the Guard be calling you up? And since you’re not talking to us in armor, I’m going to guess they haven’t done that yet. Maybe you should leave it up to the ponies running things to decide whether or not they need your help, instead of chomping at the bit to volunteer.”

Derpy unleashed her wall-eyed look of disappointment on me. “It’s starting to sound like this is less about what Equestria needs, and more about making yourself feel better.”

“Yeah!” Rainbow leapt into the fray once more. “I mean, c'mon Cloud! You've got a job and ponies who count on you back in Ponyville! You can’t leave them all hanging while you run around being a Guard again!”

“Not to mention your sister,” Derpy pointedly added.

Dammit, why was it so hard to just make them understand? It wasn’t like I was just talking about rejoining the Guard on a whim or something. This was serious business, and I had good reasons for doing it. “So how am I supposed to start living up to my promises by breaking one of the most important ones I've ever made?”

Derpy’s ear flicked again at the mention of promises. “Cloud, I’m starting to think you might have a bad habit of making promises you shouldn’t. Maybe instead of trying to live up to something you promised yourself years ago you should just accept that you’ve moved on from there, and focus on what’s important now.” Derpy’s gaze lingered on some of the family photos for a bit longer. “I promised myself a lot of things, back when I was in school before I had Dinky, right around the same time you were leaving the Guard. I ended up breaking most of those promises, but they didn’t matter anymore, because I’d moved on from them. A lot’s changed in your life since West Hoof; it’s past time you accepted that instead of constantly looking back over your shoulder and regretting your decision to leave.”

Rainbow nodded emphatically. “If you wanna talk about promises and doing the right things and stuff, maybe you should think about the ponies who care about and even lov—er, l-word you. I think they all count for more than something you promised to yourself a long time ago.”

Blossom latched onto my forehoof, holding onto it like she was afraid I would just fly out the door the instant she let go. “Cloud, listen to them. Please?”

I let out a sad little snort. “Oh, this is just perfect. When I’m not living up to my promises I get lectured by all of you, and now that I wanna do that I’m getting another set of lectures about how I don’t need to do that anymore. Could you ponies just make up your minds?”

“It’s not just about promises, Cloud, it’s also about priorities.” Derpy put one of her hooves on my chest. “Your sister needs you, Cloud. Not being shipped off to one of your friends’ houses while you go play Guard for however long it takes you to get your head on straight. If you turn your back on Alula now, every promise you keep from then on will be pointless compared to the one you broke with her.”

I stared at her, cocking my head to the side. “What promise am I breaking with 'Lula?”

“The promise every big sister makes to their little sister,” Derpy answered me. “That you’ll always be there for her when she needs you the most. That no matter what happens, you will always, always have her back. That you’re her big sister, the pony that can be there for her when everypony else is getting ready for—for whatever it is that's coming.”

“Think about everypony you’d be leaving behind, Cloud!” Rainbow all but shouted at me. “Sure, you might’ve screwed things up with Derpy, but aside from that I'd say you've been doing a pretty good job with your life in Ponyville. Derpy's kids like you, Alula looks up to you, and you've saved me from going nuts with all the paperwork I gotta deal with.” She gave an overdramatic shudder of horror. “Not to mention that you kinda helped Lyra and Bon-Bon get together, you got Raindrops to chill out a bit, plus your whole banging thing just made a whole lot of ponies in Ponyville happy.” She slugged me in the shoulder. “There's a lot of ponies who can be in the Guard. There's only one pony who can do all the stuff that you do back home. We’d all go crazy missing you if you left. Even I’d be a bit sad—not as bad as everypony else, but I’d be a little down.”

Blossom and Derpy both rolled their eyes at Rainbow’s inevitable scramble backwards when it came to expressing any sort of ‘sappy’ feelings, but nodded their agreement with the rest of what she’d said. Hay, I couldn’t really argue that point either. I’d set down a lot of roots in Ponyville, and leaving behind all the ponies I’d grown to know and love would hurt. “I don't wanna leave Ponyville forever, but I have to do right by the Guard. I’m only going on active duty until this whole mess gets sorted out anyway; once things settle down, I should be able to come home.”

“And how long will that be?” Rainbow demanded. “Yeah, I might’ve slept through most’ve history class ‘cause it was just a bunch of boring names and dates, but even I know that there were wars that took years to sort out! And what about the next mess that'll come up after that? And the one after that?” Rainbow looked me in the eyes. “Like you said, there’s already been two other things that nearly pulled you back into the Guard. What do you wanna bet there’s more ancient evils sealed up somewhere or whatever, and you’ll have another crisis after this one?” She got right up into my face, to the point where her nose was practically touching mine. “If you're gonna let some guilt trip take you back in the Guard, it's never gonna let you go. S’like you always said about why you left in the first place; you always said that you just knew that once you were in the Guard, you were never gonna be able to make yourself leave.”

Derpy shot Rainbow a nod and a grateful little smile. “Cloud, if you go back into the Guard now, Alula will be getting her own commission before you're ready to hang up your helmet again.”

“What happened to all your talk about how important your family is, Cloud?” Blossom demanded. “Does it not count when it comes to your little sister?”

My ears went flat against my head as I tried to explain the whole situation to them. “It’s not like that! If you wanna talk about family, how about the fact that my little cousins are gonna be on the front lines if there’s any kind of fight? Hay, Storm's in one of the most high-casualty units the entire Guard! I can't leave them on their own!”

“So you're going to leave Alula on her own instead?” Derpy shot right back. “Along with Dinky? And Sparkler? Blossom? Rainbow? Fluttershy? Lyra? Bon Bon? Raindrops?” Derpy ran on down the list of the other Ponyville ponies I had connections to, before her voice dropped down to a quiet, vulnerable little whisper. “And me?”

For all their talk about how I was guilt-tripping myself into the Guard, Derpy sure wasn’t shy about unleashing a guilt-trip or two of her own. I guess that’s one of those skills which mothers just naturally develop as they’re raising foals. “You'll miss me, and I’ll miss you, but we’ll survive.”

Rainbow let out a snort.”You wanna talk about surviving? Cloud, I've met your cousins and all the other ponies in your family. Trust me, they can take care of themselves. Besides, you think they'd want you to join up just to look after them? That's a great vote of confidence, I'm sure they'll love hearing that!“

“Rainbow, you don’t understand! I can't lose anypony else!”

“If you don’t drop this idea then you are going to lose ponies, Cloud!” Derpy groaned at me. “You're pushing everypony who cares about you away so you can go chasing after a dream you should’ve given up on years ago!”

“Joining the Guard won't make your family any safer!” Rainbow snapped at me. “Or us! All it’s gonna do is take you away from us and risk your own life for no damn reason!”

“It’s not for no reason, Dash!” I snapped right back at her. “If I'm there for them, like I wasn't there for Mom, then I can make sure they’ll be okay!”

Blossom hugged me again as soon as I mentioned Mom. Rainbow, by contrast, just seemed to get pissed off about it, letting out a loud, frustrated growl. “Cloud, you are such a dope! What happened to your mom wasn't your fault, so stop talking like that!”

Derpy got out of her chair and moved over to the couch and sat on my left side, opposite Blossomforth. She took one of my forelegs in both of hers and started gently rubbing it. “Cloud, for the love of Luna, listen to us. We’re trying to help you.”

“I know you are.” I let out a frustrated little groan. “It’s just that you don’t understand. I have to do this.”

“No, you don't,” Derpy gently insisted. “I don’t know how you’ve gotten it into your head that you’re obligated to do this, but you aren’t.”

Rainbow, unsurprisingly, was a lot less diplomatic in expressing her opinion. “You have to do this?” She waved a hoof at me. “That's what this is all about isn't it? What you want. This is just something that you want to do, nevermind how anypony else feels. You don’t care about Alula or any of us, ‘cause at the end of the day it’s all about you!”

“It's not about me,” I growled at her. “It's about my duty!” A second later, I realized my mistake.

“You're full of doodie!” Rainbow responded, much to nopony’s surprise. “Geeze, Cloud Kicker, use that big stupid head of yours for once! It’s like as soon as the word ‘duty’ crops up you just turn off your brain and start getting seriously dumb!” Rainbow paused and took a couple deep breaths to try and calm herself down. “You walked away from the Guard seven years ago. Going back in now won't change a damn thing. Not your relationship with your parents, not what happened with your mom, not keeping your family or Equestria any safer, nothing!”

“No, it will change something.” Derpy gave a sad little shake of her head. “It'll hurt the relationships you already have. Going to the Guard now is lose-lose for everypony involved.”

“But I have to do it!”

Before anypony could answer me, Cirrus stepped into the room and loudly cleared his throat. “It’s getting a little noisy in here. Everything still all right?”

I was about to give him an answer, but Rainbow beat me to it. “Cloud’s being stupid and saying she’s gonna rejoin the Guard.” She turned back to me, looking me dead in the eyes. “Cloud, read my lips: you don't have to do squat except not throw your life away because of some stupid guilt and duty thing! You got that?”

“I wasn't planning on dying, Dash.” You’d think Rainbow, of all ponies, would know that I was still more than capable of handling myself in a fight. She’d seen how I did against the Changeling. “I know how to handle myself. You know I can do just fine in a fight. Plus, I was close to the top of my class at West Hoof.”

“Nopony goes into the field planning to die, Cloud Kicker.” Now that he was in the room, Cirrus had apparently decided that he might as well throw his two bits into the conversation. “Just ‘cause you don’t plan on it doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Don't go running into a dangerous situation without any kind of plan like a hothead.” He paused for a moment, then deadpanned. “That's Rainbow's job, and you know how much she hates being upstaged.”

Rainbow promptly wing-whapped Cirrus in the face without even taking her eyes off me. “Maybe you were really good at West Hoof, but that was a long time ago, Cloud. You’ve been pushing clouds for years, not training to do military stuff.”

“Exactly,” Blossom chimed in. “If you don't use it, you lose it.”

“It won't take long to get back in the swing of things,” I argued. “Yeah, I'm a bit rusty, but you never forget Guard training. Besides, most of what I’ll be doing is leadership stuff, not personally kicking flank. I’ve had plenty of practice when it comes to running a group of ponies.”

“You still need your combat skills, Cloud,” Cirrus insisted. “Unless you’re planning on just being a REMF, but I can’t see you doing that. Nopony comes running back to the Guard in the middle of a crisis just so they can sit far away from the fighting pushing supplies around. If you wanna be a line officer, you need to be up to snuff, and getting you to that level is going to involve time and resources the Guard can't spare right now.”

Rainbow poked me in the stomach with one of her wingtips. “C'mon Cloudy, do you really think that if you join the Guard that you'll make that big a difference? That Equestria will be safer and your family won't get hurt? I mean, you're awesome, but you're not a supermare. Even I couldn't do all that.” She paused, and then revised her statement. “Well I couldn’t do all that right away.”

Cirrus let out a little snort and took a sip of the drink he’d brought in with him. “Modest as ever, Rainbow Dash.”

“Egotism aside, she's got a point,” Blossom argued.

“Yeah, I know just one mare isn’t gonna make a huge difference,” I conceded. “I was good back at West Hoof, but I wasn’t some sort of military genius or something. But I think if I don't try, I'll always wonder if I could've made some kind of contribution, however small. If having me there makes enough of a difference that even one pony might be able to come home to his or her family because of something I did, I’d call that a fair trade.”

“And what if having you there makes things worse instead, and somepony gets hurt because you make a mistake?” Derpy countered. “How would you feel then? And do I even need to go into all the ponies who are going to be hurt if you don't come back?”

“I know the risks, Derpy,” I shot back just a bit testily. “Trust me, after what’s happened, I’m very aware of just how dangerous Guard life is.”

Rainbow scowled at me. “You know what I just realized, Kicker? The way you’re talking, you make it sound like everypony who isn't in the Guard is some sorta slacker or something. Not cool.”

“That's not how I meant it, and you know it, Dash,” I grumbled. “A lot of ponies do all sorts of great things for Equestria without ever joining the Guard. But I can't save Equestria with magical friendship, or be the best mom ever. All I can do is be a Guard.”

“To hay with being a Guard!” Dash shouted at me. “Instead of trying to do all that, just be the best Cloud Kicker ever! Forget all that Guard horseapples and bust your flank being an awesome friend for me, a super-cool fillyfriend, and an amazing big sister to Alula!”

“If nopony else needs to join the Guard to make a contribution, then neither do you,” Blossom pointed out. “What makes it so you have to be a Guard, and that’s your only option?”

“How about the fact that I spent most of my life getting ready for the day I would join the Guard?” I argued. “That’s kind of a big deal.”

Cirrus cleared his throat. “If you want to talk about your family legacy, Cloud, then think about the legacy Major Gust left for you. A little filly whose first salute was her farewell to the mare that loved you both. You ask me, that’s way more important than you feeling like you’ve lived up to your clan name.”

I let out an exasperated groan and slumped back against the couch. “Okay, fine, I can't out-argue you guys! You win the logic-off. Congratulations.” Why was I even having this argument in the first place? It’s not like I needed their permission to go back into the Guard. It was my choice.

“Well of course I win,” Rainbow shot me a confident little smirk. “I’m awesome. And right.”

I cut Rainbow off before she could start doing a victory dance. “No amount of logic is gonna change the fact that going back to the Guard still feels like the right thing. Like what I need to do.”

Rainbow stepped up close, and dropped her voice so that only I could hear her. “Cloud, remember when you said that before? About something else you thought you had to do because it was the right thing to do. The other thing involving your mom?”

Oh she did not just go there. For a minute I was tempted to give her a piece of my mind about just how far below the saddle-line that shot was, but what good would it do? It was obvious I wasn't going to be able to change their minds, and everypony was just gonna keep ganging up on me until I gave in. So fine. Whatever. I was sick of dealing with this whole thing—no, I'd been sick of it five minutes ago. The whole argument just wasn't worth the trouble. "Okay, fine, you're right."

“Well of course I am.” Rainbow, who seemed to have completely missed that I was pretty grouchy about my concession, stepped up and wrapped her forelegs around me. “S'gonna be okay, Kicky.”

After a couple seconds, I reluctantly returned the hug. “Thanks, Rainbow.” Sure, she might be stubborn and infuriating, but she was looking out for me in her own way.

“It’s what I do.” She gave an affectionate squeeze. “Be there for my friends and be awesome while I'm doing it.”

“Yeah. Sometimes, you make for a decent moral compass, Rainbow.” I thought about that for a moment. “Oh Shadow, you’re my moral compass. We’re doomed.”

“Aw, shuddup.” She gave me a gentle whap up the side of my head, but kept on hugging me.

Blossom and Derpy joined in on the hug, creating the sort of situation that normally would’ve left me commenting on how nice it is to have three beautiful mares hanging off of me. Now probably wasn’t the time for a cheesy bit of innuendo, though. Some hugs don’t need to be sexy to be enjoyable.

I held onto the group hug for a bit, then reluctantly let go of them. “Thanks, girls. You too, Cirrus.” Derpy’s brother nodded, seeming perhaps just a tiny bit envious of the fact that I had three beautiful mares hanging onto me at the moment. Well, the fact that one of those mares was his sister probably decreased the appeal. “So yeah, that’s settled, I suppose. No Guard stuff for me. Well, maybe someday, but not anytime soon. I think I’m still gonna stay in Canterlot for a bit, though. I need some more time with my family, and Derpy and I both need some space from each other for a bit.”

“There’s plenty of space between our houses in Ponyville,” Derpy mumbled under her breath.

Rainbow fixed me with a scrutinizing glare for a bit, like she was trying to puzzle out whether I was trying to pull some kind of trick on her. I wouldn’t lie about joining the Guard, but I guess I can’t blame her for being just a little bit suspicious. Once she was reasonably sure I wasn’t trying to pull anything sneaky, she nodded. “Yeah, sure, fine. How much time are you talking about?”

I thought it over, and gave an uncertain shrug. “I dunno. A couple weeks? With all the other stuff going on, I haven’t really had all that much time to deal with everything. I haven’t really given Dad and Alula the attention they deserve.”

Blossom frowned, and shot an uncertain look at Rainbow Dash. “I don't think I can stay in Canterlot that long. I’ve already been out of Ponyville for a more than a week, and I don’t have any vacation days saved up, so...”

Rainbow winced, and reluctantly nodded. “Yeah. I mean, Cloud, you've got bereavement leave coming, no sweat. But I don't think the weather management is gonna let me get away with missing much more time than I have already, and running things without either of my assistant managers would raise some eyebrows too. Sorry, Blossom.”

“It’s fine, Dash.” I turned to Blossom, and tried to think of the gentlest way to break the news. “Um, Blossom, I love you and all, but I could kinda use some space from both sides of the love triangle. It’s just—look, now’s not the best time for us to start working out our relationship and everything. I definitely want there to be an us, but I need to get myself squared away before I can really give you the time and attention you deserve. Okay?”

Blossom’s ears wilted, and she pulled back a bit. “Oh. Yeah, okay.”

Rainbow grimaced and crossed her forelegs over her chest. “I don't like the idea of leaving you up here alone.” She blinked and corrected herself. “I mean, alone aside from your huge-flank family and all that. It just sucks that we all have to leave and stuff. Plus a lotta your family’s gonna be shipping out sooner or later, right?”

“Yeah, with everything else going on, bereavement leave isn’t gonna last much longer.” I shifted around on the couch a bit. “Storm’s supposed to be shipping back out pretty soon; her platoon can’t go without a CO forever. Not everypony’s leaving right away, though. Star'll still be at West Hoof unless she’s doing more fieldwork, and Dad and Aunt Wind both have jobs that keep them in Canterlot most of the time, so it’s not like I won’t have any close family nearby.”

“So you won’t be alone by any means,” Derpy confirmed. “And it’s only a few weeks, then you’ll be back in Ponyville and everything can get back to normal.” Derpy thoughtfully tapped a hoof against her chin. “I was planning to head back to Ponyville once Sparkler came home. I have a job too, you know.” She offered me a slightly lopsided little grin. “But I think we should all spend a bit more time with Cloud before we have to go. Have a last night on the town or something.”

“Sheesh, it’s only two weeks, Derpy. You make it sound like I’m never coming back.” I let out a slightly awkward little laugh. “Still, a mares’ night out does sound good. And this one won’t end with me gathering up a bunch of random ponies for a huge orgy. Promise.”

“Well good, if you tried to mess this night up with more of your banging horseapples I might have to kick your flank.” Rainbow gave me a playful little nudge. “Way too many of our mares’ nights out got messed up by your stupid weird banging thing.”

“It sounds like a good idea to me, too,” Blossom announced. “I think we could all use some nice, relaxing fun right about now. I don’t really know Canterlot, though—any ideas where we should go?”

Cirrus cleared his throat once more. I felt a bit bad about how he’d been cut out of so much of the conversation, but to be honest none of us really knew him all that well. Well, none of us but Derpy, that is. Rainbow and I got along with him alright now, but for the most part he was just Derpy’s brother to us, and Blossom had never even met him before. “Don’t mean to interrupt or anything, but before you all head out I wanted to get a quick picture of me with Dee and the girls. You mind?”

“Yeah, no problem, Cirrus.” Nopony else objected either, so he trotted out of the room, presumably to go get his nieces and a camera. After he left, nopony said much of anything; I guess we were all waiting to see how things would go when Sparkler got down here.

If not for the fact that I was keeping an eye on the door, I would’ve missed her entrance. She looked oddly washed out, her colors faded to the point where she kind of blended into the background, and she didn’t make a single sound when she entered the room. The faint purple glow from her horn explained both of those things—she was probably keeping up a silence spell, along with some sort of halfway-done invisibility spell. I guess she wanted to make sure the coast was clear before revealing herself. After a couple seconds, she stepped out of the room, dropped her spells, and walked back in. “Hey, everypony. Uncle Cirrus and Dinky’ll be right with.”

Sparkler seemed to be pointedly not looking at Derpy, while Derpy was twitching in her seat and clearly struggling to suppress the maternal instinct to run up to her daughter and hug her. I decided to step in and keep things from descending to a completely awkward mess, getting off of the sofa and trotting over to the teen. “You doing okay, Sparks?”

“Better.” After a moment of hesitation, she hugged me. “So, um, what'd I miss?”

“Me being awesome and keeping Cloud from doing something dumb,” Rainbow answered.

Sparkler turned to Rainbow and offered a sassy little grin. “So, I’m gonna guess you did something even stupider to distract her?” Unsurprisingly, that promptly earned Sparkler a vigorous noogie-ing from her godmother. Rainbow’s pretty consistent that way. Still, if Sparkler was getting back to her old smartflanked self, that was a good sign.

As much fun as it would be to watch Rainbow and Sparkler poke at each other for a bit, I figured I should at least get the most important stuff settled right away. “Derpy and I had a talk, and we’ve pretty much sorted everything out.”

Sparkler’s ears perked up hopefully. “Yeah? What’d you come up with?”

Derpy fidgeted some more in her seat, then took a deep breath, and got to the painful part. “Cloud and I have agreed that it’s probably best if we break things off for now, but we both still want to be friends.” I gave Spark a nod to confirm what Derpy said.

“Oh.” Sparkler shot an uncertain look between the two of us for a while. “Well, I guess that's good, then. At least things are settled.” She went quiet for several seconds, then very slowly turned to directly face Derpy. After a few seconds Derpy hesitantly opened one of her wings, offering Sparkler a hug without trying to pressure her too much. For a long time Sparkler just stood there, staring at the open wing like she was trying to work out what to do with it. After almost half a minute of standoff, Derpy started to slowly lower her wing. That seemed to knock Sparkler out of whatever train of thought she was currently in, and she quickly stepped up and hugged Derpy.

Everypony in the room let out a relieved sigh at that; I guess we’d all been a bit worried that things between Derpy and Sparkler had hit a breaking point of some sort. Nopony looked more relieved than Derpy herself, who was probably exercising every bit of self-control she had to resist the urge to hug Sparkler hard enough to be mistaken for Pinkie Pie. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she finally found the words she wanted. “I'm sorry, sweetie.”

Sparkler’s side of the hug seemed tense and awkward, but she very slowly started relaxing into it the longer it went on. “Yeah. Sure.”

Derpy gave a slightly nervous swallow, and tightened the hug just a bit. “I love you.”

Sparkler tensed for a moment, then slowly relaxed fully into the hug. “I know.” The next words came out at barely above a whisper. “Love you too, Mom.” Her hold on Derpy tightened a bit, and she gave her mother a tentative little nuzzle.

The quiet, tender moment was abruptly shattered by a fillyish squeal echoing down the halls, accompanied by the sound of tiny hooves thumping on hardwood floors. I grinned at the others. “Beware! Something adorable this way comes.”

The pitter-patter of little hooves rapidly approached until Dinky charged into the room, leaping up and literally bouncing off one of the walls as she came. “Halp! Ya gotta hide me! Uncle Cirrus is after me, an’ he’s got cooties! An’ he’s a zombie cannabis pony who’s gonna gobble me up!”

Cirrus slowly shambled towards the door, his forehooves extended as he let out an eerie moan. “Diiinky Dooooo! I’m going to gobble youuuu!”

Dinky scrambled over to the couch and leapt onto Blossom’s lap. I was a little surprised she went to Blossom of all ponies, but a second later I had a pretty good guess why: Dash, Derpy, and Sparkler would all have a decent chance of selling her out to Cirrus just for giggles. To be honest, I probably would’ve too. Dinky unleashed a near-toxic level of adorable cuteness as she hit Blossom with desperate sad puppy eyes. “Quick! You gotta hide me from the zombie cannabis pony!”

There was no way Blossom could possibly resist that. She ruffled Dinky's mane with one of her hooves, then lifted up one of the seat cushions so Dinky could scramble underneath it, resulting in a slightly conspicuous lump which Blossom tried to cover up by draping her tail over. After a moment's consideration, I trotted over and positioned myself in front of the couch, so it would be harder for Cirrus to spot said conspicuous lump.

Cirrus slowly shambled into the room, still playing the part of the zombie. “Oooo. I will find the filly and gobble her, then turn her into a zombie Dinky! And give her cooties toooooo!”

The threat drew a very loud giggle from a certain conspicuous lump in the couch. Blossom tried to cover for Dinky by letting out a loud giggle of her own, but the damage was already done. Rainbow took it upon herself to leap to the rescue. “Nopony’s gonna gobble up my godfilly if I have anything to say about it!” A second later a flying pillow smacked Cirrus in the face.

For a few seconds after the impact, Cirrus’ eyes were just as crooked as his sister’s. Once he’d recovered from Rainbow’s high-velocity pillow, he began shambling in the general direction of the couch. “Zombie pony Cirrus hears the giggles of a delicious young filly for him to gobble up!”

Blossom rolled her eyes. “I haven't been a filly for years, but I suppose I should thank you for the compliment. Cloud would probably object you gobbling me up, though.”

“Yeah, no gobbling my fillyfriend.”

Blossom shot a mischievous little smirk my way. “I suspect Cloud is far too fond of eating me herself to ever share.”

Whoa. Blossom really was getting pretty bold when it came to the teasing and innuendos. That one was worthy of me.

Unfortunately, a certain young little filly heard just enough of what Blossom said to jump to conclusions. Dinky let out a horrified little gasp from her hiding spot underneath the couch. “Cloud Kicker’s a cannabis pony too? Oh no! Run, Miss Blossomforth!”

Cirrus ripped off the couch cushion, revealing Dinky’s hiding place. “There you are! Mwahaha! I’ll gobble you up!” He grabbed Dinky and pulled her into a hug, while making some very exaggerated eating noises.

“Eeee! Nooooo! Somepony save me from bein’ gobbled!” Dinky squealed and wriggled, trying as hard as she could to work her way free of her evil zombie uncle.

Unfortunately for the young filly, Derpy and Sparkler were both far too busy laughing their plots off to do anything to save her, even if they were inclined to. Blossom and I weren’t laughing quite that hard, but were both giggling up a storm and enjoying the show far too much to put a stop to it.

Right as Cirrus was about to start gobbling his niece up, another pillow slammed into his head, courtesy of Rainbow Dash. “I gotcha, kiddo!” She hoisted another pillow up above her head, striking a dramatic pose. “There’s no need to fear! Your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash is here!”

For a brief moment, I wondered if Rainbow breaking out her old heroic catch-phrase would prompt Twilight and the others to pop out of the woodwork in order to upstage Rainbow Dash and subject her to a little public humiliation ‘for her own good.’ I know they’d meant well, but they’d really handled that whole thing rather poorly.

Rainbow’s sudden assault of flying pillows distracted Cirrus enough for Dinky to squirm free. Seeing that his prey had escaped, he shifted his sights to Rainbow Dash. “If I can’t eat Dinky, then perhaps I should eat you instead!”

Dinky immediately reversed course on her flight away from her pretend-zombie uncle. “Nooo, you can’t gobble Rainbow Dash!” She leapt up and latched all four of her limbs onto one of Cirrus’ legs. “I'll save you! You leave Rainbow Dash alone, you big nasty zombie pony!”

Cirrus staggered, feigning a takedown for Dinky’s benefit. “Aaaugh! Hugs! The one weakness of zombie cannibal cootie ponies! Urrrgh!” He fell onto his back, his legs all pointed straight up in the air.

“Woohoo!” Dinky grinned exuberantly, bouncing up and down in joy. “Whoa, that was close, Rainbow Dash! It’sa good thing I was here to save ya, huh?”

Rainbow grinned and give Dinky a quick little noogie. “Yeah, kiddo. I would’ve been toast if you weren’t here. Well, unless I broke out one of my extra super-cool moves, but I like to save those for special occasions.”

“A’kay!” Dinky grinned and gave Rainbow a quick hug, then trundled over to Blossom. “Thanks for hidin' me, Miss Blossomforth! You’re rilly nice, so you can have a hug too!”

Blossom grinned and scooped Dinky up for a hug. “Well, I was just glad to help such a cute little filly like you, Dinky!”

I was pleased to notice that the lingering awkwardness between Derpy and Sparkler seemed to have faded away in the face of the whirlwind of innocence and cuteness that was Dinky. The two of them were standing next to each other, looking almost as perfectly at ease with each other as they’d been before this whole mess started. Sparkler grinned over at her little sister while giving her mother a companionable little nuzzle. “Oh, Dinky... don't ever change.”

“Ever,” Derpy agreed.

Cirrus decided that he’d played dead for long enough, and slowly got back to his hooves. “Oof. You tackle like a drill instructor, Dinky. I'll be feeling that tomorrow.”

Dinky grinned at him and gave a delighted little giggle. “I gotcha good, huh?”

Cirrus chuckled and rubbed the foreleg Dinky had tackled. “You sure did!” He groaned and stretched out his limbs. “Anyway, I think it’s time for our family picture now.” He stepped out of the room for a brief moment, then came back with the camera; presumably, he’d left it somewhere just outside of the room so it wouldn’t be damaged during his horseplay with Dinky. He passed the camera over to me, then turned to Blossom and extended a foreleg. “Ma’am, do you think I could have my niece back for a bit?”

Blossom hoofed Dinky over to him, while Derpy and Sparkler trotted over to join in the group picture. Dinky quickly scrambled loose of Cirrus’ hold and hopped onto his back, then jumped over to Sparkler’s back, and from there to Derpy’s. “Can we do a picture with funny faces? Pictures where everypony’s smilin’ are just so boring, but funny faces are funny!”

Derpy smiled and nuzzled her younger daughter. “Of course we can, Muffin. But let’s take a good one first, all right?”

A thoughtful look crossed the filly’s face as she pondered this proposal. “A'kay!”

I took a look at the camera in my hooves to make sure I could figure out how everything worked. It all looked simple enough; all the usual controls, and nothing too crazy or out of the ordinary. “So, just snap a couple photos of the four of you, and that’s it? Or did you want some with Rainbow in them, since she’s Dinky’s godmother?”

“Ooh, ooh!” Dinky immediately started bouncing up and down on Derpy’s back. “I wanna have a picture with Rainbow next! An' then one with Miss Blossomforth, an' one with Cloud Kicker, an' then one with Mommy and Rainbow Dash and Miss Blossomforth and Cloud Kicker all together, an’ then one with—”

Derpy gently cleared her throat before Dinky could talk everypony’s ears off. “There’s a fresh roll of film in the camera, so I think we should have enough to get pictures of everypony. But let’s just take a few photos of us together with Cirrus first, okay Muffin?”

“A’kay!” Dinky nodded her head so eagerly I was a little amazed it was still attached to her neck.

The Doos all gathered together, and I snapped a nice family photo.

Comments

[Comma-Kazie]

Zombie cannabis ponies. Zombie cannabis ponies everywhere.

You mean Boulder had a zombie outbreak?

[Taliesin of the Forest]

toaster repairpony

Try Stable 2, or Tenpony Tower.

(Did you really just go there?)

[JaketheGinger]

Life has a funny way of working out sometimes. Where one door closes, another opens. I think Cloud just learned that what with her feeling obligated to attend to her duty.

Or should that be doodie?

[Steel Resolve]

Rainbow let out an angry snort and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure, Cloud Kicker. The Guard, the Elements of Harmony, the Princesses, and everypony else are just gonna be completely doomed unless you join up. ‘Cause you’re that important.”

Okay, when Rainbow Dash is calling you out for egotism, it’s time to step back and take a look at things.

static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/lampshade-hanging_OotS_5519.gif

[Sintakhra]

Dinky. Don't ever change <3

And I really want to see Rainbow as a purchasable moral compass, with all signs pointing to "Awesome"

[Punguinhelper]

Dinky why you be so cute?

[Brandon Sky]

*before reading lastest chapter* Hold up, didn't I see the Status marked Complete after the last one? Or am I thinking of a different story I've favorited...oh wait, I am. Sorry, this story's gone on for a while, I get mixed up sometimes. XP

[Charcoal Quill]

Twenty bits says that Cloudy doesn't leave Canterlot before the Royal Wedding is over...

[Starscape]

Quick! You gotta hide me from the zombie cannabis pony!

Cannabis Ponies?

[Verdigris]

“Think I’ll go keep an eye on Dinks for a bit—make sure you guys don’t have to deal with an inconspicuous cardboard box trying to listen in on the talk or anything.”

'Cause curious teenagers don't try stuff they see in games, either. Nope. Never.
Ah, who an I kidding?

References. References everywhere.

[Alen]

Started a bit late on the story and finished the last chapter and it was one epic read, so thank you.

Forget the Elements of Harmony, weaponize Dinky´s adorablenes!

[Yonder Strange Things]

Curse you, Chengar! I'm trying to write my own story in the Kicker-verse and here you go with an update just as I defeat my writer's block!

Curse you to the darkest pits of Tartarus!!!!

. . . . please write more?

3098204

You're not though, are you.

[Hazy Answer]

3098263
Such a plan already exists as a last resort. If elements fail and all seems lost, the princesses plan to focus the full power of Dinky into a weaponized form. It is theorised that the result would likely give the universe itself (and everything in it) a heart attack, so it's a last resort.

[truthaura]

hhnnnggggg...

[scytho]

Nice to see everything resolved. Very sad to see Derpy breaking things off with Cloud Kicker. I guess she's stuck with Blossomforth then. Blah.

On another note, I can't wait to see what you do with the whole royal wedding and Changeling invasion.

[Recovery15]

The end is near. I can feel it.
Also, dat ending...

[Ponibius]

Looks like Cloud Kicker might finally be digging herself out of this love triangle hole she's in. Shame her delaying making a decision for so long resulted in the very pain she was trying to put off.

[Fool]

Why do I have the feeling (hope) that this isn't the end of the relationship issues?

Cloud deserves all the mares!!!

[621Chopsuey]

“Think I’ll go keep an eye on Dinks for a bit—make sure you guys don’t have to deal with an inconspicuous cardboard box trying to listen in on the talk or anything.”

Solid Dinky.

Blossom shot a mischievous little smirk my way. “I suspect Cloud is far too fond of eating me herself to ever share.”

Heyoo!
stream1.gifsoup.com/view/133728/high-five-o.gif

I figured Derpy would want some space and Cloud would end up with Blossom; all on good terms, too. And I get the feeling Cloud's gonna be stuck in Canterlot up to the whole invasion thing. One to two weeks? Seems like a legit timeframe to lead up to it.
If watching anime has taught me anything, the family photo hints at the strong possibility of Cirrus not coming back from the impending conflict.

[Trinary]

So awesome!

Dinky adorableness saves everything!

[TheTwientist]

First Half:

Derpy: I hit my marefriend.
Cloud: I'm polyamorous and incapable of sustaining a good relationship.
Derpy: Let's just be friends.
Cloud: Okay.
Derpy: Welp, that was easy.

Second Half:

Cloud: I wanna fight!
Everyone else: Fighting is a terrible idea!
Cloud: But I wanna fight!
Everyone else: Fighting is a terrible idea!
Cloud: But I wanna fight!
Everyone else: Fighting is a terrible idea!
Cloud: Ok.

[Stormcaller]

Cirrus shuffled uncomfortably in his seat as he pulled out a small stack of paperwork. “Well if she asks, I'm...” He struggled to think of a cover story on the fly. “I dunno, something. Refinancing my armor, looking for a toaster repairpony—anything that needs a lot of paperwork.” He passed the top sheet over to me. “Between the three of us, I need to rework a few legal things.”

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/230/569/a08.jpg

Good chapter, glad to see Rainbow got through to Cloud about joining the guard. I was beginning to wonder if it was just going to continue on into a circle. Thanks Rainbow for being blunt and to the point... could a done that sooner, but ah well.

3098312

It does seem to be wrapping up however, and I wonder if this is ending soon or if your going to press on further. Naturally most of us are hoping for the later, however all good things must come to an end.

3098309

I dunno, I kinda like her ending up with Bloom over Derpy. Tho I'm wondering if things will fall apart once again and she'll end up with neither. Join us next time on, As The Cloud Kicker Bangs...

[Aurora Dimmet]

3098207

Well, we DID see her at the wedding...

[djthomp]

An updated will for Cirrus, hmn. I'm suddenly wondering how bloody the wedding invasion is going to get. There's a lot of potentially redshirt OCs that we've been introduced to by this point, can't help but be a little concerned for them.

Not to mention that Cirrus was the first Doo to actually bear arms in centuries, unless you counted the descendants of the ones who'd gone into exile after the Rebellion.

Now that's interesting. Makes me wonder how many non-Equestrian pegasi are kicking around out there.

Woah, a gryphon ancestor for Cloud? Are we talking blood relative style relation, or magic-of-love style?

Damn, Dash! Tell it like it is!

Rainbow cut in once more to offer her own opinion. “All three of you need to stop being stupid.”

Dash for best pegasi.

Welp, looks like the end of CK X Derpy, at least for the time being. At least they managed to part more or less as friends.

Am I the only one who thinks that CK joining up isn't a bad idea?

For a brief moment, I wondered if Rainbow breaking out her old heroic catch-phrase would prompt Twilight and the others to pop out of the woodwork in order to upstage Rainbow Dash and subject her to a little public humiliation ‘for her own good.’ I know they’d meant well, but they’d really handled that whole thing rather poorly.

Amen.

[GandhiOwnsYou]

So frustrated for Cloudkicker for most of this chapter. I am active duty, and I had this discussion prior to both my enlistment and my reenlistment, as well as alternative versions of it before my deployments. Most of them did not go this long though, because they were ended with "regardless, it's happening."

If anything, that would be my one complaint. When this pops up, it does not simply get argued down. You can debate and debate, but at least in my experience, when it gets to the point that you open with "I need to" rather than "I'm considering" the finale is already determined. You're just discussing to give people some modicum of acceptance.

[Verdigris]

Cloud needs to watch the pony version of An Officer and A Gentleman to get where they're coming from; one of the candidates joined because of family. That didn't exactly end well.
I think she and Aunt Wind need a long, loooong, talk.

[DreadedCandiru2]

3096741
My goodness.....It's like they watched the PSA Hanna-Barbera produced in the seventies: "Take one puff of a reefer and you'll turn into a villain from Scooby Doo.":
[youtube=sB08-Plwp44‎]

[BronyWriter]

Hey, I don’t know long Rainbow Dash and Dee are going to take

How long.

This was a great chapter. I only just realized how wide the Dinky stuff made me smile.

[BronyWriter]

3096741 I'm from Colorado myself, so I totally get that. You win today.

[scytho]

3098579

I dunno, I kinda like her ending up with Bloom over Derpy.

Bloom? As in Applebloom!? Now THERE'S some drama!

I always felt like Derpy put in a ton of work into the relationship, work that wasn't really returned by Kicker nor matched by Blossom. I mean, Derpy is the main reason Cloud Kicker is even considering relationships to begin with. Without her, Blossom would never have been on the radar.

As for if Kicker and Blossom will stay together? That all depends on whether or not Blossomforth is really ok with the whole swinging lifestyle thing. I mean, Derpy said she was...but she really wasn't. Only real way I see for Blossomforth to get ok with it is to embrace the lifestyle herself. That would be kinda fun to see.

Of course, before we even get to that point the Changeling invasion is going to hit and all kinds of fecal matter will hit the oscillating air current device!

[Stormcaller]

3098843

Bah... I just don't know what went wrong...

I look forward to whats to come

[Sparkler]

3098210

Curse you, autocorrect!

[Shamus_Aran]

Any dig at Mare Do Well is a deserved one. No matter how out of place or sudden.

[Loki]

I wonder what would happen if I brought my new girlfriend along for the ride when I went to my old one in order to break up...

Not to rain on anyone's parade, but I can't help but feel that the early parts of the story without this whole military deal and nothing but drama were more entertaining.

But maybe that's just me.

[honkman7]

OH MY HEART. I CAN'T HANDLE TEH CUTENESS.

[RoboRed]

Yaaay, happy chapter! And the way things were starting, I was worried it was going to go poorly.

[Lectuiae]

The Doos all gathered together, and I snapped a nice family photo.

And now we're waiting for Inuhoshi to draw it...

[Braininthejar]

What? No cliffhanger?

Also, does that bit about distant family mean that Cloud is part hippogriff?

[Charcoal Quill]

3098843>>3098874
No, not Apple Bloom... Orlando Bloom. It's the shocking twist ending that nobody would've seen coming! :

[Kagitaar]

Ah, Mare-do-well, the episode that teaches the best way to humble a braggart is to send her into a mental breakdown...

So what's with the toaster repairpony?

[RanmaChaos]

Great chapter.

[ElkinFencer10]

I will always be a proud member of Team Derpy! Stupid Blossomforth...

At least Derpy and Cloud Kicker seem to be staying friends.

[katarjin]

3099484 [youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NGguk8VXYc]

[Cold in Gardez]

Cloudy doesn't seem to appreciate just how insulting it must be for the others to hear her say "The only thing worth doing is joining the guard."

Nice to know where the rest of us fit into your world view, Cloudy. Keep up the good work.

[mane6swag]

“I dunno, something. Refinancing my armor, looking for a toaster repairpony—anything that needs a lot of paperwork.”

looking for a toaster repairpony

dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2604-Luna_saw_what_you_did_there.jpg

[Chengar Qordath]

3100309
To be fair, I think that was more a case of Cloud doing a very poor job of explaining herself than it was Cloud actually saying she looks down on civilians.

[Timothy48]

3099517 I believe it's a reference to Fallout Equestria. There was a running joke in the story about Little Pip being a 'toaster repairpony'

[Kapuchu]

Okay... Rainbow is infuriating. I don't know how you didn't have Cloud punch her in the face.

“Well of course I win,” Rainbow shot me a confident little smirk. “I’m awesome. And right.”

This little piece is so ridiculously egocentric that I, a guy who avoids violence, would not hold back with sending her to the floor. In that scenario, that line makes her the greatest fuckhead in the entire world.

I'm sorry but that... that just pisses me off.

That being said, I can't help but notice how you write Rainbow as being far more arrogant and self-centered than she actually is in the show. Her bouts of arrogance are often painfully OOC.

“Me being awesome and keeping Cloud from doing something dumb,” Rainbow answered.

Another punch to the face right there...

[Cryosite]

3099001
Not auto-correct. It's dinky attempting to say "cannibal."