- Member Since 7th Nov, 2014
- offline last seen Apr 13th, 2020
Malice In Wonderland
"Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, you guys. CHOCOLATE RAIN!!!!" I don't know about any of you, but I'm rooting for eternal chaos. GO DISCORD!!
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Slightly better than your first one. 6
/10!
6153814
Nopony is telling me what the hell I'm doing wrong. But thank you, I'm just a little upset because I thought I improved this one a lot, but still, nobody is telling me what I'm doing wrong so I can improve.
Only slightly better? What am I doing wrong?
I love it now make a sequel about them having sex, getting married, having sex again, then have some twins
6154087
I don't have that much free time.... But if I ever get more free time I will keep that in mind and try to write it. And I'll make it awesome, if I do make it.
6154101 yay
This is nice. However there could be more build up to the sex, perhaps a prequel? Good job!
Even better than the first!!!!!! People who say this one is only slightly better than the first are wrong. The first was great, and this one was amazing!
6154022 Did I say 'slightly better'. My bad! I was thinking of another story I commented on at the time. What I meant to say was: WAY better than the first one. Definitely more descriptive. So I still say 6
/10.
I like this.
pic looks like guy from Blood Lad anime
6154022
Just a little something I was curious about, during the bj scene were her hands still tied to the headboard?
If this is the only chapter, then why does it still say incomplete?
6158757 No, she was untied.
6159858
Thank you, I'm a complete idiot. I'll fix that right away.
6160137
Whoops, missed one line. sorry about that.
6154022 Perhaps what you're doing wrong is that is quite rushed. Try to add a little more build-up. Here they were pretty much just thrown into sex. Some more detail would be good as well.
6219237
Thank you so much!
Did a reading of this fic, it can be found here:
Hope someone enjoys!
6233578
Oh my Celestia!! Thank you so much!
En general la historia es buena, creo que lo que falla un poco es que se siente muy apresurado todo, especialmente al principio cuando comienza el sexo. Tal vez dar más detalles sería bueno, ya sabes más descripción de como van sucediendo las cosas, como se sienten los besos, las caricias, etc.