One thousand years ago, during Celestia's war with Nightmare Moon, her greatest general Atticus scipio equestria's first human was turned to stone in the last battle. His battles and feats became stuff of legends. How he changed the equestrian army. How he led his outnumbered legion to victory. To the griffons he is the God of war. Now he is back. How will he adapt to this more peaceful Equestria and will his skills ever be needed again.
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very neat, grammar needs to be improved, you have a like due to the subject of history that the main character is from
Oh, this looks very cool. We shall come back to this later.
I (the brother half of this account) love the total war series, and I played Rome Total War a ton. (Rome One, not the piece of excrement called Rome Two) I liked to play as the Brutii. Green Rome all the way. Never really tried to play as the Scipii though.
6202708
Love Rome one
Brutiiare cool. I recently finished a Brutii campaign
Sorry typo
6202719
Looking forward to Total War Warhammer. Might have to build a computer to contain its pure awesomeness.
Assuming they don't screw the pooch like they did with Rome 2.
I like the Roman concept you have going here, I sincerely hope that your grammar is going to improve throughout your writing. I also know a good bit about not only Legion Ranks, but Legion tactics as well. So feel free to ask an question you may have, and I will do my best to answer. I hope you can take this story much farther.
6203609
Could send me a pm about them
love the story so far cant wait for the next chapter to come out
6204128
Thanks. The next one might come out next week cause I'll be busy this week
you might want to correct that in the description, but good start
6207470
Fixed it
...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeaaaaahhh!
i like this allready!
6211552
Thanks
Yeah, fighting scenes are fun to think about but a pain to write. In our opinion you are doing good. A nice chapter full of action.
We can't really advice you too well about Roman rank and tactics but we believe you are doing alright. At least some of the terms are familiar to us.
6213163
Thanks. P.s the brother or the sister
6213179
This is the brony brother.
I wonder how celestia and cadence will react
Also nice story
6217483
Thanks. You should see how he will react to Luna
Was kinda hoping for some romance between Celestia and Scipio. Guess it would be awkward now.
6217495
I was going to do it, but I don't know how to make it romance without it being cheesy
6217504
just dont put as much cheese like nachos need...
6217519
Lol
6217504 Read a lot of Celestia x Human stories and get ideas. My advice, write it anyway. Even if it's cheesy people will tell you how to improve.
6217633
Idea
Celestia has a secret crush that he is oblivious to
6217656
That would be interesting. Develop it overtime until it turns into a relationship.
keep it coming but take ur time i am really liking this story so far
You have my interest
1000 thousand! really?
6225837
What
6225860In the description it should be one thousand or only 1000 not 1000 thousand.
6225896
Oh thanks
Just one question does this story have a happy ending?
if not please tell before I start crying AGAIN
I love the story though if it has a happy ending. I know it sounds cheesy but that's just me
6229080
Maybe. But what the ending I am thinking of is not sad at all.
6229230 OH good I love happy endings.
boy it sounds weird when i say that
6229513 no it does not sound weird
I hope the reason this chapter was rushed, filled with grammatical errors, and sloppy was because you just wanted to get started on the following chapter. Which had better be long and well written to make up for this one.
Just went back over your last two chapter. Please get an editor. I'm pretty sure there is a group on fimfiction you can submit your stories to, and they will edit it.
6234819
I just made the thread.
6234954
Thread?
6234968
In the forum.
I can't wait for more
I am getting shivers up my back
KEEP UP with your AWESOME writing skills
P.S remember Applejack is a country pony so maybe if you chose to use her could you just add a small bit of country talk into her dialog. No offence but she sounds different without that kind of speech.
P.S.S I really can't wait for MORE. IT'S so AWESOME
can't what
More please! I beg of thee!
Not bad bud, like you said it was a little rushed but still pretty good. The picture in the middle of the chapter was a nice touch.
6265675
Thanks I just wanted to get started on the next chapter.
6265676
Totally understand.
Buck -_-
You might want to get an editor
Please get an editor. While not as bad as the last chapter, there were still several mistakes. Still enjoyable though, so I can't wait for the next chapter.
Please don't beat up Luna