Hi. It's insert my real name here . I sketch. A lot. A lot, a lot! During school, occasionally at home, sometimes in a car, when my little brother begs me to make him something to color.
Do you guys sketch?
I doubt it. I use sketching for release of emotions and opinions. It helps a lot. I draw ponies and other animals.
One day, however, I touched a drawing, and now I have no idea where I am.
I don't remember my name. Everything looks unfamiliar.
Wait... It also looks familiar... How?
And why did I wake up with a bunny in front of my face?
Chapters (2)
5985790
I draw a lot and have a passion for singing.
What I draw is good for my age.
I also sing well.
5985819
I don't know. It seemed right.
Your paragraphs need to be different lengths, not just one line. Every. Single. Time. It gets boring to look at and read.
I'm in the midst of down-voting this or not, but really there's no purpose to down-voting, so I won't. Try to work on that (plus a few grammar issues) in your writing and you should be set to give it a go. Oh and we're the same age! Not many 13 year olds on this site.
5985841
That's 'cause teens are too cool for MLP.
5985850 *Clears Throat*
I beg your pardon? I suppose since I'm 17 I must be too cool.
Try not to make generalizations, they can end badly if they're about the wrong thing.
Anyway, about the story, here's what I thought about it so far:
Emerald Skies is right, avoid making that many line breaks. I know that doing that helps to put emphasis on certain things, but using for an entire chapter/story is not only visually unappealing, but it also breaks the flow of the story, which isn't something you want for the entire story. For example (if I may), I'll rewrite the first paragraph or so to flow better.
There's just a certain flow in the story that is achieved by breaking it up into larger chunks of writing while still avoiding the "wall of text". It's also good to write in past tense for first-person fics, as well as separating the internal thoughts of the character in some way from the actions (as I did in the rewritten part).
As for the drawing sequence, I wouldn't have put every little detail about how it's drawn without expanding on it and making it one paragraph. I'm not going to write that one, because it would take up more of my time than I care to put into it (that and I don't actually know much about drawing, music is my forte), but something along the lines of "I sketched out the base, and added in the vital parts: legs, eyes, hair, ears...", just expanded and expressed well enough that the reader can picture it happening.
Again, as with the rest of the chapter, the memories should be separated from the action as internal monologue. I would also, get rid of some of it, because it goes on for a little while longer than most would have the patience to read.
Overall, it's not a bad story, but you have fallen prey to one of the most cliche things on this site: A self-insert, human-turned-pony-OC-in-Equestria fanfiction. I've read a few that were actually good, but not many, mind you. A good example would be TD the Alicorn Princess, which most people on here would agree is an incredible story. Though not precisely the same premise as human-turned-pony-OC-in-Equestria, it stands out because of the ability of the writer to write a convincing character and thought-out storyline.
Please don't take this as me hating on every part of your story, I'm trying to help your story and your writing ability in general.
This story's main character slightly reminds me of myself... I do sketches. But I also do stories... and programming... and medium-hard difficulty algebra without a calculator... and electronics repair... Ok I do everything. But my personal style with sketching is I do a pseudo-3d/realism/trace style without color- I rely on pressure and shading for part of the effect. I've got multiple drawings based on my current fic-in-progress, Living Hell, but that's another matter. If you want to see my style, just look at the cover for Living Hell, I did the most realistically proportionate human face I could on the left half. and TBH, the human half is actually based on my face IRL. Even the hairstyle; that hair style is so me it's literally not only my everyday formal hairstyle but it's actually become my bedhead. I go to bed, I sleep,I wake up and go to a mirror, I shake my head, maybe comb down a few strays, then it looks maybe a little greasy but still, makes life easier I guess. Whatever I'm freaking rambling. I have a DeviantArt, if you follow me there maybe I'll occasionally scan and upload one or two of those sketches using the living room printer (like I did with the cover of Living Hell, minus the lot of resizing I had to do to get FiMFiction to accept it.)
5986351
Thanks for the tips! And I'm thinking of everything in the story, therefor, everything written is my thought so it's pointless to seperate it.
The drawing scene is based off what I actually do.
And I'll fix that paragraph thing.
5986441 Well, yes, I do see that most of it is in Musical Sketch's head, but I meant more like an actual thought, like something that could be said out loud without getting strange looks from people. You wouldn't really say everything that you were doing out loud.
Also, glad you responded, it makes me glad to see people that actually respond to feedback!
I love it! Also love the drawing, and amazing cutie mark idea! I usually can't think of cutie marks or names. This story reminds me of what I do. Drawing is really one of the only things I do in my free time, but sometimes I can't think of what to draw. In other words, awesome job.
5986571
Wait...
Oh okay. I get it
Sure, I'll change.
5986798
I adore my drawing...
I'm glad you like it too!
Short chapter only made things more confusing? Wat? 0_o
OMG, this chapter was hilarious! Loved it! Please keep writing!
6066647
I'm trying!
whys it canceled? I liked this story.
6281643
I don't know. I do but don't know how to continue it.
5985841
Me!