A thirteen-year-old pegasister that's using MLP to stabilize her aggression.
A wild eevee wakes up in a town with weird ponytas everywhere. Unfortunately, the "ponytas" notice the eevee, and they must have IT. It's too cute for them.
Can Fluttershy save Eevee from the havoc? Probably, since she good at controlling ponies (somewhat).
I wonder if any havoc will even take place...
Edit: This story is being Cancelled. But, I will write another Pokemon fic later. Sorry I had to everyone down...
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Wait...can the Mane Six understand them or can only Fluttershy and Pinkie understand the pokemon?
I'm confused.
I'm not all that in to Pokemon, but my brother watches it and plays the card game, so I know some of the basics. This was good, with a few minor flaws. I'd read a sequel.
5827643
Pinkie can read my stories-
"Sure! After all, your stories make no sense most of the time!"
-and anything else I post (unfortunately).
Fluttershy can understand them, and Twilight used her magic to understand Umbreon.
5827643 Fluttershy understands them cause they're animals. Pinkie is being Pinkie. Twilight probably used a translation spell.
5828240
I already told him that.
5828245 Sorry, I only read your comment after I had replied to his/hers.
Great story BTW, looking forward to the next chapter.
Hmm I wonder... can Eevee mate with Ponyta?
(10 seconds on Bulbapedia later) ...yes. Yes it can.
5828554
Well, ponies aren't ponyta, but if you were a pokemon and you saw something similar to the "norm" you'd name that something whatever the "norm" is
This looks interesting.
You've caught my interest... I think there is a ponyta in Equestria... It goes by the name of Twilight Sparkle...
5828866
No, there's probably a rapidash in Equestria by the name of Twilight Sparkle.
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/185/0/e/twilight_sparkle_is_on_fire_by_sly__fox-d55v973.png
5828881 Yeah, you're right...
Starring me!
lol, great story btw!
5828931
Thx!
I'm seeing eevee getting pushed to the side but given its only the beginning its not surprising ... though I'm surprised on one has pissed a Pokémon off yet... perhaps team rocket has primed me to expect something to be blasting off again.
Shouldn't that be no?
Completely out of character, do rephrase please, other than that, well save for being rushed, it's off to an, well, alright start.
Could become a sweet little story, hope you'll put some thought and heart into it.
5829994
Nah, Flutters promised to get all of Eevee's siblings. Kinda hard when one's kidnapped.
5829350
Glaceon is squeezing his face. Kinda hard to move his jaw at the moment.
5830600
The phrasing still appears completely out of character.
First, she's talking to AJ who brought the fuzzy fellow along, and second, would Fluttershy ever threaten to beat one of her closest friends?
5830712
She promised... Plus I'm adding an AU tag.
5831241
Your choice.
I was merely attempting to point out a spot for improvement
Please don't take this the wrong way as I try to cut out in cardboard what I tried to say with my original comment:
You've started a story that could end up being quite the fluffy adventure, it has options and opportunities to go where ever you take it. The fact that you have canon characters in it, just leaves certain 'frames' in which way people expect them to act, react and talk. For the most part you've kept the characters well within these (in AU) extra flexible 'frames.' That bites it self in its own tail when you suddenly have the character of Fluttershy express her dislike of the fact that AJ has an Eeveelution (and cute fluffy creature) tied down on a wagon with something as blunt as an "I'll beat you" threat.
What I am so high and mighty to suggest is that you change her choice of words to something more in character with the Fluttershy you have all ready introduced in previous chapter.
5831322
I think you're trying to say: try to keep the characters more in line with the show.
But you see, I was planning on doing an AU tag in the first, and then I noticed it wasn't there!
Plus, Flutters is usually more open with her friends.
5827643 maybe the transation spell again.
It was okay, even if the start was a bit unusual for me, but since this morning i hoped to read something with Celestia, i mean Espeon and Celestia or something like that. However i read more, and wait what is about to happen.
5829994
5830600 I agree with him, i don´t think that she would use quite this choice of words. I mean i can believe you, that she could get a bit angry, but i believe she would still act a bit different with her request towards Applejack.
-------
I noticed you mentioned the AU, well if you would want every Pony or at least Fluttershy to have a greater change, i guess you should write in the description, that you have a (possible) badass Fluttershy (Flutterbrave).
-------
5831322
5832312
I guess your Fluttershy would have to get a personality like Rainbow Dash, to even think about being that rude in her choice of words towars one of her "friends".
Since this is only the start i don´t want to be to mean, but i guess it seems you have rushed it a bit. I know many characters are many hard to control, that is one thing that i heard once, but it would be probably more nice if you would show us, how the ponys would actually act towards them. I mean i would wish to have a little scene, where i see a longer version of every meeting. (I am not an expert with english grammar so if you don´t understand everything from me, please ask again.)
i am not a fan of Twilight and her translation spell, since i think she should not be able to use it on creatures she don´t even understand, already in the first moment she sees them. I believe that she would know them better, to be able to adjust the spell for them, maybe she would have to work with Fluttershy for that.
5834618
I get what you're saying, and I'll admit: I am a rusher!
As for Flutters, she very open with her friends (and animals). She told Eevee he would get mauled (if not raped in my AU).
Anyway... Yeah. I think that's it.
5831322
5832312 I thought exactly what Zilverfoss did with that line. Sure, you can take liberties with your characters. That's called artistic license(I think...). Just, as these aren't your characters, you need to try to keep them as the show portrays them. Or not, if you wish, but at least add a note to the description if you're going change the personality of a character. I can see Fluttershy threatening Applejack, and yes, she is open with her friends, but I just cannot see Fluttershy threatening to beat her friend. A more in character line might go something like this:
"Untie him at once, Applejack! That is no way to treat any living creature!" Fluttershy said.
I know, not a threat, but Fluttershy's indignation at the way Applejack is treating another creature is portrayed, and is much more in character. If you want to keep the line you had, maybe add a note in the description like Texus said. Apart from that, the story is moving along nicely, albeit a little rushed. But hey, I'm like that too.
Good job overall.
5836145
What you just said made so much more sense! I vaguely understood what Zilverfoss was saying, but you cleared it up a lot. Thanks!
5836358 Glad I could help!
okay, is this a series or something?
5848332
What do you mean?
5849240 Interesting story idea, I'll keep an eye on it.
i love Eevee so dis story was epic. you should keep writing