- Member Since 29th Oct, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 25th, 2023
Wonder
Sometimes I like to just sit down and do nothing. Alright fine, all the time.
Wonder
Joined 29th Oct, 2014 ·
Offline
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Dark great stoy
Oh I liked this. It needs a sequel with Twilight trying to explain the time jump to the girls and Luna looking for Celestia. To many repuccussions not to continue the story. Even obliterating Celestia's statue may not stop her return if one is determined enough as well. Nor when someone like Discord could snap his fingers and put it back together again.
6778448
....OMG!! I never thought about that. You sir, have started an avalanche of possibilities inside my head!
6780284 a good story is nothing but possibilitys.
6781319
Did you just make that up? You must teach me of your wisdom!
6781435 not really. But if it inspires...
I'm sorry, but this writing is atrocious. Nearly every paragraph has some glaring mistake or awkward wording otherwise; the most common issues seem to be your use of fullstops for most interrogative sentences, poor pluralisation and tense with tendency for malapropism, and including unmodified monologue inside the narrative. There's also a lack of vocative commas in much of the story, resulting in poor dialogue flow. All in all, I found it impossible to maintain immersion.
7085831
.......I only did high School level english and I'm kinda lazy.
If my job was writing I'd put more work into it.
7093735 Fair do, learning to write can be an awkward experience anyway. That said, have you considered grabbing a copy of a stylistic manual? A skim through one of those would make a world of difference, and maybe even help with resumées if you ever have to write one in English.
7093827
A stylistic manual? Never heard of that but I'll have to look it up. Sounds intriguing.