It's on fimfiction now!? Fav'd. Fav'd hard.

The things you are doing here... they are amazing. Your novel take on the setting is matched only by your mastery of immersing readers in the point of view of your main character, and the inherent conflict and the tension it brings makes this story an exceptionally engrossing read. I'm confident that it will rank among the best of the shipping genre. My compliments on this; I will be taking notes on technique.

>>619307619307 itake it that you enjoyed it

Anyhow; cool story bro. Here, take a like.

Oh...

And SECOND

Awesome that this is on FiMFiction now. I read the first chapter when it was posted on EQD and loved it, but lost track of the story. At least now that it's here, I'll be able to know exactly when there's a new chapter. Can't wait to find out what happens next!

YES! You posted it here!

This seems interesting. I'll file it away for later reading.

Yes, yes, yes! This finally came to fimfiction, it's much easier to read it here than on googledocs.

Ah yes, having this on FIMfic makes it easier to follow. Have a like then!

This story is, in a word, magnificent, and I eagerly await more.

Glad to see this story here!

I'm behind on chapters since I originally saw this, but this is the best changeling story I've seen the fandom produce.

I can't wait for the enxt chapter! this promise to be an epic story.

Very nice to see it on FIMfiction!  Now it's only a matter of time before it gets featured and explodes in popularity.  Luna knows you deserve it.

And sadly Lyra is gonna be turned into one of Chrysalis' brainwashed puppets.

AND DAMN! Chrysalis doesn't care much for her own subjects, AT ALL. We knew she saw ponies as cattle, but you think if she was willing to conquer an entire nation to feed them she'd feel SOME empathy towards her own people. 0-0 So that was Chrysalis' real personality?

It has updated!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png

Awesome!

Great story, thanks for putting it here so I can track it!

Wait. Lyra was part of the brainless bridesmaid zombies. BonBon didn't make it or something, right?

Shit

Heh, y'all were really eager for this to turn up in some format other than Google Docs, weren't you?  Glad the upload pleases you; lazybones that I am, I was a bit leery of uploading it here when I realized that it would mean going through the whole thing and re-italicizing and indenting the bits that copypasta didn't quite hit, but it was clearly worth it.  Many thanks!

Very unique premise.  Like and fave.

Fuck YEAAAAAAH, no more Google Docs!

(If you can't tell, I despise GDocs, and I've already ready Chaps 1 and 2.)

Edit:

Shit hath become real. Very real indead.

This story cannot hit the featured box fast enough. It deserves all the readers it can get.

Seriously, this was one of the last stories I was reading that wasn't on FimFic and that I still had to hit up the EqD Story Updates posts to follow.  I'm beyond happy that I can finally add it to my FimFic tracking list!

I don't have any Bon Bon or Chrysalis emoticons, so have a happy Lyra instead.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png

>>625894625894

Almost the same here. "Crisis: Equestria" and a few others aren't here yet, though. Give it time, I guess...

Edit: Oops! Turns out "Growing Pains" IS here already. My bad.

Ooh. I'm liking this so far. I'll be sure to check out the rest as soon as possible. One thing, though:

When the sun had set and the moon was nothing more than a thin scimitar’s-edge of light in the sky, when the wind blew wildly and the rain lashed against the windows, when the world grew eerie and that eeriness hissed and hummed its shadowed way along ancient paths that, though they had been long since paved over and civilized, and seemed quite dead in the light of the sun, still retained a hidden life of their own—then, sometimes her marefriend would be woken by the sound of hooves against wooden planks as Bon Bon paced the floors of their solid safe little home, or by the shivering of Bon Bon’s cold body against Lyra’s own as she whimpered with her eyes clenched shut.

That is one sentence. One. Watch out for those, as they're incredibly difficult to read, and really kill the tone.

Other than that, I'm liking what I'm seeing!

I've always thought that Bon Bon was rather plain and boring compared to other background ponies. But this.....let me put it this way:

Lyra being fascinated by humans = pretty smart.

Lauren Faust being an alicorn = pretty bucking smart.

Bon Bon being a changeling = BUCKING. GENIUS!!!

I didn't even need to read all the chapters so far before realizing how spot on this idea is. You, good sir, have earned yourself a loyal reader! Can't wait for more!

What Kangthespartan said

Oh wow, I'm very glad I finally got around to reading this it is excellent!

I cannot wait for more.

A really enjoyable chapter! This story is sucking me in good, and I'm looking forward to the next one.

Good lord. It's not a coincidence, it would seem. You have quite a serious problem with purple prose, my friend. However, it's usually limited to the first page or so of each chapter, which is quite strange.

But then, it's also interesting, because from there on in it gets better. And then you start talking about world building, and I get this stupid grin on my face because it's so well done, and then the plot sucks me in completely. In other words, I am enjoying this a lot, but I would suggest watching out for purple prose in the opening page or so of each of your chapters! Excessive adjectives do not make good writers!

Keep up the awesome work. I am really looking forward to seeing where this one is headed!

Mystic:  Yes, I struggled with that particular sentence from part one; in the end, I decided to just leave it as it was.  Jane Austen gets away with paragraph-sentences, so why couldn't I?  I neglected, of course, to remember that Jane Austen could get away with those because she was Jane Austen, and knew what she was doing.  

As for the more general purple prose issues...huh, that's interesting.  I don't write these all in one sitting, so it seems unlikely that the purple prose is just a result of me trying to find my footing in the setting.  If that were the case, I would expect the flowery writing to show up at reasonably regular intervals throughout the story, blossoming out in impenetrably ramulose floriations (sorry, sorry...) every time I started writing again.  I do love me some descriptive passages, but I'll try to make 'em a bit less unnecessarily elaborate in future.  Thanks for the heads-up, and thanks, too, for your kind words; I'm glad that aside from some stylistic issues, you're enjoying it so far!

Poor Bon-Bon. You do a good job presenting her internal struggles, and the dilemma she's facing.

Been waiting for this!

Definitely did not dissapoint.

I'm growing to love hating Aldrovanda.

And now we know why, exactly, Lyra was in the crystal caves!

Lol, Kelpie stole mai shiet.

Heh. Queen Xubidu.

I see what you did there.

Hee hee, I like that kelpie.  I'll still enjoy watching her die if she dies, but at the same time I enjoy watching her live.  

now on fimfic? INSTA FAVE

Oh Aldrovanda, you scamp.

She'd be my favorite character in this story if it weren't for the whole flesh eating monster thing.

But anyway, good chapter! I can't wait to see what happens next.

Let’s get this fool’s errand on the road!

I may have to steal that if I can manage to find an excuse to use it in a conversation at work today.

This is definitely my favorite Changeling fic! Use of the Unseeli court, proper use, mind you, makes this story all the more enjoyable.

So our heroine is down several bits, a saddle bag, a loaf of bread, and one weapon. Not the BEST way to start one's quest.

This fic feels very distilled, for lack of a better word, with several fanon concepts taken to their logical conclusion (Bon-Bon the changeling, Lyra who wants to be human, Pinkie Pie noticing the fourth wall . . .) It's also alarmingly well-ordered and lyrical, even for this crowd, so kudos for that.

Ooh, great development. Very excited to see where this is going.

I'm suprised this doesn't have a dark tag, 'cause compaired to other stories, this is really dark.

Aldrovanda and Discord can go suck each other's [explicit term redacted].

I did consider labeling it dark, but considering the directions I'm planning on taking the story, I wasn't sure that it was quite fitting (Aldrovanda isn't actually going to be devouring anypony at any point in the story, for example, and in future installments she probably won't be quite so expressive when it comes to her preferred diet).  Then again, when I think "dark" I tend to think "H.P. Lovecraft," so it's possible that my own sliding scale of darkness may have gotten stuck a bit too far on the dark side of things to be all that useful.  Funny, really; I would have thought that devotedly watching My Little Pony would have been enough to recalibrate it.

Queen Xubidu. I get it now! good one!

Yeah, that is a little bit too far on the dark side to be a proper mesure

>>746212746212

Oh. heroine, not the drug. Had me confused for a moment.

>>747228747228

Blasted Spellcheck. Thanks, and fixed.

ALDROVANDA has joined the party!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png

ALDROVANDA has left the party! "Haha, sucker!"

You know, if there's an Unseelie Court, there's bound to be some Seelie Sidhe (not "Shee") who'd be willing to help, if only to screw with the Unseelie. I'm sure Fluttershy must know at least a couple.

Hell, Pinkie Pie probably is one. It would explain so, so much.

>>748002748002 I like this idea! Nothing can go wrong with involving more Fae in this matter!

YAY!

>>748301748301

Even "benevolent" fae.... aren't.

Y'know, one of the things I love about this story is googling all the things I'm unfamiliar with. I always end up finishing the chapter knowing all kinds of really cool folklore stuff that I've never even heard of before.

That said; OH GOD WHY DID I HAVE TO SEARCH "VELVET ANTS". THE PICTURES, DEAR GOD THE PICTURES. I swear, whenever I think I'm getting to be less squeamish around bugs, I find out about some brand new horrifying monstrosity to haunt my nightmares for the next week.

Either way, the story and latest chapter are awesome, as is the concept and the fact it's introduced me to tons of cool mythology I may never have discovered otherwise. So, thanks for writing it.

Oh man, this story deserves a couple hundred more up votes, this is probably my favorite ongoing story right now.

....Not that I'm really reading many stories at the moment but the point still stands!

Bon Bon and Aldrovanda confirmed for best comedy duo.

So far, I am intrigued. The only downside so far is that seeing "shee" instead of "sidhe" is... odd. It's not wrong, but it's unusual not to see it in the original Gaelic spelling.

Can you have Bon-Bon kill Aldrovanda or something? Pretty please?

oooh, Fae courts in Equestria, I like. Alot.

You might want to know that while You have it correct phonetically, Shee is spelled Sidhe in older sources. In case you wish to use this in further chapters.

First of all, I'm glad y'all have enjoyed this chapter so much!  I'd like to apologize for the long delay between this and the previous chapter; there were various things going on in the Life of Dromicosuchus that tended to militate against fanfic-writing, but I'm hopeful that those won't be affecting future chapters so much.  I won't make any promises, but I think you can probably expect the next chapter to arrive in a rather more timely manner than this recent one.  I really want to thank y'all, as well, for letting me know what you think of the story in the comments; favourites are all well and good, and I'm extremely grateful for them, but what really makes my day is reading your views on what works, what doesn't, and what you thought of the whole shebang.  So again, thanks mostmuch!

Oh, and because a few folks have brought it up, I thought I'd address the Shee/Sídhe queries.  I did consider going with Aes Sídhe or Aos Sí originally, but ultimately I opted to use Shee for a few reasons.  I didn't really want to confuse the folks who aren't familiar with the proper pronunciation, for one thing, and there are also plot-related/worldbuilding reasons why I'm not using the more archaic "Aes Sídhe"--or not using it yet, at any rate (what those reasons are...well, you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?).  

Finally, there's also a not-so-rational, sentimental reason why I've opted for "Shee;" my first introduction to Gaelic mythology was in the form of Joan Balfour Payne's lovely children's books (specifically Pangur Bán, very loosely based on the poem of the same name), and she used the spelling "Shee" rather than "Sidhe."  As a sort of homage to her, then, I decided to go with "Shee" instead of the original spelling or one of the other variants (Sí, Síth, etc).

>>749432749432 That's what makes them so much Fun.

Yikes. Took me wayyy too long to get to this one. Exams are the scourge of the earth.

Anyway, a great update! I am really enjoying Bon Bon's character and the world building that is being slid in so effortlessly. And look at that. No purple prose this chapter! Yay!

Keep up the great work, and I look forward to the next update!

Must give this a look once I'm finished with my own Bon/Changeling fic. Consider yourself pinned to my 'need to reed' list

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

Also, it sounds as if you delve into the culture and organization of changelings more than I did in my own fic. Seems we're both fans of old celtic myths apparently. Guess that would mean Bon considers herself a Solitary rather than a Trooping, hmm?

Cool stuff, so far. I've been looking for both a good LyraBon fic and a good changeling fic, so finding a good fic that combines them =

I'm not really familiar with all this 'Shee' mythology; I'd thought the changelings were created for FIM. Seems interesting, though. I'll have to do some research into it later. I'm liking Aldrovanda so far, too. She makes for a pretty entertaining antagonist. I get the feeling she'll wind up helping Bon Bon out in the end, though I admittedly didn't expect her to run off with Bon Bon's rescue kit like that, either. So who knows what she'll do next. We'll see.

Thumbs-upped and Faved.

Liking this so far. The fetish elements (needing REAL things to stay in reality, etc) of the changlings and glamour are always glossed over in apology fics like this, which is part of what makes them so interesting overall in classic mythology.

I'd say this story's huge weakness is pacing; it's rushing along like mad, not lingering on details, implications, or subplots, and the dialogue is kind of "A, then B, then C, over, move on" except when the kelpie's getting snippy, which is fun. I really could read 15,000 word chapters if you filled them with the cleverness you're putting into <5000, and were complicating things with other characters' plots (Chrysalis, Shining, Luna, etc. I like your Luna, very prim and mythic.)

A final minor quibble: Why are you using "shee" instead of the correct spelling, "sidhe"? Besides the fact that nobody except like, me and ireland, knows how to pronounce it, I suppose...

>>869768869768 That's how you pronounce "sidhe"? Why do the Irish not know how to use consonants?

In any case, excellent stuff so far. I love seeing ponies interlaced with real-world mythology, and you're doing it epically. Definitely looking forward to more, especially if/when Bon Bon encounters mind-controlled Lyra.

Also, Queen Xubidu? Really? Really? That was just... Wow.

>>746023746023 i must be slow i don't get it

>>752485752485...oh that kind of fun

>>872905872905

Say it out loud, and think of Seaponies.

Xubidu... it took me a moment to get it, but I got it. I'm not particularly familiar with all this fae mythology, and I'm kind of glad for that, because it's making all of this that much more interesting to me! You're explaining enough about it that I'm not lost, but not in too obvious a manner. Kudos.

I'm kind'a hoping Bon Bon gets help from Luna, which I think would work well with Luna's absence during most of the episodes.

>>869768869768

Glad to hear that, some issues notwithstanding, you're enjoying the story so far (and thanks, by the by, for giving this tale a shout-out on your FiMFiction blog; I spent a good half-hour this afternoon puzzling over the source of all the new comments and favorites I've been getting today before I figured out that I probably had you to thank).  It surprises me that you find the pace uncomfortably quick; to be perfectly honest, I've actually been trying to speed things along, snipping out digressions and keeping the story bound hoof and fetlock to the main plot, because I assumed that if I dawdled along the way and lost myself in fun wordplay and worldbuilding I'd lose my readers' interest.  If I've miscalculated there...well, wow.  That's really rather fantastic.

That said, I'm afraid it's still not too likely that the individual chapters will end up much longer than what's been seen so far--not because I'm resistant to the idea of striding wide and giving of my best when it comes to delving into all the little details of a growing world, but because I'm a slow writer.  I've been falling behind the schedule I should like to keep even as it is, and with ~15,000 word chapters, I strongly suspect that there'd be month-long gaps, at least, between installments of the story.  Perhaps that can be saved for my next story, or perhaps for a possible rewrite of Mendacity, once the whole shebang's finished.

Oh, and in re the Sidhe/Shee question...See the following comment:  >>751818751818

Oh, and just as a heads-up, the next chapter should be done in a day or two, with "two" being more likely (but Hey, it could be out tomorrow, as well; just depends on how steadfastly I hold my nose to the grindstone).  Expect the usual dose of changelings, kelpies, and "fun."

Small typo: "leach" instead of "leech".

>>874613874613

>I assumed that if I dawdled along the way and lost myself in fun wordplay and worldbuilding I'd lose my readers' interest.

Hell no, this is the best part. Seeing someone with enough love for the mythos and the skill to match it in writing is fantastic. This is not my native folklore, either, so reading the story reminds me a bit of reading of the Faerie on Exalted wiki. I'm utterly fascinated by the small details, please keep them coming, along with witty exchanges.

>>751818751818

Btw, all the way through the reading I couldn't help but feed the translator in me and ponder how I'd tackle translating this story into Polish and Slavic mythology. We lack the idea of Other World and Shee, so it'd be tricky, but I must admit I'm tempted. And I know it's something I really, really shouldn't even think about.

>>874904874904

Ah, thanks for catching that; you're right, "leech" is more appropriate in this case, considering that Bon Bon is imagining an active draining of energy vs. a passive, well, leaching.  Fixed!

Well, it took long enough (and is a bit, erm, short; sorry, all!), but it's finally up.  Just one thing I feel I ought to note:  the name "Canterhorn" is not my invention, having been first used (as near as I can make out) by one Stainless Steel Fox on fanfiction.net in his story "Celestia's Notebook aka The Third Alicorn."  I also owe a debt to the commenter Schneeverwehung on EqD, who was the one who first introduced me to that name.

That was fun. Thank you. I"m quite enjoying watching Aldrovanda respond to new aspects of pony society by either making incorrect assumptions about it, fearing it, or getting stuck to it.

Thanks for letting me read.

Great chapter, kind of short though

I'm looking forward to Aldrovandas' reaction when he realises the glass will last longer than ponykind.

The Jockey is really pushing it.

Will we get to Canterlot next chapter? I hope we do. I want to see the shit hit the fan

Excellent story, by the way. This is by FAR the best changeling-centric story that I have ever read. It develops the changeling culture far more and in a far more interesting manner than any of the other stories that tend to revolve around them. I especially love the elements inspired by faery folklore. Absolutely brilliant. Keep up the awesome work!

I enjoyed the jabs at train names greatly. I probably shouldn't have laughed quite so much at this hour.

One question though, what root is it in naiacide?

Haven't read the story yet but so it on the featured board. Just so happened to cut off the despriction right where it say, "and the carefully kept secret that she isn't really a..."

was my reaction at obvious first thought of what she might not be.

Does Aldrovanda get a musical number later on?  'Cos that'd be awesome.  

(a refugee from the feature box, and very happy that I clicked too)

>>887290887290

Sadly, yes.  This chapter and chapter two are rather similar in that they're both sort of transition chapters; not an ideal thing to have to do, and if I were a better storyteller I imagine I could deal with this sort of thing more elegantly.  Here's hoping I manage to improve a bit before story's end!

>>887556887556

Heh, I've had that particular little bit of dialogue rolling around in my head since chapter 1; it felt very relieving to finally get it out into the open.  As for "naiacide," the prefix comes from the Greek naiads, which were of course water spirits/nymphs.  It's not the best parallel, as naiads tended to be benevolent and humanoid in contrast to the Gaelic fuath, but the alternative ("Hippocampicide") struck me as too unwieldy.

And many thanks, as per usual, to y'all for your kind words; it makes me very happy to know that y'all are enjoying the story!

>>887556887556

EDIT: Ninja'd by the author!

Naiad - A type of nymph who presided over fountains, wells, springs, streams, and brooks. (Wikipedia entry here) Aldrovanda is a form of naiad.

Caedo - Pronounced "sido", To kill (Wiktionary entry here) See "Homocide" root words (Wikipedia entry here)

Naiad => Naia

Caedo ==> cide

Naia + cide = Naiacide

Ugh, I hate staff who "group" people along with others when they get tossed out. If anyone actually did that to me even though I didn't do anything, I'd alter the bastard's paycheck even lower than the minimum wage he's already whining about. Bah.

And honestly, is that even safe? Just throwing some out near a treacherous mountain where they could possibly die? Hope the conductor chokes on his lunch.

Hmmm, now that you two are alone, Bon Bon. No one would possibly know if you killed Aldrovanda right there...

At the very least, they have the train tracks to follow. I hope this doesn't mean the journey to Canterlot will take several chapters. My anticipation to see Lyra's reaction to Bon Bon can't happen soon enough.

Yay, buddy road-trip story! Through their journey will Mendax and Aldrovanda overcome their differences and learn that what sets them apart is insignificant compared to their growing friendship? Will there be a scene near the end where they open up and admit how much they mean to each other? Probably not!

>>872905872905

Shoo-be-doo! Like the "seaponies" sing in that old pony cartoon. I'm assuming kelpies and seaponies are the same sort of "faerie".

This is marvelous, awesome, wonderful, excellent! MLP is a fantasy story - never forget that among the tea parties and fashion shows - and you write this as an excellent epic fantasy, where you feel the otherness, that haunting feeling of long ago and far away, at the same time as it is unmistakenly MLP.

Brownie points for the outside view of the Mane Six; the mad mage who serves Celestia, Miss Rarity the seamstress, "the Cake's apprentice". A refreshing view from other ponies!

>>888064888064 kelpies are what changelings are based on, basically they are the sea-pony version of changelings here.

>>888015888015

A more sensible pony would have probably handled things differently, but we have to make allowances.  He'd had a rough couple of days; three days earlier or so, there had been some sort of chef's convention held in Canterlot (or something like that; he hadn't been clear on the details) and a whole bunch of crazy ponies, a griffin, and a mule had brought a ridiculous quantity of sweets on board the train--and then very messily destroyed them before they had arrived at Canterlot.  Mousse, marzipan, and mascarpone everywhere; it was awful.

...Darnit, now I wish I'd put that in the story.  Ah, well.

>>888695888695

Hey, you still can. Just revise it along with the new chapter.

Now, I shall continue to imagine Lyra's reaction when she discovers her girl is a Changeling, because I am a sucker for those kinds of situations.

>>888015888015

To be fair, this is a universe where having an anvil and a grand piano fall on you in rapid succession just means a few casts. Getting tossed off a train is probably nothing in comparison.

Oh boy, your prose is just a joy to read! Funny, witty, and immensely enjoyable. Keep up the great work, for I am looking forward to the next chapter!

Oh Celestia how I want to poke, or atleast pester Aldrovanda with something iron right now

>>887664887664 I'm sure you will improve by then, after all you learn with time

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_smile.png

>>887238887238 Thanks for the shoutout to Celestia's Notebook! It's one of my favorite origin fics (That and Paradise)... Sadly his last update was for Hearth's Warming Eve... I miss that story, and fear he may have abandoned it...

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png

Much lulz at the "incident" that got them booted from the train.

That Kelpie is lucky she doesn't get an iron rail to the mouth or a hoof to her cranium!

I would have put an iron rail spike through her eye for standing between love and Lyra.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_cry.png

>>888695888695 Retcon it!

>>887336887336 I'm glad somepony pointed out the UTTER LONGEVITY of those sharp cutty bits that are forever stuck to her!

Her prey normally decays off of her...

She will decay off the glass!