Blossomforth's life is turned upside down when she is infected by a mysterious, alien substance that radically chances her organic nature. Is it a blessing or a curse? Now she has to deal with new, strange instincts and even stranger abilities.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like how she's doing a lot of good, and still has her same personality. Yay.
Some notes:
- "Anon" would probably be more open to the whole thing then most, as long as she explains herself carefully. There are a few others I could see accepting her, like Fluttershy for example, but the news has to be broken very carefully. Twilight herself might actually be an excellent source of information if you can get her on your side. In any case, Blossomforth needs allies before all of this change drives her insane; actually, speaking of change, is Discord in this? Because he might be able to help.
- She's a biological singularity now, and she needs to start acting like it. As such I highly recommend that she stops 'eating' ponies to obtain their genetic information, just absorb them and rebuild them quick utilizing an amoeba-like form, no horrifying rows of teeth, no misshapen mouths, if you don't want to call it eating then put your money where your mouth is and stop making it look like you're eating them. After all, bacteria share genetic information all the time without either microbe being left worse for wear. *In fact, speaking of bacteria, foreign microbial DNA should be enough to calm Blossomforth's new instincts. Which is good for her, because it means that she can satisfy her instincts discreetly. And while you're at it, don't forget all the other microscopic flora and fauna that find their way practically everywhere.*
- Get rid of the brain slugs after they've fulfilled their purpose, unless you need them to specifically monitor someone in order to ensure their long-term health, and in that case you really should be making them less 'mind-rape-y.'
- She really ought to be finding a way to combat her instincts, otherwise they could wind up getting her into a lot of trouble.
- You are forcibly taking their genetic information, the very least you could do in return is give them a little tune-up. Fixing Lyra's knee was a nice touch, just be sure to keep it up.
There's probably quite a bit more that I'm just not thinking of right now, but those are my preliminary notes on Thingpony morality. All in all a very interesting premise, I'm curious to see where you go with this one.
5846830 WOW! Thanks for taking the time to write that detailed comment about my story! As you can probably tell, this is my first EVER attempt at writing fiction of any type(lots of downboats ;_;)! This abomination of a story was spawned from the /mlp/ Thingpone thread. Responding to your points in order:
-I agree that she definitely needs friends. Writing about social interactions may be my weak point mostly because I don't have many social interactions in real life (sad but true lol). I definitely need to improve there.
-To be fair the creepy teeth appear whenever she lets her baser instincts take hold. When it came to Cloud Kicker, Cerulean Skies, and Cloud Chaser they were all engulfed amoeba like although I may have done a bad job at describing that.
-It's one of those creepy NSA things. What they don't know won't hurt them lol.
-It's a thing she is battling with.
-Definitely will be explored in the future.
5846910
Ah, that would explain why I've never seen it before, I don't really follow /mlp/.
I love et! Gooby Pls, continue writing this story! Thingpone is the shit!
Why isn't this more popular?
Going to read this soon. Seems like good writefaggotry.
>sees how it's not that popular, tries to fix that
5847635
Because it's just posted like the other night.
And because it's kinda lacking in quality by FIMfic standards as dumb as that sounds. It's not a shitfic, but it's not really on average yet either.
5848741 Yes, I know that this is lacking in quality, but the plot makes up for it.
And even then, I was reading this just the other night, and I didn't know this was just posted. I hope it gains more positive attention.
5849347 Fair warning, it is against Fimfic rules to link clop which is why I could not.
5849304
With a bit better pacing, more showing and less telling, and reworked dialog, this would work well.
I'm glad the writer took my suggestion of dropping the greentext format, that in itself helped a lot.
^forgot an " at the beginning
^forgot a " at the end
5849667 Agreed, brother. *salute*
This story has room for improvement, like we have stated thrice. Not thrice only, but four times.
I'm enjoying this story, though I wonder if every created body is actually real or just a remote controlled thing creature that just thinks it's real and can easily be taken over again.
5849670 Thanks.
This is quite an interesting story, not much into, say vore or such, but still this story is captivating, kinkiness, but also the right dose of horror which reminds me partly to Project Horisont lab scene.
I like it, more! :)
I like it, nice twist. Hen? Hen? I'll go home now...
I haven't read your fanfiction yet, but you should probably not put thingpone as the cover art, it seems like a bit of a spoiler, you might say it's for visuals, but that's usually what the writing is for (also I am planning on reading it, I didn't click on your fanfiction to nitpick)
oh my god, so this is your first time writing a fanfiction? I'm sorry for the first comment I left. But really about the first comment, I was just trying to help you add some more mystery to the story, but I really will read it, I love Thingpone and since this is the first fanfiction of her besides your first fanfiction I would love to see how it is, but before I read it could I ask if you added any elemnts from the movie "the thing" which is what thingpone is based off of? or did you decide to do something like decide to make her different, and more controlling of herself, like in the comics from derpibooru with Anon?
5959406 I'd say a bit of both.
---
put commas between two or more adjectives describing the same word
see #6
use commas after introductory phrases. "The stronger the storm..." is a phrase
see #2
ponies'
shock-induced
see rule 5
lose
Very lucky. What can Thing Enterprises do for you? 😊