Twilight's Horn Warmer

by Midnightshadow

The Horn Warmer

The Horn Warmer

A rather silly, somewhat mature-themed, MLP:FiM fanfic by Midnight Shadow

Note: I said it in the longer description, I'm adding it here. There's no actually explicit scenes as such, but the subject matter (whilst entirely played for laughs) is an adult one. I've marked it as teen (and really, you've probably seen worse on the television and you can definitely see worse all over the 'net) so don't read it if humorous, slightly sexual themes aren't your cup of tea. I've spoiled the joke now, but really, with it called a horn warmer, what did you expect it to be?

---

Twilight staggered out of bed at the insistent knocking, a furious expression on her muzzle. She staggered downstairs and slammed open the door and yelled “WHAT?”

Derpy the mailmare stopped knocking sheepishly and proffered a largish square package, silently.

“Er, thank you,” said Twilight with much chagrin.

Derpy bobbed her head and fluttered off into the air leaving Twilight to look in wonder at the strange package. With a soft glow from her horn, the package was lifted into the air and taken into the treehouse. Inside, Twilight studied the card. It read 'To Twilight, I think you’ll find this will come in useful - Rarity'.

“That’s... interesting. I wonder what this is about?” Twilight asked herself as she tore off the wrappers with her hooves. The shiny black paper ripped easily and the ribbons slid off to reveal a plain brown cardboard box with a clear plastic top, under which was a strange, blue, roughly sock-shaped rubbery object in packing nuts.

“Curiouser and curiouser,” said Twilight to herself, lifting it into the air with a flick of her horn. She studied it as it hung there, spinning gently in the morning breeze, “I wonder what this is for? It seems... it seems to be the right shape and size to go over my horn...”

Indeed, the item had a small hole at one end and a larger one at the other. Twilight pulled it closer and gingerely poked it with her pearly solid shaft. It slid in gently but firmly and fit snugly. Twilight crossed her eyes trying to look at it, and she tossed her head about trying to get a better look.

“Hmm, this is nice, it’s keeping my horn nice and warm. I guess it’s a horn warmer! Oh I simply must go and thank Rarity! Don’t wait up, Spike! I’ll be back soon!”

Spike, who’d gone back to bed, poked an eye out from under the blanket and froze with a wide expression on his muzzle. He stuck up a claw, “Er, Twi..?”

The door slammed shut behind her as she bounced out of the door. Spike’s claw drooped and he closed his muzzle. She’d find out.

Twilight hummed happily as she trotted through Ponyville, nodding to passing ponies. There was a gasp as a purple pony leaped inside through her front door and slammed it shut, moments after pulling a foal Twilight was pretty sure was known as ‘Pinchy’ through. Twilight stopped for a moment, raising an eyebrow, before carrying on. The sun was shining, but it was relatively early morning so it was still rather chilly. Twilight smiled happily, her horn warmer was working. Her horn was nice and toasty inside the strangely soft gel-like contraption and it was somehow making her entire body tingle pleasantly. There were stifled gasps as she passed, it must be how stylish I look, thought Twilight, I feel oh so special and pretty today! This must be what Rarity feels like every day! I like it!

“Hay Twilight! You loooookkohmygosh!” Applejack, already setting up her wares, ground to a halt, greeting frozen on her lips. She stood there, stock still, blinking. Twilight waved a hoof and carried on past, picking up an apple, dropping a couple of bits and taking a bite.

Pinkie Pie bounced into view shouting, “Wheee! Oh hay Twilight! I’m having such a wonderfully fantabulous day today as it’s ohmygoshwhatareyouaaaiieeeeeeeee!” Pinkie Pie vanished as she tripped and fell down a well. There was a wet splash at the end. Twilight shook her head. Pinkie Pie was so random.

Rarity’s shop was empty. Twilight snorted as she glared at the cardboard sign in the window, it said, “I’m out having a picnic with Zecora! Shop closed until this afternoon!”

As Twilight turned around, there was a small crowd of whispering ponies, all staring at the purple unicorn with the strange device on her horn, “Yes, yes, it’s the latest thing! Wonderful, isn’t it?”

The crowd was speechless. Twilight threw back her head primly and pranced away.

***

Twilight bounced happily through Ponyville. She was sad that she hadn’t met Rarity yet. Thinking about it, the purple pony pondered, today’s also when Rarity and Fluttershy have their mutual spa date. I guess Rarity will be over at Fluttershy’s cottage once she's finished at Zecora's! I’ll just head over there and wait to surprise her!

Twilight was pleased with herself. Pleased and comfortably warm and tingly. With every jostle of her head and she bounced her pert haunches throughout the town, her trotting producing a most pleasurable rhythm, the horn-warmer tickled her sensitive horn in a most pleasant manner. There were a few spits and sparks as stray magic leaped from the tip. Twilight blushed, she’d been lax in attending to that... need lately, what with the ever-curious Spike sleeping in a basket in her room.

Twilight was off in her own world, trying to ignore how wonderfully happy the warmer was making her feel, when she almost ran into Rarity and Fluttershy heading to their inevitable spa date. She stopped up short, but all but buried her nose in their flanks.

Fluttershy shrieked and spun around reflexively, “Oh my, Twilight, wha-what are you...”

“Fluttershy! Rarity gave it to me! Isn’t it wonderful! It’s a horn warmer! It’s so... so...”

“Twilight, dear,” whispered Rarity, swallowing hard, “it’s not... not quite a horn-warmer... and you’re not supposed to...”

“But... what is it then?” asked Twilight, eyes crossing again as she peered up at it. Fluttershy, ever the helpful friend, leaned forwards and tapped a specific spot on the device with a forehoof, blushing furiously.

Twilight stood stock still. The horn-warmer started vibrating. It was very, very gently, massaging her horn... running invisible hooves up and down the inner ribbed surface, squeezing, massaging, tweaking, rubbing... soon Twilight was twitching in time to the ministrations, her jaw went slack, her tongue lolled out, her eyes squeezed shut, her tail reflexively lifted and flicked in time to the beating of her heart, a stacatto rhythm as old as time itself.

“Oh,” she said, through clenched lips, “oh... oh... oh...”

Rainbow Dash dropped out of the sky, landing on all four hooves next to Fluttershy, “Hey Flutter! Have you seen Twilight? She’s wearing a di-”

Rainbow never got to finish. Twilight’s exclamations came thick and fast, louder and louder until she steeled herself, widening the stance on her rear legs and she screwed up her eyes as tight as they would go until she saw stars.

“Oh... MY... GOODNESS!!!” she shouted, and an explosion of light and colour burst from her overactive horn, showering the glade in a multicoloured spectrum of magical energy. She fell to her knees, breathing heavily. The horn-warmer, spent, switched itself off, until next time.

“Did you just... did I... was that...” Twilight opened her eyes, drool pooling around her forehooves, “Oh my gosh, I didn’t know it could be anything like tha- oh dear...”

“Twilight, dear, I... I would have thought even you would recognize an intimate toy of this nature. Have you been wearing that since...”

“Since the library, yes,” replied Twilight, face-hoofing.

Rainbow Dash burst out laughing, rolling about with all four hooves in the air, “Oh you should see your face! Priceless! Simply priceless!”

“Dash, oh dear, oh my... you should see your own!” interjected Fluttershy.

Rarity covered her mouth with a hoof and giggled demurely, “Oh my yes, you should really be more careful when standing next to a unicorn being... intimate with him or herself.”

“What... oh no... what happened?” Rainbow ran to a nearby pool of water, and looked down into it. She shrieked, “what did you do! I’m... I’m...”

“It’ll... wear off, Rainbow dear, in a few days...”

“But I look like a tie-died hippy dress!” complained the usually cyan pegasus. The colours from her rainbow mane had seemingly seeped across her flank as if rain had made them run out.

“I’m so sorry, Rainbow, I’ll... I’ll...”

“You’ve done quite enough... I’m outta here!” Rainbow took off into the air, then turned to Rarity and Fluttershy, “Not a word, you two!” She sped away into the distance, blushing furiously as her two friends burst into laughter.

“Horseapples,” swore Twilight, “I’m never going to live this down... I know, I’ll just... I’ll cast a forget spell. Everypony will forget today ever happened and I can go home and hide this in the bottom of the cupboard and never...” Twilight went crosseyed, “Why isn’t it coming off? I can’t... my magic! And why am I so...” she yawned, “tired all of a sudden?”

“Oh, darling, you’re... you’ve over-extended yourself, that’s all. Come here and Mama Rarity will take care of everything... you’ll probably need a bit of a sleep if that was your first, um, time in a while...”

Rarity gently took hold of the horn-warmer in her muzzle and pulled. Twilight shook and trembled, sparks of magic dripping out of the device like raindrops as it left her head. She looked like she was about to faint, and promptly did so. Rarity giggled to herself and lifted the now-prone unicorn into the air with her magic. She put the horn-warmer down for a moment, “Thank goodness your hut is nearby, Fluttershy, I’m quite sure I couldn’t lift her much further. Not another word about who carried the toy or I’ll tell her all about your collection.”

Fluttershy turned beet red and led the way quickly to her hut as Twilight’s gently snoring form floated after them.

Comments

MY GOODNESS

[PurpleProse]

Annnnnd I'm dead.

[FanOfMostEverything]

media.comicvine.com/uploads/5/53838/1537991-george_takei_oh_my_super.jpg

One can't help but wonder what the pegasus analogue is. Not sure I want to know, but my curiosity is betraying me here.

[Midnightshadow]

29035
wing warmers, obviously

Hmm Twilight releasing all her magic at once...I am surprised it did not turn all of ponyville tie-die for the day.

I loved the story, poor Twilight your innocence has been lost.

[PeaceColt112]

Interdasing, very interdasing indeed

[Samsara]

Very entertaining and silly Certainly what it advertises itself to be. I didn't exactly get the impression of the characters really being themselves, but it wasn't so bad that it detracted from the goofy theme. Short and sweet, funny and entertaining, makes a good read all in all

And that's how you make an euphemism

[Soulsilver]

I FACEPALMED MY HEAD OFF!

[kinggod]

Pow, right in the kisser

[Shrinky Frod]

29036

Feather dusters.

[Lloxie]

YEEEEESSSSSS. Oh good lord that was funny. XD I loved it. Thanks for the laugh!

This was priceless. XD As far as flutters is concerned, c'mon we all know its always the quiet ones, lol

[Midnightshadow]

29127
YES! YES! This is now a thing. You win an internet!

[Midnightshadow]

29110
In all seriousness, thanks! This was a silly piece that hasn't and probably won't go up on EqD because it's just not long enough and, as you said, the characters aren't really "all there". It's a silly, one-trick pony of a story, but I'm glad you got a laugh out of it :D

[ArcaneTrex]

ROFL ROFL ROFL OMG THIS IS INTERNET GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD

lawl

[Banksyt]

LOL'D SO HARD!!!!
oh poor twilight

[RTStephens]

Yeah, I just read that.

Freakin' hilarious.

Somepony needs to invent the internet in Equestria so that Twilight can learn these things ahead of time. I doubt she has anything in her collection of books that would go into the details that she obviously needs so much.

Great work!

Poor Twi, she has not only mastered the element of magic, but also awkwardness, and now, possibly social ostracism.

[Shrinky Frod]

37009
Nah, she'll be fine. She just needs to walk around town for a few days with facial tics, occasionally swearing at random, before explaining that she apparently contracted Tourette's due to a misfired spell. It wore off, thank heavens, and I hope we can all move past this awkward moment.

"Darling, you do realize that Fluttershy has a remote for that thing, don't you?"

"What, why would youooooooOMGOMGOMG!"

(Yes, I'm a twisted, sick soul. It's one of my charms. )

[Midnightshadow]

40727
A remote! Genius!

[Ganymede]

"A rather silly, somewhat mature-themed, MLP:FiM fanfic"
Do you really need to tell us?

"insistent knocking with a furious expression"
sounds like the "knocking" has a furious expression

"deeper into the treehouse"
why not just "into the treehouse"? She's standing on the threshold anyway

Twilight studied the card, it read, “
Period, maybe?

"poked it with her pearly solid shaft"
An attempt to be punny? Cute.

"Twilight’s eyes crossed looking at it"
Twilight crossed her eyes to look at it

Wait, how does Spike know wha- actually, don't answer that.

"Pinkie Pie vanished down a well"
Jumped? Fell? Teleported?

"I guess Rarity is over at Fluttershy’s cottage!"
She JUST read a sign that said she's having a picnic with Zecora! Why would Twilight think Zecora is at Fluttershy's cottage?!

"With every jostle of her head and she bounced" <- wut?

"tapped a specific spot with a forehoof"
tapped a spot ON THE DEVICE. You need to specify this. I thought she was pointing to a place on her body. (Um... Giggity?)

"Have you seen Twilight she’s wearing a"
Feels like it's missing a question mark

Wait. Did Fluttershy really switch that thing on IN PUBLIC?! Dear Celestia...

"lifted the yawning unicorn"
Wow. Talented. I didn't know Twilight could yawn when she's unconscious.

Final Thoughts:

I still can't believe Fluttershy TURNED THAT THING ON! What was she THINKING?!
Also, don't most things like this come in a package that says what it is? Or at least an instruction manual? I'm pretty sure Twilight would read something like that.

Best part was all the parents pulling their children inside.

[Midnightshadow]

43080
That's what I get for not sending silly little pieces of fluff for a proper review! I'll improve it, thank you!

[Ganymede]

43604

I do this to EVERYONE, not just you. Whenever I see an opportunity for improvement, I simply have to point it out. I don't know why.

Also, I love stories like this. The sillier the better, as I say. After all, that's what ponies are for!

One last thing, though, before I forget:
"The colours from her rainbow mane had seemingly seeped across her flank as if rain had made them run out."
I don't understand what happened here. I have a few theories:

1) Twilight's magic sprayed her and turned to liquid form
2) Rainbow's mane melting is a result of Rainbow being aroused?
3) It's on her flank, so it could be Rainbow being "wet" from being aroused?
4) Twilight's magic hit her mane and "melted" it somehow.
5) Rainbow's arousal caused some kind of skin pigmentation to show up on her flank.

That's about all I can think of. What exactly happened there?

[Midnightshadow]

43616
basically, Twilight's horngasm blasted everypony, but only Rainbow Dash was close enough for it to affect her, and for comedic reasons, the magic made the colours from her mane "run" across her body (not just her flank, but that's the word I used) in a kind of magical, multi-coloured bukake session.

Ask your parents what bukake means, kids! Fun for the whole fa- ...you know, that joke would be funny, but creepy. Seriously, just google it if you don't know what it means, but don't say I didn't warn you when it turns up porn links.

I found this story to be very funny indeed!

I have often wondered what precisely would happen when magic wielding people "Climax".
I think that in particular the concept of "Magiculation" is quite hilarious, and unprecedented consequences would/should ensue.
Personally I think that the Hair-pigment-bleed effect is one of the least dramatic results which could have been yielded.
A veritable explosion of suddenly "Released" magic uncontrolled and undirected, in a rough sphere or cone shape is one particular predictable result.
The last thought running through the mind of the "Spent" caster would dictate what (to the vaguest degree)exactly might come to pass upon the objects most unfortunate to be in the general vicinity of such an event.

All in all it's just another brick in the wall of absurd fanon (and possibly Lore).

LOL that was hilarious... also i agree with ganymede... why the hell would fluttershy switch that thing on outside, next to rainbow... also... there should be a sequel to this

[john-117]

well...

That was pretty awesome actually. Poor Twilight.

[Trinary]

Hahaha!!! Poor Twi!! Queen of the Adorkable!!

Your are the master of slice-of-life fics!!

[Criticul]

ohhhhmyyyygoooshhh.
I lol'd so hard at the end, poor rainbow dash.

[Gabriel LaVedier]

HA! Excellent stuff! I don't know if you saw "Fluttershy's Decision" but it's a perfect private compliment to this story. This one, though, has it's own awesomeness.

[GrayFox2510]

Laughs were had. Good stuff, good stuff. XD

Bukkake isn`t quite an applicable word here - it would`ve been if Rarity joined in, maybe.

Better question is, how come Rarity gave such a present to Twilight? Is that a hint on something intimate on Rarity`s side, or Rarity simply knows something about unreleased magic that Twilight doesn`t?

And even better questions is, how came Fluttershy was aware where exactly the switch was? It had to be inconspicuous, or Twilight would`ve located it when she examined the device.

And even better... (betterer?) question would be - how come everyone in town was so familiar with device that would be very likely only used by unicorns in privacy? Is that a subtle suggestion that normal unicorn is quite a promiscuous creature? Or maybe the whole fic is set in the universe where the reigning princess is Molestia? (Nah, a personal student of Molestia would likely be... closely familiar with all kinds of self-gratification devices.)

Oh, and the bestest question would be... How come Twilight was utterly unaware of the arousal properties connected to her horn? One`d think she is active enough with her horn to figure out rubbing it against something makes her feel strange, by now.

[sleezywheezy]

Sexually Oblivious Twilight is best Twilight.

This had me laughing all the way!

[Midnightshadow]

119673
Quite apart from the fact most of those can be hoof-waved by saying "rule of funny", some of them are because of how I see the characters.

Rarity is the sort to... ahem... please herself. She would know exactly what one of those is, and would be quite aware that Twilight doesn't. Fluttershy... well, forgive me that fluttershy being rather meek wouldn't mean she wouldn't have hobbies.

And honestly, I see Twilight as adorkable enough that she wouldn't know what it was...

[for the sake of completeness]

"I still can't believe Fluttershy TURNED THAT THING ON! What was she THINKING?!"
I assume it whas something along the line of 'How can I possibly, in whatever way avoid speaking that out?'
Appearantly that worked- Twi got the idea.
(Never forget the difference between what can go on in a head to make that look reasonable and yeah, I'd do the same. )
I thought though that somepony would have had the presence of mind to turn it off in time !
But sure nopony expected Fluttershy to do something like that, so everypony was propably stunned by the sheer surreality of this actually happening basically in the middle of the street.

119673
-Nah, I don't think Bukkake does not specify who does the 'motivating'. But I'm no expert. Wiki is.
-(For whatever reason) she must have guessed she had none and propably considers the experience 'basic common knowlegde'. Either Twi sends it back saying she has one, keeps it to stock up her collection or.. learns something new (which she sure as hay did!) and decides after that (still to come).
-In a similiar manner, if you can indentify a real-life- vibrator, you propably picked up somewhere how to turn it on.
-same as above. A lot people can identify stuff they do not use. (Or propably just do not want their children to see)
-If she knew about it then I guess she didn't come up with the idea that there are devices that do that for you.

and for the sake of completeness, I think there are not enough 'emotiponys'. It needs at least a second proper 'wink'.

So.. great fun reading. 5 / 5 from me

[Cytotoxin]

Bukkake requires more then one providing person to be considered such. One on one arrangements are simply labeled "facial".

And while I can see Rarity giving a gift of sex novelty toy, I don`t quite see her doing this "for lulz" - that much would be more of a Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash`s kinda thing to do. Nah, if Rarity gifts a sextoy, she`s bloody likely gifting it in absolute seriousness.

What bugs me about whole Fluttershy knowing where to switch the thing on is the fact that Twilight is earlier described examining the object from all sides - and she missed the switch completely. If she didn`t, she`d switch it on at home to see what it does. So, that likely means that Fluttershy had prior experience of horn vibrator in use - and given the facts at hand, it`s likely she`s seen it in use on Rarity.

Makes one think just what are their weekly spa meetings all about, ne?

[Seahoof]

Poor poor twi so oblivious

[KaiCalimatinus]

That is all.

[bcsnakeeyes]

god man im laughing my ass off reading this thing oh my god way to go. seriolsy that was soo random.

[Da Bunnana King]

God dammit midnight stop writing clop.

[SailorBOB]

Great, Thanks, this is JUST what I needed to read before going to bed! Ive got a test 2mro over the hydraulic systems of a submarine. And now I'm gonna be thinking about how unicorns 'magiculate'. Perfect.

But seriously this was pure comedy. Twi is so adorkable I can see this happening.

[Themaskedferret]

Oh twilight XD Very cute stuff, definitely want to read more of your stuff. Also tie-dye rainbow dash needs to happen.

[Brony2893]

"horn warmer"

[Forevermore]

Was a little disappointed in the ending, totally expected Twilight to blow stuff sky-high or destroy the universe in embarrassment. That being said it was otherwise a very fun and enjoyable story.

[Subatomic Seal]

373670 It wasn't clop though...

[Diamond Sparkle]

Hilariously funny-if Hasbro did an NC 17 rated episode it would be like this. Poor Rainbow though.

[LOL3evee]

How did Spike know what it was?! The world will never know...

[reikun]

So Fluttershy made Twilight magic all over Dash? Would have expected one of them to turn the thing off again, but Rarity sent it for a reason. If this had happened to her or to any other unicorn mare they may not have ever been able to live it down, but Ponyville residents are used to Twi by now.

Maybe horn warmers will become popular now ponies have seen their effects?

Hilarious, and it got the job done.